Chapter 41: I really have no other way to confess.

"She'll die. She can't sleep well these days, staying awake all night until dawn. The doctor says her excessive worry is damaging her heart. If this continues, her life may be in danger..."

"Yan Changjun, do you want her to become the second Ding'an?"

Song Ji's words still resonate in my ears.

Yan Ning sat by the bed, gazing quietly at the person she hadn't seen for many days. She had lost some weight, her cheeks were almost too thin, and her face was pale. She had clearly been drinking, and even the faint blush couldn't hide her haggard appearance.

The man slept restlessly, his eyes tightly closed, his eyelashes fluttering, his round, dark eyes darting around, his two arched eyebrows almost knitted together, and he was muttering something. If you listened carefully, there wasn't much of a pattern, but you could vaguely make out a few words. He was calling for Emperor Xuan, Empress Zhenyuan, and Princess Huayang... Towards the end, he even heard his own name.

She said she hated him.

But as she spoke, two lines of tears slid down her cheeks.

"sorry."

Yan Ning leaned closer to her, gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, kissed her forehead, and whispered an apology.

"I'm sorry, Liyang."

He disliked the musician who held a very important place in her heart, but he had to admit that he was right.

All that I did was essentially forcing her to compromise.

He didn't want to disobey his parents or betray his family, but he also didn't want to give her up. So he could only say nice and touching things and do things that seemed well-intentioned but were insignificant and not enough to harm his parents and relatives, to force her.

He was betting on her being soft-hearted.

That's so selfish!

How could he do that!

How could you treat her like that!

He was truly blinded by jealousy; he lost all composure and his mind went blank.

...

It was past midnight.

In her half-awake state, Li Yunru felt a sticky, uncomfortable sensation on her face. She twisted her body a few times, groaned, and opened her eyes a crack. There she saw the face she had been longing for day and night.

His eyes were slightly red, brimming with tears, gazing at her tenderly. His thin lips moved as if he were speaking, but she couldn't hear what he was saying. Even if she caught a few words, they quickly vanished from her mind.

"It's you!"

She mumbled something, instinctively propping herself up to sit up, placing her hands on his neck and clinging to him. The delicate scent of pine and bamboo was so pleasant that she couldn't help but linger. She took a few deep sniffs, but it wasn't enough; she wanted more, so she opened her mouth and bit him.

She bit down hard, and blood seeped out in the time it takes to drink a cup of tea, but she didn't let go. As if in revenge, she continued to bite.

Yan Ning winced in pain, but didn't ask anyone to let go. He put one arm around her waist and gently stroked her back with the other, whispering soothing words.

The scalding skin and fragrance, along with the stench of blood, filled the air, igniting a heat within her body and a heat within her heart.

She bit harder, and as she increased the force, tears streamed down her face, sliding down her neck and into her clothes along with the blood.

Li Yunru treated this as a dream, becoming even more unrestrained than usual, biting and crying at the same time, her angry voice loud yet carrying a hint of coquettishness.

"I hate you so much! Sometimes I really want to kill you, so that we can all be free!"

His mother no longer had to humiliate her because of him; he also fulfilled his wish to keep her by his side; and she herself no longer had to suffer from those unresolved sorrows, nor did she have to worry about him doing anything irreparable wrong to the people around her.

No one needs to suffer anymore!

"I know, I'm sorry."

He apologized, "It was my fault. I shouldn't have been so selfish, only thinking of myself and ignoring your feelings."

A clear and gentle voice lingered in her ear, amplified, and amplified again.

Li Yunru gradually calmed down. She relented and pleaded with a sob in her voice, "Yan Changjun, please don't touch my people. I only have a few people left who I can still talk to. Please don't harm them."

This was her nightmare for days. She dared not fall asleep, fearing that when she woke up, all those close to her would be gone, just like the day her father passed away.

Her once magnificent princess residence was reduced to ashes.

One by one, the wronged spirits in the mansion approached her, asking themselves what they had done wrong. Did they think that the lives of people from the lower classes were not lives?

