Trembling with fear

It's another Saturday.

Zhou Jianxing opened her eyes and stared at the familiar ceiling, a strange, inexplicable feeling lingering in her heart. Like an invisible string, it had been straining her nerves since early morning—today was the day they had agreed to go to Lanyue Bay to tend to the garden.

Walking to the balcony, she absentmindedly watered the plants. The narrow ground was filled with the flowers she brought back from Chu Wei that day. These plants were not suitable for growing on her balcony. They could be placed there for a short period of time, but they would wither over time.

She recalled Chu Wei's words: "I was impulsively bought by a customer, but because... the environment wasn't suitable, the flowers and plants wilted and died within a few days. Such a waste of life, and the love and anticipation I had when I first brought them home was wasted."

Should I still go to Lanyue Bay? Should I still go to see Wen Lingyi? These two questions repeatedly collided in Zhou Jianxing's mind, stirring up waves of contradictions.

Expectations are like a faint flame, swaying in the cold feeling of loss of control, and eventually mixing into a kind of ups and downs, restless uneasiness.

She squatted down, her fingertips unconsciously brushing the smooth, tough veins of the sage leaves, and gently lifted a cluster of sweet alyssum that was about to bloom. These plants were well cared for, and every leaf exuded health and vitality.

If it were planted in Wen Lingyi's garden, it would be extremely beautiful.

Just like Mrs. Wen, she is extremely beautiful.

Mrs. Wen's voice rang out again, lazily and alluringly: "No matter how carefully you care for it, it will eventually feel lonely once the gardener leaves. Just like... some places need constant care and dredging to stay vibrant and healthy..."

A warm current instantly rushed to his cheeks, and Zhou Jianxing abruptly retracted his hand, not daring to think about it any further.

This kind of relationship is absolutely dangerous. She is now like walking to the edge of a cliff. If she takes one more step forward, she will be crushed to pieces, so she is trembling with fear.

Like standing on the edge of an abyss, walking on thin ice.

The delusions and inappropriate desires in her heart were like the flowers and plants crowded on the balcony, growing in the wrong place and completely wrong.

Zhou Jianxing must stop and return to normal life.

In fact, as early as when she first realized that she had those inappropriate feelings for Mrs. Wen, she should have withdrawn from it promptly and decisively. Why did she drag it on until now, letting herself get deeper and deeper into trouble?

But why did she fall deeper and deeper? Because she could not resist her instinctive urge to get closer to Wen Lingyi.

She longed for Mrs. Wen's every call, longed for her proximity and touch, longed for her eyes to fall on her, her breath to spray in her ears, and her fingertips to brush against the back of her hand.

Those touches made her tremble and fascinated.

Just like now, even though her reason was clamoring wildly about danger, deep down in her heart, she was still shamefully looking forward to seeing Wen Lingyi in the afternoon, as if as long as she saw that person, all the confusion and despair she had felt in the past few days would be instantly dispelled, and her heart, which had nowhere to rest, would fall back into her chest.

From a rational point of view, she should draw a clear line with Wen Lingyi and tell her that she has other things to do and will not help her take care of the garden in the future.

Next time, no matter what reason Wen Lingyi summons you, you must firmly and tactfully refuse.

However, an unprecedented, almost pathological possessiveness tightened around her mind like poison ivy, preventing her from speaking. A cold voice shouted in her heart: If you don't go, Mrs. Wen will find someone else.

other people.

She couldn't bear it. Just thinking about this word made a sharp pain seize her heart. Even in the darkest corner of her heart, where she dared not even look directly at herself, a more despicable and more bewitching voice quietly sounded.

Zhou Jianxing, if it’s not you, Mrs. Wen will find someone else, so why can’t it be you?

The thought burned her hands, causing the water from the watering can to miss its target. The cold water soaked her feet and trouser legs, giving her a shiver.

Not far away, Zhou Shufen was looking at Zhou Jianxing worriedly through the glass sliding door of the balcony.

She first saw her daughter squatting in front of the flowers and plants, lost in thought for a long time, like a statue with a lost soul. Then, she didn't know what she was thinking of, and her hands were shaking so much that the water spilled on herself. Only then did she come to her senses as if awakened from a dream and hurriedly wiped the water away.

Her daughter's unusual behavior these past few days, the scattered flowers and plants in the living room, her distraught look...all these signs weighed heavily on Zhou Shufen's heart. Her brow furrowed, her lips pressed into a straight line. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know where to begin. Ultimately, she could only sigh silently.

Zhou Jianxing hurriedly cleaned up the water stains on his body and then quickly checked the condition of all the flowers and plants - they were still full of vitality, but also seemed a little aggrieved due to the cramped space.

Finally, she locked herself back in her bedroom as if escaping.

Can Wen Lingyi find a better home for these garden flowers other than her garden?

How about... just go this last time? This time, I'll plant the flowers and put an end to a worry. And then there really won't be a next time. Just go see Mrs. Wen one last time.

Thinking of this, her heart began to beat uncontrollably again.

