Chapter 47. Don't you understand my thoughts?

In the room filled with the warmth of spring, the woman's slender figure lay on the green gauze curtain, indifferent and resistant.

The young man's breathing still echoed beside the bed, unmoved by the argument. Yuezhi closed her eyes, two lines of tears falling. She felt that Pei Heng, sitting there, was terrifyingly unfamiliar.

Is this really the child she watched grow up?

In her memory, there was the little prince who held a book in front of the candlelight, teaching her to recite with his bright eyes; the child who timidly followed behind her on the road to exile, tugging at her clothes... When did that reliable boy who saved her from danger and carried her home become like this?

"Aheng..." Her voice was hoarse as she protected her lower abdomen and shrank back.

“You may have misunderstood something. I’ve always treated you like a younger brother. Don’t you also call me ‘Royal Sister’? I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you said just now…”

In the love nest that once belonged to the two of them, Pei Heng sat in the same spot, but had gone from being the male owner to an unwelcome guest.

He was handsome, with a tall and straight figure, exuding imperial majesty, yet his eyes, fixed on her, burned with a dark, gloomy fire, stubborn and scorching.

He leaned slightly forward, his voice low and firm.

“Elder sister, you are like this now… I cannot watch you suffer alone. Your husband is nowhere to be found, and you are pregnant. I can…”

"Stop talking!" Yuezhi interrupted him abruptly, clutching the quilt tightly, her voice trembling with emotion. "You want to replace the prince consort? To take care of me? I am your elder sister! Six years older than you! We've been together for ten years, I watched you grow up, back when you were just a child. How do you expect me to see you?"

She shook her head, as if trying to convince herself, "You've just... just been in the palace for so long, with no one close to you, that your mind has become muddled, and you've mistaken dependence for..."

She couldn't even utter those two words.

"I am not confused!" Pei Heng's voice was agitated, but he immediately suppressed it, took a deep breath to calm himself, but could not hide the burning heat in his voice.

“I can tell the difference. From childhood to adulthood, only you have ever truly treated me well. I remember you were worried that I wouldn’t sleep well at night, so you embroidered dolls for me to play with. When I was criticized and bullied, you stood up for me and protected me. Everyone else abandoned me, but you stayed… I haven’t forgotten any of those good things.”

"Now that you have lost your husband and are pregnant, I have the ability to protect you and I want to stay with you. Why can't I?"

As he spoke, he reached out to touch her haggard cheek.

Those long, slender fingers touched her skin, and the moment they did, Yuezhi reacted as if burned, abruptly turning away, her eyes filled with disbelief and cold indifference.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped, her voice weak and feeble, yet carrying a resolute refusal. "Get out!"

He changed; he became incomprehensible.

Yuezhi didn't understand what he wanted from her. She only felt that he was stubborn. She always saw him as the child who followed her around, softly calling her "Yuezhi". But he... he must be crazy.

The happiness they thought was "a perfect life" collapsed in just half a month.

She was practically curled up in the blankets, her body stiff and cold, and even the sound of his breathing made her feel so tense that she was about to suffocate.

Pei Heng's hand froze in mid-air, his fingertips curling slightly. He looked at her much thinner face, her eyes tired and ashen. A few angry words seemed to have exhausted her strength. Her eyes, which refused to look at him, were filled with shock, anger, and a trace of confusion and pain that he couldn't understand.

The fervor and impulse churning in his chest were extinguished, as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head, leaving only a dull ache.

I felt sorry for her being in such pain, and I was even angrier at myself for pressing her so hard because of my feelings for her, which only added to her burden.

She is currently emotionally agitated and physically heavy... He cannot rush things.

The hand that had been suspended in mid-air slowly fell, clenched into a fist, knuckles turning white. The intense emotions surging in the young emperor's eyes were gradually suppressed, replaced by a deep restraint.

"Alright, I'll be going now." His voice returned to its usual calm, though it was slightly hoarse.

Pei Heng stood up and turned to look at her with reluctance.

