18. Snow in a silver bowl

I only wish you peace and happiness.

Shang Xinuan glanced at Li Xiran indifferently, chuckled, and said, "Suit yourself, but please don't drag me into this self-indulgent, sentimental drama."

After saying that, she stood up and told everyone that she was feeling unwell before leaving.

Yu Jiayue put down his chopsticks and followed beside her, showing her meticulous care.

"Yu Jiayue, I can manage on my own." Shang Xinuan felt that she was probably sick, and while avoiding Li Xiran's kindness, she also wanted to avoid the kindness of all men.

“Nuan Nuan, I just want to stay with you,” he replied softly.

Shang Xinuan bit her lip and stopped walking. "Yu Jiayue, I don't want you to blame me for not responding in the future. So I'm telling you frankly now, I really only see you as a friend, a very, very good friend. That's all."

Yu Jiayue was taken aback at first, then smiled slightly and continued to help her walk forward. "Nuan Nuan, liking someone means taking on the risk of not being reciprocated. So, you don't need to feel any burden."

In the middle of the night, Shang Xinuan tossed and turned inside the tent.

She kept thinking about Yu Jiayue's words, "If you like someone, you have to bear the risk of not being reciprocated," and she couldn't help but think about herself and Li Xiran.

For the past four years, Li Xiran had been very accommodating to her, granting her every wish.

Even her countless capricious little temper tantrums, no matter how busy Li Xiran was, he was willing to accept them all.

In retrospect, I'm now taking on the risk of receiving no response.

But then she realized that she didn't have Yu Jiayue's magnanimity.

Four years of silence felt like an eternity to her, but what she truly couldn't let go of was those two weeks.

Everyone in Shanghai knew she was hurt by the rumors of his engagement. Even though he was in danger in Zurich at the same time, and all his communication facilities were being monitored, Shang Xinuan didn't believe he couldn't explain himself to her if he wanted to.

She admitted that she was a spoiled and stingy person, so she really couldn't forgive that coward.

-

The next day, Qiao Xi woke her up early, "Nuan Nuan, we're going sandboarding today, get up quickly."

It sounded like another exciting activity. Wrapped in her sleeping bag, she felt even more exhausted. "Xixi, I don't feel well. I want to rest at the campsite today."

Upon hearing this, Qiao Xi put down the clothes she had picked out for her and went over to look at her.

Shang Xinuan's face was deathly pale, her brows furrowed in pain, and her forehead was covered in fine beads of sweat.

"Nuan Nuan, why do you look so pale?"

Shang Xinuan could barely open her eyes, feeling weak and listless. "I had insomnia until very late last night. I think I'll feel better after taking my medicine and getting some sleep."

Qiao Xi quickly grabbed the thermos from beside her bed to fill it with hot water, and only left the tent after she had taken her medicine and fallen asleep again.

"You guys go have fun, I'll stay here with Nuannuan today." Qiao Xi was worried. Although she knew that Li Xiran would definitely stay with Shang Xinuan, given the tense atmosphere between the two, there was bound to be some unexpected accidents.

"Xi Xi, I'll keep you company." Yu Jiayue was bluntly rejected yesterday, and he drank with Jiang Xiangzhuo for half the night in silence.

Qingfeng Jiyue, the young master who was always highly sought after, thought of all sorts of reasons, but still couldn't figure out where he lost to Li Xiran.

In terms of family background, appearance, age, and education, he was outstanding in every way and in no way inferior to him.

But even provoking Shang Xinuan's fury was something only Li Xiran could do.

Everyone says Shang Xinuan is arrogant and spoiled, but she has only ever shown this side of herself to Li Xiran.

"But..."

"Xi Xi, give me a chance." Yu Jiayue lowered his eyes. "Once we leave the desert, I won't be able to spend every day with her anymore."

Li Xiran sat on a soft stool in front of the tent, and the two men's eyes met across the distance.

They both knew that if they failed to appease the young lady here, they would never have another chance once they left the desert.