She was now like an insatiable monster, greedily craving for Wen Lingyi. This time, next time, and the next time, she was always looking forward to the next meeting with Wen Lingyi.

I'm like those people who are always "starting to lose weight tomorrow," always promising "this is the last time," yet always looking for the next excuse. After this one, can I really stop? Isn't this just self-deception?

If he was really determined to end his relationship with Wen Lingyi, or her one-sided, taboo, immoral, dirty and vulgar ambiguous relationship, he should have ended it immediately.

Even if Mrs. Wen goes to find someone else...that's something that Mrs. Wen's husband should worry about...With what identity and qualifications does she, Zhou Jianxing, have to care?

This thought stung even deeper. Had Mrs. Wen previously been looking for someone else behind her husband's back because she felt "empty, lonely, and cold"? Was the other person a man or a woman? Didn't Mrs. Wen's husband notice?

The voice from the dark corner emerged again: She will find someone else anyway, why not you?

"Hiss--" Zhou Jianxing raised her head suddenly and twisted her thigh hard. The sharp pain made her wake up instantly.

Others can do it, but she can't. No matter what kind of person Mrs. Wen is, no matter whether Mrs. Wen will find someone else, and no matter whether others will go along with it. None of this has anything to do with Zhou Jianxing. She has no right, and no position, to judge others' morality.

But her moral sense will judge her ruthlessly.

Since Mrs. Wen chose to marry her current husband, she must love him, and he must also love her, right?

Although she had never met Mrs. Wen's husband in person, nor had she ever heard her mention anything about her husband, she had seen the wedding photo of Mrs. Wen and her husband.

To Zhou Jianxing, that man was no longer an imaginary character, just like a faceless paper man in a novel, without substance.

Mrs. Wen's husband is a living, real person. Her thoughts and any inappropriate behavior are attempts to destroy a real family, hurt a stranger who she has never met but exists, and encroach on someone else's wife.

Precisely because she knew that such a person really existed, she could not deceive herself into imagining that the other person did not exist, as if she were playing a role-playing game.

Reality is not fiction. Destroying someone else's family, no matter what excuse is used to justify it, is moral corruption.

It has nothing to do with her identity or gender.

Just as her chaotic thoughts tore her head apart, the piercing ring of her cell phone suddenly rang, bringing her back to reality. It was the manager of the coffee shop where she had misconnected the neutral and live wires, causing the coffee machine to burn.

"Mr. Zhou, I'll be in the store this afternoon. If it's convenient for you, come over and we can discuss the compensation in person." The male voice on the other end of the phone was calm.

Zhou Jianxing's heart tightened, and he quickly responded, "Okay, I'll be there this afternoon."

After hanging up the phone, she felt strangely relieved. This call unexpectedly gave her a legitimate, irrefutable reason not to go to Lanyue Bay this afternoon.

It’s not a reason for Wen Lingyi, but a reason for herself.

A faint sense of loss soon spread, and she clutched her phone tightly, trying to convince herself to get used to this feeling of loss. However, her fingertips uncontrollably swiped through the contact history. Mrs. Wen really hadn't contacted her in many days.

Since she has decided not to go and has decided to terminate the employment relationship, it is reasonable for her to send a message to inform Wen Lingyi.

She picked up her phone, clicked on the pinned dialog box, and began to type nervously while staring at the screen. She deleted and revised every sentence and word countless times. Every word she typed was like cutting a piece of flesh from her heart, carrying with it the dull pain of parting and reluctance.

She knew that once this message was sent, she might never see Wen Lingyi again.

Her typing speed became slower and slower, her nose felt sore, her eyes and heart were filled with a strong bitterness, and her eye sockets began to heat up uncontrollably again.

Hello, Mrs. Wen. I'm sorry to bother you. I had some important personal matters to attend to this afternoon and will be unable to attend to the garden at the villa on time. Also, due to changes in my schedule for the following Saturday, I may not be able to continue gardening for you. I deeply apologize for the inconvenience this may cause you. I wish you a happy life.

Zhou Jianxing read the message he had edited over and over again, his fingertips hovering above the send button, reluctant to press it.

Even when saying goodbye, she could only do it in a businesslike, polite and distant manner. She didn't dare to say a single personal word that would express her true emotions.

Just as she was struggling with her conscience, a message suddenly popped up in the chat box that had been silent for a long time.

Shuiyue Gallery - Wen Lingyi: "Master Zhou, there's a sudden schedule conflict, so you don't need to come today."

Huh? Zhou Jianxing read the message over and over again. It only contained that short sentence: "No need to come today."

Was it her performance last time that disgusted Wen Lingyi?

Is it just this time that I don’t need to use it... or do I not need to use it in the future?

The bitterness in his heart reached its peak, and Zhou Jianxing felt a tear sliding down his cheek and then hitting the screen of his mobile phone.

She stared blankly at the message that she had spent half a day editing, which carried farewell and determination, and pulled the corners of her mouth bitterly.

With a tap of the finger, the long unsent message was deleted.

In the end, she just typed one word and sent it.

Star: "Okay"