Chapter 72 Ridiculous Biting of Fingertips

"Why does Eunuch An have this idea? I really can't guess it."

Even with Zhao Liangxu's patient persuasion, Anhe still had no intention of telling her.

Does he intend to expose his innermost thoughts to Zhao Liangxu?

He dared not.

Because he has no qualities worthy of praise, his outlandish ideas will not be understood by anyone and will only earn him endless ridicule.

Perhaps, he himself doesn't even know what he's thinking.

An He hesitated to answer Zhao Liangxu, his face revealing a hint of numbness beneath its effeminate appearance.

The palace had an inner academy exclusively for eunuchs. The eunuchs who served as scribes to the emperor naturally had to be literate and educated. Eunuchs who performed well could study in the inner academy for several years. However, the political documents and policy articles that the students read were not what they were supposed to study, but after they learned to read, they would still be interested in reading them.

Anhe was determined from a young age that even if he became a eunuch, he would make a name for himself and become a famous eunuch. With his skills, he was naturally fortunate enough to attend classes at the Imperial Academy.

The teachers at the Imperial Academy were all scholars themselves, and they almost all looked down on eunuchs like them. If it weren't for the emperor's order, they wouldn't even step into the Imperial Academy.

Stories like childhood sweethearts often exist between young boys and girls, and young children are often not very perceptive about the differences between boys and girls.

Therefore, even though an eleven or twelve-year-old eunuch had endured the inhuman suffering of hell, after being dressed, he could not forget his childlike nature and did not even realize how much of a gap and difference there would be between him and others because of what he lacked.

Young eunuchs are often more active, lively, and imaginative.

Therefore, after listening to the lectures at the Inner Academy and conversing with those arrogant teachers, he was more or less instilled with some of the ideas of a scholar.

Even eunuchs would want to know what a truly wise and enlightened ruler is like.

Eunuchs were often closer to the emperor than court officials, and were people the emperor trusted more. They seemed to be more convenient to offer advice. Why then did books and historical records never express any expectations for eunuchs?

The world sings praises and idolizes famous ministers, but there are no eunuchs.

The chief eunuch was no different in this respect. There were also men who were so strong that they were indistinguishable from men. Anhe also had a period of empathy with the guards and maids around him when he was young.

We are all servants, driven by and punished by the nobles; it seems there is no difference in this status.

However, before his muddled mind, influenced by the views of scholars, had fully developed, he learned from his godfather, the maid he worked with, and the masters in the harem just how lowly and despicable a eunuch really was.

He even spoke a few more words to the maid who worked with him, and was immediately shunned in disgust. The maid pinched her nose and told him to stay away, hurling insults and curses at him.

The passing guards pointed at him and laughed, as if he had done something ridiculous.

He was then subjected to torment and punishment from his godfather, who said, "That's how all eunuchs go through this." When he accidentally revealed what had happened during the day, his godfather scolded him for "daydreaming."

The sharp pain in his lower body, which had not yet fully recovered, also made him realize his own incompleteness.

There were also cold stares and disgust from all sides, and lessons from his capricious master, all of which made him quickly realize his situation and identity. In a short period of time, he transformed from a person into a taciturn servant.

The longer he stayed in the palace, the more his body grew, and the more he realized how different he was from others.

That naive idea has long been worn away.

Until he climbed step by step to a position second only to the emperor, and could manipulate the emperor at will.

He already understood what he, as a powerful eunuch, should consider.

Everything he does is for himself; all his actions, deeds, and thoughts are for his own benefit, so that he can possess everything.

Once you possess the ability to inspire fear, even more unpleasant looks will be replaced by terror and flattery.

That's better than disgust, and it might even make him addicted.

But he would also selfishly think, inevitably, about where he would end up in the future.

Would he be executed at noon? Or would the executioner slice him to pieces? These were the only thoughts Anhe had. Could he, like those lucky old eunuchs, leave the palace alive, riddled with illness?

Counting the footprints I've left behind, each one is stained with blood; the road was a gruesome place filled with mutilated corpses and broken bones.

How could someone like him possibly have a peaceful end?

Is it about concentrating power in one's own hands indefinitely, or about hoping for even the slightest possibility?

Li Ying also trusted him, after all, she was the one who dug him out of the deep palace and gave him what he wanted.

If... that foolish thought, that laughable idea that sprouted in childhood, would rise again.

If an emperor, during his growth, encountered a eunuch who pressured him but occasionally gave him opportunities, and Anhe gave him a chance to rise to power and become emperor, allowing him to truly grasp the taste of power, would this emperor, for the sake of that little bit of friendship when he was down on his luck, at least not kill him?

What a ridiculous, what a foolish idea.

Anhe found it laughable that he had this wishful thinking.

He never left himself a way out, yet he still dared to hope that others would show him a little pity.

Anhe suddenly said, "Zhao Liangxu, you know, eunuchs are shameless."

Zhao Liangxu was puzzled; she didn't know why An He was suddenly cursing her like this again.

