Heart Swamp Sinking

When we contacted the person in charge of the cafe, her tone was relatively calm. She apologized over and over again in an almost humbly manner, her voice dry and tense.

The person in charge simply said that he had other matters to deal with in the past few days, and he would make an appointment with Zhou Jianxing to discuss the compensation issue when he was free.

"Okay, thank you for the trouble. I'm so sorry!" Zhou Jianxing hung up the phone, almost holding her breath. Her apology was so light it sounded like a sigh. A face-to-face meeting for compensation? Just imagining that scene made her lose the courage to meet in person.

The chaotic day finally came to an end. As soon as the bell rang, Zhou Jianxing rushed out of the office, almost as if fleeing, without even a second's delay. The hustle and bustle of the city, the hustle and bustle of traffic, became a blur of background noise.

She just wanted to quickly return to that small room where she could temporarily isolate herself from the outside world.

Pushing open the door, Zhou Jianxing lowered his head and formally called out, "Mom and Dad, I'm back," then walked straight through the living room and locked himself in the bedroom.

In the living room, Zhou Jianjun and Zhou Shufen exchanged bewildered glances. As her biological parents, they had certainly noticed her unusual behavior over the past few days, especially today. Zhou Jianxing had returned with a rare, low-pressure demeanor, even worse than in the past few days. No one knew what had happened. Their daughter was grown up, and even if they wanted to ask, they couldn't.

Seeing Zhou Jianxing locked in her room after returning home, Zhou Jianjun scratched his head and looked at Zhou Shufen in confusion: "What happened to my daughter these days?"

Zhou Shufen wiped her hands on her apron, frowning. "I don't know. A few days ago, she was still secretly happy. But these past few days, she seems to have lost her soul, and her eyes are wandering."

"That's right," Zhou Jianjun carefully recalled the details of the past few days. "Look at her workbench. How tidy it used to be? Now it's such a mess! She's also absent-minded while working. She's either knocking something over or dropping something. My heart flutters just listening to the noise. When has she ever been so clumsy?"

"Last time I asked her if she was in a relationship, she was hesitant and wouldn't tell me." Zhou Shufen's worries deepened, with a hint of self-doubt. "Even if she is in a relationship, what's there to hide? Are we usually... controlling her too strictly?"

"Strict?" Zhou Jianjun looked bewildered. "When have we ever controlled her love life? Haven't we always urged her to find a partner? I can't wait for her to bring a boyfriend home!" He paused, his eyes becoming serious. He glanced at the closed door and lowered his voice with a hint of suspicion. "Wife, do you think...she got into trouble...out there? Did she do something...bad?"

Hearing this, Zhou Shufen's heart skipped a beat. No way! How could Xingxing do such a bad thing?! But thinking back to Zhou Jianxing's unusually low mood and guilty expression and movements in recent days, she became increasingly frightened, her heart pounding.

"Honey, what do we do? Should we ask her?" Zhou Shufen became nervous. She really couldn't imagine that her daughter, who had been sensible, down-to-earth and rarely spoke loudly since she was a child, could do something "bad" that needed to be covered up like this.

Their family education was strict only in matters of principle; otherwise, it was quite relaxed and open-minded. Zhou Jianxing and them, especially his mother, Zhou Shufen, talked about almost everything, and he had never locked himself away like this, keeping secrets.

This abnormal "sneaky" behavior makes parents more worried than anything else.

"Forget it, don't force the child. She will tell you when she wants to." Looking at his wife's panic-stricken look, Zhou Jianjun finally just sighed, "Xingxing is a grown-up girl. She can handle her own affairs. Besides, if it really doesn't work, don't we still have us? Let's wait and see." As he said that, he patted Zhou Shufen's shoulder soothingly, trying to give her some comfort.

His words were not only for his wife, but also for himself.

Alas. It is best that girls grow up and are not kept.

·

Inside the door.