-

When Shang Xinuan opened her eyes again, it was already noon.

Her clothes were damp with sweat, clinging stickily to her body, and she couldn't help but shudder as she stood up.

After she slowly changed her clothes and walked out of the tent, she saw Li Xiran and Yu Jiayue sitting in front of her tent.

The two men stared at each other with dark expressions, looking like door gods who were trying to ward off evil spirits.

Upon seeing her come out, Yu Jiayue put down the book in his hand, and Li Xiran closed his laptop, and they both went to her.

The young lady rolled her eyes inwardly and went straight back into her tent.

"Nuan Nuan, are you hungry?" It was Yu Jiayue's voice. "I'll have the camp make you something to eat now."

"Nuan Nuan, come out for some fresh air." It was Li Xiran's voice. "Would you like some clear soup noodles or steamed egg?"

She wouldn't come out, so the two men squatted in front of her tent.

With each of them talking back and forth, her head was about to explode.

"You two shut up." Shang Xin coughed a few times, then lay down on the air mattress, utterly exhausted. "I'm not eating anything."

It's hard to say whether it's out of spite or she's simply powerless.

She felt as if her stomach was pressing against her chest, and she had no appetite at all.

Hearing either Li Xiran's voice or Yu Jiayue's voice now makes her feel even worse.

Finally, she couldn't stand the two of them any longer and handed them her thermos. "One of you can get me some hot water to take my medicine, and the other can go and cook something simple."

Shang Xinuan didn't care how the two of them divided the food. She waited until the sounds outside the tent stopped, then grabbed her sun hat and sunglasses and walked around the tent area toward the center of the desert.

Walking on the endless yellow sand, the scorching sun made her sweat profusely after only a short distance.

She had anticipated that the desert journey would cause her already weakened body more pain than the average person.

But driven by a desire to escape the real world, she came nonetheless.

But unexpectedly, the real reason she wanted to avoid it came along with her.

She admitted that her heart would soften for a moment when she saw Li Xiran's haggard and dejected expression.

However, at the same time, a stronger sense of reason will help her dispel this soft-heartedness.

In this back-and-forth process, her heart suffered even more intense rejection pain than her body.

Shang Xinuan knew that she was currently in a fit of anger, which was why she had a strong mental defense and could remain temporarily unmoved by Li Xiran's revelation of his past.

But they are now in the desert, with no place to hide.

Over time, people develop feelings. Having shared similar childhoods marked by a lack of parental responsibility, it's hard to guarantee they won't develop sympathy for Li Xiran.

With that thought in mind, Shang Xinuan reached into her pocket for her phone, deciding to leave as quickly as possible.

After several phone calls failed to register a signal, Shang Xinuan turned around and realized she was already far from the camp.

Looking around, there was nothing but endless yellow sand, not even a shadow.

Even the footprints left along the way were completely wiped away by a gust of wind.

The young lady's legs went weak, and she collapsed onto the scorching yellow sand.

She couldn't contact anyone, and even if they discovered she was missing, the vast desert meant it wasn't something they could just find her on a whim.

Countless "It's over" echoed in her ears.

Feeling wronged and helpless.

The tears that had been building up for so long finally burst forth at this moment.

In the past, she loved but could not have him, and this once noble lady lived a humble and cautious life.

Now, she wants to live more freely, but it seems like fate is playing a joke on her, starting to play a dramatic love story with her.

Even when she escaped to the desert, she wasn't given any breathing room.

Shang Xinuan didn't know how long she had been crying; her mouth was dry and her throat felt like it was on fire.

She held her breath, and there wasn't a sound around her.

The young lady felt that her trip to the desert was nothing short of self-torture.

She had no enjoyment eating, drinking, playing, or lodging. In her attempt to avoid people, she foolishly got lost in the desert. As the sun sets, she might perish here today.

The scorching afternoon sun, with no shade, made her see stars.

Shang Xin looked up at the sky and collapsed onto the yellow sand, utterly exhausted.

She thought she probably wouldn't have to wait for sunset; she could leave this world right now.