"Royal sister, please rest well. Just pretend I never said these words, just pretend I never came today." He turned around, his black and gold robes hanging behind him, leaving behind these words.

"Your Majesty's health is of utmost importance. If the manor lacks anything or needs anything, please have someone inform me immediately."

It was out of concern, but also to offer her a way out.

She can contact him again anytime she wants.

Yuezhi wiped away her tears and covered her ears in heartache—she didn't want to hear Pei Heng's nonsense anymore.

She huddled alone by the headboard, listening to the footsteps fade into the distance until they disappeared into the yard with a spring breeze. Her tense body seemed to have all its strength drained away in an instant, and she slowly slumped to her side, her fingers trembling as she touched her lower abdomen, her heart filled with a chaotic and icy feeling.

On the stone-paved road outside the main courtyard, the emperor's tall figure stood for a long time.

The scenery here remains unchanged, with mountains, rivers, plants and trees bursting with vitality under the nourishment of spring breeze and rain.

Having weathered the harsh winter, Japan should be welcoming a warm spring, but he felt a chill run through his body. Looking at the familiar scenery he had seen for months, it felt strangely unfamiliar.

Why would she love a "prince consort" she had only met a few times and known for only a month and a half, and not accept him, with whom she had lived and eaten for ten years?

Just because she watched him grow up, does that mean she should treat him like a child forever?

But he's not a child anymore...

Pei Heng raised his hand, and the fingertips that had just touched him seemed to still retain her scent. He brought his hand to his nose and sniffed it lightly, which eased his anxiety slightly. A deep look that did not quite match his youthful appearance flashed in his eyes.

After the emperor's procession departed, the princess's residence quickly returned to its usual tranquility.

Hua Chun rushed into the bedroom and saw Yue Zhi on the bed, almost fainting from crying. She was so frightened that she hurriedly asked someone to call "Imperial Physician Su" and rushed to the bed to help her up.

"Princess? Princess, why are you doing this?" She fanned her with her sleeve, noticing the tear stains on her pale face, which became soaked with a gentle wipe of her handkerchief.

Yuezhi turned her face away, tears streaming down her face.

"I want to go back to Yanjing..."

Hua Chun frowned with heartache, wiped away her tears, and swallowed the words she heard.

*

On a similarly chilly spring day, the Chen family indulged in a life of luxury and leisure.

In the dressing mirror, Shen Xian held a snail-shaped ink stick in one hand and slowly and deliberately drew the last stroke of her eyebrow in front of her reflection.

Looking at her face, which was becoming more and more radiant thanks to the rouge and powder, she smiled with satisfaction.

After marrying into the Chen family, she became quite wealthy and lazy. After the New Year's banquet, she was confined to the house to copy the Tao Te Ching. Although this reduced her opportunities to go out and socialize, it allowed her to legitimately lie at home and do nothing. All she had to do each day was take care of her appearance, eat, play, and sleep, and her days passed by smoothly.

Although Chen Lanzhe didn't care about her and they separated rooms less than three months after their marriage, she didn't necessarily care about a stone, especially a short stone that was useless.

What made her happiest recently was the matter at the Princess's residence: Liang Zhang had disappeared and had not been found to this day, and Princess Ning'an was in tears every day.

"No wonder Heaven didn't let me marry Liang Zhang. It was because it was afraid I would suffer this pain. They are so loving, they deserve to suffer and be pitied. It's not as good as me enjoying wealth and honor in peace and quiet."

The person in the mirror couldn't help but smile, and finally burst out laughing.

Yuezhi lost her husband, and that vile woman Pei Yao has disappeared from the army. She probably knows that she is a widow and cannot leave the house, so she stays at home obediently.

Those who had a grudge against her were not doing well, but for her, it was like a happy occasion.

It's a pity that the young scholar who once attracted the attention of all the young ladies in the capital died so young.

