Chapter 25, Section 25: Having this dream defiled her.

Her godmother and sworn brother were both leaving the capital; one would be promoted to a high-ranking official position, and the other would return to his hometown in glory. Yuezhi was happy for them, but also felt a little sad—she didn't know many people in the capital to begin with, and now she knew even fewer.

Because he is blind, it is inconvenient for him to attend flower viewing banquets and garden parties, and he cannot make new friends. He can only chat with Huachun idly in his mansion, which inevitably makes him feel lonely.

Yuezhi thought that Pei Heng was very busy with official duties, and it might take several days to complete the matter of changing the imperial physician for her.

Surprisingly, Su Jingyun came to visit the very next day.

Ten years have passed. The young apprentice who could only help with dispensing medicine in the Imperial Hospital is now a young, upright physician with a cautious demeanor unique to those in the palace.

"Your humble servant greets the princess. May the princess live a thousand years."

Following the sound, Yuezhi quickly helped the person up. "Why make such a big gesture? Don't you recognize me? I'm Yuezhi."

She was a little flustered. Over the years, Su Jingyun had been in the palace, serving a sick and tyrannical emperor. It was a thankless task, and even the slightest mistake could result in beheading and the extermination of his entire family.

To protect themselves, people inevitably have to be extremely cautious, and even if their temperament changes drastically, it is understandable.

She waited anxiously for his answer, but before her voice came the strong scent of medicine. Yuezhi could almost imagine how he would approach her, cautiously and restrainedly taking her hand.

"After we parted ways at the Eastern Palace that year, I thought we would never meet again. I never expected to see you again in this life." Su Jingyun looked haggard, with tears in his eyes.

Like a bird stripped of its feathers, he dragged his weary body toward her, wanting to rest against her fingertips.

Yuezhi could hear the weariness in his voice and couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Everyone wanted to enter the palace to earn monthly stipends and receive rewards, but they didn't know how difficult it was to serve the most noble masters of the Great Zhou.

"Life is unpredictable. I never thought I would return to the capital and be granted the title of princess."

She felt that the identity of "princess" allowed her to be a legitimate brother and sister to Pei Heng, putting past favors into practice and turning them into real family affection.

In retrospect, this identity has proven to be very useful.

"The Emperor wants you to live in my residence. From now on, you just need to help me take care of my health. In addition to the monthly allowance from the palace, I will give you an extra ten taels of silver per month. Your food, clothing and other expenses will all be covered by the residence."

"You sound weak and listless. You must be exhausted lately. Why don't you go and rest? I've prepared an empty room for you in the East Courtyard. You can stay there for now."

Yuezhi was delighted that her preparations had come in handy. A long-staying guest had finally arrived at the manor, giving her another friend to chat with.

Su Jingyun was astonished by her series of thoughtful arrangements. For ten years, the entire palace was shrouded in the fear that the late emperor might fall ill and kill people at any time. Most of the imperial physicians in the Imperial Hospital died. It was only because he was cautious and did not attract attention that he survived until the late emperor's death.

The north is bitterly cold, and I thought she would be destroyed by the wind and snow, but what I saw was a fair and delicate face, with flowers and jade in her hair, and her black hair falling to her shoulders, as gentle as a spring breeze.

From a maidservant reduced to a slave to Princess Yongning, who was highly regarded by the new emperor, she must have had some extraordinary experiences.

Su Jingyun sighed softly, "Your Highness, thank you for your thoughtful arrangements. I will take my leave now."

He was indeed in poor spirits, not only because of the fear and trepidation he felt when serving the late emperor, but also because when he was diagnosed with the late emperor's sudden death, he used a lot of medicine powder to remove the bruises on the corpse's neck. He still cannot forget the late emperor's wide-open eyes.

He had thought the new emperor intended to eliminate all those who knew about the incident, so he used the excuse of treating the princess to send him outside the palace to be beheaded. Now, he wasn't even sure how many more days he could live peacefully.

Watching his retreating figure, Yuezhi felt a pang of heartache.

She still remembered being sold together with Su Jingyun when she was a child. At that time, she was timid and didn't dare to speak, while Su Jingyun was sweet-talking and knew how to get things done, and was bought by a wealthy family.

He was strong and could even navigate the palace to cultivate relationships and gain a good reputation, but now he is fearful, exhausted, and lifeless.

Yuezhi disliked seeing people ravaged and broken, so she told him to rest for a day. The next morning, she had the household prepare a simple yet sumptuous meal and invited him to dine with her.

All day long, she took Su Jingyun and everyone in the manor to pick fruit. The overripe ones were peeled and pitted to make fruit fillings for pastries, and the extra ones were fermented into sweet wine...

