Chapter 19: The male protagonist is breaking down.

Do you... know what you're doing?

Overwhelmed by fear, Su Muying felt as if her throat was stuffed with wads of wet cotton, and a sudden wave of suffocation washed over her. It took her a long, long time before she managed to utter the question.

The sound was intermittent and trembling violently.

She wasn't unaware that Xie Linyuan could be so ruthless, and she knew that if she angered him, he would definitely try every means to torture her...

However, when Su Muying woke up and found herself in endless darkness, unable to see anything, she still couldn't face it calmly.

A tremendous fear instantly enveloped her.

In this terrifying darkness, she could not breathe; she had nowhere to escape.

It's too dark.

It's so dark.

Such darkness always reminds her of things she never wants to think about again.

It would make her so weak that she would want to get close to him and beg him.

She was... terrified.

In the darkness, she could only hear his voice, only his voice.

But she absolutely could not get close to him; Su Muying understood clearly that he was an even more despairing abyss.

He only knows how to torment her, torment her, torment her...

They tried every possible way to torment her.

When she asked that question, Su Muying keenly noticed that the heavy breathing immediately subsided.

What am I doing?

In the darkness, he seemed to make a very soft, almost gentle, eerie laugh. He held her hand, his slender fingers tracing up between her fingers, grasping a section of her wrist bone, and with a little force, pulled her over.

She appeared to be lying on his lap.

In the darkness, Su Muying had no idea in what position she was lying on his lap.

She guessed it must have been an extremely humiliating pose, one he often used to do to her.

In the darkness, it seemed that all unpleasantness could be isolated; she couldn't see it, and naturally, she wouldn't feel any shame.

But in the darkness, her fear and anxiety are amplified infinitely.

Su Muying simply couldn't handle it.

Xie Linyuan placed her on his lap, but made no further move.

He didn't touch her, he didn't care. In the darkness, all Su Muying could feel was his clothes, and the taut leg muscles through those clothes.

After he said that, he remained silent for a long time. It was too quiet and too dark around him.

As if abandoned in a dark corner, Su Muying's usual forced composure crumbled little by little.

At that moment, she weakly thought that it would be nice if he touched her.

Please, please, even just let him touch her.

She really didn't want to be alone in the dark.

I really don't want to...

"Does my sister-in-law remember what I said?"

When Su Muying was on the verge of collapse, he finally spoke, his voice containing a smile, but also revealing an extreme coldness.

In the darkness, this subtle sense of oppression is even more suffocating.

"I... I remember..." Su Muying could only go along with his words, hoping that he would have mercy and have a change of heart to let her out of here.

"Remember?" Xie Linyuan asked in surprise, his large hand moving down her slender waist before suddenly resting on her buttocks.

When the man's palm touched her dry, cold hand, Su Muying shivered uncontrollably. But before she could panic about what he was going to do, Xie Linyuan's large hand suddenly struck her lightly.

slap slap slap

Then he hit him several more times.

...

An unusual slapping sound rang out in the darkness, and Su Muying froze, a burning sensation immediately rising in her earlobes.

The burning sensation spread quickly, and her entire face turned red.

Su Muying's mouth gaped slightly, in disbelief.

The area where he hit me is still numb.

Although she couldn't see his movements in the darkness, she could clearly feel the touch of his palm.

Afterwards, his hand, with its prominent veins, remained on it, as if to soothe it, but the pressure became strangely gentler.

The calluses on his palms rubbed against the sore spots through the layers of thin gauze, and the chill that had been in his palms before had somehow turned into a burning sensation, imprinted on the places where he had been hit.

When the burning sensation spread throughout her entire body, Su Muying was filled with shame and indignation.

She had never been beaten like this when she made mistakes as a child. Now that she was an adult, she was being punished like this, which she found unacceptable.

Why, why did he have to use such methods to humiliate her?

What did he take her for?

Does he find it pleasurable to torment her like this from a position of superiority?

Or does he have some morbid hobbies?

How could there be such brothers in Lin'an...

He was such a virtuous and upright person, but Xie Linyuan was...

Su Muying could only bite her lip tightly to keep herself from making a sound.

It seems that this way, the shame of being hit will be less.

