Chapter 16

16.

Guan Yue told herself that she was doing this to repay a debt of gratitude, that a close neighbor is worse than a distant relative, and that she was happy to help others. That was what she thought all along. A clear conscience fears no accusation, and she would clear her name sooner or later. Once she had completely shed the label of a rogue and scoundrel, who would misunderstand her?

But from some point on, she felt increasingly guilty and dared not look Cheng Lingjun in the eye. The better he was, the more she felt she shouldn't get close. She felt like a shameless person who took advantage of his downfall to get close to him, and perhaps she should have kept her distance and drawn a line with him long ago.

But when she saw Cheng Lingjun suffering and exhausted, she couldn't help but want to help him, even if he might not need it.

It was indeed her meddling and overstepping the line. She should now nod gracefully, wave her hand, and step out of the door, indicating that the two are back to where they started. Or she could pretend to be innocent and continue to covertly help the other party, avoiding any discussion of the reasons behind it.

Help, this can't possibly be possible no matter how you look at it, right?

Guan Yue wasn't a decisive person, nor was she someone who could hide her feelings. Her short past life hadn't taught her to be a swift and all-powerful person. She was always a step behind others, and even the simplest truths took her a long time to digest. So, at the moment of her death, she deeply regretted not speaking her mind and hurting the person who was best to her.

Cheng Lingjun is the kindest person in the world to her. She doesn't want to hurt him or make him misunderstand. If she just leaves without saying anything, he will be very disappointed in her. How can she face him in the future? Even if she gives it the reason of repaying a debt of gratitude, it will still be disgusting.

Thinking of this, Guan Yue slowly turned around, but she still didn't dare to look at Cheng Lingjun. She just looked down at Cheng Lingjun's shadow and mustered her courage to say, "I don't mean to avoid you, I'm just afraid of being seen by others. You... you're a man, and you only have a child. It's not easy in this world... and I'm a woman, and a scoundrel at that. If people see me, what if rumors start spreading? I'm not saying I'm afraid... I'm saying you, all of you, you..."

Guan Yue was practically closing her eyes by the end of her speech. She spoke haltingly and softly, and she even seemed to want to back away as if trying to escape, but some inexplicable courage held her ground, preventing her from fleeing.

She dared not look at the other person's expression, afraid of seeing their embarrassment. Her own words echoed in her mind, filled with hatred for her clumsy tongue. She felt her language skills were worse than a primary school student's; not only were her words unpleasant, but she also harbored a deep-seated shame. She feared she would be considered garbled and awkward in this world…

Although Guan Yue's mouth couldn't express herself clearly, her mind worked surprisingly fast at this moment. Unfortunately, her mind was not working fast in the right place; it only distracted her a little, preventing her from fainting from saying such shameful things.

Oh dear... She used to read in books about what it felt like to find a hole to crawl into, and now she's experienced it for herself.

Even so, she was still worried that she hadn't explained things clearly enough, or that she had explained them too clearly, which might embarrass Cheng Lingjun, a true ancient scholar.

She should perhaps be more subtle in her words, but her language system hasn't kept pace with the world's development, so she probably can't be too subtle.

Guan Yue had been lost in thought for a while, and had said everything she wanted to say. In the end, she didn't even know what she had said. She just felt relieved after she finished speaking.

After she finished speaking, she opened her eyes, glancing left and right, but not daring to look at anyone. Her hands were awkwardly behind her back, and she couldn't help but say again, "Well, it's so late, I'm sorry to have bothered you tonight, should I go first..."

"Guan Yue," Cheng Lingjun called her. Guan Yue immediately fell silent, only uttering a soft "hmm," and waited anxiously, like a child waiting to be scolded.

But Cheng Lingjun's voice remained gentle and reassuring. "I understand what you mean. You're afraid that my situation will become unbearable because of you. If that's your perspective, then I haven't helped the wrong person."

"Huh?" Guan Yue stared at him blankly.

Cheng Lingjun smiled and said, "Didn't we agree before that we would help each other as neighbors, and that we would be completely innocent and clean no matter who asks? People's words can be a fearsome thing, but we shouldn't let unfounded gossip push us apart. With your current temperament, is it really amnesia or have you been possessed by some evil spirit?"

Guan Yue's heart began to pound.

Fortunately, Cheng Lingjun was just joking and didn't take it seriously. He continued, "So Xiao Guang is the same way? You don't want Xiao Guang to see you, so you're deliberately hiding from him, right?"

“…Hmm,” Guan Yue said softly, “He’s still young, and his mother isn’t around. I didn’t mean to interfere in your family affairs, but children are bound to feel insecure, especially with outsiders, especially those…bad things I did in the past. I don’t want him to misunderstand us. If you have time, please spend more time with him…I’m sorry I’m being nosy.”