Shen Xian stood up from the dressing table and called Xiao Que, "I've been idle these past few days and have heard enough of the hustle and bustle outside. Go and get the hair embroidery I brought from Liangzhou. Let's go and pay our respects to the old lady."

"Yes." Xiao Que rummaged through the dowry chest and found a painting of cranes and pines in the Southern Mountains that her young mistress had commissioned many years ago to celebrate the birthday of the old lady in the mansion.

After the old woman passed away, the Marquis also passed away, and the hair embroidery returned to Shen Xian's hands. Because it was extremely precious, she brought it to the capital with her.

The master and servant carried the framed embroidery to the Chen family's main residence in the east courtyard.

Old Mrs. Chen was in high spirits today. Two maids were massaging her legs while a young maid read aloud a newly published story. When she saw someone come in, she lifted her eyelids slightly.

"Granddaughter-in-law greets Grandmother." Shen Xian smiled and bowed, taking the initiative to move closer to Old Madam Chen.

"Oh, she's the daughter-in-law of the fourth son's family." Old Mrs. Chen waved for the maids to leave and let Shen Xian sit down in front of her. "You have many children and grandchildren in your family, and you are quite filial, coming to pay your respects every few days."

Shen Xian took the embroidery and slowly unfurled the scroll. "I came across this small painting by chance, and thinking that my grandmother is a refined person, I brought it here for you to appreciate."

The old woman's cloudy eyes suddenly brightened at the ink embroidery on the scroll, and she involuntarily leaned forward, her fingers tracing the fine lines of her hair as she exclaimed in admiration.

"This is a rare and precious item. It's so kind of you to find it. You're such a filial child!"

Shen Xian lowered her eyes and said meekly, "I'm glad Grandmother likes it. I hope Grandmother is healthy and has a long life, so I'm giving this to you."

Upon hearing this, the old lady was even more delighted and chattered on for a long time before finally instructing someone to put the scroll away.

The maidservant beside her bent down to take it, her sleeve brushing past Shen Xian's nose, carrying a faint, familiar fragrance.

—It was the scent of apricot blossom powder that Chen Lanzhe used on his face every day, and the only time he ever said it was "acceptable".

Apricot blossom powder is expensive; how could a mere maidservant afford it? Shen Xian sensed something was amiss and her gaze swept over them silently.

She was a slender and beautiful maid. I had never seen her before when she came to pay her respects. She looked older than the other maids. She had fair skin and painted eyebrows and was dressed up very nicely. Why would she dress up so extravagantly when she was serving in the old lady's courtyard?

The maid seemed to sense something, and her retreating movement paused almost imperceptibly as she lowered her head even further.

The old lady was completely unaware of what was happening and was still immersed in the joy of receiving the painting, praising the crane and pine painting of Nanshan Mountain.

Shen Xian couldn't hear a thing. As soon as she left the courtyard, she gave instructions to Xiao Que.

"Go, keep a close eye on that new maidservant who serves the old lady, especially... when my husband goes to pay his respects to the old lady. I need to know where she got her apricot blossom powder."

"Yes." Little Sparrow was honest but didn't ask any more questions. She was used to doing this and quietly withdrew.

Over the next two days, Shen Xian had no time to gloat over others' misfortunes.

She was restless and wanted to sleep in a separate room, but Chen Lanze, who rarely returned to the courtyard, was probably in some little devil's room right now.

No wonder he hasn't been going out lately. It turns out he has a new mistress in the mansion. He's too lazy to say a word to her, and they don't even consummate their marriage more than twice a month. He's quite fond of this wild woman who has no official status.

On the third day at dusk, Little Sparrow came in from outside, her face pale and her eyes darting around.

"Speak quickly." Shen Xian sat in front of the dressing table, removing a kingfisher feather hairpin, her voice cold and anxious.

Xiao Que lowered her face, her voice trembling: "Miss, I did as you said and went to keep an eye on the maid in the old lady's courtyard. Her name is Yi Liu, and she was bought by the second master for the old lady to use."

