Beyond Nature

Zhou Jianxing stared at the screen of his mobile phone, his fingertips hovering above the download icon. After hesitating for a long time, he finally pressed it, and the blue blinking software icon reappeared on the screen.

The last time she uninstalled it, she was determined to leave Wen Lingyi's life completely and cut off all possible thoughts.

And now, she was wavering.

At that time, she thought that uninstalling a software would be enough to get rid of the feelings that should not have been nurtured.

When I logged in again, the message alerts came in instantly as dense as raindrops, and the screen was flooded with the same ID - "Seal the Heart and Lock the Love".

Sealing Heart and Locking Love: "Little Star, how was your day today?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Little Star, have you thought it through?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Why aren't you replying to messages?"

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "Little Star, are you there?"

Seal the Heart and Lock the Love: "Little Star, don't give up so easily."

…

Each piece of information spans time.

Zhou Jianxing felt a pang of guilt at first. She seemed to have completely regarded "Feng Xin Suo Ai" as her own tree hole and emotional trash can. Even though the other party was just a stranger on the Internet, she still felt guilty about it.

But apart from "Seal Heart and Lock Love", she couldn't find anyone else to confide in.

Her parents? Chu Wei? Ajie? They all knew her true self. Even if she could still manage to say that she liked a woman...

But how could she tell him that she liked a married woman?

Of course, she was touched that an online friend she had never met was so concerned about her affairs. While she was touched, Zhou Jianxing was also a little amused by the level of gossip about "Sealed Heart Locked Love". She felt that this sister seemed to be paying too much attention to her affairs.

But she didn't hate this feeling, because sharing secrets made her develop an inexplicable dependence on "Sealing the Heart and Locking the Love".

The screen full of messages disrupted her planned opening remarks. Zhou Jianxing's cheeks flushed slightly, and her fingers hovered over the keyboard, thinking about how to apologize for her previous "disappearance".

Make up an excuse? Something like, "My phone's broken," "I'm too busy at work"? She squashed the thought as soon as it occurred. She wasn't good at lying; one lie would require countless more lies to cover it up, ultimately making things even more awkward.

In the end, she chose clumsy honesty.

Xingxing: "I'm sorry, sister. I uninstalled the software after our last chat."

Xingxing: "I didn't receive your previous message. Sorry, sorry (.﹏.)"

Xingxing: "Sister, how have you been lately?"

Almost immediately after sending the message, the other party's reply popped up. It was so fast that Zhou Jianxing couldn't help but wonder if "Sealed Heart Locked Love" was some kind of professional emotional tree hole? The kind that waited 24 hours a day for someone to respond?

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Oh? Why did you uninstall the software?"

What's the meaning?

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "It's okay, baby."

Forget it, since I call her sister, just forgive her. Good girl.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "I'm fine. How about you? How are things going with your partner?"

After those two kisses last time, had Zhou Jianxing changed her mind? She thought she had given a clear enough signal.

This slow-witted little fool should have finally gotten the message and figured it out, right? But considering Zhou Jianxing's overly honest nature, Wen Lingyi couldn't help but feel nervous.

Xingxing: "Well... because I wanted to completely break up with her, I figured I wouldn't need this app anymore, and I don't really like women anyway, so I uninstalled it..."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "What do you mean? You don't like women?"

When I saw the sentence "I don't think I like women either", the questioning words were sent out almost without thinking.

Wen Lingyi felt like her PTSD was about to kick in. A wave of nausea and vomiting crazily washed over her, a chill of physical disgust rising from her feet to her head. The scene of her and Su Qing catching Zhu Yang in an affair resurfaced in her mind, along with the photos of Zhu Yang holding his child after giving birth, which he shared on WeChat Moments.

She could almost hear the sound of her blood rushing to her head, accompanied by a sharp tinnitus.

Xingxing: "I like her, but I don't seem to have any feelings for other women. I've never liked anyone before, so I don't know my sexual orientation."

Zhou Jianxing was startled by the other party's sudden strong reaction and hurriedly explained clumsily.

