Lu Qiaoyuan's Extra: One Man's Pilgrimage, One Man's Love Letter

【End of the first semester of sophomore year】

"Lu Xueba, have you heard that your notes are no longer popular?"

A familiar boy in the same grade told him half-jokingly.

Lu Qiaoyuan raised his head from the pile of books and listened to the boy continue speaking:

"Your position has been replaced by that top-ranked junior who tops every subject. Now all the freshmen use her notes. They say the key points are concise and clear, and the keywords are nice to look at."

"Really?" Lu Qiaoyuan didn't seem to care much.

"Yeah, I heard she hangs out in the library every day, too. Haven't you run into her?"

Lu Qiaoyuan's heart moved, and his eyes fell on the quiet and focused figure not far away.

And the next second, the direction of the boy's finger opposite coincided with his gaze.

"I think it's that girl in white. What's her name... Ke..."

Ke Fan.

Lu Qiaoyuan completed her name in his mind.

That day in the dark alley, she saved him and he also learned her name.

Ke is the Ke of Nan Ke’s dream, and Fan is the sail of setting sail.

From then on, these two words danced silently on his tongue every day.

He was glad that she didn't remember his most embarrassing appearance, but he was also troubled by the fact that he couldn't find a chance to talk to her again.

The white figure in front suddenly stood up.

Even though he hadn't done anything, Lu Qiaoyuan still turned his face away guiltily.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walking towards the book collection area.

A few minutes later, he pretended to walk over naturally.

His eyes wandered among the rows of bookshelves, but he still couldn't see the familiar figure.

Just as I was frowning, a scene came into my sight, soothing all my anxiety like the fragrance of summer lotus.

The sunlight shines through the bookshelves filled with books, casting scattered shadows on the ground.

Ke Fan was sitting against the bookshelf, leisurely flipping through the book in her hand. Her hair was shining in the sunlight.

Lu Qiaoyuan walked lightly, took out a book from the same bookshelf, and sat on the other side of the bookshelf.

I could hear her turning the pages of the book, her breath held in concentration, and I could hear her breathing.

It was just such an ordinary afternoon, with the sun shining and dust floating.

And he hopes this moment will last forever.

[March, second semester of sophomore year]

On the day of the freshman party, Lu Qiaoyuan was taken to meet her.

He didn't know it was her yet, and he walked through the ribbons and balloons, thinking it was just an ordinary rescue.

Until the figure he had secretly sketched countless times in the library stood in front of him.

In an instant, the surrounding sounds faded away like the tide.

"Hello, Senior Brother Qiao Yuan." She smiled and extended her hand.

He could clearly hear the sound of his heart beating incoherently.

In just a few seconds, the sense of touch of the five senses seemed to be infinitely magnified.

The moment our hands touched, I could feel her soft touch and my palms were slightly sweaty.

Hello, Ke Fan, we finally “get to know each other”.

He said to himself.

After the welcome party, in the library, he was finally able to talk to her.

Gradually, they discovered that they had similar tastes in reading, and they would also share what books they were reading recently.

Lu Qiaoyuan finished reading "A Pilgrimage of One Person" first and then recommended it to her.

The protagonist, Harold, was kicked out of his home by his father at the age of sixteen, and has been trapped in the shadow of his family ever since. In middle age, his only son committed suicide, further succumbing to his silence and avoiding communication with his wife. Then, twenty years later, his old friend Queenie wrote to him, informing him that he had cancer and that his life was numbered. Determined to see Queenie, Harold embarked on an unexpected pilgrimage, where he confronted his past through various experiences, reconciling himself and his wife.

When Lu Qiaoyuan read this book, he was shocked.

Harold's experiences as a teenager were too similar to his, and it seemed that this book could express those chaotic and dark experiences and feelings that he could not express in words.

After reading it, Ke Fan's eyes were red the next day:

"It's a really touching story, and thankfully he was able to complete the pilgrimage in the end."

Lu Qiaoyuan took the book from her and stroked the cover with his fingers - Under the warm orange sunset, an old man in a black windbreaker was walking alone on a country road, with vast fields and an endless skyline in the distance.

