Chapter 43, Another Way

Xu Gaodi only stayed at Luo Qingyan's house for two days.

The two ate together, watched TV series together, took walks together, and slept together as usual... The time was very short, but it felt like they had found the carefree days when they were still in school.

Unfortunately, they have grown up and need to face the cold reality.

On the last night of the National Day holiday, Xu Gaodi left.

I have to go to work tomorrow.

Luo Qingyan and Xiao Nanyu went to the airport to see Xu Gaodi off. After watching Xu Gaodi go through security, the two did not leave immediately, but stood in the crowd for a while.

Airports are places full of joys and sorrows. Some people are in a hurry, some are full of expectations, and some are reluctant to leave... Just observing them can evoke many feelings.

Luo Qingyan is now particularly sensitive to these emotions. She thinks it might be because she has a terminal illness, so she is especially attached to this world, and things she would normally ignore have gradually gained weight.

The little male merman always accompanies others quietly, only taking the initiative when needed to speak or do something.

The two didn't stay long. Because their outstanding appearances always drew attention from others, Luo Qingyan pulled the little male merman away after sensing the gazes.

-

On the way home, Luo Qingyan remained silent, either gazing at the night view outside the car window or closing her eyes to rest. It wasn't until she arrived home that she spoke to the little male fish, but it was only simple and necessary words, and there was still not much interaction.

The little male merman knew why Xu Gaodi had come to see Luo Qingyan. He understood that Luo Qingyan needed time, so he quietly went along with him.

Exhausted, the two washed up early and went back to their respective bedrooms to rest.

-

Luo Qingyan was very tired, but not sleepy at all. She needed to wait for Xu Gaodi to get home before she could sleep peacefully.

Xu Gaodi arrived home in the early hours of the next day and sent Luo Qingyan a photo of her arrival via WeChat. Luo Qingyan replied quickly, and the two chatted for a few minutes, both telling the other to get some rest. However, they found that neither of them was sleepy, so they decided to make a video call.

"Why aren't you sleepy? Did you lose your sleepiness from waiting for me?" Xu Gaodi placed her phone upright on the cabinet while she was making milk.

"It's probably separation anxiety! I'm so unaccustomed to you leaving." Luo Qingyan sat on the bed, covered with a thin blanket, her legs curled up, her phone on her lap.

Xu Gaodi raised an eyebrow at the screen: "Who told me to be so charming? But... you have a boyfriend now, so you shouldn't be too sad, right?"

Luo Qingyan snorted coldly: "What? Do you think I'm the kind of person who forgets his friends for the sake of a pretty face?"

Xu Gaodi: "No, no, I didn't say that! As your friend, I'm very satisfied with the boyfriend you chose. He's handsome, has a good personality, and is a perfect match for you."

Luo Qingyan: "Of course, you have to trust my judgment."

Xu Gaodi: "To be honest, I used to be quite worried about you finding a boyfriend. A beautiful woman like you has no shortage of suitors, but those suitors... are all different, and if you're unlucky, you might encounter a pervert. Although there are some who seem excellent, who knows if they're just after your looks and think it's prestigious to have a girlfriend like you? Sincerity is really uncertain. If you're only pursuing material things, that's fine, but I know you also want love."

Luo Qingyan: "No wonder you always looked at me with such scrutiny when someone pursued me before. Fortunately, you were there to help me analyze things and ward off a lot of bad suitors."

Xu Gaodi: "Good friends should treat each other well! Look at the boyfriend you found now, he's great. Don't worry, although I'm a little sad, I've also carefully considered him."

Luo Qingyan: "Really? From what aspects should we examine it?"

Xu Gaodi: "There's so much to talk about, but I'll just mention the main point: the way he looks at you is pure and full of love. His eyes are only on you, nothing but you. Oh, and he's handsome. He has his own good looks, so he's not just after yours. There are definitely a lot of good-looking girls who pursue him, but he must have seen your inner qualities. You two have a spiritual connection, which is why you're together."

Luo Qingyan: "Aren't you afraid that if you keep defending him like this, I'll become super love-obsessed later?"

Xu Gaodi: "I'm scared, but I don't think so. Because... I can't explain why, but I inexplicably feel that you two are a perfect match, and you feel very comfortable together, like a slow and steady relationship. Oh! But you two must have also had some passionate experiences, like being madly in love!"

Luo Qingyan chuckled softly: "Loved to the point of life and death..."

...

It was getting late, and everyone needed to sleep eventually, so the two didn't chat for long, ending the call after about half an hour.

-

The chat was pleasant, so Luo Qingyan put down her phone and prepared to get a good night's sleep.

However, I couldn't fall asleep. I tossed and turned and couldn't fall asleep no matter what I did, and I even had a headache.

She sat up in the dark, sat there blankly for a while, and finally got out of bed and went to the window, opened the blackout curtains a little, and looked at the night view outside the window.

Xu Gaodi's incident had a great impact on her.

It wasn't just the guilt of not being able to be by my friend's side, but also a complex sense of melancholy.

She had considered taking the opportunity to tell the other person about her illness, since the other person had said that her grandmother had said a proper goodbye before passing away so she wouldn't have any regrets. If she were to pass away suddenly, or if the time for a proper farewell was too short, would the other person feel regret? Would she feel regret?

Helplessly, she couldn't bring herself to speak, unsure of how to begin; the words always seemed off.

She also thought that if she could really form a contract with the little merman and continue to live, why make everyone sad? Besides, it would be difficult to explain all of this later.