"She has a room in the old lady's courtyard. I just overheard her from behind her house that after the young master paid his respects to the old lady, he went into Yi Liu's room. The two of them are now... are now..."

Just as expected!

Shen Xian slammed her hand on the table in anger, her mind already filled with images of how her husband held that maid's hand, how he applied powder and drew eyebrows for her, and how they entwined themselves in bed.

"Clang—" The kingfisher feather hairpin was smashed to pieces by her.

He neglected his wife and had an affair with a maid! Having one mistress wasn't enough; he even coveted the maid in the old lady's room. How disgusting!

It's pitiful that she, who should have been a noble princess, was outshone by a respectable maid! And that the husband she had carefully chosen and so grateful for treated her so badly!

Her blood rushed to her head, and Shen Xian almost rushed out to drag that adulterous couple to the front of the court and let everyone see Chen Lanze's true colors!

But as soon as he took a step, he was nailed to the ground.

After a falling out, what happens next? Divorce? Going home? Back to the Princess's residence or back to Yanjing?

Having enjoyed the extravagance of the Chen family, she no longer cared about the pitiful salary of a princess. Was she really willing to bear the infamy of being envied and abandoned, and bid farewell to this good life of fine clothes, beautiful ornaments, and numerous servants, all for the sake of a man?

Shen Xian suddenly closed her eyes, her chest heaving violently. The breath caught in her throat, she couldn't swallow it down or spit it out, and her heart ached.

After a long while, she slowly opened her eyes, looked at the radiant woman in the mirror, and sighed.

"Fine, since the old lady has already tacitly approved of it, even if I make a scene, no one in the mansion will side with me."

"Miss, are you planning to leave it at that?"

Shen Xian shook her head, "Keep an eye on her. I can't control the Chen family and Chen Lanze, but can't I at least control a little maid? She dares to compete with me for favor in the mansion. Sooner or later, I'll teach her a lesson."

Even a life of wealth isn't necessarily easy. Looking at the table full of jewelry and cosmetics, she couldn't bring herself to smile.

The grievances of the women living in seclusion had nowhere to be expressed, and they all turned into spring rain, flowing down from the eaves.

It had been drizzling for two days, and the air was damp and chilly.

For several days, the princess's residence remained closed, refusing visitors. She even refused to accept the repeated imperial edicts from the palace inviting her to enter.

The servants in the manor trembled with fear at her disobedience, but Yuezhi had no time to think about whether Pei Heng would be angry.

Ideally, he would be extremely angry, strip her of her princess title, and demote her to a commoner. Then she could go to Jizhou to reunite with her godmother and sworn brother, go to Yanjing to find Hua Qing, or even go to Qingzhou to seek refuge with Cui Xianglan, who is already married.

But the emperor was not angry. He even visited the mansion several times in person. His carriage stopped outside the gate, and the guards were very strict, which caused the neighbors in the streets to whisper among themselves.

But she was determined and only sent her personal maid to the front hall to report, claiming to be ill and refusing to let him into the inner quarters.

She didn't know how to face him. She was angry with him, afraid of him, and resented him. She was even more worried that because she couldn't see clearly, if she heard his voice and smelled his scent again, she would secretly compare the similarities between him and the prince consort in her heart.

The prince consort has been missing for nearly a month, and her memories of him, which only exist in his voice and scent, are almost gone with each passing day of tears.

That afternoon, Huachun ran up to her with a worried look on her face: "Princess, another message has come from the palace, saying that the Emperor will go to Baoguang Temple to offer incense and pray for blessings in three days."

Hua Chun carefully observed her expression and slowly said, "His Majesty specifically instructed that... that you are his closest and most trusted princess. If you are absent from such an occasion to pray for the country, I'm afraid the royal family and the people will have many speculations, which would also be against etiquette."

Yuezhi sat in the lakeside corridor, listening to the intermittent sound of the drizzle. Upon hearing this, she closed her eyes, her fingertips feeling slightly cold.

