Wedding hijacking farce

"Why not report an illness?" Madam Bai suggested. "If someone is seriously ill and cannot marry, our family can easily handle it."

Father Bai shook his head: "I was just discussing this idea with my colleagues and sent someone to ask the Grand Eunuch. The Grand Eunuch said that the Ministry of Works is already drafting laws, and the prefectures and counties will act as matchmakers to pair up widowers, widowers, the sick and disabled, so that no one will be left alone."

That would be even worse. Madam Bai quickly shut up and spat, "My little sister is a perfectly good young lady, she can't just be married off like that."

Bai Zhu was listening attentively at first, but the more she listened, the more she realized that this time, there was really no hope of "escaping the marriage".

Seeing her parents, brother, and sister-in-law sighing and worrying, Bai Shu tugged at her mother's sleeve and said, "Mother, please... find me a family to marry into."

After saying that, Bai Shu couldn't help but shed tears. She wiped them away, then wiped them away again, forcing a smile that was even more painful than crying. She said, "It's nothing. I... I just can't bear to leave you, I can't bear to leave home."

...

Bai Zhu is in her prime, fair-skinned and from a good family. Several years ago, many people inquired about her, and matchmakers wore out her door. However, because she herself did not want to get married, it has been delayed until now.

She's willing to marry, so finding a good husband shouldn't be a problem.

The Bai family all felt sorry for their daughter and were eager to find a perfect husband for Bai Shu.

Bai Zhu cherished these last carefree days at her parents' home, sleeping soundly until late morning every day.

Tai Shiyi, the daughter of the family of historians next door, knocked on Bai Shu's door early in the morning. Seeing that she was still asleep, he dragged her out of bed and said, "My dear Miss Bai, you are really old-fashioned. Still sleeping? Haven't you heard? If we don't get married soon, our parents will be dragged off to be flogged!"

"I've heard about it," Bai Shu said, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "There's no room left at Guichen Temple. What else can we do? Let's just get married then."

"Then why are you still sleeping?" Tai Shiyi said, hands on his hips and glaring. "Quickly, let's go to the street and pick a husband."

Bai Shu: "..."

Bai Zhu and Tai Shi Yi were childhood friends, so close they could share a pair of pants.

“No, sister,” Bai Shu said, letting Tai Shiyi calm down first, “there’s no need to be in such a hurry…”

"How can you not be worried?" Tai Shiyi tapped Bai Shu's head and said, "Don't you know what it's like outside? Qing Shi Academy is surrounded, and Bai Shan Academy isn't much better off. Any handsome young man will be surrounded by ten matchmakers asking if he's married after walking eight steps down the street. There are too many monks and not enough porridge. And you still say you're not worried?"

Bai Shu snapped back to reality with a start, "Shi Xiaoyi, don't scare me!"

Taishi Yi scoffed and said, "Don't you even think about how many women there are in the capital, how many old maids living with their parents, brothers, and sisters-in-law? You're not even seventeen yet and you're not in a hurry, but what about those in their twenties and thirties? Aren't they all in a hurry? If you don't hurry up, are you really going to let the government marry off old widowers?"

Bai Shu suddenly realized the urgency of the situation.

Without Taishi Yi urging her any further, she hurriedly washed up, dressed, and went out, then turned around and urged Taishi Yi, "Hurry up, hurry up, you're more anxious than me."

The two girls ran out the door hand in hand like a gust of wind, with Madam Bai chasing after Bai Shu with a soup spoon in her hand: "The food is just ready, eat a couple of bites before you go out."

Bai Shu ran off without looking back, saying, "No, Mother, I'm in a hurry."

Madam Bai asked, "What's the rush?"

The figure of Bai Shu had vanished, only her voice drifted back—

"I'll find you a son-in-law!"

Bai Shu and Tai Shi Yi, two "disgraces of noble families," a pair of good-for-nothings.

Bai Shu was born into a family of imperial physicians; eight generations, or perhaps more, of her ancestors were all imperial physicians. Her grandfather had served as the Assistant Physician of the Imperial Medical Bureau, and her ancestors had even served as the Director of the Imperial Medical Bureau. The three-courtyard mansion that the Bai family currently resides in was a gift from Empress Jingyu. It is said that the Jingyu era was the most glorious period for the Bai family, and her ancestor was deeply favored by Empress Jingyu, but why she was favored was something she dared not say, and her descendants dared not ask.

The Bai family had served in the Imperial Medical Academy for generations, producing many renowned physicians. Of course, being a physician in the palace was no easy task, and many ancestors who failed to serve the nobles well met tragic ends. It was a high-risk profession where one's life was constantly on the line. Bai Shu felt that spending twenty years studying diligently and building up seniority only to lose his life to a royal physician through a single surgery was not worth it. Therefore, he decided it was better not to learn this deadly family secret technique.

Tai Shiyi was born into a family of historians, and "recording facts truthfully and writing honestly" was their family motto. The Tai Shi family was not large because, during the reign of Emperor Li, many people were killed for honestly recording the eight characters "The Emperor conquered Songyuan and abducted the Yun clan's daughter." Only Tai Shiyi's grandfather remained, escaping to the Qing Shi Academy to survive. Therefore, it was a deadly profession, one that Tai Shiyi did not want to pursue.

The two girls were inseparable, and they became a couple.

In the bustling capital, people came and went. Bai Shu and Tai Shiyi went up to a private room on the second floor of Zhuan Yu Lou and observed the passersby.

While Tai Shiyi's statement that "any handsome and talented young man would be surrounded by ten matchmakers asking if he was married after walking eight steps down the street" may be an exaggeration, Bai Shu did indeed notice that there were many more matchmakers on the street, and quite a few young men were stopped and asked questions.

