Chapter 42

Feng Ran didn't expect that she had actually fallen asleep. When she woke up, it was already three in the morning. Even though the sofa looked ugly and didn't have a backrest or anything, she still slept with her head on her arm. Now, the blood in her fingertips was so numb that it felt like she was having a cramp.

She briefly considered the space in Shen Shiqian's home laboratory, wondering if she should buy a sofa and put it in there when she got back.

During Feng Ran's rare peaceful sleep, Xing Tong cut off all unnecessary communications for her, even setting the little robot downstairs to forced hibernation. Of course, most of the so-called unnecessary communications were from Xi Sen. Shen Shiqian, who seemed to have woken up in the middle of the night or been shaken awake by Xi Sen, also called her many times, even suspecting that she had returned to the Feng family. So even Feng Xiqiao sent a message to ask her something. Feng Ran didn't need to read it to know what he wanted to say, so she decided to be kind to herself and clear all the messages without reading them.

"Master, I've cut off the location data loaded in this terminal. Is that alright?"

"It's okay. He'll suspect me no matter what. Even if it's confirmed, he can't arrest me without evidence."

She stretched and walked towards the control panel, deciding to prepare some special psychotropic drugs just in case. After all, today's experience was too terrible, and she even began to regret talking so much to Xisen afterward.

Feng Ran left the villa at around 5 a.m. The sun had not yet risen, but the sky was already turning white. It had snowed all night and had accumulated a thin layer in the villa's quiet and empty courtyard.

Little Pink was completely formatted and cleaned up by Xing Tong, turning into a quiet and reserved stupid system. Because it was set up to be too reserved, it had no interest in the street scene outside and went into hibernation on its own.

Feng Ran walked into a chain fast food restaurant and finally got to eat the hamburger he wanted for dinner. Actually, it wasn't as delicious as Afu had said. The bun was a bit dry, the cheese wasn't completely melted and tasted strange, the patty was a bit salty, and the tomato and mayonnaise squeezed out in other directions when he bit into it, making it hard to eat with a carefree attitude.

After leaving the villa, Feng Ran removed the surveillance cameras from the street, so she had only eaten a little more than half of her meal when Shen Shiqian pushed open the door and came in. Behind her were Xisen, Zuo Ling, and an unlucky guy she had never seen before who seemed to have been temporarily brought in. There were hardly any people in the fast food restaurant so early in the morning. Feng Ran and Shen Shiqian exchanged a glance and then calmly took another bite.

Shen Shiqian strode over, his gruesome wounds from yesterday already mostly healed today. "Ranran, are you alright? Why did you suddenly run off? Why didn't you answer our calls? I was so worried about you."

His caring and affectionate demeanor seemed genuine, sincere, gentle, and considerate, as if there had never been any rift or distance between them. Even Feng Ran had to marvel at his strong spirit, able to muster his energy and rally under such circumstances. He truly deserved to be a marshal.

Shen Shiqian actually called her a monster, even though he himself was no less so.

Xisen also sincerely apologized to her: "I'm sorry, did what I said offend you? You know, my main profession is a surgeon, and I'm not as sensitive as a psychologist. I should have listened to what you had to say more. I'm really sorry. Are you feeling better now?"

The newcomer, Zuo Ling, winked at her shrewdly, "Miss Feng Ran, next time you run away from home, at least take me with you. Whether I'm a bodyguard or not is one thing, but I have four driver's licenses and I'm the first place winner in the military's cross-country flying competition. I guarantee I'll leave them all far behind!"

It felt wonderful to be cared for and loved by so many people. At least for Feng Ran, this was the first time. It was like when she was about to walk down a lonely fork in the road, someone pulled her at the crossroads. The force was very light, but she stopped involuntarily, and her mood became light and airy.

She put the unfinished hamburger back on the tray and said calmly and gently, "I'm sorry to have worried you, but I just want to be alone for a while."

Shen Shiqian sat down opposite Feng Ran: "I don't mean to blame you, Ranran, but could you at least reply to my messages? I'm very worried about your safety."

Feng Ran: "Do you really care?"

Shen Shiqian looked firmly into her eyes and said with utmost seriousness, "Of course, because you are the most important person to me, and I love you very much."

Why was he so certain? Feng Ran couldn't understand what love was. She looked at Shen Shiqian intently, her heart aching slightly.

"I see."

Shen Shiqian: "Can you tell me where you went all night? I've been looking for you for a long time but I can't find you."

Feng Ran had no interest in this topic. She could try to trust anyone, but not Shen Shiqian: "Can we not talk about this now? We... should be equals, right?"

Feng Ran took out a vial of medicine from his coat pocket and handed it to Xi Sen: "This is the medicine I used before. Because my neurological symptoms were very serious, it contains many kinds of blockers and inert agents. It is not addictive for me, and the side effects are not as exaggerated as physical weakness. I will only feel some discomfort after using it."

Sissen took it. "You've already used it?"

