Chapter 16

Yoda quickly grabbed the clothes he had put on and slowed down his drinking: "What do you mean?"

After saying that, Shi Xing fell silent.

Silence, silence—the silence actually calmed Yoda down. She leaned back, finding a comfortable position. "You mean, after I finally woke up, you're breaking up with me?"

Shi Xing's eyes showed struggle. Yoda didn't care, slowly closing the thermos, taking out the towel he had prepared, and carefully wrapping it around his wet trouser legs, squeezing out the water. He needed to make himself comfortable first.

His hands continued moving: "If you don't explain clearly, I'll pretend I never heard that."

After the rain, water kept pouring into the drain. There was no one around, and the breathing of the two people inside the car became increasingly clear in the cramped space.

The sound of the car echoed inside, sounding hollow and powerless against the backdrop of the surrounding silence.

“Since you woke up, you’ve been able to live a normal life and graduated smoothly. Actually, you could have had many more and better choices, to be with younger people.” Shi Xing’s thoughts were in turmoil, and he could only express his thoughts little by little.

He knew these words would surely hurt Yoda, because he was the first to sense it. Yet he couldn't help but speak. If Yoda were emotionally charged, he could choose to remain silent. But Yoda's relaxed demeanor made his defenses less tense.

"You saw it?" Yoda blurted out as soon as he heard the word "young." The air conditioning gradually warmed the small car interior, and the hot water he had drunk slowly radiated warmth from within. Compared to the chill when he first got in, Yoda now felt warm.

But being surrounded by a warm atmosphere did not hinder her brain from working at a high speed.

In this situation, it's only possible that Shi Xing saw Zhou Liu spending time with him, which is why he suddenly uttered such startling words, as if struck by a sudden illness.

"You suspect I'm not clear about things with other people?" Yoda asked resentfully. Shi Xing, afraid Yoda would misunderstand, said urgently, "How could that be? I just... I just feel it's unfair to you to continue being with me."

Yoda's tone held a deeper resentment. "Oh, really?"

Yoda knew, of course, that Shi Xing wouldn't doubt these inexplicable things just because he interacted normally with others. Just as Yoda trusted Shi Xing, Shi Xing trusted him in the same way.

But just when Shi Xing finally wanted to speak and stop being silent as before, Yoda deliberately made Shi Xing think that he didn't trust him, so that he would finally speak his mind.

Even a good clam is afraid of being pried open. Once it opens, there's no problem dealing with it. Hmph.

Unaware of the situation, Shi Xing continued earnestly, "You just graduated, while I've been working for a very long time. I know that I often remain silent in front of you because I don't know how to face you when you're awake."

Shi Xing looked at the roadside. The empty street felt even more familiar to him, just like every moment he spent alone with Yoda.

“While you are in a coma, I can talk to you in my mind every day. No matter where I go or what I do, I can rest assured. Because you can only lie quietly in the hospital. It is safe there, and there will be no more bad things happening.”

“When you woke up, I was so happy. I was so happy, like I was suddenly thrown into the air. But every day that followed, I found myself feeling out of place, not used to it. It was like I was always in the air, unable to touch the ground. Whenever I thought about you out there, in a place I couldn’t see, possibly facing unknown risks at any time, I felt scared.”

Shi Xing looked at Yoda, his emotions surging: "I know this is wrong, but I can't control my thoughts. Sometimes, I even think, 'If only things were like before, even though you're lying down, I feel like we're always together.'"

Shi Xing clutched his hair, trying to suppress his dangerous thoughts. He knew perfectly well how lucky Yoda was to have woken up. He knew perfectly well that the longer Yoda remained in a coma, the slimmer the chances of waking up became, and that he could die at any moment.

However, the emptiness in my heart is eroding my rationality every day.

At first, Shi Xing wished every day that nothing bad had happened. But the reality of Yoda lying in bed every day told him that was impossible; what had happened had already occurred, and he could only learn to accept it.

When Shi Xing accepted everything and had grown accustomed to living this life with Yoda, Yoda awoke.

Compared to the initial joy, as Yoda gradually recovered and integrated into normal life, Shi Xing realized that he was starting to act abnormally.

A voice told me to learn to accept that Yoda had woken up, that she would have her own independent thoughts, that she could run and jump, and that she was no longer the fragile person who could only lie in the hospital, relying on machines to sustain her life, and who might leave at any time.