They are born like mayflies and ants, yet they strive to live. Why should they suffer this calamity?

It's her fault!

She refused to bow her head or relinquish her pride and self-respect, which forced them all to perish with her!

"It won't move, it won't move."

He said it in a fit of anger, never expecting it to become her inner demon, causing her so much distress.

But then he thought of the past, and it made sense. In fact, his princess had always been like this. He had said that she was a bit spoiled, but not bad at heart. She was often fierce and arrogant, but her heart was softer than anyone else's.

If anyone around her suffers a grievance, she gets more anxious than anyone else and dares to grab a knife and fight them without a second thought!

She's a young woman who's completely unrelated to the elderly, and if she sees someone being bullied, she'll step in to help.

She's not like a royal princess; she's more like a chivalrous heroine.

He knew this, yet he still uttered those words because of his own selfish motives.

Damn it!

"That was just something I said in anger, don't take it seriously, I won't do anything about it," he assured again.

"I will not say such things again, and I will not cause the princess any distress. You can rest assured."

It's better in dreams.

In dreams, everything goes your way.

Li Yunru's nose stung with tears, and she choked out in a low voice, "I know you're delusional. That Yan Changjun wouldn't be so easy to talk to, but even so, I still feel happy to hear it."

She hugged him tightly, drawing on that familiar warmth that no longer belonged to her, and said, "Please say more, coax me. Yan Changjun has never coaxed me like this before."

That man was aloof and arrogant, cold and distant. Even though he had feelings for her, he refused to soften his tone or say sweet words to coax her. He only cared about himself. His rare tenderness and affection were mostly just to make her obedient, not to go against the Yan family or the Cui family, and not to put him in a difficult position, or perhaps to let her stay.

Even so, she still liked him.

Li Yunru was lucky. After suffering for a few years in her childhood, she was transformed into a princess living a life of luxury. She had everything she wanted, with endless sweet cakes, countless gorgeous clothes, and people fawning over her.

Whether they were sincere or not doesn't matter; what matters is that they all fawned over her.

But Yan Ning is different.

Unlike others who fawned over him, or other aristocratic families who looked down on her, he was aloof but sincere, and his words were always true to his word…

I won't lower myself to coax you, but I also won't lie to you with false affection.

He possessed both the arrogance and vices of aristocratic families, as well as their integrity and upbringing; he was a true gentleman of the pure stream.

Such a person.

Um.

Very interesting.

It makes people want to get close to him, to tear away his facade, and to shatter his integrity.

If he had treated her like everyone else from the beginning, pampering and coaxing her, perhaps Li Yunru wouldn't have taken him too seriously.

That's how people are; they crave what they can't have.

As you keep thinking about it, it truly touches your heart.

Once someone has won your heart, if you don't appease them, they become greedy, dissatisfied, and want more.

When reality doesn't align with what you want, you feel pain and repression.

Because of this affection, she gradually became less like herself.

But she didn't hate herself for being this way.

Whether it's the proud and defiant Li Yang of the past, or the weak and pleading Li Yang of today, it's all her, all part of her growth.

-

Hearing her say this, Yan Ning felt a lump in her throat, and her heart rippled with emotion.

"good."

He held her in his arms, gently patting her back, speaking in a clear and soothing tone, word by word.

The words were not ornate, nor did they follow the rules of tone or rhyme, nor were they perfectly balanced. Yet they flowed so naturally, like a gentle stream, spontaneously emerging from the lips. The words formed sentences, a genuine expression of emotion, and were even more moving than those composed at ordinary poetry gatherings.

As Li Yunru listened to those sweet words, she gradually closed her eyes, and soon began to breathe softly.

She fell asleep.

But he didn't stop and kept talking until the morning light shone through the window, and he drifted off to sleep.

Li Yunru slept soundly through the night. When she woke up, she saw Yan Ning lying by the bed, their hands still tightly clasped together.

Are you still dreaming?

She tentatively reached out to touch the man's eyebrows and eyes, to check his breathing, and finally her gaze fell on the red mark on his neck...

