Gu Wanlin, it's snowing.

"Gu Wanlin, guess what I brought you?" I said with a laugh as I heard the door open from the inside, picking up the two paper bags in my hand.

This morning I had to go back to the company for a meeting. As soon as I stepped out, I was shivered by the howling wind. Looking up at the gloomy sky, the dark clouds were almost one big piece, pressing low overhead. I felt the chill of winter. The bare branches of the roadside trees, stripped of their leaves, were swirling in the air, making the scene look particularly somber and desolate.

I moved out of my parents' house and rented this place for two reasons: first, I wanted to live independently; second, it was close to my company, so if I was called back for a meeting or to work overtime, I could just walk there and back. Now I've discovered a third advantage: it's even closer to Gu Wanlin's house.

It was almost eleven o'clock when the meeting ended, so I simply headed straight for Gu Wanlin's house. I saw huge woks and ovens on the vendors' carts along the street, selling freshly roasted chestnuts and roasted sweet potatoes, which immediately reminded me of Gu Wanlin. I bought some of each, stuffed the two paper bags into my arms, and ran all the way, thinking that they would still be warm when I got to her house.

The door opened, but it wasn't Gu Wanlin in her wheelchair who entered; it was Sister Zhou, who should have been busy in the kitchen at this time. She gestured for me to be quiet.

I sensed something was wrong and lowered my voice to ask, "Where's Gu Wanlin?"

Sister Zhou stepped aside to let me in, took the paper bag from my hand, and whispered, "I was feeling unwell all night and didn't sleep. I just fell asleep, so don't wake me up."

I frowned and quickly pulled her to the kitchen, the furthest place from Gu Wanlin's bedroom. I closed the sliding door tightly before turning around to ask Sister Zhou what had happened and whether she should be taken to the hospital.

Sister Zhou sighed and said it wasn't necessary. The weather changed suddenly after nightfall yesterday, which triggered Gu Wanlin's neuralgia and phantom limb pain to flare up together. It happened several times throughout the night. The painkillers and antispasmodics she usually took before going to sleep were not effective at all. However, the extra medication she kept by her bedside had run out some time ago. She was in too much pain to get out of bed to get it, so she tossed and turned in bed all night to endure the pain.

When Sister Zhou came over in the morning, she was startled to see that the pajamas and sheets were soaked with sweat on the neck and shoulders. She helped the girl up to drink water and take her medicine, then wiped her body down, changed her pajamas and sheets, and massaged her for a while. The girl felt a little better now and was able to fall asleep.

Seeing that I looked terrible, Sister Zhou said, "Xiao Shen, this is your first time seeing this, so don't worry too much. Most patients with spinal cord injuries will experience neuralgia. This isn't the first or second time that Xiao Gu has experienced this. It's easy for it to flare up when the weather changes, but you'll get used to it over time."

She turned to look at the gloomy weather outside. "No wonder, didn't the weather forecast say it would snow today?"

I've gotten used to it. Just hearing her describe it makes my heart ache.

These past few days I've been making sure Gu Wanlin eats well, and her face, which had become so thin and sunken during her last hospitalization, has finally regained some of its rosy glow. Every time I come in, I see her dressed neatly, sitting upright in her wheelchair with a back brace and prosthetic leg.

Sometimes I even felt disoriented, thinking that apart from not being able to stand and walk anymore and being much thinner than before, she wasn't much different. Until just now, it was as if a thunderbolt struck from above, shattering my self-deceiving illusion:

Even though she lost the ability to perceive and control her own body, the illness did not let Gu Wanlin off the hook. Wind, rain, frost, and snow are the most normal changes in the natural world, but when they happened to her, they were tormenting her all night long.

Sister Zhou said with difficulty, "Xiao Shen, I'm about to leave work. I have other clients to visit this afternoon, so I can't stay with Xiao Gu. Xiao Gu just fell asleep; she's really exhausted. I'll let her sleep this afternoon. I'll go in later and turn her over. If you can stay with her this afternoon until Sister Zhang comes tonight, why don't you come in with me later? You can watch me massage her to relieve the symptoms, so you'll be prepared if she has another attack this afternoon."

I nodded. "Of course. I have my work computer with me, so spending an afternoon with her is no problem at all."

Even if Sister Zhou didn't say it, I thought the same thing. When I squeezed in lunch at Gu Wanlin's house, it wasn't really just for the food. I was worried that something might happen to her while she was home alone with the two shifts of caregivers, or that she might not eat her lunch properly.

