I'm going to lose her again, for the second time.

Gu Wanlin was indeed avoiding me, and after a few days, I was finally able to confirm it.

The book I worked on had reached the final stage of its promotional campaign. The specific planning of the promotional activities was handled by my colleagues in the marketing department, so I didn't know much about it. The only thing I was more involved in was the discussion meeting held at my alma mater, which invited the original author.

On the one hand, I was responsible for communicating with the author from beginning to end. On the other hand, the translator I found, a young female teacher in the Korean Department of our university, would also attend as the host and interpreter. Most importantly, another guest, my mentor, was able to be invited because of my connection.

I stayed at the company all day, working overtime until I didn't even have time to go home for dinner. After Gu Wanlin's leg wound had mostly healed, she couldn't wait for it to fully heal before resuming her daily rehabilitation routine, since every day of delay meant a day of regression. Although I got home after nine o'clock, it wasn't too late. Gu Wanlin usually wasn't asleep by this time, but lately I haven't seen her when I get home every day.

Separating her from me was the tightly closed bedroom door.

I asked Sister Zhang, and she only said that Gu Wanlin had stopped rehabilitation for a few weeks and that resuming training would be physically demanding, which was making it difficult for him. Recently, he has been saying that he is too tired after dinner and has gone to bed early.

Looking at our recent chat history, it's mostly me telling her I won't be home for dinner, and her simply replying "okay" or politely reminding me to take care of myself while working overtime, and there's no other conversation.

This is clearly not right. The endless wrangling and compromises at work have exhausted me, but I still want to talk to Gu Wanlin. Putting everything else aside, it's her own home, yet she doesn't even leave her bedroom every day to avoid me. Isn't she being too repressed?

Although she thought this way, she didn't find a chance to leave work early until the day before the meeting. When she returned to Gu Wanlin's house, she saw Sister Zhang just coming out of her bedroom.

Sister Zhang said she had just finished massaging her whole body, and the pre-sleep care wasn't finished yet, so she hadn't lain down.

I knocked and went in.

Gu Wanlin leaned against the raised headboard, holding an e-reader in both hands. Seeing me come in, he put it aside. "You're back so early today? Is something the matter?"

I sat down at the foot of her bed. "Can't I come to see you even if there's nothing wrong? Even though we live under the same roof, it feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

As I spoke, I lifted her left leg onto my body. Her legs and feet were always cold, and they were so thin and delicate that they were particularly pitiful. When she lay on the bed, you could see her bones protruding. The little muscle that usually hung on her leg bones was flat and pressed against the bed, making her lower body look even thinner than a piece of paper. It was extremely soft and weak to the touch, and it swayed gently with the movement of my hand.

Her ankles and feet, however, were swollen from sitting for long periods without actually touching the ground. It was better in the morning, but became especially noticeable in the evening. Unlike her overly thin, bony hands, pressing on her feet left a small indentation that took a long time to spring back. I gently massaged her to reduce the swelling. Although Sister Zhang said she'd done this before, I couldn't believe it was too much. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it would be for her if she had sensation, having to sit all day. Even though I frequently stand up and move around to rest during economy class flights exceeding six hours, I still complain endlessly.

"You're finally back early, go take a shower and get some rest. You don't need to do these things for me," she said gently. My nose tingled with emotion; it had been so long since I'd heard her speak to me like that.

"Gu Wanlin, don't send me away." My hands continued moving.

She said helplessly, "That's not what I meant at all. How could you think that way?"

After massaging her left side, I sat down on the other side of the bed, supporting the small stump of her right leg, and carefully moved her hip joint in all directions. I knew she wouldn't feel pain, but every time I touched the scar running across the stump, my palm stroking the winding protrusion of the scar, feeling the abruptly severed leg bone inside, I couldn't help but shudder. I made my movements exceptionally gentle. "So what's the meaning of you avoiding me these past few days?"

Her eyes darted away, "I didn't..."

I sighed, put her right leg down, took the folded pajama pants that were placed to the side and put them on her. After making sure that a nursing pad was placed under her, I pulled up the blanket and tucked it carefully into her chest.

"Gu Wanlin, we've known each other for so long, I'm not stupid. What happened at Xia's house that day that made you unhappy?"

“How could that be? Your friends are very kind to me, they are warm and take good care of me,” she replied.

"That's good." I hesitated before speaking. "That day, I didn't actually know who was going. If I had known, I should have told you all this beforehand. You saw Qiao Qi that day, right? Three years ago, Qiao Qi and I..."

Gu Wanlin interrupted me quickly, "It's okay. We've been separated for five years. Your love life is your privacy and your freedom. You don't need to tell me."