But what she doesn't understand now is that the more she is bound and restricted by so-called etiquette, rules, and moral principles, and the more she has this useless sense of shame, the more she will be controlled and manipulated by him.

Because everything that bound her had no effect on him.

"If you remembered, how could so many people have coveted you..." His movements seemed to soften, his long, slender fingers moving up the woman's full buttocks and stopping at her sunken waist.

With a gentle graze and a slight pressure, Su Muying's tightly clenched lips suddenly parted, emitting a very small sound—a perfectly normal cry of pain—but because of the darkness and the intertwining of their breaths, it took on a different meaning.

The man's eyes suddenly darkened, and his voice became hoarse, as if grit was grinding against a girl's ear.

"Even now, my sister-in-law is still seducing me..."

"Sister-in-law, you really have no shame. Do you seduce every man you see, hmm?"

As he spoke, his large hand suddenly gripped her extremely slender waist, and with a little force, he pulled her onto his lap.

The two were face to face.

But in the darkness, they couldn't see each other's faces; they could only feel each other's breath and panting spreading inch by inch, merging together.

He was watching her; in the darkness, his gaze clung to her face like a spider's web, fixed intently on her.

But Su Muying's gaze never fell on him.

She didn't want to be stared at by him with that suffocating gaze at all.

This was a punishment and a torment for her.

Su Muying opened her eyes, staring at the vast darkness before her. She blinked, and tears silently streamed down her face.

She really didn't know how she had seduced him; what had she done?

From beginning to end, except for that one time, except for the time she took the initiative to knock on the door and beg for his mercy, she really didn't know what she did or what she did to seduce him.

That's right. If she hadn't knocked on that door, none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have been repeatedly humiliated and tormented by him, and she wouldn't have been... imprisoned in this dark room by him.

She brought it on herself.

But she really wanted to live and go back to Anzhou.

I really want to go back to Anzhou.

In the darkness, she closed her eyes, tears falling silently, flowing endlessly.

It was also because it was dark that Su Muying couldn't see Xie Linyuan's raised hand, which was only a hair's breadth away from the corner of her eye.

Just as the man's fingertips were about to touch the corners of her moist eyes, Su Muying held back her tears.

She still wanted to live.

She absolutely... she must go back to Anzhou.

Su Muying stopped crying. She opened her eyes and stared at the enormous darkness that was swallowing her up, offering a powerless explanation.

At this moment, she didn't want to argue with him, much less provoke him.

Even then, she still held onto a ridiculous hope that he would have a shred of basic humanity and let her go.

"I didn't... That man came over and tried to force me to drink, but I refused, so he..."

Finally, Su Muying, who had been trapped in terror, suddenly felt exhausted. Rarely, she spoke in a tearful voice, saying aggrievedly, "I didn't do anything, I didn't do anything, you can't...you can't do this to me..."

"You can't do this to me..."

Plop, plop, she couldn't hold back her tears and they fell in large drops. Su Muying raised her hand to wipe them away, sobbing and crying as she wiped her tears.

No, she was begging him, begging him to let her go.

"I... I won't go out anymore. I won't go anywhere else. I'll just stay in the Xie residence and won't go anywhere else. Second Young Master, please let me out, okay?"

"It's too dark here, I... I'm afraid of the dark..."

"Please, please..."

"Please..."

Xie Linyuan's hand suddenly fell completely to his sides.

"Second Young Master..." He suddenly burst into maniacal laughter in the darkness.

"You call me Second Young Master?"

"Ha ha ha ha……"

His maniacal laughter echoed in the darkness, like the howl of some evil spirit. Su Muying was so frightened by his laughter that she stopped crying. She stared blankly at one spot, not understanding why he was doing this.

She felt scared.

"Then what do you call me, brother?" His laughter stopped again. He suddenly raised his hand and pinched her chin. With a force, Su Muying had no choice but to turn her face towards him and look at him.

She couldn't understand how he knew where she was looking in the dark.

Her chin was gripped tightly by him, and as the pain spread, Su Muying could even feel the terrifying force.

He was about to crush her.

Because of the pain, tears welled up in Su Muying's eyes again and streamed down her cheeks.

