This is a letter that will never be sent.

You can't possibly see it.

The reason I'm writing this is simply because there are some things I want to say, but I don't want you to hear them, or perhaps the world to hear them either.

Therefore, this letter will only exist on my pen, and will soon turn to ashes.

It did exist, but it will never exist.

My name is Yan Nangui. Or perhaps Chu Yu. Or maybe Yu Ye Zhaomu.

However, she is also your Tang'er, Bao'er's mother.

My arrival here was by accident. But since I'm here, I never complain.

However, the 'wild geese returning south' are so pitiful; they have too many unspeakable and unbearable hardships. As for me, I just don't like to suffer.

I admit that my initial choice to enter the Crown Prince's residence was simply for peace of mind, and to avoid trouble from the Yan and Meng families.

I admit, I didn't like you back then.

I don't like it, but I don't hate it either, so whether you're intimate with me or acting cute, I don't feel uncomfortable.

Perhaps, 'Yan Nan Gui' is someone who desperately craves affection.

But I am not like that; I consider myself to have an incredibly strong inner self.

I am selfish, ruthless, and cunning.

But here, it seems like there's nothing I need besides revenge. So I'm not very ambitious.

I use you, but I also let you use me. I think that's fair.

Actually, we've always had a pleasant working relationship.

Until, Bao'er came along.

I love her dearly, my own flesh and blood. She makes even a selfish person like me willing to give without expecting anything in return.

You don't understand what she means to me.

In modern times, my parents treated me extremely well. It's no exaggeration to say that it was a kind of family affection I had never experienced before.

However, accepting two adults is far less natural than accepting a little life that came out of my belly.

Bao'er is different.

I know you love her too, you love her terribly. But you have so many other children.

So I have to pave the way for her, and because she is a girl, I have to put in even more effort.

Sometimes you can see it, and sometimes you can't.

I used to think, since you're here, I'll let you spoil me. It's not about relying solely on you, but as long as you're still dependable, it's okay to rely on you for a while.

If you're no longer here, I can simply find a chance to leave.

So I don't care who's the most powerful in your harem or which of your sons is the most outstanding.

But everything changed after having a daughter.

You know, even when I rely on you, I never rely on you alone.

So how can I possibly trust just any decree you might leave behind in the future, Bao'er? We'll both die, but she'll live for decades to come. How can I be at ease?

I want more than just her to live.

I want her to live a good life.

Born into the imperial family, I know all too well what kind of life a princess will lead if she offends someone. And I can't change that; I've already offended many people.

So, if I want her to live without being threatened, I have to make a plan.

You probably see me as conflicted, right? You want to project ambition onto me, but you also feel it's none of my business.

Then you're wrong. My ambition is greater than anyone else's.

However, ambition is not something you have from the beginning, nor is it something that is very great from the beginning.

But as time went by, my ambitions grew.

I don't know what I would do for my child.

Perhaps I will fail, and if I fail... I can beg you to keep her then. At least I will try.

Having said all that, perhaps we've gotten a bit carried away.

Shu Chengfeng, I actually understand you very well. Or rather, I know you very well.

Even though you are an emperor, you have many flaws, such as being soft-hearted.

Yes, even if you were able to use poisonous snakes for your father back then, it was only out of desperation when you were driven to the extreme.

Deep down, you're still soft-hearted.

However, your soft heart has never hurt me, and I don't dislike it. On the contrary, a soft-hearted emperor is actually quite endearing. Seeing how you can't bring yourself to harm others, I know that even if I were to offend you one day, you wouldn't be too ruthless.

You had a difficult childhood. Even though you were born into wealth and privilege, you were still not as happy as other princes in every way.

So, you also lack love.

You need someone who is devoted to you, who follows you unconditionally, and who truly follows you unconditionally.

Actually, if it were like that, you'd think it's too soft, and you wouldn't like it.

So, you like me.

I listen to you, but I have my own ideas and I never just listen to you.

I have a bad temper, I can be ruthless, but I'm devoted to you. I can always see things from your perspective.

I treat all your children equally. I never say I treat them as my own, but I treat them all the same.

I can manage your harem well.

I can arrange everything that requires the Queen's arrangement.

In this world, illusions are the easiest things to shatter on their own.

So actually, none of the above was an act; I was willing to manage your harem for you. Because I also need power.

I treat your children equally, because I am not jealous of their birth from your concubines.

I listen to you and consider your needs because I want to be close to you.

If you've fallen for a woman like me, you naturally won't have deep feelings for other women.

So I easily subdued them.

I can even keep the Empress Dowager in check for you.

How great am I?

Actually, I like you a lot too. Yes, I like you a lot now.

But my lord, you don't know that modern people separate liking from loving.

So I'm pretty sure I like you. It's just that this liking isn't love.

This affection can be measured. This affection is not enough to make me jealous, not enough to make me resentful. Without jealousy or resentment, I can handle things calmly and treat your concubines and offspring calmly.

I'm willing to be sincere with you, but I'm also willing to lie to you.

I'm willing to do things for you, but I will never rely on you alone.

And now, as I write this, I'm looking out at the sky.

As the sun sets and the clouds blaze like fire, I think of your golden hair and your golden eyes from your youth.

You at eighteen, you at twenty-eight, and you now.

No matter what kind of person you are, you are an absolutely good person to me.

My life may have started poorly, but I will eventually stand at the top.

We've only gone halfway; there's still a long way to go.

Shu Chengfeng, are you looking forward to it?

I'm so excited!

So, I should stop writing here.

I'm good at analyzing everything, but I rarely analyze my own emotions. Today, I'm finally giving an account of my emotions over the past ten years.

No regrets, I'm very grateful.

My dearest Majesty, I also hope that you will not regret it and will continue on this path with determination.

I hope that everyone and everything can bring you peace of mind.

I hope you are doing well and laughing a lot.

I hope your future is bright.

I hope you receive love, and I will never let you know that what I give you is not real. In that case, you will have truly received it.