Redemption

The candlelight was cut off, and the room was filled with dim darkness.

After calming down, Jiang Nian sat in the darkness with his eyes lowered in a daze. With the light just enough to barely see the outline, he slowly spread out his palms and looked at his palms.

Just now...those words I said to Xiao Yingzhu, those extreme words, were they really something I could say?

Deep in the darkness, all around is quiet.

Jiang Nian turned his head and looked at the place they had just been talking about.

Xiao Yingzhu had already gone back, and only the outline of a dead object remained over there.

They could no longer clearly see the outlines of the desk and wooden chairs, but they could clearly replay each other's expressions in their minds, the subtle changes in emotions, the temperature of their palms, and even the texture of their skin.

Jiang Nian suddenly felt that he was having trouble breathing.

Like the suffocating feeling of drowning in water.

Do you hate yourself?

When she parted with Xiao Yingzhu, she could already understand what was in his expression.

It wasn't that Xiao Yingzhu deliberately revealed any emotions for her to see, but she could clearly guess what he was thinking just by looking through his eyes.

As expected, he heard the conversation with Lan very clearly and distinctly.

Even if words that have never existed in this era appear, they can be understood with a little association.

Is escape and denial the true inner thought behind agreeing to Lan to find Shou Zan and continue cooperating with Meng Zheng?

These emotions were hidden too deeply, or perhaps she had become accustomed to feeling this way, and now it was difficult for her to see clearly what she was thinking.

Maybe she has been deceiving herself.

That's it. After all, I said so much and threw my ideas directly to Xiao Yingzhu, and he accepted it all.

She no longer wanted to think about whether Xiao Yingzhu really only treated her as a pawn, or as Qin Lan said, all deceptions had inevitable reasons. Maybe she was really that special to Xiao Yingzhu?

Was it because she had covered her eyes for too long that she couldn't even make sense of it anymore?

Even if they gave her more hints, she didn't dare to believe them easily, to try to trust and rely on Xiao Yingzhu.

Awkward and contradictory.

On the one hand, she hopes that Xiao Yingzhu will not use her as a pawn, and on the other hand, she wants to use his power to maximize her abilities.

Can I find a sense of security in this way?

Become the spiritual pillar for yourself to survive in this era.

Let Xiao Yingzhu tell her clearly that she has great value, a value that cannot be replaced by others, everyone needs her, and she will become someone who cannot be replaced by others, and will be forever imprinted and engraved in their hearts.

Perhaps it is not enough for them alone. If the insect repellent method can really successfully reduce the frequency of famine outbreaks, or solve the insect plagues - in any case, if it can gain the favor of the people, she might be happier. In this way, the traces of her existence can be like a knife mark, deeply imprinted on this era.

She is really greedy.

It has reached the point where I am not even satisfied with just working with Xiao Yingzhu.

And also want to further claim emotional value.

She also longed for more emotional value - enough to make her forget that she was in a different place and a different era, forget that she had no way out, no longer hate and reject herself, and be able to open her heart to accept normal people who depend on others.

I also want to find a sense of belonging from Xiao Yingzhu or other things.

is that so?

She couldn't figure it out, maybe this was what she needed.

As for what she would want to ask for later, she couldn't predict what she would do.

—

The night is deep.

Envelopes piled up on the desk. The attendant beside him hadn't heard Meng Zheng speak for a long time. Seeing that it was time, he stepped forward carefully and reminded him, "Your Highness, the medicine is ready. Please take it while it's hot."

Meng Zheng sighed, put down the letter in his hand, and looked out the door: "Have someone bring it in."

After receiving the order, the attendant bowed, walked to the door immediately and opened it.

The night wind blew in from the crack of the door, carrying with it the bitter smell of medicine. Meng Zheng rested one hand on the table, rubbing his forehead, glanced sideways, and raised his hand to accept the medicine brought in by the waiter.

Knowing that Meng Zheng generally didn't like outsiders to be around at this time, he placed the medicine steadily in Meng Zheng's hand, then bowed and walked out.

Silence returned to the room. He held the cup, lowered his eyes, took a sip, and frowned in disgust.

This kind of medicine is not like the kind of bitterness that can be suppressed by eating candied fruit. It will remain in the throat, and the taste will diffuse into the nasal cavity until it is imprinted deep in the memory.

The dark brown medicinal soup reflected his cold face.

In such a disgusting moment, there is no need to fake a smile, even if it is muscle memory.

After being involved in social activities that never ended and had no rest periods, his body was already exhausted and he could no longer hold on.

It all depends on a nerve that is holding its breath.

A while ago, he was still thinking that he would just keep living like this until he got the seat he wanted, and then all these disgusting interactions would stop - even if it was just on the surface.

Lately he hasn't felt that way anymore.

He met Jiang Nian, a person who was in good health and free from illness, but had no way out because she lived in an era that did not belong to her.

Beneath her pretty and gentle surface, what he saw in her eyes was a strong, deep emptiness, a bottomless black hole of decadence.

As if treating the people around her as non-existent, she struggles to move forward, dragging her human skin and the tasks she is entangled with.

But unfortunately, he is the only one who can see this.

Even Jiang Nian herself didn't notice it.