The dampness clung to his fingertips, and he let go.

"Lin'an? Hahahaha—"

"How intimate."

Su Muying didn't know why he was still clinging to this title, or why he suddenly brought up Xie Lin'an.

She thought he acted this way because she had called Xie Lin'an's name again without her noticing, and that she was unworthy, unworthy to call his name.

Then she stopped shouting.

She stopped shouting.

Just don't leave her here alone.

A person is alone in the dark.

"I'm not called Lin'an anymore, I'll never call him that again. I'm not worthy, I know I'm not worthy, please..." Su Muying keenly sensed that he was about to leave.

He's leaving. He's going to lock her up here, leave her all alone here...

Can't……

As Xie Linyuan lifted her off his lap and placed her on the bed, Su Muying immediately grabbed his hand in the darkness.

She held on tightly, as if grasping at the last straw.

"I don't want to stay here, I'm afraid of the dark..."

"I'm really afraid of the dark, please, Second Young Master, please..."

"I promise I'll never call you Lin'an again, please..."

Please don't lock me up here.

"Please..."

In the darkness, Su Muying slumped onto the bed. She looked up but couldn't see his face clearly, yet she strangely sensed a cruel smile on his face.

"It's too late."

Before he left, as the door opened and closed again, and before the light briefly reflected in her eyes and then disappeared, Xie Linyuan left behind only two words.

Then, Su Muying sank into the endless darkness he had given her.

——

Xie Linyuan walked out of the room and locked it.

He turned to leave just as Xie's mother saw him.

Still worried, Xie's mother followed her son with Zhou Mama, but they ended up here.

Even she, his mother, was shocked by Xie Linyuan's actions. She really didn't understand what he was up to.

"Lin Yuan, what are you doing? Also, weren't you going to attend the Princess's banquet? How did you get covered in blood?" Xie's mother asked, puzzled.

"No one is allowed to approach this place without my permission." Xie Linyuan glanced at his mother, his eyes still filled with coldness, devoid of any warmth.

"Mothers are too."

Startled by Xie Linyuan's appearance, Xie's mother suddenly seemed to have more white hairs at her temples. Fortunately, she was supported by Zhou Mama, who was standing nearby, so she didn't faint.

Only after her second son had passed by did she sigh with heartache:

"Oh, Lin'an, Lin'an, why are you no longer here?"

"If you were here, the Xie family wouldn't be in this state..."

Granny Zhou comforted Xie's mother, then glanced at the lock on the door and couldn't help but sigh, feeling a pang of heartache.

How could such a fine girl be tormented like this?

Xie's mother's voice was neither too loud nor too soft, but Xie Linyuan, who hadn't gone far, paused upon hearing it. He lowered his eyes, and the name the woman had been murmuring while unconscious rang in his ears again.

Lin'an, Lin'an...

He clenched his fist so tightly that the key pierced his skin, and a terrifying crimson light surged in his eyes, as if blood was about to flow from them.

Xie Linyuan was startled when a petal drifted down and brushed past his eyes, as if waking from a dream, before he smiled again.

Blood dripped from his fingers onto the ground.

He opened his hand, looked at the blood-stained key in his palm, tilted his head, and looked confused.

How did it come to this?

When did it become like this?

Su Muying...

Su Muying...

You are... a real menace.

Xie Linyuan clutched the blood-stained key in his hand as if it were a precious treasure, and then left.

——

Xie Linyuan first saw his so-called sister-in-law when he had just returned from battle.

After entering the palace and meeting the emperor, he returned to his residence, still wearing his blood-stained armor, which bore the lingering stench and killing intent of the battlefield.

It was a spring day, a rainy one. He walked quickly down the corridor, and a bright spot caught his eye.

Under the gloomy sky and in the misty rain, a slender girl dressed in green, like a newly sprouted willow branch in spring, walked over carrying a bunch of broken flower branches.

The sky was overcast, but she was radiant. She lowered her head and carefully tended to the flower branch in her hand, a lively smile on her face that was even more beautiful than the flower.

Having spent years on the battlefield, he had only ever seen blood and corpses. He had never seen anything like this before, so he just glanced at it a few more times.