"I heard there's a second part called 'Miss Queenie's Love Letters'. Let's watch it together in a few days."

"good."

A few days later, when Lu Qiaoyuan checked the book borrowing system, he found that the book had been borrowed by someone unknown.

His heart skipped a beat.

I have only met Ke Fan once recently.

She seemed a little upset and left in a hurry without saying a few words.

Later, Lu Qiaoyuan found out that someone had made a big confession of love to her, but she rejected it.

You refused, so why do you look upset?

Lu Qiaoyuan was also quite absent-minded looking at the professional book in front of him.

Looking back later, that was when things took a turn for the worse.

[First semester of junior year]

Lu Qiaoyuan was pleasantly surprised to find that "Miss Queenie's Love Letters" finally appeared on the bookshelf again.

But he hasn't spoken to Ke Fan for a long time.

He only knew that she went to teach during the summer vacation, and after she came back, she was busy writing materials, so they rarely met.

Only a few times when they were seen in the library, there began to be another person beside her, sticking to her not too far away but not too close.

Lu Qiaoyuan vaguely remembered that he was Ke Fan's classmate, the one who took photos at the social party.

Until a boy he knew well told him: Look, that is the boy who confessed his love to the top student girl. He is really persistent.

The boy gossiped and said: I don’t think he can win her over. Look, even when they sit at the same table, the schoolgirl doesn’t even look at him.

Lu Qiaoyuan had a strange feeling in his heart.

If Ke Fan hated the other person, he would not let him follow him like this.

She is indulging him.

Lu Qiaoyuan's heart sank.

On Christmas Day, the first snow of the year fell.

Lu Qiaoyuan stayed in the dormitory and finished reading "Miss Queenie's Love Letters".

From a perspective Harold never knew, Queenie loved him her entire life. Love that is never expressed can become the deepest in a person's heart, tossing and turning with a sweet pain.

She missed the days when she sat in the passenger seat of his car, and the shadows of trees flashing by outside the car window made her happy; she remembered Harold holding her hand and leading her out of that narrow and dim stationery cabinet -

Lu Qiaoyuan recalled that day in the dark alley, when she leaned over and extended her hand to him—

He suddenly wanted to talk to Ke Fan.

[Second semester of junior year]

Ke Fan is together with that boy.

Lu Qiaoyuan also remembered his name, Yi Lingjia.

They became inseparable -- or rather, he became inseparable from her.

What kind of person is Yi Lingjia?

He was full of the atmosphere of a happy family, warm and carefree.

He was on the court, attracting his friends and shining like the sun.

Everyone should like the sun, except the moon.

Because of the sun, no one can see the light of the moon anymore.

Lu Qiaoyuan controlled himself not to look at the couple sitting at a table not far away.

The girl had books and notes spread out in front of her, reading and writing quietly and attentively.

The boy slept without any image until the ink from the pen stained the book black.

Ke Fan seemed to wake him up with some disgust. Yi Lingjia said something aggrievedly, and there was still no sign of relaxation in her expression.

She didn't seem to like him that much either.

Lu Qiaoyuan thought.

【The whole senior year】

There is no news from her.

First year of graduate school

Lu Qiaoyuan was admitted to Ocean University for postgraduate studies.

Some junior students came to ask him about summer camps - attending summer camps at the universities of your choice can increase your chances of being admitted to graduate/doctoral programs by actively performing and getting to know the mentors.

Taking advantage of this conversation, Lu Qiaoyuan opened the chat box with Ke Fan that had been silent for a long time.

"Xiao Fan, how are you doing recently? Do you want to come to the Ocean University summer camp? I can help you with internal recommendations."

It will show "Input" for a long time.

The noise of the old air conditioner in the laboratory was like the chirping of cicadas, and Lu Qiaoyuan felt unusually restless inside.

"Thank you, senior. But I'm going abroad with my boyfriend. I wish you all the best too."

Second year of postgraduate study

Lu Qiaoyuan was quite surprised to see Ke Fan at Ocean University.