"No, there's nothing between me and Qiao Qi now. I just wanted to tell you that Qiao Qi and I dated briefly three years ago, but it was really short-lived. We didn't even establish a romantic relationship. We quickly realized that we weren't the ones for each other, and we've just been friends ever since."

“I know who Qiao Qi is, but you don’t need to explain these things to me. After we broke up, I don’t need to care about your love life.”

I asked in surprise, "Do you know who Qiao Qi is?"

Gu Wanlin lowered his head and fiddled with his hands. "Yeah. When I called you back then, I could tell you were dating someone else. At that time... I wanted to see what kind of person you could like, so I found her social media and remembered her name and appearance. This time I finally met her in person. Qiao Qi is really nice. I can understand what you like about her. I think you two are quite compatible."

I don't even remember ever having any public interaction with Qiao Qi back then. How did she find her? How does Gu Wanlin have such a talent for intelligence work? No, it must be because she cares about me a lot.

I was secretly pleased with myself when a sudden jolt pulled me back to reality. I hadn't even explained myself properly yet! What was all this about? What was this about me being compatible with Qiao Qi? I only want to be compatible with you!

I grabbed Gu Wanlin's hand urgently, "What do you mean by suitable or unsuitable? Qiao Qi and I really have nothing going on now. Our dating relationship ended years ago."

She looked at me gently and said, "That's okay. You'll meet someone more suitable for you in the future."

My heart sank. What did she mean? Was it so hard for me to see how I felt about her, or was she deliberately avoiding the topic?

The arrow is on the bowstring; it cannot be held back.

"Qiao Qi ended our date because she said she felt I had someone else in my heart. Gu Wanlin, you and I both know who I can't forget. When I first met you half a year ago, I didn't care about anything else. I only had one thought in my mind: I wanted to be by your side and be with you. The longer I stayed by your side, the clearer my feelings became."

"Gu Wanlin, stop saying who's right for me. If there really is someone in this world who's destined to be my soulmate, I only hope that person is you."

"Gu Wanlin, I love you."

"Let's start over, okay?"

Gu Wanlin continued to gaze at me tenderly, but a trace of pity gradually rose in her eyes, like dense clouds on the horizon quietly climbing over the bright moon hanging high in the sky, casting an increasingly dark shadow on my heart.

She slowly pulled her hand away from mine, and my heart sank to the bottom of the lake.

"Ah Qing, thank you for saying that. But I... but I don't have that thought right now..."

I tried to grab her hand, "But I really love you."

The sorrow in her eyes deepened. "It will pass."

"You've done so much for me all this time, and I'm truly grateful. I don't know when I'll be able to repay your deep affection. I'd do anything for you, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I can't agree to anything you say..."

I finally said it, and finally heard her rejection. She didn't even respond to my love for her. I should have known that I was the one who stayed put, while she had her own love life over the past five years, and perhaps she was the one who had moved far ahead and didn't want to look back.

I lowered my head dejectedly. "Don't... don't say that. How could I not help you when you need it? I believe you would do the same if it happened to me. I'm doing all this simply because I want to be by your side, to do anything I can for you, hoping you get better soon. I'm not expecting any love in return; I don't want anything in return. Please don't misunderstand..."

"I know I won't think that way about you." She gently comforted me, then paused for a moment, "In the future..."

I interrupted, "From now on, just pretend this conversation never happened, and we can continue to get along like before, okay?"

Gu Wanlin reached out and ruffled my hair, forcing a smile as he said, "I can't agree to that either."

"In the end, it's my fault. I clearly sensed your feelings, and I clearly couldn't grant you what you wanted, yet I still recklessly took advantage of your kindness for so long. My mind has been in turmoil these past few days, and I've been thinking about these things for a long time. I should have told you sooner. It's good that you came to see me today; I can't keep hiding forever. Thanks to you, look, my health is much better than before, and rehabilitation is progressing smoothly. Aqing, you've sacrificed so much for me over the past six months; I can't accept your sacrifices for nothing anymore. It's time for both of us to continue living our own lives."

Her warm tears fell drop by drop onto my hand.

All these years have passed, and I still haven't grown at all in the face of her and her rejection.

I don't remember how I fled back to my room in a panic, I only remember that I was speaking incoherently and incoherently, "Gu Wanlin, it's okay, I know, it's okay, I know everything."

"As long as... as long as you get better, that makes me happier than anything else."

"Don't worry, once I'm done with things tomorrow, I'll move back to my own place. This is your home, you can do whatever you want here. You don't need to confine yourself to your bedroom every night because of me. I was being presumptuous. You...you...get some rest."

I had a bizarre nightmare all night. I had lost her once before, and then I thought I had found her again, but now I am about to lose her a second time.