A slideshow flashed through her mind, replaying all the foolish things she had done in the first half of her life.

Her eyes were blurred with tears, perhaps a final reflection on her deathbed.

She discovered that all the suffering in her pampered life of over twenty years as a young lady came from Li Xiran.

So, at the end of the scrolling text.

It was Li Xiran's face that came into her eyes.

"Warm?" It even has hearing and touch.

“Bastard,” she sobbed.

Li Xiran, his face filled with anxiety, frowned as he pulled her into his arms. "Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

When he went to fill the hot water container for Shangxi, he discovered that she had sneaked out of the tent. Since the tents and water room were far apart, he borrowed a pickup truck driver's car to follow her.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to drive her around the campsite to relax and create a quiet atmosphere for us to have a heart-to-heart talk.

But when he drove to the place where she disappeared, she was nowhere to be seen.

Li Xiran had no choice but to grit his teeth and keep driving forward. Even halfway there, the car's GPS lost signal.

He knew that if he didn't turn back now, who knew what kind of unexpected events would follow.

But he didn't see Shang Xinuan along the way, and he was still uneasy even if he returned to the camp temporarily.

Finally, he gritted his teeth and decided to risk his life and drive forward.

Fortunately, he finally saw her.

When Shang Xinuan saw Li Xiran, she couldn't tell if she was still dreaming or if a mirage was appearing. She could only blink weakly and say, "Water."

Li Xiran picked her up horizontally and quickly walked to the SUV, putting her in the back seat.

In the shade and by the clear water, Shangxi warmed up for a long time before the scorching sun subsided.

"Nuan Nuan, please don't do such dangerous things anymore, okay?" Li Xiran's deep voice carried a hint of exasperation, and even the expression on his face as he looked at her was exceptionally serious.

Shang Xinuan felt weak all over and leaned against the seat cushion.

Listening to and looking at Li Xiran's tone and appearance, she gradually felt a surge of irritation.

"I know you're holding your anger in. You can hit me, yell at me, or torment me. But can you at least consider your own health a little more?"

"Li Xiran," she interrupted him directly, "Don't you think all of this stems from you?"

"I just want to quietly hide away somewhere without you, and I don't want to remember that foolish past anymore. It was your relentless harassment that almost put me in danger today."

Li Xiran was slightly taken aback, and his eyes immediately reddened. His deep pupils seemed to be churning with turbulent vortexes. "Nuan Nuan, that past relationship was not what I wanted either."

“Even now, I am still walking on a dangerous narrow bridge, and I still don’t want to involve you. But more than taking risks, I’m afraid of a future without you.” His back slumped, almost pleading, “Miss, I confess to you, my previous plan was to respond to you after the Li family was completely at peace.”

"Before that, I would indulge and tolerate you without any limits. If you wanted the stars in the sky, I would be willing to pluck them down for you."

Shang Xinuan bit her lip, her eyes still wide with anger.

But the heart is like a bell tied to a towering ivory tower; it goes unnoticed when the wind is still, yet it is like the wind itself.

Whether life is peaceful or a torrent of water is raging.

Whenever he appears, that bell will ring incessantly.

It was as if she feared that the tower he had built would collapse into the ground in an instant, never to stir any emotion in her heart again.

“Nuan Nuan, I know these are just my personal factors, and I can’t ask you to follow my pace.”

“I know your anger right now stems from losing control after your sense of security collapsed. I only saw the content of those posts in Shanghai yesterday. I'm sorry for making you bear so much alone during this time.”

She wasn't always a pampered young lady in Shanghai. Before she was five, she often went hungry and watched her mother go crazy over a man, threatening to die.

Therefore, the main reason she avoids Li Xiran at this moment is the restless childhood shadow hidden deep in her soul.

"You dared to test me again and again because your grandfather and uncle and aunt have given you plenty of love over the years, which has healed your wounds. That's what gave you the courage to love without fear. But I never expected that I would be a coward and shatter your courage."

"Nuan Nuan, I'm also very annoyed."