She just brushed it off after they broke up and he didn't ask any more questions.

The two people still don't see each other often.

At the end of the second year, Professor Gao asked him to choose the direction of his graduation thesis.

He chose something related to wind power - perhaps because of the light that flashed in Ke Fan's eyes when she talked about her current major and turning the invisible wind into a tangible resource; or perhaps it was simply because this way he could see her more often.

【Yen 3 & Bo 1】

The paper co-authored by Lu Qiaoyuan and Ke Fan was published in a top journal. She was the main data provider, but she proposed to share the first authorship with him.

She knew it was not easy to publish articles in his direction.

He was deeply moved and kept saying thank you, but she was not used to such sentimental scenes and waved her hand:

"You're welcome, Senior Brother. I need a favor from you as well."

It turned out that the school newspaper of her alma mater, Tianjin University, conducted an online interview with her and wanted her to post another recent photo of her life with a picture.

"I think... I haven't taken a photo for a long time. Can you please take one for me, brother?"

There seemed to be a flash of darkness in her eyes, but when she looked again, she was calm again.

In the end, Lu Qiaoyuan helped her take a photo at the entrance of the Wind Power College building.

She stood straight and upright, like a pine tree, or like a small boat sailing on the sea with its sails taut.

【Bo2】

Ke Fan began his internship at the Hai City Wind Power Station. Occasionally, the two would have dinner together, and sometimes Cao Xinyu would be brought along.

Cao Xinyu is a chatterbox. With her around, Ke Fan would talk more, and before they knew it, they became more and more familiar with each other.

Later, even when they were having dinner alone, Ke Fan, who usually didn't like to talk about personal matters, couldn't help but mention those annoying blind dates and bad romances with some resentment.

After Ke Fan vented his anger, he looked at Lu Qiaoyuan who was just listening quietly and felt a little sorry:

"Sorry, brother, I'm spreading negative energy again."

"It's okay, I feel the same way. Teacher Gao always introduces me to other people. I went a few times and the meals were extremely awkward. Then I got scolded by Teacher Gao when I came back. Not only did he criticize me, but he also didn't like to close the door. There were also some younger students eavesdropping on my gossip outside his office..." Lu Qiaoyuan became more and more helpless as he spoke.

"Puchi" Ke Fan laughed out loud, but felt it was a bit immoral, so he covered his mouth and laughed.

The laughter gradually died down, and she became curious: "So, brother, you haven't met anyone you like?"

Lu Qiaoyuan looked up at her. She was smiling like a little hamster, her eyes sparkling as she waited for his next words.

He looked away: "No, I'm so busy with my PhD, I don't have time to think about this."

【Bo 3】

Lu Qiaoyuan received a call from Cao Xinyu. After finishing the case in Tongshi, Ke Fan fell seriously ill and is now receiving an IV drip in the hospital. He is out of town and doesn't know who to contact. He thinks they are quite familiar with each other, so could he please take care of Ke Fan.

Lu Qiaoyuan took leave without saying a word and drove to the hospital.

When he arrived at the IV room, Ke Fan looked pale and was struggling to write a report on the keyboard with his needle-stuck hand.

Lu Qiaoyuan couldn't describe his feelings, he just felt that this scene was particularly glaring.

He bought her food and water, and also bought a cushion to put behind her waist.

After a while, she turned on the computer again. Lu Qiaoyuan frowned and stared at her hands:

"How about you dictate and I write it for you?"

"No need, Senior Brother. There are so many technical terms that it's hard to explain them orally."

He knew she was in a hurry to submit the report, and he couldn't stop her, so he could only ask again:

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Ke Fan looked at him, his eyes drooping slightly, his eyes full of apology for not being able to help.

Intent on lightening the mood, she winked and said, "So, how about choosing a wind power-related major for your next few years? Then you can help me write reports."

It was originally just a half-joke, but unexpectedly Lu Qiaoyuan nodded seriously: "Okay."

Lu Qiaoyuan stared at the screen full of geological terms, and seeing her frown and pause, he made a decision in his heart.