The two girls ordered tea and snacks, cracking melon seeds while commenting on the passersby downstairs.

Bai Shu said, "Shi Xiaoyi, what do you think of that girl wearing the square scarf?"

Taishi Yi said, "Too fat, I don't like it."

"Where is the one wearing the long robe?"

Taishi Yi said, "Too thin, not good-looking."

"Hey, that one," Bai Shu knew that Tai Shiyi was good-looking, so she pointed to a young man holding a folding fan and said, "This one looks nice, I'll go ask him for you!"

"My God, Bai Xiaoshu, you're so indiscriminate!" Tai Shiyi exclaimed in horror, stopping Bai Shu who was about to go downstairs. "You should also see which door he came out of!"

Where? Bai Zhu looked up—

The signboard of "Ruanyulou" under the Jiaofangsi was very eye-catching.

“No, no, no.” Bai Shu shook his head repeatedly. “Let’s take another look.”

Bai Zhu and Tai Shi Yi watched from morning till night.

Nothing was gained.

Bai Zhu said, "Everyone says that three-legged toads are hard to find, but two-legged men are plentiful. I don't think so."

Taishi Yi chimed in, "I'd rather capture [the target]."

Bai Shu said, "Shall we go and take a look at Qing Shi Academy tomorrow?"

Tai Shiyi said, "Don't even think about it. We can't possibly squeeze in at Qing Shi Academy."

Bai Shu: "Sigh."

Taishi Yi: "Sigh."

Taishi Yi said, "I'm leaving now, see you tomorrow."

See you tomorrow.

...

Bai Zhu returned home, where a guest had arrived. He was also an old neighbor, surnamed Wang, whom everyone in the neighborhood called Butcher Wang.

Butcher Wang brought half a carcass of pork.

Butcher Wang's wife smiled apologetically at Madam Bai and said, "They say it's better to tear down ten temples than to break up one marriage. Look at all this commotion, it's all for the sake of the children, isn't it?"

Butcher Wang was a burly, rough man who didn't know how to mince words. He said bluntly, "Brother Bai, I'm sorry for what happened to my daughter. Here's what we'll do: from now on, I'll take care of all the meat in your household. If you ever need anything, just let me know, and I'll go through fire and water for you without hesitation!"

The Bai family members all looked grim.

When Bai Shu returned home to this scene, she was completely bewildered. She first informed her parents, then asked in confusion, "Uncle Wang, Aunt Wang, what happened?"

Madam Bai pulled Bai Shu aside and whispered to her, "Don't speak. This morning, Mother agreed to the marriage proposal from the young master of the Lü family who came to propose to you last month. But in the afternoon, the lady of the Lü family suddenly came to ask about the dowry in a roundabout way. After inquiring, she found out that Butcher Wang had given his daughter eighty acres of land as a dowry. So the Lü family broke off the engagement."

Bai Shu understood. Although the Bai family, who were imperial physicians, had served the Imperial Medical Bureau for generations and received generous salaries and rewards, they were also charitable and often held free clinics, providing medical treatment and medicine to the poor without charging them. Therefore, although they had no worries about food and clothing and appeared well-off, they were not actually wealthy.

Bai Shu said, "Sister Wang must be about twenty-five or twenty-six years old, right? No wonder they're in such a hurry."

Madam Bai told Bai Shu not to think about anyone else, "Young Master Lü comes from such a good family. His ancestors were once Grand Masters of Ceremonies. Although they are not as glorious as they used to be, their character and appearance are still excellent. If you miss this one, who knows when you will get the next one."

“But a forced marriage won’t be sweet,” Bai Shu said. “That Lady Lü is willing to break off the engagement because of the eighty acres of dowry, so she’s probably not a good family. Why should I marry into such a miserable situation?”

“That’s true.” Madam Bai sighed and said, “The Wang family’s daughter is also pitiful. She was engaged before, but her fiancé was conscripted for labor and hasn’t returned for seven or eight years. His family is honest and has been dragging it out until now. Alas.”

The butcher and his wife were about to kneel down before the Bai couple. The wife pleaded, "We're all neighbors, and you two have watched my daughter grow up. If she doesn't get married soon, who knows which blind, lame old widower she'll be married off to. Please have mercy on us. This time, Bai Shu will give way to my daughter. We'll provide her dowry and eighty acres of land. We'll make sure she doesn't suffer any hardship in her husband's family."

The Bai couple quickly got up and helped the butcher and his wife up.

Mr. Bai said, "How did it come to this?"

Madam Wang wiped away her tears and said, "I dare not lie to you, we went to seven or eight matchmakers today and they said that nowadays there are many families where innocent and virtuous daughters are willing to become concubines as long as they can get married. We are really forced into this situation. To put it bluntly, nowadays the matchmakers outside ask first how much dowry a young lady can bring. If she doesn't have dozens of acres of fertile land, they won't even look at her. They only ask if she is willing to be a concubine. If she is not, then there is no chance."

Bai Shu, who was behind the screen, heard this. Seeing that she looked unwell, Madam Bai quickly comforted her, saying, "Little sister, don't worry. This Aunt Wang must be making things up. Don't take it seriously."

Bai Shu shook her head. She had seen matchmakers on the street today, asking everyone they met, and knew that what Aunt Wang said was true.

"Please tell our parents, sister-in-law, I don't want that young master from the Lü family anymore," Bai Shu said in a low voice. "They're all neighbors, don't make things difficult for our parents."

Bai Shu said this in a muffled voice, then turned and went back into the house, letting out a long sigh.