100. To sterilize the emperor

Wei Xiuming leaned back in his chair, looking relaxed: "These old fogies have been urging me to take the throne ever since I ascended the throne. Every day they're either urging me to take an empress or to have children. One or two children aren't enough. They're like pig farmers, wishing I were a pig in a pen, having seventeen or eighteen children a year, year after year."

Although the language is rough, the reasoning is sound, and it's quite vivid.

...But that's a bit too crude.

Upon hearing this, Qu Zijin immediately frowned and continued, "Your Majesty, how can you, as the ruler of a nation, utter such vulgar words? It is truly a violation of etiquette. Moreover, the ministers are only thinking of the country and its people. Offspring are the foundation of a nation, as our ancestors said..."

"Shut up," Wei Xiuming rubbed his temples and issued a final warning, "Qu Zijin, if you say the same thing to those people again, I will have your husband lock you and several women in a room and make you have seventeen or eighteen babies a year. You won't be allowed to leave the house until you've had them all."

Qu Zijin shut up completely.

He even took two steps back and silently hid in the shadows.

Wei Xiuming snorted, then his gaze fell on Xie Wenling: "Minister Xie, you are always resourceful, do you have any ideas to quiet those stubborn old men down?"

He acknowledged Xie Wenling's talent and believed they shared the same ideas, so he looked forward to Xie providing a solution.

Xie Wenling pursed his thin lips slightly, looking somewhat hesitant: "Your Majesty..."

"What's wrong?" Wei Xiuming leaned forward. "Is there something you can't say?"

"Your Majesty, I have indeed thought of a plan..." Xie Wenling looked even more hesitant, "but..."

Wei Xiuming raised an eyebrow: "Just what?"

"I don't know if I should say this or not." Xie Wenling lowered his eyes, his long eyelashes casting a shadow beneath them.

Wei Xiuming became interested. Although his hesitation seemed a bit affected, he was really looking forward to his proposal: "I forgive you, please tell me."

Xie Wenling sighed softly and said tactfully, "I once heard a story. When a caravan was traveling through the Western Regions, the male leader of the caravan accidentally fell from his horse and was trampled by the frightened herd of horses..."

He paused, then lowered his voice even further: "Vital points were damaged... He will be unable to have sexual relations from now on..."

The hall became so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Qu Zijin's expression was one of astonishment, shock, and disbelief: "You...you mean..."

"If His Majesty were to 'accidentally' fall from his horse..." Xie Wenling's voice was barely audible, "after the imperial physician's diagnosis..."

Qu Zijin finally snapped out of his shock: "Xie Wenling! You...you...this is outrageous! This is outrageous!"

Wei Xiuming, the person involved, was stunned at first, then his expression changed drastically: "Xie Wenling! How dare you! You actually made me... made me..."

Xie Wenling immediately knelt down and said, "Your humble servant deserves to die."

The atmosphere froze instantly.

Qu Zijin's face turned pale, and his heart pounded.

Seeing Wei Xiuming's fury, he hurriedly stepped forward to persuade him, "Your Majesty, please calm down! Lord Xie was just confused for a moment..."

Wei Xiuming's chest heaved violently, and his hand pointing at Xie Wenling trembled with anger: "What a truly vicious scheme!"

Although this plan did indeed perfectly meet his requirements, and could even solve the problem once and for all.

But this is just too vicious!

He just didn't want to listen to his ministers' nagging anymore, not that he wanted to be sterilized!

wrong!

This is more than just sterilization!

This is practically going to cripple him!

Wei Xiuming could hardly believe that Xie Wenling, with such a handsome face, could come up with such a sinister and vicious plan!

During the great battle between the two sides, an epidemic broke out in our army. What difference would it make if the strategist suggested using catapults to throw the plague-infected corpses at the enemy army?

Wei Xiuming was furious.

No wonder he made him promise to forgive him before he would tell the truth.

"Is this your entire plan?" Wei Xiuming asked him menacingly. "Nothing else? Not even the nine generations of your family?"

He'd better come up with a better way to save his entire family right away.

Xie Wenling raised his head, his expression sincere: "Your Majesty, I do indeed have other, more reliable methods."

"Tell me. If you dare to spout nonsense again..." Wei Xiuming was already losing control of his murderous urge.

“Firstly, we can summon members of the imperial family from various regions to the capital,” Xie Wenling said cautiously. “Nominally, it’s for family reunion, but in reality… they can serve as hostages and also as candidates for the crown prince.”

