48. Oranges are sour

Chen Yunsheng turned around and looked at Jiang Nan quietly, without answering immediately. At that moment, his face gradually softened under the hazy halo, and his expression was calm and peaceful, as if he were a pine tree growing among the mountains.

"That's exactly what I meant." He finally spoke, his voice lacking his usual calmness. After saying this, he felt relieved, but at the same time, he wondered why he had such a contradictory feeling - he looked forward to her approach, but also feared contact with her.

Jiang Nan clenched the hand holding the edge of his clothes even tighter: "Does it literally mean... that the agreement needs to be extended? Or--"

"It's not an agreement," he interrupted her urgently, then showed an apologetic expression, "Sorry, I was a little..."

He didn't finish his words, but just looked away helplessly.

After a while, he took two steps forward, stopping at a distance that was neither too close nor too distant, and then continued: "I just think that the current situation... is not bad."

"Not bad?" Jiang Nan repeated in surprise, feeling the words were so pale and empty that they made her uneasy. "Mr. Chen, I don't understand. Does 'not bad' mean my performance was acceptable, or... does it have another meaning?"

She stared at his face intently, not wanting to miss any subtle changes.

Chen Yunsheng was silent for a minute or two before he spoke: "I'm used to living alone."

"Get used to having everything in its place," he said slowly, his eyes fixed on her face, but he seemed to be looking through her at something else, "Get used to the quiet, get used to not being disturbed."

Jiang Nan's heart slowly sank.

She already anticipated what she was going to hear next.

"But here you are," he said, his voice filled with confusion and bewilderment. "The frequent appearance of sticky notes, the food in the refrigerator that doesn't belong to me, the occasional smell of delicious food in the living room, and even... those two rabbits."

He turned his head and looked towards the entrance. It was as if his eyes penetrated the wall and saw the two plush rabbits sitting side by side on the entrance cabinet. "But these... shouldn't have appeared in my life in the first place."

Ever since his grandmother passed away, Chen Yunsheng has been plagued by an inescapable sense of uncertainty, as if his life were a speck of frost on the tip of a leaf before the dawn of winter, cold and brief, possessed of a fleeting fate. And toward his family and friends, he harbors a constant indifference, ready to lose them at any moment.

He often thought that loneliness was a proposition that he needed to reconcile in his life.

He lived with this belief until Jiang Nan appeared.

Chen Yunsheng was silent for a moment, choosing his words carefully: "But you appeared with them. And I found... I don't hate them."

Jiang Nan stood there in a daze, his brain struggling to process the information in his words - so he just didn't hate her, didn't hate her existence, and didn't hate the changes she brought.

"So," she heard herself say in a hoarse voice, "you're just used to my presence? Like... a piece of furniture, or am I a pretty good roommate?"

Chen Yunsheng frowned slightly, disagreeing with her analogy.

"It's not a habit," he changed his words again, "I just feel that this kind of life is better than when I was alone before."

He spoke in a restrained and even slow manner, but Jiang Nan's heart trembled slightly uncontrollably at this sentence "It's better".

"Better?" She looked at him and asked in a tone mixed with uneasiness and expectation.

"Yeah," he replied, his eyes sweeping over the half-eaten cake she had just eaten. "There will be someone to share delicious cakes with me, to see a light on in the living room when I come home from overtime," he paused, and continued, "and to make a non-work-related phone call when I'm on a business trip."

He said the last sentence quietly, but Jiang Nan still heard it. She thought of the nonsensical phone call from yesterday, and her face instantly became hot.

"Ah...that was you who hit me, not me." She muttered.

"I know," he said, a small smile playing on his lips, "but it feels good to gossip with people."

The atmosphere fell into silence again, but this time there was a subtle warmth in the air.

Jiang Nan dropped her eyes to look at her toes, feeling a turmoil in her heart. She should have been satisfied with this answer. At least he didn't directly deny it, and even acknowledged that her existence made his life a little better. This was much better than any answer she had expected.

Yet, she still felt it wasn't enough, and had an inexplicable urge to know more.

"Mr. Chen," she raised her head again, with a desperate courage, "can I ask another question?"

"You ask."

"Do you have any feelings for me," she took a deep breath, "even for just a moment, that go beyond the agreement? Not habit, not dislike, but... something else?"

As soon as she said it, Jiang Nan regretted it. The question was direct and reckless, full of self-conceit. She also clearly saw him stunned for a moment, and then quickly looked away.

It’s over, she thought, I’m still narcissistic.

Time passed second by second, and each second seemed as long and unbearable as a century. Just when Jiang Nan was about to say forget it, Chen Yunsheng finally turned to her and looked into her eyes again.