Shang Xinuan bit her lip, remaining silent, but the sharp pain in her heart confirmed the truth of what he said.

As he said, she is now as proud as a little peacock, but once the beautiful illusion is shattered, her core is the fear of losing herself because of love.

She was fearless when she loved, and she had to be twice as carefree when she lost.

Otherwise, that innate timidity would be like a dagger, tearing through her false and empty shell.

Li Xiran stroked her back and pulled her into his arms.

Shang Xinuan sobbed, her whole body trembling, "Li Xiran, why can't we part amicably? Let's pretend that I was young and ignorant before."

"Give me some time to calm down, and you can use that time to clean up that mess. Life is long, maybe things will take a turn for the better, and we'll have other possibilities?"

Upon hearing this, Li Xiran simply hugged her even tighter.

His head was buried in her hair, and his hot breath made her collarbone sting.

In recent days, she has said countless malicious things to wound his heart.

At this moment, his seemingly gentle words were more like a sharp dagger, easily breaking through his inner defenses.

Li Xiran's voice trembled, as if he was trying his best to suppress his emotions, "Nuan Nuan, life is not as long as it is in a novel."

"I've already missed four years of you. In real life, if two people miss each other for four days, there will be no more encounters, meetings, or reunions. From then on, we'll only be separated by the vast ocean of life, regretting our past actions time and time again."

"Even if you hate me for ruining your peaceful life, or call me selfish, I won't give you time to calm down on your own. I will stay with you and make up for all the grievances you suffered in the past."

Shang Xinuan wanted to push him away, and also wanted to push away his love and sorrow.

“Li Xiran, I didn’t want things to turn out like this. I just wanted to part amicably.” She herself felt that sometimes they were too heart-wrenching and hysterical. “I don’t like the way I am now, with my distorted face and unpredictable mood.”

If she could have another chance to choose, at eighteen, the pavilions and flower terraces would be best without her.

"Nuan Nuan." His voice began to veil his throat, and finally only a breath remained. "I apologize to you. It's not just that I realize my mistake, but I also want to take concrete actions for you, including bearing the emotional backlash you might feel."

Shang Xinuan's grievances crumbled instantly. With tears welling in her eyes, she broke free from his embrace and repeatedly punched his chest.

"Why, why didn't you say these things sooner? Why did you wait until I was completely disheartened to say them?" Her lips trembled as she looked at the man before her, as if she were looking through him back at that once desperate and infatuated love.

“It’s over, Li Xiran.” She looked at the endless yellow sand outside the car, where even the sun had already disappeared behind the distant dunes, only revealing half of its remains. “No matter how deep our feelings were, we would probably die here anyway.”

"If I take you back, can we have a chance to start over?"

Shang Xinuan frowned slightly, tears still falling from her eyes, "I just want you to die far away from me."

Li Xiran ruffled her hair and then fastened her seatbelt. "We can't afford to waste any more time, or we'll really never be able to go back."

Shang Xinuan watched him return to the driver's seat and turn the car around.

She didn't know if he could take her back, but her heart told her that she didn't want to die here, and even less did she want to die here with Li Xiran.

So when she saw the lights of the desert camp come on, Shang Xin's eyes still couldn't hide her excitement and joy.

This is one of the few positive emotions she has experienced recently.

After parking the car, Li Xiran turned around and asked, "You're back. Can we start over?"

The young lady sized him up, her eyes returning to their icy expression. "I didn't agree to your request. If you feel you've lost out, you can throw me back at me."

In the quiet carriage, only Li Xiran's soft sigh could be heard, "Alright, Miss, I only wish you peace and happiness."

A note from the author:

We're leaving the desert tomorrow!

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Thank you to all the little angels who voted for me or watered my plants with nutrient solution between 2023-04-30 23:34:38 ​​and 2023-05-01 23:14:24!

Thank you to the little angel who watered the nutrient solution: Outsider (Fa1r)° 5 bottles;

Thank you so much for your support! I will continue to work hard!