Chapter 19 Your starting point is already standing at someone else's end point

"Chen Xingzhi, why are you going crazy in front of the camera today? I didn't provoke you, did I? Why did you deliberately say that in front of Yan Baiwei? With my status... it's not easy to be a background board!"

In the dim stairwell, Ren Limeng's voice was a little gritted, and when she took off the disguise of a smile in front of everyone, her dissatisfaction was obvious.

Chen Xingzhi's expression returned to calm, his body half leaning against the wall behind him like a bow. He lowered his head and looked at Ren Limeng's long, beautiful black hair. The flickering light obscured his deep eyes.

"Am I wrong?"

Shen Xingzhi tilted his head slightly, and the dark hair on his forehead moved slightly. His voice was calm and steady, without a trace of guilt.

Ren Limeng's complaints were choked by Chen Xingzhi's rhetorical question, and she couldn't get out of it.

In the long and narrow stairwell, the two people's breaths intertwined closely, neither avoiding nor giving way.

"I do think Yan Baiwei was a bit willful this afternoon, but expressing opinions should be done in a proper manner. I'm not you, Shen Xingzhi... Don't you know that if Yan Baiwei doesn't give up, I might have to withdraw from the competition? What do you want me to do?"

Ren Limeng took a deep breath and slowly took half a step back. She raised her head and stared into Shen Xingzhi's dark eyes with a complicated look.

No one wants to admit their own shortcomings, but the fact is that she has little influence.

Some guests and program crew members had a look of watching the fun, but Ren Limeng just pretended not to know. Many people thought that she was just a lucky person who got the opportunity to participate in this ace variety show, and they were waiting to see the joke of her being eliminated after the first round of the first public performance.

Except for her, almost all the guests on the program have more than 10 million fans on Weibo, and there is no one with less than 1 million fans. However, her Weibo fans total only 35,000. Most of these fans are those who followed her during the host competition that year. She is well-known for her stable life in the entertainment industry. She is not on the same track as all the guests at all.

She tried very hard to smile in the face of all the whispers, secretly dispelling every bit of disrespect, but he always caused her trouble, disrupted her steps and plans, and made her almost lose her composure in front of the camera several times!

Ren Limeng gnashed her teeth in an emotional voice, and woke up the dark corridor unconsciously. A faint yellow light lit up behind the two of them, lengthening their misty shadows, overlapping and separating them almost close yet distant.

"When did you become so hesitant? Ren Limeng, you've considered so much, but have you ever thought about yourself? I think, now you..."

Chen Xingzhi's melancholy voice grew fainter and fainter in the empty corridor. Ren Limeng did not hear the final word of his judgment. In her sight, Chen Xingzhi just shook his head slightly, with a vague smile on the corner of his mouth that she could not see clearly.

A long shadow was cast behind Shen Xingzhi, with the same indifferent distance, and an unreachable haze shrouded Ren Limeng, making her want to get closer, but then subconsciously stopped.

“Shen Xingzhi, I’m already 32.”

He gently rubbed his eyebrows with his right hand, his chest rising and falling rapidly, then slowly and regularly. When he raised his eyes and spoke again, Ren Limeng had completely calmed down. His tone was calm and collected, coming from a person who had acknowledged the reality, without the familiar liveliness and enthusiasm.

Chen Xingzhi was slightly startled. Before he could react, he heard Ren Limeng continue, "We haven't seen each other for ten years. If you can't look at me with a developmental perspective, then why not treat me as a stranger? Chen Xingzhi, I decided to come to 'Shan Hai' after seriously considering my situation at the station. 'Shan Hai' may be just an ordinary variety show to you, but I'm betting my career on it. Do you understand me now? What gives you the right to accuse me from a high position?"

It was like she didn't know him well enough, so she couldn't help but jump out of control between familiarity and strangeness.

Ren Limeng looked at him, but not just stared at him, that was her youthful years.

But no matter how much I sigh, Ren Limeng is very clear-headed. Her purpose of appearing on "Shan Hai" is not to kill Chen Xingzhi.

Perhaps, the chaos in the first stop, or even the failure of the first performance, is of no importance to Chen Xingzhi and Yan Baiwei. Their status in the circle determines that the program team cannot afford their "upset" elimination in the first public performance, but Ren Limeng knows that she is different. From all aspects of analysis, she has sufficient reasons to stop at the first public performance.

She absolutely did not want it to end like this, and she would not let herself be affected by these external disturbances.

"So high and mighty? Ren Limeng, you're really being arrogant in front of me."

Chen Xingzhi's cold eyes looked at the faint blush on Ren Limeng's cheeks. He repeated softly, and his calm words in a sneer were like a sharp sword. The two looked at each other across the dim light, hiding the turbulent waves beneath the calm sea surface.

"I don't need to understand you now. Your thoughts are your business. Why do you want me to cooperate with you?"

Chen Xingzhi's gaze remained cold, but Ren Limeng seemed to be able to sense a hint of anger in his tone. Many years had passed, and it was magical that regardless of the past or the present, she seemed to still be able to sense the subtle changes in his calm tone. That was what she had been pondering day and night for three years.

"I didn't ask you to cooperate with me, I just asked you not to make things difficult for me. Shen Xingzhi, to be honest, do you treat me and Xu Chichi the same?"