He was in the corridor, about to turn the corner, when she seemed not to notice him, her head down, walking closer and closer to him.

Unsurprisingly, she bumped into him.

She seemed terrified, not daring to lift her head. She took several steps back to bow before tremblingly raising her eyes to look at him.

She saw him, but became even more terrified. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and her shoulders were trembling, like a rabbit cornered against a wall, so scared she was about to faint. Yet she forced herself to remain calm and continued to apologize to him.

But it was clearly him who hit her.

He knew she would pass by here.

He did it on purpose.

He found it amusing to watch her terrified, to watch her scared, to watch her cry, to watch her laugh, and to watch her feign composure and pretend to apologize to him.

He stared at her for a long time, which was quite amusing. He discovered that she was terrified of him. The more he looked at her, the more frightened she became, trembling and tears welling up in her eyes.

Is she about to cry?

He decided to stop playing around and stop scaring her. He wanted to ask her where she came from and how she ended up there when his brother arrived.

When her brother arrived, he first took her hand and told her not to be afraid, that this was his younger brother, Xie Linyuan.

Then, his brother and she stood in front of her and told him that this was his future sister-in-law.

She bowed respectfully, but still dared not look up at him.

What a coincidence! What a coincidence!

His future sister-in-law.

His sister-in-law.

Xie Linyuan didn't look at her again and walked straight away.

He thought that was all; he'd only glanced at it, what else could happen?

This is his sister-in-law.

Who would have thought that she would fall asleep that night?

He dreamt that on the day his brother married her, on the day the Xie family was adorned with red silk and filled with distinguished guests, he took the long sword he used to fight on the battlefield, cut the red silk, and then plunged the sword into his brother's chest.

He ruined the wedding banquet, killed his brother, and abducted her.

He took her away and hid her.

He hid her in a place where no one could find her and imprisoned her.

He committed all sorts of vile and despicable acts in his dreams.

He chained her ankles, so that she... couldn't go anywhere and could only rely on him.

He never let her lift a finger—not to eat, drink, dress, or comb her hair. He would even hold her like a child, spoiling her.

She felt ashamed and cried as she begged him, but he refused. He patiently taught and guided her again and again until she abandoned all shame and finally couldn't hold back any longer, blushing as she drowned her sorrows.

She cried bitterly, but he laughed, a feeling of unprecedented pleasure that sent shivers down his spine.

He took care of everything about her, everything about her.

He spoiled her so much that she couldn't take care of herself, and she was so pampered that she didn't want to do anything and just wanted to be with him.

He raised her so well that she could only rely on him. Even if he let her out one day, she wouldn't dare to leave. She would run back to him, hug him, and whisper to him...

She said she couldn't live without him, she wasn't going anywhere...

That's great.

Very good.

This is what he wants: complete control and possession, not just physical intimacy.

He wanted her spirit, soul, and consciousness to be dependent on him and belong to him.

He felt excited and extremely happy.

But it was just a dream.

This dream seems very long, very long.

But a dream is just a dream.

He woke up from his dream and reached out, only to grasp a sliver of moonlight filtering in through the window.

I opened my arms, but there was nothing there.

He also thought it was just a dream.

An utterly absurd dream.

He would never do such a thing.

Destroy the wedding banquet, kill the brother, imprison?

He's not crazy, how could he do these things for a woman?

Xie Linyuan thought it was just a dream, but the sky was too gloomy that day, and she just happened to be wearing green clothes, holding a flower branch, and smiling, which brightened the sky.

It just so happened to be right in his eyes.

Everything was just a matter of chance.

It would be the same with anyone else; she was nothing special, just a passing breeze.

But Xie Linyuan never imagined that this passing spring breeze would become his inner demon.

He killed countless people, his sword pierced countless souls, yet he never suffered from inner demons.

Now, he only glanced at that woman, and she became his inner demon.

From then on, she dreamed of him every night.

The dreams became increasingly absurd, filthy, and obscene.

In the dream, unsurprisingly, he killed his brother time and time again, forcibly took from her, and imprisoned her.

Outside of the dream, his brother and she were deeply in love and perfectly matched.