Sister Zhou led me quietly into Gu Wanlin's bedroom. Her right prosthetic leg was placed in a corner of the room. She was lying asleep on her left side, covered with a soft, breathable white silk quilt. Not far below her hips, her body sagged abruptly under the quilt, making my eyelids twitch. This was the first time I had directly faced the one thing she least wanted me to see: her most severe scars.

She still had a thin layer of sweat on her forehead, her brows were slightly furrowed, and unconsciously seemed to be trying to turn over because she was not sleeping comfortably. She swung her right arm to her side, and her shoulder was barely flat, but her chest remained still. Her body was twisted to one side in an awkward way.

Sister Zhou went over to help her turn over, carefully lifting the bottom half of the blanket to avoid waking her, and turned her around by supporting her hips. Perhaps to make it easier to massage her legs and just in case, she was only wearing a nightgown on her upper body, the loose hem covering her thighs, without pajama bottoms, but a glaringly white diaper was wrapped around her crotch. Although a catheter was inserted into her abdomen, leading to a drainage bag hanging at the foot of the bed, a blue and white medical pad was still laid beneath her.

Sister Zhou picked up a soft pillow from the bed and placed it under the back of her left knee. She then rearranged the pillows at the foot of the bed, pressing them against her feet to prevent them from sagging due to excessive looseness in the ankle joint. Then she reached out and placed her hand on her right leg.

My breath hitched.

Her left leg was already pale, making the several scars and bruises stand out starkly. Although the injury was recent, signs of muscle atrophy and softening were already visible. Her right leg, which disappeared abruptly at the mid-thigh, still had at most twenty centimeters of length remaining, and it was even paler and thinner than her left leg. Her lower body seemed to have lost all vitality, lying there at will, as fragile and vulnerable as an infant.

This is the place I can't bear to look at the most. I used to secretly search for photos to see what the legs looked like after amputation, but each time I would only glance at them briefly before looking away and closing the webpage, unable to bear to look any longer.

Gu Wanlin's legs are very beautiful. I secretly kept a photo of her on my phone and couldn't bear to delete it. It was summer, and we were both wearing loungewear and shorts, snuggled on the sofa watching TV. I put my legs on Gu Wanlin's legs, and we were both lying on our backs with our legs crossed. This made her skin look even whiter and rosier than mine.

After watching TV, we went out and stood in front of the mirror to do our makeup. Gu Wanlin jokingly said to me in a sarcastic tone, "Aqing, how come you are so good-looking? How come your face is the whitest part of your body?"

I'm a bit taller than her, so I put my arm around her shoulder from behind and carefully helped her apply sunscreen in front of the mirror: "Then you need to take extra care with sunscreen."

I felt her leg wasn't like the ones in the photos I'd seen. The stump was still fairly rounded, without any horrifying deformities, except for a scarlet, centipede-like scar running from left to right across the lower middle section. The wound didn't seem to be healing well, or perhaps the amputation was too recent and it was still healing. Although the skin was stitched up well, the scar wasn't very smooth.

But this is Gu Wanlin, and I would never find her body grotesque or terrifying. Watching her severed muscles still twitching and twitching faintly beneath her pale skin, I felt a lump in my throat and wanted to cry. Since she could no longer feel her own body, why make her suffer?

Sister Zhou carefully massaged her from top to bottom, rubbing her in circles until the turbulent muscles calmed down, and that small section of her leg returned to its lifeless state, hanging limply beneath her. Sister Zhou covered her with the blanket and gestured for me to follow her out.

Sister Zhou asked me if I understood. Actually, there's not much of a method; if someone helps by massaging her, she'll feel better. I've already tidied her up this morning. She hasn't eaten much all day, and the medication she just took will put her in a deep sleep. You just need to watch her until Sister Zhang comes over; you won't need to do anything too complicated.

I nodded. I lowered my voice and asked, "Why are you putting so many layers on her when she already has a catheter in? Will she be comfortable? Is it good for her skin?"

Sister Zhou rubbed her hands together, looking somewhat embarrassed, and said, "Xiao Shen, you probably don't know much about Xiao Gu's situation."

"Xiao Gu was the most dignified patient I've ever cared for. Many people can't accept paralysis, and the pain can make them very irritable. It's common for them to throw things, yell, and curse. Xiao Gu wasn't like that. She was always polite and considerate of others. But as you know, after paralysis, patients can't control their bladder and bowels. Generally, if Xiao Gu is in good physical condition, she has no problem at all. She works very hard on training in this area."