Feng Ran: "No, but I feel safer if I have medicine on hand."

Xisen: "Should we go to the hospital now for a check-up and then get some other medication?"

Feng Ran shook his head: "No, I want to go back and rest. Let's talk about it another day. Anyway, I already have medicine."

A thorough examination for mental illness inevitably involves brain and neurological tests. She had previously concealed her condition, hiding her immense pressure and inflammation. This was Feng Ran's weakness, and she didn't want to expose it yet because she was afraid that these people, upon seeing her symptoms, would do what Luo Le had done before, forcibly restricting her mental power in order to treat her.

Shen Shiqian looked at her with concern: "Ranran..."

Feng Ran stood up from his seat and his words stung him: "Can't I make my own decisions?"

Shen Shiqian: "That's not what I meant."

She reacted somewhat strongly to something concerning her health, her emotions shifting rapidly, as if hatred surged up all at once: "So what do you mean by that?"

Shen Shiqian: "I just don't want you to suffer. Don't you want to get better as soon as possible?"

It felt like an unnamed fire was burning in her chest. What did she mean by "didn't she want to?" Why was all this happening? Didn't Shen Shiqian know who was responsible? Ever since she met Shen Shiqian, she hadn't even had the dreams she had when she was injured as a child. Every time she hallucinated, it was either him pointing a gun at her and chasing her or the poison taking effect. Was this what she wanted?

How hateful...

Feng Ran felt a stinging sensation in her eyes, and the pressure from the foreign object surged up her esophagus, impossible to suppress. She vomited up the hamburger she had just eaten.

After vomiting, she didn't feel refreshed as she had imagined. The taste of stomach acid still lingered in her mouth. She felt weak and exhausted and was supported by Xisen, who was standing next to her. Her face was pale, and her head felt buzzing, dizzy and throbbing.

How annoying. Why did she have to take Shen Shiqian so seriously? All that talk about never giving up now seems too troublesome. She should just find an opportunity to kill him and then run away to enjoy her freedom.

Shen Shiqian also stepped forward to help her up, asking with concern, "Ranran, are you alright?"

Feng Ran pulled his hand away from him, snatched the potion he had just given Xisen from his hand, uncorked it and drank it all in one gulp. Then he pulled his hand back from Xisen's grasp, took two steps back and swayed as he returned to his seat.

The most common side effects of psychotropic drugs are palpitations, trembling, and chills. Feng Ran closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, not wanting to see their faces.

Shen Shiqian still resolutely came up and gently patted Feng Ran's hand, wiping away the mess she had made when she vomited. This time, Feng Ran did not break free from him. Her emotions were drained, and she felt much calmer and more relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Ranran. I didn't realize you were feeling unwell. It's my fault. Since you don't want to go, how about we rest for a bit and then go home?"

Feng Ran nodded listlessly, then opened his eyes again to look at them, or more accurately, at the street outside through the glass door. It was already bright daylight, and the sky should have been clear with the sunrise, but now it was snowing again, and the sun was nowhere to be seen.

Humans are strange; they can become attached to things that have caused them harm. Feng Ran strangely missed Qin Xin at this moment, missed the warm sunlight, the beautiful flower room, and the unchanging, monotonous butter cookies. How much effort she had put in to win Qin Xin's love again—trying to be obedient, trying to endure. Clearly, when she was little, Qin Xin would praise her for doing well, and come to her room before bed to comfort her when she was feeling particularly wronged by Feng Linye's bullying. When did those rewards stop easing her pain? During the two years she was locked in the attic, Qin Xin hadn't visited her even once. Why was love such a simple and fragile thing? Had what she had begged for all along been a false pretense?

What exactly does this longing and memory mean to her? Is it an obsession? Feng Ran doesn't know. Even though she has lived two lives and witnessed many things while wandering the sea of ​​stars, she still can't fully understand this emotion.

After being accused of murdering Viscount Sena and topping the wanted list, Feng Ran briefly returned to Qiliya. She visited Feng Linye, the last surviving member of the now-defunct noble family. After Feng Xiqiao's death and Qin Xin's imprisonment, he was living a miserable life, hiding and appearing haggard and wretched. Her once high and mighty brother was terrified upon seeing her and threatened to call the police to arrest her. But he clearly didn't dare. Having inherited a huge debt from the company, Feng Linye's situation was no better than Feng Ran's.

She was momentarily bewildered by the tragic fate of the Feng family after Feng Ran left Qiliya. After all, she didn't truly hate them to the point of wanting to retaliate against them to death. However, upon learning the news, her mind went blank, and she felt as if some shackles in her chest had shattered, piece by piece, making her feel lighter.

She can be saved, as long as everything that binds her is removed.

She placed her hand back into Shen Shiqian's large palm. Compared to Feng Ran, who was even more stiff and cold, Shen Shiqian's body temperature could actually be described as warm.

Hurry, hurry up, she wanted to end it all.