She was cautious and timid in this mansion, always putting on the airs of a well-bred young lady. Even in front of him, despite her beautiful face, she insisted on appearing dignified and elegant.

Every time he saw her, he found it amusing and wanted to tease her, to completely tear off her mask of pretense, to see her panicked and helpless, her eyes filled with tears, to see... the real her, not a mannequin that wore a mask all day long and acted in a rigid, conventional way.

But his brother could see it easily.

To see the real her.

In front of her brother, Su Muying was simply Su Muying.

Just like the girl holding flowers he saw for the first time.

She often laughed, her eyes turning into crescent moons. She would act coquettishly with him and look at him with eyes full of adoration, her eyes bright as if they held a thousand stars.

She loved swinging on the swing, and her brother would push her from behind. The higher the swing went, the brighter her laughter became.

It's so bright and dazzling.

It's too bright.

That time, as he looked at the girl on the swing, and then at his brother behind the swing, a fleeting image flashed before his eyes: the scene from his dream where he pierced his brother's chest with a sword.

He actually harbored murderous intent towards his brother.

The murderous intent in the dream extended into the real world.

He even considered killing his brother for the sake of a woman.

That was his blood-related elder brother.

So Xie Linyuan left.

He left.

Since then, Xie Linyuan has never returned to the Xie residence.

He never saw his brother again, nor did he ever see her again.

He forcibly sealed them all away; they were just dreams, how could he take them seriously?

If he dreams it again, he will cut his own arm.

His arms were covered in bloody knife wounds. One day, as he was about to strike again, just as the blade was about to cut through the still unhealed flesh, he realized with a start that he had stopped dreaming of her.

Three months had passed since he arrived at the border.

His inner demons disappeared.

He no longer needed to make cuts on his arm. The ripples that had stirred up when they first met, the girl holding flowers that he had seen in the corridor, had vanished completely like smoke.

Xie Linyuan thought, "That's all there is to it."

He treated her no better than anyone else.

He was just lustful.

So this time, after driving the barbarian tribes to the border and achieving a great victory at the frontier, he finally returned to the capital in triumph.

Xie Linyuan thought that if he went back, and his brother still considered that woman his fiancée, he would call her sister-in-law.

That's all.

Those absurd dreams he had before were simply because he was lustful; anyone else would have done the same.

What's so good about her? Except for her face.

Was her brother attracted to her face?

She's such a vixen.

But Xie Linyuan didn't expect that after he returned, his brother would die.

That woman died because she was hacked to death with a knife; her white bones were visible.

The woman was unharmed.

What's even more ridiculous is that his brother, on his deathbed, entrusted her to him, instructing him to take good care of her and marry her.

The elder brother was also infatuated with that woman. Because he was afraid that she would have no one to rely on after she died, he even asked him to marry her.

Is it worth it for a woman like that?

Xie Linyuan returned to the Xie residence and saw her again.

But after the repeated knife wounds day after day, those dreams seemed to have truly vanished without a trace.

He looked at her, expressionless and unmoved.

All the desires and longings he once had turned into hatred for his so-called sister-in-law because of his brother's death.

He resented that she had immediately started dating him after his brother's death.

I hate that she's hypocritical and just putting on an act.

He hated her for being weak and helpless, yet he tried his best to seduce her.

I hate that she puts on airs, only to go and cry at the grave in the blink of an eye.

He hated her for pretending to be a chaste and virtuous woman while embroidering a purse. His brother was already dead; how could he still use the purse she had embroidered?

lotus?

Pretending to be sophisticated.

They are not as beautiful and delicate as peach blossoms.

They kept calling out "Lin'an, Lin'an," how intimate they were, even in a coma they didn't forget each other.

But Xie Lin'an is dead.

His brother died.

He died a complete and utter death.

What's the use of her shouting again?

Xie Linyuan's hatred grew stronger and stronger, but the sense of relief he himself was unaware of—the relief that his brother was dead—was amplified over and over.

Until this moment, until the peach blossoms brushed past his eyes and landed on his shoulder, until he imprisoned her with a blood-stained key, those dreams he had forgotten seemed to return.

The dream seems to be coming true.

But what Xie Linyuan didn't realize was that he was always the Xie Linyuan in his dream, but Su Muying could never be the Su Muying in his dream.