"But when the spasms are particularly severe, they can be accompanied by incontinence, which will soil clothes and the bed. Xiao Gu is too proud and can't stand it. It has happened a few times before. She completely broke down, locked herself in her room, and wouldn't speak or eat. If you forced your way in, she wouldn't resist, but she wouldn't say a word or even look at you. You have no idea what she's thinking."

“There was one particularly frightening incident. She sat there from morning till night, and the first thing she said was for me to help her out of bed and into her wheelchair. Her parents and I thought she was starting to think things through, so we busied ourselves preparing some of her favorite dishes. But before we knew it, she went out on her own and drove her wheelchair to the stairwell. She was really close to falling down the stairs, but thankfully I caught her in time. Her parents were terrified. Her mother cried and begged her not to hurt herself, and only then did she say her second sentence, saying that it was nothing, she just wanted to go out for some fresh air. But who would believe that?”

Listening to Sister Zhou's story, my heart clenched. I hated myself for only coming to Gu Wanlin's side now. During those incredibly difficult times for her, I not only indulged in my own life but also thought she was doing well, completely unaware of her suffering.

After thanking Sister Zhou and seeing her out, I went into the kitchen to take a look. Sister Zhou had been busy dealing with this sudden pain all morning and hadn't had time to make lunch. But even if she had, it would have been cold by the time Gu Wanlin woke up. I was planning to cook for Gu Wanlin anyway, so I took out my phone and ordered the ingredients to be delivered. Then, I took my laptop and sat on the recliner in Gu Wanlin's bedroom, proofreading the manuscript while observing her condition.

After Sister Zhou massaged her, she slept much more peacefully, her breathing becoming light and even.

Afraid that the daylight would disturb her sleep, I drew the sheer curtains and blackout curtains together, leaving only a small gap, making the room quite dark. I had read most of my manuscript and was wearily taking off my glasses and rubbing my temples as I stood in front of the small gap in the window when I saw that snowflakes were already falling outside.

Suddenly, Gu Wanlin groaned and quickly turned to her bedside. She was still asleep, but her eyebrows were furrowed, her eyelashes trembled slightly, her jaw clenched tighter and tighter, and her eyelids were getting redder and redder, almost to the point of tears.

Did she have a nightmare? Did she dream about a car accident?

Or did you dream about us?

My hand hovered over her forehead, about to fall. I longed to touch her forehead again, to offer her even the slightest comfort, but I realized once more that I no longer had the right to do so. What if it were me who would hurt her?

Unconscious murmurs escaped from her tightly pursed lips as she reached her right hand under the covers. Afraid that she might unknowingly hurt herself, I quickly went over and pulled back the covers. She seemed to want to grab down with her right hand, but because her fingers were weak, she could only curl up and press it lightly against her stump, trembling.

"Mom...it hurts...Mom..."

"...Ah Qing, it really hurts..."

My tears fell along with the snowflakes outside the window.

My hands trembled as I covered her severed limbs. The touch was horrifyingly cold and limp. Her legs, covered by the blanket for so long, still had no warmth. The muscles twitched, as if being torn apart by an invisible force, lifting that small section of leg upwards with a rustling sound, then slapping it back onto the bed. Against the glaringly white nursing pad, fragmented streams of yellow liquid flowed along the tubes to the drainage bag beside the bed, stinging my eyes painfully.

Following the technique Sister Zhou taught me, I massaged her from top to bottom in circles, and finally she calmed down again.

Seeing that she was sleeping better and better, I felt much more at ease. I picked up her pajama bottoms and helped her put them on, not wanting her to feel undignified when she woke up. Then I tiptoed out of the bedroom to get the groceries that had just been delivered, and went into the kitchen.

I finely sliced ​​ginger, rinsed the live shrimp, cut off their legs, separated the heads and set them aside, and deveined the shrimp bodies. I added a little oil to a clay pot, sautéed the shrimp heads to extract the shrimp oil, added water and brought it to a boil over high heat. Then I poured in the pearl rice that I had already soaked. After the water boiled, I added the ginger slices, dried scallops, sliced ​​shiitake mushrooms and the deveined shrimp. I turned the heat to the lowest setting and simmered it slowly. Then I went into Gu Wanlin's bedroom, picked up my laptop and continued reviewing the manuscript.

"Qingyi...go and open the curtains. The room is so dark, you'll ruin your eyes..."

I looked in the direction of the sound and saw that Gu Wanlin had woken up. Her eyes and brows still showed a deep weariness, and her voice sounded very hoarse and tired. She was lying on the bed looking at me with a faint smile on her lips.

I stood up, went to draw back the curtains, pointed out the window, turned to her, and smiled:

"Gu Wanlin, look, it's snowing outside."