The closest, the most trusted... He wanted to see her, and he could always find a reason that she couldn't refuse.

She enjoyed the treatment of a princess, so she could not fail to abide by the responsibilities and rules of a princess.

He nodded helplessly, "I understand. Send someone to report back to the palace. I will go to the Buddhist temple for the blessing."

*

Three days later, the main hall of Baoguang Temple was filled with the smoke of incense and candles, and the chanting of sutras was solemn and dignified.

Dressed in a simple and solemn palace gown, Yuezhi stood at the forefront of the royal female members, yet she could clearly feel the gaze emanating from the young emperor in the center of the main hall, holding incense and dressed in a dragon robe.

The lingering scent of incense, like a ray of light cast through the dim clouds, lingered on her for a long time.

Throughout the entire process, she kept her eyes down, following the monks' instructions to perform rituals such as burning incense, kneeling, and listening to chanting. Every movement was proper and graceful, like a puppet being led around.

As she knelt and prayed, she hoped in her heart that this year's spring rains would be plentiful, that the people would have a good harvest, that there would be no more war on the border, and that those who had traveled far away would be able to return home...

She avoided contact with Pei Heng, focusing all her attention on the sound of her inner prayers and the low chanting of scriptures by the monks in her ears, as if this could shield her from that suffocating gaze.

By afternoon, the lengthy ceremony had finally come to an end.

The civil and military officials and their wives and relatives dispersed in order. Yuezhi secretly breathed a sigh of relief and just wanted to get into the carriage and go back to her residence immediately, but was told by the monk that...

"His Majesty specifically instructed that the princess be invited to stay in the temple for seven days of quiet meditation to show his sincerity in praying for blessings."

Yuezhi felt she had been tricked and asked the monk, "Is this a rule that emperors have always followed when they enter Buddhist temples to pray for blessings?"

"There has always been such a rule, but when the late emperor was alive, he did not attach importance to things like praying for blessings and offering sacrifices, so he did not bring his concubines or relatives here for quiet cultivation. But the current emperor is a wise and benevolent ruler, so he is naturally different from the late emperor."

He is the emperor; he can do whatever he wants, and people will find reasons to justify it.

Yuezhi felt annoyed, but had no choice but to reply politely: "Thank you for reminding me, Master. I will remember it."

Hua Chun asked, "Where do my princess and the emperor each reside?"

The monk replied, "His Majesty resides in Jianshan Zen Temple, which is closest to the main hall. As a female member of the royal family, the princess resides in Yinian Hall, a quiet place nestled in the bamboo grove of the temple. There is only one path leading through it, so no passersby will disturb the princess."

Hearing that few people passed by her residence, Yuezhi breathed a slight sigh of relief. "Thank you, Master."

He then ordered the maids and attendants following behind him to go to Yinian Hall to check. If anything was missing or lacking, they could go back to the princess's residence to retrieve it. The round trip would allow them to tidy up their lodgings before dark.

She might not be used to living in a new place all of a sudden.

It's all Pei Heng's fault for being so malicious. He didn't give her any advance notice before asking her to stay at the temple, so she didn't even bring an extra piece of clothing.

With her attendants dispersed, Yuezhi, accompanied by Huachun, walked along a secluded path through the dense forest inside the temple towards a higher point, where the wind was stronger and the sunlight was brighter.

The rustling of leaves in the wind filled my ears, making the surroundings seem even quieter.

Unexpectedly, just as she climbed a step, the figure she least wanted to see suddenly appeared at the end of the path.

He had changed out of his heavy dragon robe and was now wearing a dark blue casual outfit. He stood there with his hands behind his back, clearly having been waiting for a long time.

The warm golden light filtered through the gaps in the leaves, casting dappled shadows on his young and handsome face, while his eyes shone with an astonishing brightness, fixed intently on her.

Yuezhi's eyes were filled with the interplay of light and shadow, and she didn't notice the extra person there. By the time she realized Huachun was holding her hand tightly, the young man's voice was already reaching her ears.