Zhou Jianxing threw himself onto the small single bed, changed into a loose, washed-out T-shirt and shorts, and sprawled out, staring blankly at the ceiling. His body was exhausted, but his mind was like a string stretched to its limit, unable to relax.

The room was dark, with only a faint light from the sky filtering through the gaps in the curtains. Her gaze drifted uncontrollably to the desk—where lay the vinyl record Wen Lingyi had given her, "Autumn Leaves."

The jazz melody flowing in the living room of Wen Lingyi's house that night automatically sounded in her mind, and the melodious and sad piano sound flowed through her confused heart.

What emerged along with the music was Wen Lingyi's soft yet slightly lonely profile under the dim light that night.

Her heart ached. Zhou Jianxing couldn't help but raise her hand to touch her chest. It felt heavy, filled with complex emotions she couldn't digest, like a ball of wet cotton, cold and heavy, making it hard for her to breathe.

She longed for Wen Lingyi so much.

Her heart, her body, every inch of her nerves longed for Wen Lingyi.

But she had to push him away.

What does Wen Lingyi mean to her...?

Is it simply a playful pursuit? A readily available distraction to fill a void? A toy with no responsibility, no commitment, and the ability to be discarded at any moment?

What if...what if Wen Lingyi has had enough fun?

If Wen Lingyi got tired of her clumsiness, her boredom, and her tears, and felt bored, would he completely discard her like throwing away an old item?

Thinking of this, Zhou Jianxing felt even more sad, and his breathing became rapid unconsciously, as if someone was strangling his throat.

If Wen Lingyi was no longer interested in her and no longer needed her, what would she do? Given her personality, she would just find a place where no one was around and cry secretly until the sky turned dark.

What if she was done crying? What would she do after she was done crying? What if crying didn't solve the problem and she still liked Wen Lingyi? What if she still thought about Wen Lingyi all the time like now?

Her life and her work will be turned upside down by Wen Lingyi.

Zhou Jianxing couldn't even pursue her, nor could she have a legitimate status with her because Wen Lingyi was already married. The dazzling brilliance of the huge diamond ring could easily shatter all her fantasies, reminding her of the insurmountable gap in her status.

The reason she looked for her, as Wen Lingyi herself said, was simply because her husband was abroad and she felt "empty, lonely and cold." Zhou Jianxing was just a distraction for her to fill her loneliness; he happened to show up and was quite pleasing to the eye. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else.

Others. Zhou Jianxing cried again without any motivation. She felt the cold tears sliding across her temples and seeping into her hair.

Wen Lingyi would also treat another "someone else" with such ambiguous eyes, such intimate tone, and such seductive touch.

Tears rolled down her eyes continuously, and she cried so hard that her heart began to ache, physically.

If it was someone else who was single, Zhou Jianxing would still muster up the courage to try to get closer and fight for her.

But that person was Wen Lingyi.

Wen Lingyi couldn't do that. She was married. She didn't want to destroy other people's families or become a mistress. Her parents had brought her up too well, and her sense of morality was always judging her, and now it was even more suffocating.

Furthermore, does Wen Lingyi really like women? Even if Wen Lingyi's teasing and hints are true, does that mean she likes women? Or is it just because she looks different?

Was it because she was too tall? Her job resembled a man's? Was it because she didn't look like the sweet, cuddly, and cuddly type of woman that Wen Lingyi saw her as... some kind of gender-ambiguous being that could replace a man?

This thought made Zhou Jianxing feel a slight, physical discomfort and a little nauseous.

But...if the target was Wen Lingyi, Zhou Jianxing discovered sadly that she didn't even mind how the other person viewed her - whether he treated her as a man or a tool. She was just afraid... afraid that she would disappoint Wen Lingyi.

Because the real her is just a crybaby, with the legendary "tear incontinence", and is extremely fragile and vulnerable.

Could it be that Wen Lingyi chose her because she was a woman? It didn't matter if she had sex with a woman; she wouldn't get pregnant anyway. Was Wen Lingyi holding such a cold and realistic view?