Xingxing: "I don't know how to explain it to you... Anyway, I thought there was no hope for her, and I had no intention of falling in love for the time being, so I uninstalled the app."

What she actually wanted to express was that if it wasn't for Wen Lingyi, she would not fall in love with any other woman.

She tried, and she didn't seem to have feelings for other women.

Her sexual orientation? Zhou Jianxing really didn't know.

She didn't know whether it was because Wen Lingyi was so special that she broke through the boundaries of gender, or whether she already had homosexual tendencies and was only ignited by Wen Lingyi. This chaotic state made her even more confused.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Oh? You mean you like men too?"

Wen Lingyi watched Zhou Jianxing's explanation, and the sharp stinging pain eased slightly, but the haze in her heart had not completely dissipated. The aftereffects of her words "I don't think I like women anyway" remained, and she stared coldly at the screen.

This idea itself was enough to hurt Wen Lingyi.

In her circle, she has seen too many girls who were madly in love with their girlfriends when they were young, hugging each other and saying they wanted to be together for the rest of their lives, but when they get older, they turn around and find a "suitable" man to go on blind dates, get married, have children, and call it "getting back on track" and "settling down."

Some even switch seamlessly between men and women, treating these pure-blooded lesbians as playthings to fill their emptiness and then discard them.

Thinking of this, Wen Lingyi felt so angry that her teeth were itching.

But hadn't she also embarked on the path of a marriage of convenience? A thought sneered in her mind. What right did she have to blame others?

Wen Lingyi rubbed her brows in frustration, forcing herself to calm down. Why did she care? She and Zhou Jianxing weren't going to have a future together, so why would she care if she liked men or not? It had nothing to do with her. Even if Zhou Jianxing got married and had children, it wouldn't matter to her.

There is no connection at all.

Thinking of this, she tried to suppress the subtle tingling in her heart.

But the effect is minimal.

Xingxing: "I don't know, I've never liked a man."

Zhou Jianxing was an extremely pragmatic person. It was true that she had never liked a man, but she couldn't predict whether she would like one in the future. Just like before she met Wen Lingyi, she had never liked a woman. Besides Wen Lingyi, she seemed to have no feelings for other women.

Could it be that her sexual orientation is Wen Lingyi?

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "You said you wanted to completely break up with her so you uninstalled the app... So, now you've changed your mind?"

Wen Lingyi took the initiative to end the previous disturbing topic, not wanting to continue to dwell on the topic of sexual orientation. More practical for her was what Zhou Jianxing was thinking now? Was he still willing to stay and continue this dangerous game?

Xingxing: "I don't know. Last time... the last time we met, we kissed. She wanted me to continue, but I didn't dare to continue."

Wen Lingyi's response in the bathroom, the magical "Keep doing it", "Don't run away from me", and the final meaningful touch and "Looking forward to your good news", all the images and feelings came flooding back.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Why don't you dare to continue? Do you still care about "a relationship with a future"?"

She asked knowingly, deciding to take this opportunity to completely resolve the other person's worries.

Xingxing: "Yeah. I don't know what she thinks, but I'm serious about her. I'm afraid she's just playing around with me, and I can't afford to play around with her. Plus, she already has a husband, and I don't want to destroy her family or hurt her husband."

Wen Lingyi looked at the message sent by Zhou Jianxing, and all the interest in her heart seemed to be doused by a basin of cold water. She felt embarrassed that her intention was so bluntly exposed by Zhou Jianxing.

From the beginning, she defined the relationship as just a game.

A game where neither party is responsible, each gets what they want, and enjoys life in the moment.

She didn't understand. Why was this little fool so persistent about something like this? So... ignorant?

Even if it was just for fun, so what? Although Wen Lingyi was no longer young, she was still well-maintained and beautiful, and she also had material conditions and social status that ordinary people could hardly achieve. She would not cheat Zhou Jianxing of his money, and she did not even look down on Zhou Jianxing's salary.

At most...at most it's just a "sexual" scam.