Anhe couldn't shake off that thought. He had been in the palace for so long that his mind had been molded into that of a proper servant. When it came to a future that was almost beyond redemption, his most helpless thought was to beg for a vague and illusory mercy.

Putting your life in someone else's hands and doing things according to someone else's preferences?

Reason told An that he wasn't that stupid, and he extinguished the spark that could have burned him to ashes in an instant.

This cannot be his path.

Ultimately, however, he was still on the path of deceiving and suppressing Li Ying. His willingness to be a little softer stemmed from thoughts that he himself could hardly understand. He did not want Li Ying to become a completely muddle-headed emperor.

Then, occasionally, I would subconsciously widen my eyes, searching for a non-existent stroke of luck on my pitch-black road ahead.

Everyone who finds out will laugh at him for his delusional dream.

How dare he tell Zhao Liangxu?

Tell Zhao Liangxu that after greedily seizing power, he even hoped to use other people's pity to extricate himself from the situation.

This is ridiculous.

Zhao Liangxu will know what a pathetic person he is.

Zhao Liangxu placed her hand on An He's face, interrupting his increasingly deep thoughts: "Isn't Eunuch An's face perfectly fine right here? It's so delicate, I'm even envious of it. Why are you scolding yourself like this?"

Anhe awoke from those terrifying thoughts, her eyes still filled with confusion.

Zhao Liangxu didn't know what An He was thinking, but she could see the gloomy and somber look on An He's face.

She leaned down and kissed Anhe's face, comforting him, "If Eunuch An doesn't want to say or make me guess, then I won't ask or guess."

While Zhao Liangxu lightly pecked at An He's face, her other hand was still stroking his face.

"But since Eunuch An is truly willing to keep my words in mind, I haven't eaten a single jasmine seed today." Seeing An He's displeased expression, she deliberately brought up another matter.

It had been a long time since she had seen Anhe apply face powder. Occasionally, he might apply a little before court, but he would wipe off the face powder with a damp cloth before Zhao Liangxu came to the study. She would occasionally see this.

An He's mind was in turmoil from the memories he had just had, but when he heard Zhao Liangxu's words, he was unusually proactive. All he wanted now was for Zhao Liangxu, the only person who could offer him some comfort, to be closer to him.

He grabbed Zhao Liangxu's hand and placed it to his lips longingly.

“You deliberately stirred up this topic, yet you can’t tell me what Li Ying actually said to you. And then you turn around and probe our family. So we won’t pursue this matter this time.”

Zhao Liangxu wanted to dig out all of his past and thoughts.

They racked their brains and didn't let any opportunity slip by.

She felt no fear whatsoever, always convinced that she could let her go, until she pushed herself to the brink with her words and actions.

She would always tentatively place her toes on that line, and then rub them a little closer during each conversation. If he didn't notice, Zhao Liangxu would take advantage of the situation.

An He gently bit Zhao Liangxu's fingertip, his tiger teeth rubbing against Zhao Liangxu's nails, and then he turned Zhao Liangxu's fingertip over, letting the fingertip press against his teeth, biting it rather hard.

His teeth pressed a small indentation into Zhao Liangxu's finger.

He strained nervously, trying to send that oppressive pain into Zhao Liangxu's mind.

"Grandpa An, I'm in a little pain."

Although Zhao Liangxu said this, she did not struggle to pull her hand away.

Her heart was pounding, pounding even harder with the pain in her fingertips.

An He rarely took the initiative to contact her like this. Even if he was a little angry, he did this because he was angry. However, both of them knew about this small punishment, so it was not effective in punishing Zhao Liangxu at all.

Zhao Liangxu was also itching to get a response from An He.

Anhe released her.

Zhao Liangxu's fingers were bitten until they turned red, because only that one somewhat sharp tooth was biting her, and there were no obvious teeth marks on her fingers.

There was only a slight dent at the fingertip, but it recovered quickly.

Anhe didn't pursue the matter further, only saying, "Learn from this, don't ask anymore."

“As long as you’re not plotting with Li Ying to kill me, I don’t care what you and Li Ying said.”

He believed that Li Ying didn't have the guts for the time being.

Anhe looked at Zhao Liangxu, waiting for her reply.

Zhao Liangxu rubbed her fingertips together and said with a smile, "How could that be? I like Eunuch An too much to even think about it."

Anhe snorted coldly and said, "You talk a good game, but all you do is annoy us all day long."

He glanced at Zhao Liangxu's reddened fingertips and said, "It hurts already? I didn't even use any force."

These words seemed to carry a hint of ambiguity, and Anhe's hand clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

"Go back and change your clothes later, then come with me to the palace. His Majesty heard about your assassination attempt at the banquet and is insisting on seeing you."

Anhe, still worried, instructed Zhao Liangxu, "You absolutely cannot have any more thoughts about what just happened, do you understand?" Anhe paused, then added, "As for... His Majesty's high regard for you, and the ivory token that allows you to enter the palace at will, just keep them safe. As long as you don't do anything unnecessary, I have a way to ensure your safety."

He waved his hand and said, "Alright, remember this well, and go change your clothes."

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Author's Note: First Glance