The slight movement woke the person who had just dozed off. He opened his sleepy eyes and mumbled, "Princess."

It's not a dream!

Li Yunru was pleasantly surprised for a moment, but after confirming that it was real, her face immediately turned cold.

She withdrew her hand and said coldly, "What are you doing here? Do you think I'm not miserable enough and want to add fuel to the fire?"

Yan Ning shook his head and said, "I've come to apologize to the princess."

He moved closer, leaned in, and lovingly stroked her thin, withered face, saying in a hoarse voice, "I apologize for all the harm that I and the Yan family have caused the princess recently."

Yan Ning said, "I know that this 'I'm sorry' is too weak to make up for the pain you have suffered, so I don't ask for your forgiveness. I just beg you not to worry about it anymore and hurt yourself."

He took a deep breath and said in a low voice, "That's not worth it."

Last night felt like a dream, but now that she was truly hearing him say these words, Li Yunru's heart trembled, and all her feigned composure and indifference crumbled at this moment.

Her expression softened.

"Okay, I understand."

After that sentence, the two fell into a long silence again. This time, however, it was Yan Ning, who was usually aloof and taciturn, who spoke first, breaking the deadlock.

He lowered his eyes, took Li Yunru's hand in his palm, and gently stroked the back of her hand with his knuckles. He said, "Liyang, I began my studies at the age of three and became famous at eight. I am proficient in poetry, literature, and the Six Arts of a Gentleman. People say that I became famous at a young age and am the most outstanding person in Jiangzuo. But... among those poems and classics, there is not a single volume that teaches me how to treat the girl I love..."

Fearing she might misunderstand, he explained further, "I'm not making excuses for my mistakes. Really, I don't know how. I don't know how to treat you. I've been famous since childhood, pampered by everyone, and my parents and relatives rely heavily on me. I don't need to flatter or fawn over anyone. What I want, I don't even need to ask; a single glance is enough for someone to eagerly offer it to me. Of course, this is common among noblemen; I've seen and heard countless examples around me. So, your appearance, my feelings for you—all of this is beyond my knowledge and experience. In this regard, I'm ignorant, confused, and clueless. I don't know how to treat you. I can only follow my heart. My heart tells me I should keep you, keep you by my side, day and night… I lied to you about Emperor Xuan's affair because I didn't want you to be involved and suffer. Emperor Xuan's intention to marry his daughter off with military power was also based on this. I believe I was merely fulfilling his wish, and I've never done anything wrong…"

The same thing happened afterward. I thought I was doing it for your own good, but I overlooked your temperament and the feelings between you, Emperor Xuan, and Empress Zhenyuan. I presumptuously tried to impose my own ideas on you, forgetting all the pain and grievances you suffered because of this coup. I only focused on satisfying my own personal desires and pressured you, which backfired. But you believed me.

He gripped the person's hand tightly, his words earnest, "I didn't really mean to hurt you, I just... wanted to keep you here."

Yan Ning said helplessly in a dejected tone, "I want to keep you here, but I don't dare to detain or lock you up. I have no choice. You don't want any of the things I give you, you return all my things, and you avoid me... There is also a handsome young man by your side all the time. I am afraid, I am really afraid. One day, you might get together, and you will forget me completely."

"In my twenty-odd years of life, this is the first time I've been so clear about what I want, and it's also the first time I've been so obsessed with a girl. I... I really can't help it."

As Yan Ning spoke, despite the saying that a man doesn't easily shed tears, his voice still choked with emotion.

“I really have no other choice,” he said.

"Liyang, I don't ask for your forgiveness, nor will I force you to return to the Yan family. I just want to..."

He paused, his voice lowering, lacking confidence, and said tentatively, "Wait for me. Give me some time. In the near future, I will make sure my parents truly accept you and welcome you back to the Yan family in grand style. So until then..."

Yan Ning's hands trembled as she pulled a letter from her bosom. Her lips trembled, and she said in a shaky voice, "If you don't want a divorce, then please don't avoid me, okay?"