329. Gradually becoming unrecognizable

But the system still tried to offer some comfort—

I think when she scolded you for being unfilial, it wasn't because she truly thought you were wrong; it was because she was afraid.

She was afraid that if things escalated with your father, he would beat her even more severely and kick you out of the house.

She's become accustomed to using forbearance to protect herself and you. Her first reaction to violence is to just endure it, to let it pass. She's never considered fighting back, nor does she have that awareness.

So even if you're doing it for her own good, she still feels like you've caused trouble and is afraid that neither of you will survive.

Tao Wanbi's breathing became rapid, and after a long while, she managed to nod: "It seems so... But even so, I can't accept it. She would rather suffer herself than watch me fight back for her sake."

The system didn't try to persuade her, because it couldn't accept it either.

It just kept asking—

What even more terrible thing happened next?

"Later, I found out... my younger brother was only six or seven years old at the time, and he couldn't read many words."

"But when he's unhappy, he'll do what my dad does: hit my mom, grab her hair, kick her legs, and curse at her like my dad does."

"My mom wasn't angry at all. Instead, she smiled, picked him up, patted his back, and coaxed him, saying, 'My good son, you're so clever. You know how to take care of your mom now.'"

"Do you know what that look was like? It was doting, and proud."

"When I saw her holding her younger brother, laughing even as he grabbed her hair, I felt a chill run down my spine, and even felt a chill run down my spine."

"I don't understand, I really don't understand."

The system is about to crash.

The complexities of human emotions make it difficult for it to cope.

Faced with Tao Wanbi's question, it tried to analyze it carefully and find the answer.

To be honest, I don't understand it either; I'll try to speculate on the reasons.

[It's probably because... your mother was beaten by your father her whole life in that family, and oppressed by the patriarchal mindset her whole life. She didn't dare to resist, and didn't know how to resist, so she could only 'endure' as a way to survive.]

The beliefs that weighed on her and tormented her gradually brainwashed her day by day.

[Therefore, she also felt that this was right, and in turn became a staunch supporter of these ideas.]

This is what's known as—abuse breeds loyalty.

So, let's go back to the analysis.

Later, your mother had your younger brother. She felt that her brother was her support and her only hope in this family.

She probably thinks that once her younger brother grows up, he can protect her and she won't have to suffer from your father's temper anymore.

So she spoils her younger brother, even teaching him the same things your father did. Because in her eyes, that's not bad; it's about making her brother "powerful," "manly," so he can stand on his own two feet and won't be bullied like she was.

“I can’t accept it,” Tao Wanbi said. “I can’t even try to accept it.”

Of course, because this is simply absurd.

However, your younger brother is only six or seven years old; shouldn't you still be able to guide him further?

[Didn't you do anything about it anymore? Didn't you try to protect her anymore? Didn't you care about your brother anymore?]

"We did manage it, of course we did." Tao Wanbi sneered repeatedly, tears still clinging to her face.

“From then on, whenever I came home and saw my dad hitting my mom, I would rush up to stop him. Sometimes I would argue with my dad, and sometimes I would fight with him.”

“Even though I was beaten and covered in bruises every time, and my mother still couldn’t understand me or even blamed me, I never gave up.”

"Because I firmly believe that this is the right thing to do, and that I am protecting her."

“I also tried to discipline my younger brother. When he hit my mother again, I scolded him. If he still didn't listen, I physically punished him.”

"But... my mom always protects my brother and scolds me, saying, 'Don't touch my son!'"

"He's still young, what does he know? As his older sister, why am I always arguing with my younger brother? Do you want to hurt him?"

“She never thought my brother was wrong. Instead, she thought I was wrong. She thought I was immature, jealous of my brother, and that I wanted to take things from the family.”

The system understands.

What's even more terrifying is watching the people you once thought were closest to you gradually become unrecognizable.

Watching her speak ill of him because of another person, and even stand against him on her own terms.

Tao Wanbi's voice began to tremble again: "I was really heartbroken at that time. I was doing it for her own good, but in her eyes, I became a bad person, someone who wanted to hurt my brother."

“I told her I’m her daughter, how could I hurt her brother? I just didn’t want her to suffer.”

"But she wouldn't listen. She just held my younger brother and looked at me warily, as if in her eyes I had become a hysterical madman."

"Since then, I have rarely gone home. It's not that I don't want to go home, but that I'm afraid to go home."

“I’m afraid that if I go back, I’ll see my dad hitting her again, and my brother bullying her again. I’m afraid that if I retaliate, she’ll scold me again and push me away.”

"I can only study hard at school, hoping to grow up quickly, earn money quickly, and become capable quickly. Then, whether she likes it or not, I will take her out of that house so that she will no longer suffer grievances and no longer have to protect that son who only bullies her, just like my father."

[...Perhaps you're doubting yourself, but in reality, you've done absolutely nothing wrong.]

It's rare for the system to be so certain about Tao Wanbi.

[You didn't let your dad beat your mom, you didn't stand idly by and watch your brother become an abuser. Even though no one understood, even though your mom pushed you away, you didn't give up protecting her. That already makes you better than many others.]

It paused, then slowly began to analyze.

I think the reason your mother favors your younger brother, protects him, and even speaks ill of you on his behalf is not only because she sees him as her only hope, but also for another reason—

Because she had lived in that family for so many years, the idea that men are the heavens and sons are the roots was ingrained in her very being.

In her view, her younger brother was the root of the family, the one who would carry on the family line, and therefore she had to protect him.

[But you are a daughter, and you will eventually get married and leave home. You will be an outsider, so it's okay if you suffer some grievances.]

[And she firmly believed that by helping her brother, she was actually helping herself.]

She thought that as long as her younger brother was doing well, and as long as he accepted her as his mother, she would have someone to rely on when she got old, and she wouldn't have to put up with your father's attitude anymore.

However, in reality, the possibility is slim.

You are far more likely to support her than your brother. However, it's clear she doesn't understand this.

She's already mired in the mire, her eyes have been gouged out, and she can no longer see the truth.

Tao Wanbi started picking at her fingers again: "I vaguely understood back then, but I was still unwilling to accept it."

"Until my third year of junior high, the sky completely collapsed."

"I was in class that day when my homeroom teacher suddenly called me out and said that my dad had arrived and was waiting for me in the office."

"As soon as I went in, I saw my dad. He started yelling at me and told me to come home with him right away."

“I asked him what was wrong, and he said he had already found me a husband, a divorced man in his forties from a neighboring village. He said the man had given me a dowry of 180,000 yuan, enough for my younger brother's down payment on a house, and that I should drop out of school immediately and go home to prepare for the wedding.”

"In her forties..."

“I was only in my third year of junior high school at the time, and he actually wanted to marry me off to a man who was several years older than him and had been divorced, just to save money for his son!”

"My mind went blank at the time. I felt like the sky had fallen. I said I wanted to study and that I didn't want to get married."

"But he wouldn't listen at all, and even slapped me and started verbally abusing me."

"When the teacher tried to stop him, he kept making a scene, saying he would make the school close down."

"So the school didn't dare to stop me anymore. Plus, I was about to graduate, so they didn't want to bother with me anymore."

"Luckily, I ran away when he wasn't paying attention."

"At that time, all I could think about was finding my mom and asking her to save me."

“I secretly ran home to find my mother. I hugged her and cried as I told her that my father wanted to marry me off. I begged her to help me and to talk to my father so that I could continue my studies.”

"But do you know what my mom said?"