There was a fairly large lake in the princess's residence. The lake water was clear. Yuezhi and several maids went to the lakeside to wash the fruit and put it into a bamboo basket.

Su Jingyun carried the newly harvested fruit over and saw Yuezhi sitting on the bank washing in the water, dressed in a pink pomegranate dress.

By this time, the lotus flowers in the lake had all fallen, as if all the splendor of summer had been concentrated on her alone, blooming with an irresistible vitality under the warm sunlight.

“Princess.” He walked towards her.

Yuezhi looked over at the sound and waved to him cheerfully, "Come quick, I just heard a dragonfly fly by."

Autumn has arrived outside, with leaves falling everywhere, but inside the Princess's residence, lush greenery still abounds, a beauty that warms the heart.

After five or six days, Su Jingyun's dejected and exhausted feeling gradually disappeared.

He rallied his spirits, examined Yuezhi's pulse and prescribed medicine, personally brewed the medicine for her, checked her pulse three times a day to ensure her safety, and meticulously managed even her food, drink, and clothing, taking care of her even more diligently than her personal maid.

Perhaps because she is blind, Yuezhi has never been able to fully trust the people around her. Only Su Jingyun, a familiar person, is someone she can trust with peace of mind.

In the afternoon, she took a nap on a deck chair under the shade of a tree.

Someone beside her called softly, "Princess? It's time for the princess to get up and take her medicine."

Hearing the familiar voice, Yuezhi sat up and took the medicine bowl. Under Su Jingyun's watchful gaze, she drank the medicine and said with worry, "After drinking it for so many days, my body is no longer feverish or chilled, but I still can't see..."

"The root cause of the princess's eye problem lies in her brain. We can only gently clear the blood stasis; we cannot rush it."

"Hmm." She nodded, handed the medicine bowl to the maid beside her, and vaguely smelled the scent of jasmine in the air. She asked curiously, "Did you add jasmine to the medicine? Or did you scent your clothes with jasmine? It smells so good."

Su Jingyun watched Huachun walk away with the empty bowl before quietly replying to her, "I went to the pharmacy in the city to get medicine for you. It just so happened that the pharmacy had a batch of dried jasmine that had gotten damp. I thought that since it couldn't be used as medicine, it would be better to use it to scent clothes than to throw it away. So I spoke to the shopkeeper nicely and asked him to send me several packets."

Since returning to the capital, Yuezhi hadn't left the princess's residence. When he talked about things outside, she unconsciously leaned over and listened very attentively.

She pursed her lips playfully and asked him, "So many dried jasmine flowers, can you use them all by yourself?"

“Of course we can’t use them all. They’re all piled up in the room right now, and we sleep with a jasmine scent at night.” Su Jingyun couldn’t help but smile as he talked about ordinary little things. “Why don’t we give a few packets to the princess to make hair oil, scent clothes, and take baths, so she can smell the flowers too.”

Yuezhi thought it was a good idea. "You're so clever and resourceful. No wonder everyone who's ever spoken to you likes you."

During the brief moment when the maid was not around, Su Jingyun dared to carefully trace the contours of her face with his gaze. Her features were delicate and exquisite, gentle and kind, with soft black hair hanging down her temples, adorned with a pair of jade hairpins, and a pair of gold-threaded white jade rings dangling from her rosy ears.

He always thought Yue Zhisheng was exceptionally beautiful, not in a bright and flamboyant way, but in a gentle and graceful way that seeped into people's hearts like the moon and water.

After looking at it closely today, I couldn't help but feel a tightness in my throat.

He muttered to himself, "People like me because I'm useful to them and make them happy. Who would be as sincere as you, treating me so well just because of some past affection?"

Yuezhi heard her clearly and pursed her lips slightly, "Don't say things like that. You're just great. Why do you have to talk about what's useful and what's useless? I'm the most useless person here..."

"That's not what I meant," Su Jingyun hurriedly explained.

Yuezhi smiled and shook her head, then followed the sound and touched his lips, telling him not to say anything more.

Her melancholy wasn't entirely due to Su Jingyun's unintentional words, but more so because... more than half a month had passed, and since their parting that night, Pei Heng hadn't come even once. She sent someone to deliver fruit to the palace, but he hadn't even sent a message.

He must be busy with state affairs, with so many things to deal with and so many people to meet every day, how could he possibly have the time or energy to think about her?

"Being content with what you have is good enough. Things are fine as they are now." She comforted Su Jingyun, and also reminded herself.

Pei Heng is now the emperor, and granting her the title of princess is already an unparalleled favor. How could she possibly ask him to come home for a meal as often as before? She couldn't be too greedy.