In her opinion, Zhou Jianxing was able to have close contact with a woman like her, so wasn't she the one who benefited? She was clearly the one who suffered the loss.

Besides, where in this world is there such a thing as everlasting love? Wen Lingyi felt a cold sneer in her heart.

No matter how passionate a love is, it will eventually be worn away by time, defeated by reality, and dissolved by the trivialities of life.

Even if there is no subjective intention to separate, we cannot escape birth, old age, sickness and death, natural disasters and man-made disasters.

The so-called "eternity" is nothing but a beautiful fantasy of human beings deceiving themselves.

Her relationship with Zhou Jianxing was merely a preview of the ultimate outcome of all relationships: separation. What's wrong with that? Why should she carry such heavy moral shackles and future expectations?

Wen Lingyi took a deep breath and suppressed the irritation and shame of being exposed.

She needed to convince this stubborn little fool. She needed to make Zhou Jianxing understand that the idea of ​​pursuing a "future relationship" was nothing but the product of youthful naivety and inexperience with the world.

Her fingertips tapped rapidly on the screen.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Xiao Xing Xing, you are too young to be obsessed with that illusory "relationship with a future."

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "Being overly attached to a future bound to others is itself a form of bondage. The only thing we can grasp is the existence and feelings of the present moment."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "The essence of love is experience, a process. Pursuing a certain, stable 'future' often means giving up the passion and possibilities of the present."

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "It's like trying to turn a beautiful rose into a dried flower that won't wither. It retains its form, but loses its most moving fragrance and vitality."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "You said you were afraid she was just 'playing around', afraid you couldn't afford it. Little Star, the word 'play' is way too frivolous."

"Aristotle discussed friendship and eros. He believed that the highest form of friendship, based on virtue and mutual admiration, was stable and enduring. Eros, on the other hand, was ardent and passionate, but could also be unstable."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "What's sprouting between you and that woman right now is a strong love, but it will take a long time to sublime into a love of virtue. Yet you demand that this budding, uncertain passion immediately shoulder the stability and future that friendship seeks, even asking it to bear the weight of a marriage contract. Isn't that too much to ask?"

"In the moment of mutual attraction, fully enjoy emotional and physical pleasure, without preconceived notions about the future or burdened by heavy moral constraints. This is the true respect for each other's freedom and the present moment."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Being serious is fine. But your 'seriousness' shouldn't become a rope that binds her or yourself. Use that seriousness to enjoy every 'moment' with her. That's the greatest way to cherish your feelings for her and yourself."

Seal the Heart and Lock Love: "Little star, don't let the fear of the future stifle the splendor of the present. Life is short, enjoy it while you can."

Wen Lingyi typed out this long paragraph almost without thinking. Having been immersed in the art circle for many years, he has already internalized the emotional philosophy of "enjoy life while you can" and "experience first".

After sending this long string, Wen Lingyi finally breathed a sigh of relief and took a sip of the ice water beside her. She had used this rhetoric to soothe her heart, which had been broken after Zhu Yang's betrayal, and to provide theoretical support for her fleeting romance.

·

Zhou Jianxing stared at the vast expanse of text that suddenly poured out on the screen. It was so dense and dense that it made her dizzy. The discussion of "this moment" and "joy" was like a gorgeous mist, trying to envelop the simplest persistence in her heart.

If you like someone, you want to have a future with her. Is that wrong?

Reading the words "Seal the Heart and Lock the Love", it seems that her persistence is childish and ignorant.

Zhou Jianxing was so shocked by Feng Xinsuoai's well-reasoned analysis that she couldn't recover for a while. She didn't even know how to respond.

·

Seeing that there was no reply from the other side, Wen Lingyi continued to edit the text.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "As for harm...how is harm defined? Was her husband's 'ownership' violated? Are people objects? Muller once said that as long as they do not harm others, individuals have the freedom to pursue their own happiness."

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "The harm must be substantial and demonstrable. If her marriage itself is a hollow shell, her husband is long gone, and if the relationship leaves her feeling lonely and dying, then does the fact that you comfort each other and find warmth and vitality in each other, in itself, constitute substantial harm to others?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Or is it that this hurt stems more from social norms, such as the discomfort caused by challenges to the institution of marriage?"