Guan Yue hadn't intended to say much, but for some reason, her mind drifted to her childhood, and she couldn't help but imagine Li Guang as her younger self, so she ended up saying more than she intended.

Guan Yue glanced at Cheng Lingjun, who seemed somewhat surprised as well, and said, "...You are so thoughtful, you are not like a woman at all. No...that's not what I meant."

Cheng Lingjun quickly apologized, as his words were truly offensive. However, he secretly thought to himself, "She's not just unlike an ordinary woman; she's even more meticulous than some men, as if she's experienced something like this herself."

"It's alright," Guan Yue coughed. Now that things were out in the open, it wasn't so awkward anymore. Besides, Cheng Lingjun wasn't angry. His expression was calm and serene, which soothed even the most anxious heart.

Before transmigrating, Guan Yue rarely interacted with men—or rather, she rarely interacted with women either. She was quite introverted before transmigrating. Although she had male and female colleagues she could talk to, they were at most just ordinary friends. Because of her mother, she even rejected men for a long time. Later, when she started working, because she had always studied science, she had seen quite a few men, but they were all smelly and unkempt. Someone as gentle as Cheng Lingjun was simply a miracle.

Guan Yue suspected that she was still stuck in a "baby bird" mentality. Otherwise, why would she always feel that Cheng Lingjun was different from others, and seemed to have a gentle glow about him, like a Bodhisattva who saves all living beings?

...Is this what they call a filter?

Guan Yue felt that her own filter was quite remarkable, but Rui Xi had also helped her, so why didn't she have a filter for Rui Xi?

It can only be attributed to Cheng Lingjun being the first person to save her. Guan Yue, you must be strong and not always think about relying on others.

Guan Yue shook her head, trying to clear her mind, but Cheng Lingjun misunderstood and said, "Are you tired? Then go back and rest. You've been quite busy these past few days, so you don't need to help me fetch water. If you're too busy, just call me anytime."

"No rush, no rush," Guan Yue quickly waved her hand. "Physical work is nothing, I'm not tired. You have children to take care of, so don't worry about me."

Cheng Lingjun looked at Guan Yuebao's hand, which only revealed her fingertips, and sighed, "With your hands in this state, will you still be able to harvest rice tomorrow?"

"I can go, don't underestimate me, I'm really fine. I'm leaving, you can rest," Guan Yue said, walking towards the door. She didn't dare to stay any longer; this place gave her a strange feeling of wanting to get lost in it.

What she feared most was troubling others. After Cheng Lingjun gave her food, she vowed to repay him tenfold. Now, however, she was owing more and more. If the creditor were a fierce and ruthless person, she wouldn't have much of a burden. But he wasn't, and he helped her again and again. She was a powerful woman in a matriarchal world and couldn't rely on men anymore!

Guan Yue bravely stepped out of Cheng Lingjun's doorstep, and behind her she heard that gentle voice that could corrode even the strongest bones: "In that case, I'll cook more food tomorrow at noon, so you won't have to light the fire to cook. Consider it a reward for helping me carry water."

Guan Yue turned around, "No..."

Cheng Lingjun smiled slightly and said, "If you don't want it, then you don't need to help me carry water. You can cook for yourself after your hand is healed."

After saying that, Cheng Lingjun closed the door before Guan Yue could reply, leaving Guan Yue standing outside in a daze.

Is this...is this considered coercion? What happened to her dignity as a strong woman? What happened to her promise not to rely on men?

While complaining, Guan Yue couldn't suppress her joy. Two people were cooking for her! What a wonderful life! She was feeling down because she ate boiled fish every day, but now she had met a kind-hearted god. Sure enough, hard work will eventually pay off, right?

Although fate closed one door for her at the beginning, it left a window open for her. It looks like she's about to open that door, and a bright future awaits her!

Guan Yue suppressed her excitement and went home, while Cheng Lingjun closed the door but didn't move for a long time.

Isn't he being a bit too reserved?

As the saying goes, men and women should not touch each other. He helped Guan Yue many times and even touched her hand. If his parents saw this, they would definitely scold him severely.

Cheng Lingjun originally lived in Guping Town. His mother was a scholar who passed the imperial examination thanks to the auspiciousness of his family's ancestral graves. However, she only reached the level of a scholar and never advanced further. She supported her family by writing letters and couplets or teaching some children after they had started learning. Her salary was meager, but she still considered herself to be from a scholarly family and always talked about not disgracing her family. However, after he was divorced, his mother refused to acknowledge him anymore.

Thinking of this, Cheng Lingjun both mocked himself for disgracing his family and felt a sense of satisfaction. He had only done what he thought was right. He wanted to help Guan Yue, so he did. Now no one had the right to criticize him. He was already a maverick, so what did it matter if he added a few more sins to his list of sins?