But if that were truly the case, Xie Linyuan would also turn her into Su Muying from his dreams.

He will let those dreams, little by little, bit by bit...

It came true.

——

Xie Linyuan returned to his study, still wearing his blood-stained brocade robes, and sat down at the table to write a letter.

In a short while, a letter was written and sealed with wax. He then summoned Qingshan.

When Qingshan entered, he looked unusual, as if he were hiding something in his sleeve.

"Send it to the border as fast as possible and hand it over to Chen Ling."

Xie Linyuan handed it over, then emphasized again in a deep voice: "You must hand it to Chen Ling yourself."

Qingshan wasn't a fool. He was Xie Linyuan's personal guard, having served by Xie Linyuan's side for many years, accompanying him on military campaigns and back to the capital. Naturally, he knew the importance of this letter and had sensed something.

"I will personally deliver it to Chen Ling." Qingshan accepted it with both hands, his young face showing determination, and there was a deep scar on his cheek that ran all the way to behind his ear.

This scar was left on the battlefield. On that occasion, his entire head was about to be chopped off by the enemy, but Xie Linyuan saved him, and the knife only grazed his face, leaving a scar.

As a result, Xie Linyuan was also stabbed in the back.

From then on, even if Xie Linyuan asked him to die, he would not hesitate.

After receiving the letter, he, who was usually not very talkative, did ask, "Master, is there anything else I need to do at the border?"

“No need. There will be plenty of time to risk your life on the battlefield.” Xie Linyuan tapped the table with his knuckles. The wound on his palm from the key was still bleeding, but he still didn’t let go of the key.

“This letter is for Chen Ling. Once he sees it, he will know what to do.”

"We'll be waiting in the capital."

Upon hearing this, Qingshan knew that his master had already made arrangements, so he stopped talking and reported the matter: "Master, Marquis Changping has arrived with a large group of people, saying that he wants to see you and get an explanation."

Xie Linyuan lowered his eyes, staring at the blood-stained key in his palm. His face was expressionless as he said, "I killed his son. It was expected that he would come. Let him wait."

Qingshan responded, but instead of bowing and stepping back, he remained standing there.

His master killed the son of the Marquis of Changping in public for the sake of Miss Su.

Marquis Changping commands troops in the southwestern fortress; it's best to ally with such a person, as becoming an enemy would be troublesome.

How could his master not know? But his master still killed that man, cleaving him in two.

I've never slashed anyone like that on the battlefield.

It was clear that this Miss Su was very important to his master. Qingshan believed that as a loyal subordinate, he had to deliver the letter to his master without any concealment.

After all, he felt that this letter was also related to his master and should be very important.

So, Qingshan took out the letter and said truthfully, "Master, I intercepted a letter at the gatehouse. It's for Miss Su."

Hearing this, Xie Linyuan finally looked away from the key. He slowly lifted his eyelids and frowned slightly: "Give it to me."

Qingshan handed over the letter.

Xie Linyuan took the letter. The letter cover bore an elegant and archaic handwriting, with a few words written on it:

Dear my younger sister, Muying.

My cousin, Meng Yangqiu.

These words came into view, and Xie Linyuan blinked very slowly, almost mechanically.

Mu Ying?

My younger sister... Muying.

My cousin Meng Yangqiu...

He opened the letter immediately, glancing at it briefly:

My dear sister Muying, seeing this letter is like seeing you in person. Receiving your handwritten reply and knowing that you are well has finally put my mind at ease, and I will no longer have sleepless nights.

Your letter mentioned wanting to return to Anzhou. I have been thinking about this matter recently. It was my fault for sending you far from your hometown to the capital, where you suffered greatly as a dependent. Now that everything is stable, I have settled everything for you in Anzhou and found a place for your aunt and uncle. I look forward to your return and seeing it for yourself.

If it is convenient for you recently, please write a letter to your brother. Once I receive your letter, I will set off immediately to go north to the capital to bring you back.

Don't be afraid, wait for me.

Looking forward to your return.

Written by Yang Qiu himself.

-----------------------

Author's Note: The male lead's greatest hatred stems from the female lead not loving him. [doge emoji]

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