However, when she carefully examines that hope, she finds it very faint and unbelievable. But when she has to face her family, she clings tightly to that sliver of hope, feeling that it can withstand all the sadness.

It's incredibly contradictory.

In the end, she still didn't reveal a single thing.

Xu Gaodi was already grieving; if she were to tell the other party such sad news, it would be adding insult to injury and would be too cruel.

She didn't tell anyone after being diagnosed with her illness because she didn't want to spend the rest of her days in tears. She wanted to be as happy as possible and create more beautiful memories.

She decided to wait until she absolutely had to go to the hospital before telling everyone; it wouldn't be too late to be sad then. What's meant to happen will happen; there's no pause button, and life just goes on day by day.

Although it's an escape, it's also a kind of open-mindedness.

What if we actually manage to grasp that incredible feeling?

There's nothing to worry about anymore.

...

Luo Qingyan thought about many, many things, her mind kept going on and on. She definitely couldn't sleep. When she got tired of standing, she would sit down. When she got tired of sitting, she would lean against the wall and close her eyes to rest for a while.

After tossing and turning for a long time, she checked the time and it was three in the morning, but she still couldn't fall asleep.

It must be the little male merman. There was no way to hide it; the other party's hearing was too good. No matter how quietly she moved, she couldn't fool him. She couldn't help but sigh, "Please come in."

The door opened, and the little merman stepped into the room. The room was dimly lit, but that didn't bother him. He walked straight to the person by the window, stopped, and gently asked, "Would you like me to stay with you for a while?"

"Okay." Luo Qingyan nodded. "You can sit on the edge of the bed."

“I’ll sit next to you.” The little merman said, sitting down on the ground and looking up at the person in the chair. “If you feel suffocated, you can talk to me. It will make you feel better.”

“I’m terrified.” Luo Qingyan spoke without hesitation, because she knew that if she hesitated for even a second, she might not want to say it anymore. “Besides you, I haven’t told anyone that I’m sick, but being sick is a fact, and I can’t keep it a secret forever. I will have to tell them someday. I… I really don’t know how to say it. My family will be heartbroken. I’m afraid to face it, I can’t face it.”

The little male merman raised his hand and touched Luo Qingyan's hand: "I believe we can form a contract, so you don't need to worry about those things."

"You don't need to comfort me like that..."

"I'm telling the truth. Do you not believe in forming a contract, or do you not believe in me?"

Luo Qingyan was stunned.

She clearly considered forming a contract with the little merman as her most important hope, and that was why she was able to live such a peaceful life. However, when the little merman earnestly told her about it, she felt a sense of insecurity, as if everything was an illusion.

Even though they're currently in a relationship and their time together is very comfortable, they're still far from true love, aren't they? And her time is running out. Perhaps she can stand normally in front of the young merman right now, but the next moment she might be lying in a hospital bed. Their relationship has only just begun; who would want to date someone in a hospital bed? Besides, she probably won't have the energy for romance then.

The road ahead is long, but she could collapse at any moment.

She was even confused, not knowing what could be called true love.

“I don’t believe in myself.” She spoke slowly, her voice full of despair. “I… I feel so bad, so helpless, so worried, so… so very confused, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like a small blade of grass in a vast ocean, about to be swallowed up at any moment.”

“I am in the ocean, you will not be swallowed up, I am a mermaid.” The little male mermaid held Luo Qingyan’s hand, and then said, “I understand what you mean, and I am telling you seriously, with me here, you don’t need to be afraid.”

Luo Qingyan didn't speak; she lowered her eyes to look at the little male merman holding her hand.

“I can’t fully understand human thoughts right now, so what I say may not be good enough to guide you. But I will definitely stay with you. You can tell me anything you think, and I will do whatever you ask, as long as it makes you feel better.” The little male merman stared into Luo Qingyan’s eyes. “I like you. As long as you like me too, we will definitely be able to form a contract. I’m really looking forward to it.”

Luo Qingyan looked into the little merman's eyes, which shone even in the darkness. After a moment's thought, she slowly spoke, "Liking someone isn't enough. What I'm worried about is... that you can't understand human thoughts, just as I can't understand a merman's true love. Perhaps a slow and steady approach can help us understand, but... I don't have that much time... The more anxious I get, the more I feel that our relationship isn't pure enough, and the more worried I become."

The little merman's brow twitched slightly. He stood up and pulled Luo Qingyan into his arms: "I'm sorry, I didn't give you enough security. If our relationship were purer, without all those complicated things, perhaps you could feel at ease."

Luo Qingyan rested her head on the little male merman's chest, pressing herself closer to him: "No, it's not your fault. It's my own heart that's crumbling, which is why... You're a good person, but it's precisely because you're too good that... My family and friends hope I can find a good home, and everyone who has met you is satisfied. I... feel pressured instead. I'm afraid I'll disappoint them, I'm afraid I'll disappoint you, I'm afraid I'll disappoint myself."

“You’re doing well, so the people around you want you to do even better. Besides, none of this is your fault. You’re sick, you’re a patient, and you have no choice but to be cared for and understood by those around you. How can you blame a patient?” The little merman’s voice was soft and warm, as if it could envelop and protect its owner.

"Hmm... I'm trying to calm myself down... I can... Anyway, things will get better, they definitely will get better."

"If you want to cry, then cry it out. Cry as much as you want and let out the bitterness in your heart. At least make yourself feel better right now."

In the dim light, Luo Qingyan's eyes flickered slightly: "Let's try a different approach."

As she spoke, she stood up, placed her hands on the little male merman's shoulders, tilted her head back, closed her eyes, and kissed him.