out-of-control fist

The tinnitus grew louder and louder, like countless cicadas screaming in my head. Li Ting and Zhao Lin's laughter was like poisoned needles, pricking my skin so hard I felt like I was going to explode.

Zheng Yiming stood beside me, his back to me, talking to someone, his profile as cold as ice. He seemed to have completely forgotten that I was on the ground, about to be submerged, and that he had said, "You can tell me if there's anything."

It turns out that the warmth was just an illusion.

"Look at her like that, isn't she upset because we hit the nail on the head?" Li Ting's voice rang out again, with a hint of smug satisfaction. "Yeah, she's already flirting with other people right after Grandpa left, she's really shameless."

The words "flirting" struck my heart like a hammer. Grandpa's face flashed before my eyes; he smiled and gave me candy, saying, "Our Zhixia is a good girl."

How dare they? How dare they insult me ​​by mentioning my grandfather?!

A surge of heat rushed to my head, and all my reason crumbled instantly. Like a cornered beast, I jumped up from the ground, grabbed the books on the table, and threw them at Li Ting.

"Shut the fuck up!"

The book hit her shoulder, and she screamed, taking two steps back. The smug look on her face instantly turned into shock and anger: "Shen Zhixia! You dare hit me?!"

"Shut up!" I rushed over, my eyes red, my fingers gripping her collar so tightly my nails almost dug into her flesh. "Who told you to talk about my grandfather?! Who told you to spout such nonsense?!"

"Let me go! You're crazy!" She struggled, waving her hands wildly, her nails scratching my arm and leaving several bloody marks.

Seeing this, Zhao Lin immediately rushed over and pulled me away: "Chen Zhixia, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!"

"Get away from me!" I flung her hand away, the force so strong that she stumbled. Anger churned in my chest like magma, burning me until I lost all feeling, leaving only one thought—to shut them up, to make them pay for insulting Grandpa!

I lunged forward, grabbed Zhao Lin's hair, and yanked her violently to the side. She screamed in pain, tears instantly welling up in her eyes: "Chen Zhixia! I've done nothing to you, why did you hit me?!"

"No grudges or enemies?" I laughed, tears streaming down my face. "When you spread rumors about me, did you ever think about having no grudges or enemies? When you brought up my grandfather, did you ever think about having no grudges or enemies?!"

The classroom was in chaos. Desks and chairs were knocked over and overturned. Screams, calls for help, and gasps mingled together, like an absurd farce. Some people tried to break up the fight, but were scared off by my red-eyed appearance; others took out their phones to take pictures, the flashes blindingly bright.

"I've said enough! Don't you two understand?!" I roared, my voice hoarse like a broken gong, my fists landing uncontrollably on them. "Apologize to me! Apologize to my grandfather!"

Li Ting and Zhao Lin were stunned by my beating. At first, they struggled to fight back, but later all they could do was cry and beg for mercy. But I was like I was possessed; I couldn't hear anything, all I could see were their mocking faces, and all I could hear were their filthy words.

Until someone hugged me from behind, with a strength like an iron clamp, holding me tightly.

"Shen Zhixia! Stop hitting her!"

It was Zheng Yiming's voice, tinged with urgency and a barely perceptible tremor. His chest pressed against my back, warm, yet it felt colder than ice to me.

"Let me go!" I struggled, tears streaming down my face. "Make them apologize! Make them apologize to my grandfather!"

"They were wrong, I'll make them apologize, calm down!" He dragged me aside, his voice unusually forceful, "You'll get into trouble if you keep doing this!"

"Something happened? Something happened to me a long time ago!" I cried out, struggling with my arms and legs. "Didn't you see it? Didn't you know everything? Why didn't you say anything?! Why did you watch them bully me?!"

He didn't say anything, he just hugged me tighter, letting my fists fall on his back without uttering a sound.

The surroundings gradually quieted down. Everyone looked at us, their eyes filled with shock, sympathy, and mostly indifferent schadenfreude. Li Ting and Zhao Lin sat on the ground crying, their hair disheveled, their clothes torn to shreds, looking utterly wretched.

The homeroom teacher rushed over upon hearing the commotion. Seeing the mess in the classroom, her face turned ashen: "What have you all been doing?! Shen Zhixia! Li Ting! Zhao Lin! Come with me to the office!"

Zheng Yiming released his grip. I stood there, trembling, my arms and the backs of my hands covered in scratches that stung. Looking at the two people crying on the ground, at the indifferent gazes around me, at the angry face of our homeroom teacher, and then at Zheng Yiming, whose head was bowed and whose expression I couldn't see, I felt that the last vestige of warmth in my heart had completely vanished.

I suddenly found it ridiculous.

For two unworthy people, for a few dirty words, I acted like a madman, making myself look so pathetic.

Is it worth it?

Not at all.

Our homeroom teacher lectured us for a long time in the office. Li Ting and Zhao Lin tearfully accused me of my "violent behavior," saying that I "became angry because my sore spot was touched." I didn't defend myself, nor did I cry. I just stared at the sycamore tree outside the window, its leaves shining green, just like the one in my grandfather's old courtyard.

Finally, the homeroom teacher made us apologize to each other. Li Ting and Zhao Lin reluctantly said "I'm sorry," but their eyes were glaring at me as if they wanted to devour me.

When it was my turn, I looked at them and suddenly laughed: "I'm not apologizing."

"Shen Zhixia!" the homeroom teacher shouted sternly.

“I did nothing wrong.” I looked at them and said, word by word, “They can insult me, but they can’t insult my grandfather. This punch is what they owe my grandfather.”

After saying that, I didn't look at anyone else, turned around and walked out of the office.

The corridor was empty, and the sunlight shone brightly on the floor. Zheng Yiming stood at the end of the corridor, saw me, and tried to come over, but I turned and went into the stairwell.

I don't want to see him again.

I don't want to see his silence, I don't want to see his indifference, I don't want to recall those moments that once warmed my heart.

The stairwell window was open, letting in a cool breeze. I leaned on the railing, looking down at the empty playground, and finally, tears streamed down my face.

Grandpa, I'm sorry.

Your granddaughter is incompetent; she can't protect you, nor can she protect herself.

Grandpa, I miss you so much.

I long to eat the candy you gave me again, and I long to hear you say again, "Our Zhixia is a good girl."

The wind blew past my ears, carrying a sobbing sound, like someone crying. I squatted in the stairwell, hugging my knees, and cried for a long, long time, until the school bell rang and the corridor became completely quiet, before I slowly stood up.

The tear tracks on my face had dried, leaving only a tight, aching pain. I touched my pockets; they were empty—no candy, no courage.

From now on, I'll probably have to walk this road alone.

Each step felt like walking on broken glass.