Her tone was calm, but the sadness in her eyes was undeniable.

Seeing this, Su Jingyun felt a surge of impulse and boldly grabbed her hand, covering his cheek with it.

Yuezhi was puzzled by his actions, but her fingertips touched a wrinkled scar under the wisps of hair at his temple.

"Two years ago, the late emperor had a headache and knocked over a candlestick. I happened to be serving him at the time and got candle wax splashed on my face, leaving this scar. I thought to myself, 'I'm so ugly, I'll never be able to find a wife.' But because of the disfigurement, I was not allowed to meet the emperor and rarely served him anymore. As a result, I escaped several major disasters and am still alive and well."

"A loss may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. My scar is like that, and so is your eye."

Hearing this, Yuezhi felt much relieved and gave a relieved smile.

She lovingly stroked the scar on his cheek, just like on some night in the past, using the outline she had drawn with her hand to sketch the image of her deceased friend before her blurred vision.

The lush leaves turned yellow in the autumn wind, and the warm sunlight shone down, creating a cool shade under the trees.

In the swaying shade of the trees, the woman smiled and stroked the young physician's face. Her blind eyes revealed a tenderness and contentment that had not been seen for a long time. The wind blew up her sleeves and skirt, making them flutter like a butterfly spreading its wings and landing on a leaf tip, as beautiful as a painting.

"emperor……"

Pei Heng raised his hand to stop the guards from advising him.

He stood at the corner of the corridor, coldly watching the happiness of others, the happiness that should have belonged to him, like a worm in a gutter.

*

The late emperor was ill for five or six years, and the memorials piled up in the Hall of Diligent Governance. Furthermore, the overly radical measures to reduce military power caused unrest among the military commanders and prefects in various regions, and a large number of civil officials in the court were exiled for remonstrating with the emperor.

Pei Heng inherited this mess.

He stepped into the Hall of Diligent Governance, reviewing memorials during the day and examining the list of exiled officials and the talent pool of the Hanlin Academy at night, gradually filling the gaps in the court and local government.

State affairs are never-ending, and the officials in the court always bring up things that are out of touch with the times. They want him to go to the Buddhist temple to welcome Empress Dowager Changsun Xuanrong back to the palace and honor her as Empress Dowager. They also want him to hold a selection of concubines to fill the harem. These are all grand gestures that cost a lot of money but are of little use.

He always thought he had a good temper, but he was also angered by these censors. He beat up a few of the ringleaders before he could finally have some peace and quiet.

On the dragon throne, surrounded by stars and possessing supreme power, lies, whether deceitful or flattering, filled his ears, burning his heart and preventing him from finding peace.

News arrived from Yanjing by fast horse that two more of the seven people who were poisoned by the Thousand Threads Poison that night had died; one died of fear and anxiety, and the other died of rage.

The imperial physician who treated him advised him to avoid getting emotionally agitated or irritable, and to take time to relax.

Pei Heng walked around the Imperial Garden again and again, but found it uninteresting.

He went to the old residence of the Eastern Palace and found the dusty but still intact dolls hidden under the bed in the bedroom. Each one was hand-sewn by Yuezhi and was unique, belonging only to him.

He had the cloth dolls cleaned and placed in the Taiji Hall. Every night before going to sleep, he would look at them and would no longer see that hideous and violent face in his dreams.

As the days went by, the number of memorials gradually decreased, and the civil and military officials became much more obedient under his strong suppression.

That night, he slept soundly without any dreams.

I woke up feeling refreshed and then remembered that when I was serving in the Liangzhou army, I would go home every half month. No matter how tired I was during those half months, when the day came to go home, the thought of seeing Yuezhi soon would give me a constant source of energy.

He wanted to see her.

So he changed into civilian clothes and left the palace, accompanied only by one guard. He entered the princess's residence as if it were his own home. Upon learning that she was taking a nap, he did not send a servant to announce his arrival but came to find her himself.

Upon entering the inner courtyard, I saw two people under the tree, their eyes locked in a tender exchange, their fingers conveying their affection. My heart was instantly thrown into turmoil.

Yuezhi treated him differently from others. Neither the Wang siblings, Hua Qing, nor the Zhang mother and son could take away his place in her heart.

Because only he could support her vulnerability, wipe away her tears, and stay with her for ten years, disregarding the differences between men and women, always thinking of each other, and having a relationship even closer than that of family—making him firmly believe that he was the most unique person in Yuezhi's heart.

At that moment, the unwavering conviction in my heart seemed to shatter from somewhere.

When he came to his senses, his palms were clenched so tightly they ached, the jade thumb ring on his right thumb was crushed, the veins on his arm were bulging, his brows were deeply furrowed, and he was almost out of control.