Another voice kept popping up. Letting her be independent meant she might face danger. The thought of Yoda being out of her sight made Shi Xing feel unsafe. This anxiety constantly plagued Shi Xing.

Shi Xing couldn't help but want Yoda to tell her every decision and every place she was going. Although Yoda naturally agreed to this excessive request and actually carried it out very well every time.

But Shi Xing found himself still unsatisfied. Two independent people couldn't be together every moment, and he couldn't control Yoda's every decision. Gradually, Shi Xing couldn't help but wish that Yoda would stay in the hospital forever.

Shi Xing knew he was terrifying; how could he have such thoughts? But he couldn't control himself. Perhaps, deep down, he had to admit that he was no longer the person who could synchronize with the current Yoda.

Yoda is vibrant and lively, while Shixing is dull and gloomy.

Shi Xing gradually tears open the darkness in his heart, like a balloon that has suddenly started to deflate after floating high in the sky, only able to fall straight down from mid-air, waiting for the final result.

"So I had to remain silent, for fear that what I said would reveal my inner thoughts."

Shi Xing looked at the eaves where Yoda had taken shelter from the rain. He had been there before, just like countless times before, going to Yoda's vicinity whenever he had free time. He watched her busy with her own life, just like everyone else.

Shi Xing had never appeared before, watching helplessly as Yoda managed her life perfectly. Shi Xing could only come silently and leave silently.

He himself didn't know why, even though he was able to ascertain Yoda's safety time and time again, he still felt worried.

Even though he kept telling himself that this was a safe environment and that the low-probability events of the past wouldn't happen again, Shi Xing couldn't help but follow him like a ghost the next time.

Perhaps he was waiting, waiting for a moment when Yoda would be in danger again, so he could arrive in time, instead of being powerless like before.

“Look at me, I’m this terrifying now. How could a younger person have so many frightening thoughts? Yoda, you should go and start your new life with someone more suitable for you.”

After saying all this, Shi Xing was ready to part ways.

Yoda stopped wiping his hands; both trouser legs were already dry. He threw aside the towel, forcefully turned Shi Xing's head back from the side, stared into his eyes, and said fiercely, "Are you stupid?"

"Scientifically speaking, this is post-traumatic stress disorder. Because of what happened to me, you've been emotionally affected, which is why you're having these thoughts. When I was sick, you stayed by my side, and now that you're sick, how could I possibly be afraid of you?"

Yoda moved closer to Shi Xing, their foreheads touching, leaving Shi Xing no chance to escape.

"Besides, there's no such thing as being younger. You and I are the same age. If you're young, I'm young too. If you're old, I'm old too. We've said it before, we're the most suitable for each other."

"Even if one day we are no longer together, it will be a decision that we can only make when we are both healthy, clear-headed, and rational. It will also be because we no longer have feelings for each other, and we cannot break up because of some random, nonsensical idea."

Shi Xing looked into Yoda's eyes, and the unwavering determination he had when they decided to be together at eighteen, the sincerity of being in love, were still there in the other's eyes.

"But I can't control myself. My silence has hurt you, even though I know it will make you feel bad, I let it go."

Shi Xing felt guilty. Ever since Yoda woke up, Shi Xing knew that although he spent as much time as before by Yoda's side, his silence still hurt Yoda.

It's strange. I was so worried about Yoda getting hurt, but even though I knew Yoda would be upset by my silence, I didn't choose to change anything. I just waited numbly.

Yoda ran her fingertips through Shixing's hair, framing the angular strands. "So what? I can sense it even if you don't say it. At first, it was a little uncomfortable, but I got used to it. Once I got used to it, I started to understand. I can sense different meanings in silence at different times—sometimes it's worry, sometimes anxiety, sometimes reluctance. Every emotion is because you love me."

Yoda pinched Shi Xing's cheek. Compared to when he was young, his cheeks were less fleshy now, but what did it matter? As long as he was still the same person.

“Ah Xing, don’t push me away. You know, if you push me away once, I’ll come back once; if you push me away a hundred times, I’ll come back a hundred times. Doing this will only hurt me, and your resistance won’t protect me in any way.”

"Your silence is to get used to life without me, and I need to get used to your changes too, right?"

As Yoda comforted him, Shi Xing's heart, which had been floating like a balloon, gradually calmed down.

She hugged Yoda back, resting her head on his shoulder: "Mmm."

Yoda sensed Shi Xing's relaxation and smiled with satisfaction: "We'll get better and better from now on."

"Things will get better and better."