Wen Lingyi certainly knew that her marriage was an empty shell, and even if she really got together with Zhou Jianxing, it would not harm anyone.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Are you intervening in a solid fortress, or a crumbling ruin? And how much of your guilt is directed at that husband? And how much stems from your inner fear of breaking social rules?"

·

Xingxing: "You're wrong! No matter what, she's married. There's another person standing behind her, a man I don't even know, but who really exists. Every time I get close to her, every time I touch her, it feels like stealing. Stolen happiness, no matter how sweet, is still stolen goods, and I can't swallow it."

"Seal the Heart and Lock the Love"'s statement was too shocking. Zhou Jianxing instinctively wanted to refute her point of view. She didn't understand those theories that sounded like self-deception. She only knew what she was taught since childhood: "One must be honest and have a clear conscience."

The existence of that husband, regardless of his marital status, is an indelible boundary of reality.

·

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Steal? Stolen goods? Little Star, what do you think you are? And what do you think the other person is? A piece of property belonging to her husband?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Marriage is not a contract to sell one's body. She is a living person with independent will and desires. Do you want to erase her subjectivity as a person just because of marriage?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "She chose to respond to you, chose to let you 'continue'. This is a declaration of her own will. It was something we both agreed to, and you call it stealing?"

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Your thinking essentially denies her subjectivity and right to choose, reducing her to an object. This is the greatest insult and disrespect to her."

"If a relationship is reduced to a cold, contractual shell, without the core of emotional flow, then the contract itself is dead."

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "Keeping a dead contract is like guarding a corpse."

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "If your sense of morality is merely maintaining an illusion of 'ownership' that has long since vanished, at the expense of the real pain and needs of a living person, is that moral, or cruel?"

Wen Lingyi knew that she was changing the concept and blurring the focus, but in front of Zhou Jianxing, who was so stubborn, she could only bite the bullet and talk nonsense.

Sealing the Heart and Locking Love: "Little Star, 'right' and 'wrong' are often shackles imposed on us by the outside world."

Seal the Heart and Lock Love: "Morality is a refuge for the weak, and a rope used by the strong to bind others. Xingxing, don't be bound by those things. Listen more to the voice of your heart and hers."

·

Zhou Jianxing felt dizzy as he looked at the intense words on the screen.

Yes, Wen Lingyi is a human being, shouldn’t she also respect the other party’s choice?

But that’s not right. Even if Wen Lingyi’s marriage was a “corpse”, it was there before it was officially buried.

That man, he might still consider himself a husband, might still have expectations, might... have no idea what was happening. Was her 'peace of mind' built on the ignorance or pain of another person?

Zhou Jianxing's worldview was almost completely destroyed by "Sealed Heart and Locked Love." Or perhaps the other party's words gave her the excuse she wanted? She didn't even want to refute it anymore.

·

Wen Lingyi stopped typing. She was still very concerned about Zhou Jianxing's words, "I'm afraid she's just playing with me." After thinking for a long time, the latter part of her words even revealed some sincerity.

Feng Xin Suo Ai: "Xiao Xing Xing, how do you know she's just playing around with you? How do you know your relationship has no future? Being sincere and wanting a future are two different things."

Seal the Heart and Lock Love: "True sincerity lies in passionate devotion to the present moment and cherishing each other. The demand for a certain future stems from the fear of loss and insecurity. Rather than binding each other with future promises, it is better to experience and cultivate each present moment with sincerity."

"The future is made up of countless present moments. Why not live sincerely in each moment and respect each other's feelings? Let time and your joint choices determine the future, rather than pre-setting a destination that must be reached and shackle yourself. Isn't this a greater expression of sincerity in your relationship?"

The other side's analysis finally made Zhou Jianxing see the true fear in his heart.

She was not only afraid of moral judgment. She was afraid that her sincerity was of no importance to Wen Lingyi.

But who knows what the future holds? All she can grasp is the present, the present moment.