He drove Ke Fan home after he finished the IV drip.

Perhaps because the medicine had some sedative properties, Ke Fan fell into a deep sleep.

The car stopped downstairs of her house. She tilted her head, leaned against the car window, and exhaled slowly and deeply.

Even in his sleep, his brows were slightly furrowed.

His pale complexion had improved somewhat, but his increasingly thin figure curled up in the passenger seat, looking very tired.

The stabbing pain in my heart came back the moment I saw her at the door of the drip room.

Lu Qiaoyuan couldn't help but reach out his hand, trying to smooth out the wrinkles between her brows.

As soon as he touched her skin, Ke Fan's eyelashes trembled slightly and he opened his eyes dazedly.

She looked at Lu Qiaoyuan's hand above her forehead: "Brother, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just seemed to have a little trouble at the hospital."

"Really?" Ke Fan was still a little confused and looked at his forehead in the rearview mirror.

The car was parked under a street light, neither bright nor dark, so she couldn't see anything clearly, so she just rubbed it randomly.

Looking at the empty rearview mirror, something came to mind:

"I almost forgot, I bought you a car pendant in Tong City to celebrate your new car purchase."

She took out a delicately and lovely green rope from her bag, with a string of white wind chimes hanging at the end.

Lu Qiaoyuan thanked him, took it, and hung up.

Ke Fan continued, with a slight smile: "It seems to be called the Wishing Bell, which can help you realize your wishes. Do you like it, brother?"

Lu Qiaoyuan slowly stroked all the ropes with his fingers, as if finally smoothing out the wrinkles between her brows - then he stroked the plump bells hanging at the end, and gently plucked them with his fingers. The crisp sound of the wind chimes rang out in the quiet car.

"I love so much."

The ringing sound was still there, and Ke Fan was about to unbuckle his seat belt and get out of the car.

Lu Qiaoyuan suddenly said, "Xiao Fan, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend, shall we?"

Ke Fan was stunned and stopped what he was doing: "What?"

The ringing sound disappeared completely.

There was silence in the car for a few seconds.

Lu Qiaoyuan laughed and added naturally:

"Let's pretend to be each other's boyfriend and girlfriend, right? Help each other avoid bad relationships and blind dates?"

【Bo 4】

After learning that Lu Qiaoyuan had a girlfriend, the younger students in the laboratory had been clamoring to meet Ke Fan.

Several months later, Lu Qiaoyuan finally agreed.

Finally we made an appointment to go camping together one weekend.

As soon as the two appeared, they were surrounded by gossipy younger classmates, who asked them questions like they were checking their household registration.

Lu Qiaoyuan was afraid that they would be too annoying, but Ke Fan was not annoyed either, so he just smiled and answered their questions.

Fortunately, their answers really seemed to be true.

Crowd: Who confessed first? How did they do it?

Two people: Lu Qiaoyuan, in the car, means he likes me.

Crowd: ...It sounds like my senior brother’s old-fashioned style.

Citizen: Where did you meet? How long have you known each other?

Two people: We are university alumni, and have known each other for... eight or nine years.

Crowd: (Exclaiming) So, Senior Brother has remained chaste for all these years because he already has someone in his heart?

The schoolmate who loves to read a certain Jiang novel has already started to associate 10,000 words. Ke Fan and Lu Qiaoyuan took the opportunity to hide away and go barbecue. Finally, they were away from the vortex of gossip, and the two of them got a moment of peace.

Before going to bed, something unexpected happened again.

Ke Fan's tent was broken.

Not wanting to cause any more speculation, they finally decided to spend the night together in Lu Qiaoyuan's tent, fully clothed.

While chatting around the campfire, Ke Fan drank some wine and soon fell into a deep sleep.

Lu Qiaoyuan tossed and turned, and suddenly he thought of "Miss Queenie's Love Letters".

He clearly remembered the book describing how Queenie missed the days when she sat in the passenger seat of Harold's car, and the shadows of trees passing by the window made her happy.

Just like he is now, lying beside Ke Fan with his clothes on.