His eyes were complicated, as if half confused and half hesitant, and perhaps a little bit struggling and cautious.

“I don’t know,” he finally answered, his honesty bordering on brutal. “As for what it feels like outside of the agreement, I don’t know what that’s like. So, I’m sorry, I can’t give you an accurate answer.”

Jiang Nan's heart sank, but the next second, he spoke again.

"But I can try to think about it," he promised. "Jiang Nan, I hope you can give me some time to... figure it out."

Jiang Nan desperately wanted to know what he wanted to understand, but when she looked at the man in front of her who was always calm and composed, but at this moment showed a bit of confusion and helplessness, she suddenly felt that he was no longer the Chen Yunsheng who sat far away in the clouds and was unattainable. He was also an ordinary person who could be confused.

This discovery strangely soothed her anxious heart.

"Okay," she heard herself say, with obvious pleasure in her voice, "take your time to think about it. There's no rush."

Anyway, they still have at least two years.

Chen Yunsheng breathed a sigh of relief, his tense shoulders relaxing slightly. "Thank you," he said, then, to change the subject, he turned to look at the refrigerator. "There seem to be a few oranges in there. They look good. Did you buy them?"

"Ah, yes!" Jiang Nan immediately replied, "The fruit stall owner said these oranges aren't sour, so I bought a few. Do you want to try them?"

"good."

Hearing this, Jiang Nan almost jumped for joy and ran to the refrigerator. She took out two oranges, handed one to him, and peeled the other herself.

The refreshing orange scent spreads instantly.

She broke off a piece of orange flesh and put it in her mouth. The sour taste made her face wrinkle, but she immediately pretended to be satisfied and said to Chen Yunsheng, "Mm, it's very sweet."

Chen Yunsheng doubted her words. But he followed her example and slowly peeled the orange. He took out a slice of flesh and carefully tore off the white pith before putting it into his mouth.

"How is it?" Jiang Nan looked at him expectantly.

Chen Yunsheng frowned slightly and chewed carefully. Then, his brows relaxed and he nodded seriously: "It's okay, but not too sweet."

Jiang Nan: “?”

"Really?" Chen Yunsheng took out the new orange flesh, tore off the orange peel, and handed it to Jiang Nan. "Would you like to try it?"

"Really?" Jiang Nan blinked, took the orange slice suspiciously, and put it in her mouth. As soon as she took a bite, the sour juice filled her lips and teeth, and her facial features became wrinkled in an instant.

Chen Yunsheng suppressed his laughter and took out a tissue and gave it to her: "Spit it out."

Jiang Nan shook his head and swallowed the orange flesh.

Although the orange flesh was very sour, Jiang Nan's mood suddenly brightened.

"It's too sour," she suggested. "How about saving it and making juice for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Okay." He agreed, and a smile appeared on the corner of his mouth again.

The two people stood under the warm yellow light in the kitchen, quietly eating two very sour oranges.

After a while, Chen Yunsheng suddenly said, "As for Fu Yifang, if you need anything, I can ask Wei Yan. He knows a lot of people and might be able to help connect them."

"No need," Jiang Nan shook his head, his attitude firm. "I want to try it myself first. I can't always rely on you - your relationship with the Chen family."

She almost said "Depend on you", but fortunately she braked in time.

Chen Yunsheng glanced at her and didn't insist: "Okay. But if you need anything, tell me at any time."

"Yeah." Jiang Nan nodded and smiled.

After finishing the remaining orange slices, Chen Yunsheng glanced at his watch: "It's late. I have to go to work tomorrow. I should go to bed early."

"You too," Jiang Nan said. "You just got back from a business trip. You must be tired."

He smiled and turned to walk towards the bedroom, but when he reached the door, he suddenly stopped and looked back at her: "Jiang Nan, good night."

Jiang Nan looked at him excitedly: "Good night, Chen Yunsheng."

Hearing her call his name directly, Chen Yunsheng's eyes became gentle, and his eyebrows softened. But he said nothing, just gently closed the door.

Jiang Nan stood there, looking at the closed door. His heart seemed to be filled with something, becoming light and soft, like a deep lake.

She stood there, giggling for a moment before leaving the kitchen and heading back to her room. As she passed the hallway, she caught a glimpse of two rabbits on the cabinet. She paused for a moment, then walked over to them. She reached out and touched the rabbits' ears, muttering softly, "When will he finally understand?"

Of course the rabbit wouldn't give her an answer.

However, she couldn't help but raise the corners of her mouth.

At least it's not bad news.

At least he was willing to think about it.

That's enough.

As for the future, we’ll talk about it later.

Jiang Nan tapped the gray rabbit's nose, then hummed a tuneless song and walked briskly towards his room.

She thought that she should be able to have a good sleep tonight.