He gritted his teeth, watching the two who remained inseparable, and felt increasingly annoyed.

That physician only took care of her for a mere half a month; how could that compare to the ten years of affection between him and Yuezhi?

He wanted to kick the rude physician to the ground, but he couldn't bear to make Yuezhi worry and be afraid because of his anger. He stood at the corner for a while, sulking, then threw away the broken jade ring and left.

The guards hurriedly followed, not knowing what he was angry about.

He asked in a low voice, "Your Majesty, didn't you come to see Princess Ning'an? I see that Princess Ning'an has already woken up. Are you really going to return to the palace without seeing her?"

"My elder sister already has someone to keep her company, why should I join in that fun?" The new emperor was furious, his mind filled with the words that Riyuezhi had said when she asked him for Su Jingyun.

They already knew each other, and were even from the same hometown.

A mere physician, disregarding the proper etiquette between ruler and subject in front of the princess, failing to maintain proper distance—not only did she not reprimand him, but she even took the initiative to touch his face. Did she not understand the proper separation of men and women? Or was she already impatient to find a suitable husband and get married?

Is she really that eager to get married? Could a long-lost friend from ten years ago, or some other man she doesn't even know, possibly outweigh him in her heart?

Thinking of this, Pei Heng's heart became uncontrollably flustered, and he even forgot his anger.

He has lost too much to get to where he is today.

If even Yuezhi can't stay by his side, then who can he trust, and who can he confide in?

He felt himself becoming timid, preferring to pretend not to hear her budding feelings for another man rather than pretend to be generous and help them get married, thus pushing her away from him.

He's just a medical officer; he can touch her all he wants. It doesn't mean anything.

He tried to comfort himself with this thought, but the panic and restlessness in his heart couldn't be stopped. He was short of breath and had no energy to work out the memorials all afternoon, so he went to bed early...

"Aheng? Aheng?"

In his hazy state, a soft body nestled against him, playfully breathing into his ear, making his ears go weak and half his body go limp. His heart trembled with a ticklish sensation, both pleasurable and unbearable.

He opened his eyes and found himself in the east wing of the courtyard in Yanjing. He was lying on his own bed, not sleeping alone as usual, but with a warm and fragrant body in his arms.

Her slender, snake-like arms wrapped around his chest, shyly poking at his skin, while she spoke softly in his ear.

"My dear Ah Heng, my dear husband, call me 'darling' again, it will make me love you to death."

Pei Heng swallowed hard, his breath catching in his throat.

The sensual scene before his eyes made his blood rush to his head, his throat suddenly became extremely dry, and his body involuntarily heated up. He pressed down on her smooth shoulders, still retaining his rationality.

His voice was low, hoarse, and impatient: "Yuezhi, do you really want to do this kind of thing with me? You've always only treated me like a younger brother, have you forgotten that?"

"I haven't forgotten." The woman's eyes were alluring, her face flushed with a hot, spring-like blush. She leaned down, her sweaty hair falling over his shoulder.

She put it into practice, then playfully scolded him, "It's all your fault! You always forbade me from getting married and insisted on keeping me by your side. Didn't you just want me to only think of you? Now I belong to you alone. Are you happy?"

"Ah Heng, isn't this what you wanted?"

She was like a captivating enchantress, easily heating up his blood and scorching away his reason.

Unable to think, he instinctively pushed her down, continuing the chaotic pleasure in the corners of her eyes, recklessly and utterly.

I woke up to find my bed soaked with sweat.

The moon was high in the sky outside the window, and a gentle autumn breeze blew through the windowpanes. The long night was quiet, and only the faint candlelight flickered in the hall.

When Pei Heng woke up, the lingering effects of his overwhelming dream had not yet faded. He breathed heavily and noticed the unusual situation under the covers, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

His gaze swept over the dolls on the table. The gentle and lively face in his memory overlapped with the enchanting scene in his dream. The beauty was still before his eyes, making him unable to distinguish whether the surging emotions in his chest were true and unchanging love or the sordid lust driven by instinct.

How could he possibly have those kinds of feelings for Yuezhi?

He regarded her as the bright moon, as a family member, as a treasured gem, wishing he could write her name on the imperial genealogy and leave his mark in history. Even husband and wife may part ways, but siblings written in the imperial genealogy will never be separated.

"No...this can't be..." Pei Heng's eyes were slightly wet. The more awake he became, the more he felt that having such a dream was a defilement of her.

Those unbearable thoughts kept popping into his mind, appearing in his eyes one after another, making him happy, making him feel disgusted and worthless.

He shook his head, feeling that he should do something.

It's time to find a husband for my elder sister.