Wei Xiuming narrowed his eyes and tapped the armrest lightly with his fingers: "Continue."

"Secondly, Your Majesty can declare that you wish to observe mourning for the late Emperor," Xie Wenling's voice gradually steadied. "Although the Emperor observes mourning for days instead of months, and can remove the mourning garments after twenty-seven days, if Your Majesty insists on observing the full three years like an ordinary family..."

Qu Zijin couldn't hold back any longer. It was a plan that was actually quite good, and the emperor's murderous intent softened a bit upon hearing it.

But once this plan was announced, he felt like he was going crazy and courting death.

Qu Zijin couldn't help but quietly remind him, "Lord Xie, the late emperor has been gone for several years..."

Where are we going to find a new father to die so the emperor can observe mourning?!

“This matter is simple,” Xie Wenling immediately gave the answer. “Your Majesty can say that you dreamed that the late Emperor appeared to you in a dream, blaming you for being unfilial, and therefore decided to make up for the period of mourning.”

Wei Xiuming closed his eyes, suppressing his anger, and thought for a moment.

Hmm...it actually seems feasible.

It's at least much more respectable and safer than the first solution he suggested.

Even Qu Zijin nodded thoughtfully: "Hmm... that's a good excuse."

He instinctively wanted to ask what would happen three years from now, but he quickly swallowed the words back down.

He was terrified that Xie Wenling, that madman, would say something crazy like, "Every three years, I'll find a new father and then let him die again."

"Thirdly," Xie Wenling continued, seeing that Wei Xiuming's attitude had softened, "Your Majesty can declare that you will follow the ancient rites and refrain from visiting the garden for three years."

"What does this mean?" Wei Xiuming asked, much calmer now.

"This comes from the Book of Rites," Xie Wenling explained, "meaning to focus on state affairs and avoid women. In this way, if those ministers were to propose a selection of concubines again..."

This is conservative and mediocre, and a bit stiff—but it's very safe, and no one will be injured or killed.

“Lord Xie…” Qu Zijin shook his head, “Your ideas are all quite interesting, one more so than the last.”

Aside from the last one, what about the other schemes?

Ruthless? Unscrupulous? Heinous? ...

Haha, you've got it all.

Xie Wenling's expression was calm, and he looked exceptionally upright and honest: "Your Majesty, I am merely sharing your burdens."

His strategies and tactics are completely different styles.

Wei Xiuming pondered for a moment, then suddenly asked, "Then... what about the second idea, summoning a member of the imperial clan to the capital... do you think it's feasible?"

Xie Wenling cautiously replied, "In my opinion, this plan can both silence public opinion and restrain the vassal kings, making it the best choice."

Wei Xiuming pondered: "That's right... and... it can also distract those old guys who are always pressuring me to get married."

It's a brilliant idea from any perspective.

Rushing to let the Prince of Pan send his son as a hostage would inevitably cause unrest.

But what if the son sent here might become emperor?

Then King Pan would definitely take the initiative to find ways to send his most outstanding and valued child.

Like the Edict of Grace, it is an open conspiracy that is impossible to refuse.

It has to be said that Xie Wenling is indeed quite capable.

...The bristles on the brush might be made of steel needles.

But Wei Xiuming decided to forgive him.

He is indeed a rare talent. Although some of his ideas are rather terrifying, he is truly talented and knowledgeable.

It doesn't matter if it's a black cat or a white cat, as long as it can catch mice, it's a good cat.

---

Mini-theater:

Wei Xiuming: ...

Xie Wenling: ...

(The two people are at least ten meters apart)

Xie Wenling: Why is Your Majesty silent?

Wei Xiuming: Hehe, what do you think?

Xie Wenling: (Approaching)

Wei Xiuming: Hey, hey, hey, stop! Stop right there! Don't move!

Xie Wenling: (stops) His Majesty seems to have some reservations?

Wei Xiuming: (sneers) What else? I'm really afraid you'll suddenly pull out a knife, shouting things like "to eliminate future troubles," "to end it all at once," or "a short pain is better than a long one," and then rush over to do something that deserves the extermination of nine generations of your family.

Xie Wenling: Why does Your Majesty speak such harsh words? Your humble servant is terrified.

Wei Xiuming: Don't you know why I spoke such harsh words?

Xie Wenling: (Melancholy) (Xi Shi clutches her heart) Your Majesty, harsh words can be as chilling as a summer's day...

Wei Xiuming: ...I suddenly feel that Qu Zijin said something quite accurate.

Wei Xiuming: You're so pretentious.

---

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