Will he miss this moment countless times in the future?

It was midnight and they were so close that they could hear each other breathing.

He thought of the first time they met, when she leaned down like a white crane, her slender hands powerfully holding him up.

In this deep night that Ke Fan would never know, Lu Qiao was neither possessing nor losing her, but he tasted both happiness and pain at the same time.

Love that is never expressed verbally becomes the deepest in a person's heart, tossing and turning with a sweet hidden pain.

He suddenly understood Queenie's love very clearly.

This sweet pain boiled in his heart--

He had to do something, he wanted to do something.

Lu Qiaoyuan sat up and stared at Ke Fan's profile without blinking.

Her soft white skin was flushed pink due to the alcohol, and her breath was as fragrant as orchid, tempting him to slowly lower his face.

Closer and closer.

He almost kissed her, but reason finally stopped him.

The kiss only landed on the temple.

It shouldn't be like this. He wanted a perfect start between him and her, not a stolen kiss late at night like this.

Lu Qiaoyuan clenched his fists, turned his back, and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Be patient, one day she will see him and he will be able to kiss her openly.

【Final year of PhD】

The third year of pretending to be a couple.

Lu Qiaoyuan would talk about his girlfriend naturally with everyone. The sweetness aroused at that moment was like reaching out and grabbing a candy, but deep down in his heart, he knew that it was just a feather.

So he lifted it more vigorously and tried harder to catch it, but the feather kept floating in the air.

Only he himself knew that Ke Fan had never crossed that line.

Lu Qiaoyuan had no choice but to be patient.

Only sometimes, he couldn't bear it anymore.

The moment he saw Ji Hang, he seemed to see Yi Lingjia in college.

The same round eyes, the same messy black hair, but what made his heart sink even more was the smile on Ke Fan's face when he looked at him.

What made him feel more threatened was the case that Ke Fan started in Jinshi.

Sometimes, she didn't speak, but there was a light smile in the corners of her eyes and eyebrows.

Lu Qiaoyuan hadn't seen her like this for a long time.

He felt uneasy for no reason.

It was not until he met Yi Lingjia again in Wanli.

After not seeing him for many years, he has changed a lot compared to before, becoming more mature and calm.

But when he stood outside Ke Fan's door, he seemed to have become the young man following Ke Fan again.

Lu Qiaoyuan also saw again how Ke Fan liked someone.

It is guidance, indulgence, and allowing him to enter his own boundaries.

The door of Room 307 slowly closed that day, as if announcing their new beginning, and also announcing a certain end for him.

Outside the cafe, he stroked her temple with his hand, where he had kissed her.

It was his final farewell to this hopeless relationship.

In fact, he should have understood long ago that what could most move Ke Fan was love as warm and straightforward as the sun.

But he didn't dare to gamble, for he was afraid that they wouldn't even be able to be friends.

He also did not have the ability to give that kind of love. Since he was forced to be independent at the age of sixteen, he had lost the ability to give everything regardless of the consequences.

He was cautious and conservative, hovering for a long time, waiting for an opportunity to strike with one blow.

But not everyone is Harold, who has the opportunity to face life's challenges head-on.

Most people would be like Queenie, gradually burying their true feelings in silence, leaving only unformed letters.

ten years.

This is the ten years that Ke Fan and Yi Lingjia have been wandering around.

It was also Lu Qiaoyuan’s ten years.

It is his own story and also his own pilgrimage.

【Year 11】

October in Sweden is already cold.

Lu Qiaoyuan had just finished a lengthy online meeting with his mentor and walked to the window, ready to use the cool air to wake up his somewhat drowsy thoughts.

A new update popped up on the phone.

One picture shows the lighthouse on the White Cliffs in England, with a large patch of pink sunset glowing, making it look like a fairyland.

"We have finally arrived at this lighthouse."

Lu Qiaoyuan stretched his hand out of the window.

A golden autumn leaf broke away from the branch, swayed in the wind, brushed past his palm, and slowly fell to the ground.

It will wither and rot on this land until it disappears.

It's like a lingering love letter that no one will ever read.