Even if he had sex with a woman, it wouldn't be considered cheating; it was just a safe and harmless "game" to relieve his loneliness. Is that what Wen Lingyi thought?

The more Zhou Jianxing thought about it, the more torment she felt. It was like she'd fallen into an icy vortex, torn by chaotic thoughts and sharp self-analysis. She could no longer lie flat, so she rolled onto her side and curled up like a newborn seeking shelter. The pillow, completely soaked, felt cold and sticky against the side of her face.

She remembered a trending hashtag she had glimpsed on the Big Blue Eyes app.

#FallingInLoveWithStraightWomen.

And she not only fell in love with a straight woman, but also fell in love with a married straight woman. Her feelings for Wen Lingyi were of course love, not the so-called admiration, dependence or simple throbbing that she deceived herself into thinking.

It's the kind of love that makes her lose control, makes her heartbroken, and makes her humble to the dust.

If it wasn't love, how could she feel the nerves in her body become uncontrollably excited, as if electrified, simply because she thought about doing that kind of thing with Wen Lingyi? The thought itself made her feel a strong sense of shame and an even stronger desire.

Zhou Jianxing took out his mobile phone, clicked on the mobile phone album, and slid down to enter the private album.

She downloaded all of them one by one from Wen Lingyi's circle of friends, which was filled with business information, art auctions and high-end cocktail parties, like a treasure hunt, and then carefully cropped and enlarged them, leaving only Wen Lingyi's work photos in the frame.

"Wen Lingyi..." Zhou Jianxing murmured impatiently, biting her lips. She closed her eyes, allowing Wen Lingyi's face to overlap with the teaching videos in her mind. The entanglement of naked bodies, the blurred gazes, and the blushing details of the movements uncontrollably overlapped with the Wen Lingyi she imagined.

At this moment, Ding Dong—a crisp WeChat notification sound rang out, and she was so scared that she sat up in bed. A secret sense of anticipation that she herself did not dare to delve into arose spontaneously. Was she finally... contacting herself?

She shook her head, which was filled with terrible thoughts, took a deep breath, and picked up the phone tremblingly.

The screen lit up, and it was not Wen Lingyi, but Chu Wei.

Disappointment washed over him like a cold tide, instantly drowning the shameful excitement he had just felt. Zhou Jianxing stared at the screen, his eyes fixed. It took him several seconds to clearly read the message Wei had sent.

Chu Shanqiwei: "Xingxing, didn't you ask me to help you keep an eye out for hostas and salvia last Saturday? A batch of flowers arrived today, and they have everything you want. They're in excellent condition. They also have sweet alyssum and clump phlox, which I think would suit your needs."

Chu Shanqiwei: "Oh, right! We have some astilbe too. You can come to my shop tomorrow. I'm busy lately and can't leave. Otherwise, I would personally deliver it to you. When are you free to come to my shop to pick it up tomorrow?"

Zhou Jianxing stared at the screen for a while, remembering that after leaving Lanyue Bay last Saturday, he eagerly looked for Chu Wei and asked her to help her find some flowers suitable for decorating Wen Lingyi's garden.

But now that the flowers have been found, does she still need to help Wen Lingyi take care of the garden?

She didn't dare to think about how things would develop if she really went.

Is she going to allow herself to continue making mistakes?

If we don't let it go...can we really cut it off completely?

She seemed unable to make up her mind about this matter for the time being, but Chu Wei on the other end of the phone was still waiting for her reply.

Xingxing: "Okay, Sister Wei, I'll come over tomorrow after get off work. Thank you, love you! (*^_^*)"

At the end, he habitually added a smiling face that tried to appear relaxed and happy.

The notification sound of successful sending rang out, but Zhou Jianxing seemed to have been drained of all his strength. He dejectedly threw the phone to the other side of the bed with a dull sound.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

"Xingxing? It's time for dinner." Mother Zhou Shufen's cautious, tentative and concerned voice came from outside the door.

Forget it, now that things have come to this, let’s eat first.