Ren Limeng's eyelashes trembled slightly, and her eyes were equally cold and calm, like an undercurrent lurking in the deep sea, which could erupt at any time.

Shen Xingzhi stood quietly under the light, his eyes deep and complicated. At this moment, he could not deceive his heart.

Under Ren Limeng's piercing gaze, he had nowhere to escape even though it was dark around him.

"Chen Xingzhi, we are different. Whether you are willing to admit it or not, the fact is that your starting point is already standing at the end of others. I know that many of the things I strive for seem ridiculous to you, but this is my life. Even if the peak I want to climb is a small hill in your eyes, that is still my path."

If you can't help me, there's no need to "hate them for not fighting."

Ren Limeng calmed the excitement in her heart, and her shallow words concealed deep thoughts.

After years of struggling in this mixed society, she is no longer as "naive" as before. Every move she makes has a deep meaning, especially when facing the camera, she will not ignore the words and deeds of any guest.

At noon, Chen Xingzhi deliberately pointed out in front of the camera that Yan Baiwei had played a drummer, as if he was specifically counterattacking Yan Baiwei's logic - because she had learned to sing opera, it can be inferred that she can learn banggu well. Behind such a tough attitude towards Yan Baiwei, there was an awkward "support" that she could not ignore directly.

Even if she didn't notice this at the time, just now, Ren Limeng reviewed and pondered this conflict, combined with everyone's relationship, and still couldn't find a better explanation after thinking about it.

She could only "be sentimental" and test Shen Xingzhi, but when the words came to her lips, she suddenly felt bored. Whether she guessed right or not, the answer seemed unimportant.

“My starting point…”

Chen Xingzhi softly repeated Ren Limeng's words, his eyes filled with endless thoughts. The flickering light concealed all his loneliness and struggles. Just like all the years before, he was still the object of envy, jealousy and hatred in everyone's eyes.

Ren Limeng's meaning was very clear. His mother was the famous host Qiu Quan, who was known to every household, and his father was the wealthy businessman Shen Yunren, who was well-known on the wealth list. His life resume was smooth sailing, and he could become famous overnight even if he had no intention of entering the entertainment industry. What qualifications did he have to point fingers at others? He was a nobleman who knew nothing about the sufferings of the world.

"I let you win at the starting line. Without me as your father, what are you?"

Chen Xingzhi's eyes were melancholy for a moment, his thoughts swirling, memories of past disputes recurring, and for a moment he seemed to have returned to the time before his university graduation many years ago.

Chen Xingzhi chose broadcasting and hosting as his major because of his interest since childhood and his mother Qiu Quan's expectations.

His mother, Qiu Quan, was a nationally renowned senior host, but she had never won the Golden Melody Award, the highest honor in the hosting industry. In the year when she was closest to winning the award, Qiu Quan chose to retire for love, married Shen Yunren and had children. Then she spent a long time taking care of her husband and children, and her marriage in name only lasted for a long time after the upheaval and became disheartened.

Chen Xingzhi wanted to continue his mother's dream, but he didn't expect that as soon as the dream began, reality had shattered all his fantasies.

When Chen Xingzhi was a junior in college, Qiu Quan was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Qiu Quan tried hard to hide it from Chen Xingzhi, who "depended on each other for survival". By the time Chen Xingzhi found out, it was already too late to save her. He could only face this fact calmly and accompany his mother on her last journey.

Many people say that college graduation season is a milestone in life, meaning growth and gain, looking forward to the future and dreams. However, for Chen Xingzhi, college graduation season was only a chaotic gray.

Gray is the black and white photo of my mother in the funeral home; gray is my father's arrogant arrangements; gray is the uncertainty of how to proceed...

The graduation party is the beginning of chaos and gray.

At that time, his mother Qiu Quan was seriously ill but still insisted that he should not be affected, hoping that he could graduate normally like everyone else. Shen Xingzhi gritted his teeth and took care of everything, trying his best not to let others notice his embarrassment. He didn't want to see sympathy on anyone's face, he thought he could handle it.

The inspiration for "The End of an Autumn Hair" is very rich, and it is more of a phantom of his life during that period. His infinite emotions are mixed in the low singing. Shen Xingzhi chose to sing "The End of an Autumn Hair" at the graduation party, which was not only a way to vent the depression accumulated in life, but also a gift for him to comfort his mother.

Chen Xingzhi wanted to tell his mother that even the smallest hair could hold the sun and the moon in his arms, and that he could face everything with strength.

But in fact, many problems are more difficult than imagined. That night, he received a call from his father Shen Yunren.

His father, who had been absent for many years, seemed to have just learned about his mother's recent situation and suddenly became concerned about his life. He was imagining plans to send him abroad after his mother passed away. Shen Xingzhi felt powerless and wanted to hang up the phone directly, but he was afraid that Shen Yunren would disturb Qiu Quan.

They broke out into a fierce quarrel, and Shen Yunren accused Shen Xingzhi of not knowing how to appreciate his blessings, believing that everything he had came from his wealth.

Shen Xingzhi refuted Shen Yunren fiercely, but no matter how calm he pretended to be in his words, Shen Xingzhi had to admit that he was passive at that moment.

He didn't want to accept the fate that was arranged for him, and Ren Limeng happened to appear in front of him...