"Royal sister..."

His hand reached out to support her elbow, and the moment it touched her sleeve, Yuezhi's heart skipped a beat. She instinctively wanted to back away and turn to find another way.

"Does Your Majesty really not want to see me?" The young man's voice rang out, carrying a suppressed sadness, and was particularly clear in the silent, dense forest.

Yuezhi stopped in her tracks, knowing there was no way to avoid it.

She took a deep breath and turned around. "I'm not feeling well, and I don't dare let you see my sickly appearance, for fear of spoiling the Emperor's good mood."

The emperor approached step by step, waving away the bewildered Huachun beside her.

In the dense forest, only the two of them remained.

He stood in front of her, so close that she could almost smell the faint scent of ambergris on him.

"Your Majesty, you never address me as 'Your Majesty,' why don't you call me 'Aheng'? Are you still angry with me?"

He stared at her lowered eyelashes, his voice carrying a hint of barely perceptible grievance and stubbornness, "Just because of what I said that day? Just because... I wanted to occupy a little more weight in your heart than 'younger brother'? You won't even look at me anymore?"

Yuezhi was at a loss because of the bluntness in his words. She dug her fingertips into her palm and said, "Aheng, I've said everything. I only see you as a younger brother. Why are you so insistent?"

"Younger brother?" Pei Heng frowned, suddenly interrupting her, his voice excited.

"What blood relation do we have? I've been delaying your inclusion in the imperial genealogy. Don't you understand my intentions? Do you see me as a younger brother, or are you using this as an excuse to reject me?"

His questions came like a tidal wave, brimming with burning emotion, almost overwhelming her.

He forced Yuezhi to stagger back a few steps until her back hit the rough tree trunk, leaving her with nowhere to retreat.

"Aheng, you're just a child in my eyes," she tried to explain, her voice trembling.

"I am no longer a child!" The young man took a step closer, placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her in a small space, and locked his gaze on her intently.

"I am already nineteen years old! In another six months I will be twenty, and I am a man!"

His burning palm gripped her wrist through her sleeve, and he placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Touch it, look at it clearly with your hands, my elder sister. Long before you went blind, I had already grown up. It was you who only thought about the person who could not come back, and were heartbroken for him. You would rather lock yourself up and not see anyone than spare a little thought for me, who is still alive and standing in front of you."

"Do you expect me to disappear and die before you'll remember my good qualities and never forget me?"

He was breathing rapidly, his chest heaving slightly, and his dark eyes were filled with resentment and longing.

Yuezhi's hand was forced to move in sync with the arc of his body as he prayed. His broad arms were like an impenetrable wall, trapping her here, unable to let go.

The young man's words were sincere, but they failed to move her heart.

Even with his coercion, she couldn't feel any romantic feelings for him, not even a flutter of the heart. All she felt was the shame of being harassed and pressured by her "younger brother."

She wondered if she had somehow corrupted him, leading him to believe that there was something between them that went beyond master-servant or kinship.

Pei Heng felt heartbroken at Yue Zhi's indifferent reaction. He was heartbroken, but she only showed embarrassment and awkwardness on her face.

Her face, which was clearly the most beautiful in his life, now deeply pierced his heart.

"I just... want you to look at me, not as a younger brother, but as a man... Am I so heinous that you despise me to this extent?"

He lowered his head, his forehead almost touching the top of her head, his voice low and pleading.

Yuezhi couldn't see him, unaware that his features had long since shed the childishness of youth, now sharp and defined, possessing the sharpness of an emperor and the refined elegance unique to young men.

His surging emotions overflowed from his low, hoarse voice, scalding her heart with pain.

A wave of intense dizziness washed over her, and she felt a surge of intense, overwhelming emotions wash over her heart, which was already filled with sorrow—she was about to be crushed by Pei Heng's turbulent feelings.

Yuezhi closed her eyes, her hand on his shoulder suddenly tightening, her voice weak yet firm.

"Aheng, please stop talking..."