Was it because the disease that was parasitic on his body was about to take his life, that he could understand the unspeakable pain and torture that belonged to others or himself?

In this boring world, as long as he lives, he will be able to witness endless sorrow.

Regardless of what was found in the letters, the truth about Qin Lan's collusion with the bishop's remnants.

Or was it Xiao Yingzhu's uncontrollable resentment at the time - the series of events that occurred as Emperor Changde tried to protect the capital and resist foreign enemies.

First, he watched his mother die, then he stood on the battlefield and witnessed the people around him fall one by one, until he was the only one left, and finally he couldn't even find his father's body.

Who doesn’t hate this damn fate? But fate ultimately depends on the choices you make.

The choices you made when you were young have shackled who you are today.

Until he reached such a high position, he became a monster in human skin, neither ghost nor spirit.

After drinking the medicine, the familiar feeling of drowsiness came over me again, and even my vision became blurred.

Meng Zheng simply fell on the table and reached out to casually pick up the letter spread out on the table.

On one side was the flattery of the nobles. On the other side was the esteem in which he was held by Emperor Changde. And on the other side was the intelligence concerning the bishop.

Then came the temptations from all sides.

After making a decision at a young age, he returned to the capital.

The people around him began to test him. They tested everything. They tested his thoughts, the motives behind his actions, his stance, everything.

There are also sudden assassinations and round-the-clock surveillance from head to toe.

It has been a long road. Step by step, I have come to this point. I have been telling myself that if I climb higher, have more power, and have a wider sphere of influence, I will be able to intimidate others, and I will only have to deal with those who can stand above me in this world.

I kept thinking this, thinking about the moment I met Xiao Yingzhu in Chimen.

The moment he saw Xiao Yingzhu, he realized that he had thought too simply.

This is not a question of whether he holds a high position or not, it is not a question of power, and it is not even a question of his own.

It's a problem of the era in which he lives.

It's too corrupt, too cruel, and there's no end in sight.

Even someone as resilient as Xiao Yingzhu, who could single-handedly fight against the enemy and regain control of the Duke's Mansion from Emperor Changde through sheer force, would be compromised by fate.

Has the resentment of the past burned out?

So he temporarily submitted to Emperor Changde and was used by him.

So he got angry.

I don’t know if I was angry at Xiao Yingzhu’s correct choice, or at myself.

It's a bit of both.

There is no way. If a person is angry at this era, that's all he can do. He can't make any major changes, not to mention that this body won't last for a few more years.

Even if one gets a little emotional, he or she may faint and become a complete waste.

Even if he risked everything to set a goal, walked towards a road with no way back, cut through countless thorns, and was appreciated by the man who now has absolute power.

He can't do anything.

Meng Zheng lost his strength and loosened his hands, which had no strength to twist the letter paper.

It turns out that this is how everyone got here.

After figuring this out, he could only complain a little. Tomorrow is another new day, and he will have to start all those endless social interactions again.

So cowardly.

Whether it was his era or Jiang Nian's era, they had the same root cause.

Time can't heal all this.

There is absolutely no hope.

He is tired.

—

The next morning, the bustling sounds outside the house woke Meng Zheng from his sleep.

His eyes were focused on the ceiling, his head felt dizzy, and his breath was hot.

Is this an illness again?

Meng Zheng blinked expressionlessly, ignoring the dizziness in his head, and barely supported his body with one hand.

I fell asleep on my desk last night, so I haven't finished reading some of the letters.

Now I should reply to Emperor Changde's letter... There is indeed no doubt about Xiao Yingzhu.

He did everything perfectly from beginning to end, and the only one who could find any flaws was Jiang Nian who was beside him.

But Jiang Nian still needs it now, so he can be excluded.

Then there is nothing else.

Jiang Nian's face flashed through his mind. Meng Zheng frowned and suppressed the annoyance in his heart.

He has never needed others to prove anything for him. Now that he has figured everything out, he doesn't need anything anymore.

Meng Zheng lowered his head and stood up with the help of the cabinet next to him. After a while, his black eyes gradually regained their sight.

He suppressed the fatigue in his heart, went to the back room to wash up, and then returned to his desk to finish reviewing the letters he had not finished reviewing last night.

Led by Emperor Changde's Nafeng.

Meng Zheng coughed a few times, then raised his hand to open the letter, took out the letter paper inside, and read it line by line.

“…”

When his eyes caught sight of the last paragraph, he raised the corners of his lips in sarcasm.

The rights that are about to be obtained?

Since it was something that couldn't be saved...Meng Zheng subconsciously wanted to pick up a pen to reply, but then stopped himself.

No.

Although I couldn't save him.

But now it is a life-saving talisman.

Having reached this point and embarking on a desperate road, he now has no choice but to continue to carry out his mission.

Meng Zheng frowned as he suddenly had the idea of ​​changing his mind. He suppressed his restless heart and patiently wrote a reply.

The bustling sounds outside the door were approaching.

Before he could write a few words, there was a knock on the door.

Taking into account that Meng Zheng usually did not need to be woken up, and that it was already time for Meng Zheng to get up, the servant who delivered the message spoke directly.

"There's a girl who calls herself Jiang Nian, holding your handwritten letter, waiting in the front hall. Would you like to let her in?"