Yu Xiangnian had never seen Cheng Jingmo cry before. The first time he saw him, he was so sad and heartbroken.

He laid on her shoulder, sobbing, his entire chest making sob sounds.

Yu Xiangnian patted his back gently.

Let him cry. He has been suppressed for too long and he needs to release it. Let him cry and he will feel better.

Yu Xiangnian had never seen a man cry, and wondered if all men were like this.

It’s fine if I don’t cry, but once I start crying I can’t stop.

Cheng Jingmo cried and cried for more than forty minutes without any sign of stopping.

Yu Xiangnian was held tightly in his arms, the posture was very uncomfortable, and his tears wet the shoulders of Yu Xiangnian's pajamas.

She comforted Cheng Jingmo, "Okay, okay, don't cry."

Cheng Jingmo ignored me and continued to whimper.

Yu Xiangnian estimated that Cheng Jingmo cried for two hours, without stopping for a second.

Half of her clothes were wet, and Cheng Jingmo's voice was hoarse from crying.

Yu Xiangnian wiped his tears and poured him a glass of water.

Cheng Jingmo drank it, and Yu Xiangnian said, "Do you want to sleep a little longer? It's still early."

Cheng Jingmo shook his head.

Yu Xiangnian changed her clothes and lay down beside him. "Then let's chat for a while?"

Cheng Jingmo: "You say."

Yu Xiangnian asked: "Have you ever considered changing jobs?"

Cheng Jingmo: “…”

Yu Xiangnian said, "Like I said this day, if you can't face it, you can turn your back on it. Change your job, and you won't have to face those things anymore. The memory will gradually fade until you forget it, and slowly, you'll move on."

Cheng Jingmo said: "I will never forget this."

"Actually, you can tell me about it." Yu Xiangnian said, "I am also very strong and brave."

Cheng Jingmo never said anything, he was holding it in his heart.

Cheng Jingmo still didn't want to talk.

On the one hand, talking about this incident would mean making him recall it vividly again, which he didn't want to recall; on the other hand, he didn't want Yu Xiangnian to be traumatized by hearing it.

Yu Xiangnian could only guide him, "I heard from Yu Xiangyang that you were ambushed when you entered the castle, and it was you who risked your life to let Yu Xiangyang slide off the roof. Yu Xiangyang feels not only gratitude but also guilt towards you."

Cheng Jingmo said: "This is what comrades should do."

Let him do it again, even though he knew he would have to endure such torture, he was still willing to give Yu Xiangyang a chance.

Yu Xiangyang is his comrade-in-arms, and he is willing to give his comrade the hope of life. Another thing is that he is a father, and he cannot let Yu Xiangyang sacrifice himself without even being a father.

Yu Xiangnian added: "Owen said he begged you to shoot him..."

Speaking of this, Cheng Jingmo's emotions, which had just calmed down, surged again.

He choked out a sob, "I should have shot them!"

Yu Xiangnian put his hand on his face and said, "Everyone understands you. How could you shoot at your comrades?"

Cheng Jingmo's voice was hoarse, and tears flowed from the corners of his eyes again, "I should have shot!"

"Why?"

"Ben and Mork..." Cheng Jingmo couldn't continue.

Ben was gutted and his organs harvested alive, while Mork was made into a human candle and burned to death bit by bit.

Cheng Jingmo watched them struggle, suffer, and slowly die, but he could do nothing.

That deep feeling of powerlessness destroyed him.

If he had fired the gun, they wouldn't have to suffer so much.

As the last survivor, he felt not only guilty, but also a sense of guilt.

When he had the ability to shoot, he did not shoot, because he felt that their painful deaths were caused by him.

Yu Xiangnian found the crux of the matter, "Cheng Jingmo, they don't mean to blame you. They didn't blame you when they were alive, and they don't blame you after they die!"

"Look at it another way. They didn't shoot you. You were tortured just as much, and now you're still suffering mentally. Are you going to blame them?"

Cheng Jingmo: “…”

Yu Xiangnian added, "You were just luckier than them and survived. You feel you don't deserve to live and that you should have died with them. But from another perspective, if it was you who was tortured to death that day, wouldn't you want your comrades to live peacefully?"

"That night, you were willing to sacrifice yourself to protect Yu Xiangyang. I'm sure you were willing to endure their torture later so that they could survive, but that's not something you can decide."

Cheng Jingmo started crying again.

Yu Xiangnian reached out and took Cheng Jingmo's head into his arms. "Don't blame yourself. No one blames you. They all hope that you can live well. You have to live well."

Cheng Jingmo cried for nearly two hours.

Yu Xiangnian didn't know where Cheng Jingmo got so many tears from.

The two of them did not sleep for the second half of the night, and fell asleep at dawn the next morning.

Cheng Jingmo woke up at noon, and Yu Xiangnian slept until the afternoon.

Yu Xiangnian looked at Cheng Jingmo's swollen eyelids and said, "You really are made of water. So many tears."

Cheng Jingmo was a little embarrassed, "I lost my composure last night."

"It's okay if I lose my composure. Can I tell Yu Xiangyang?"

The two set off for the fourth stop the next day.

In the distance is a towering palace, and along the way are local residents prostrating themselves and kneeling in worship, regardless of age, gender, so devout.

Cheng Jingmo had never seen such a scene before and was very shocked.

Yu Xiangnian told him, "This is the belief of the locals."

Cheng Jingmo: "...Kneeling like this is too tiring."

"With faith, you don't feel the hardship. Even if it's hard, it's worth it." Yu Xiangnian paused and said, "Isn't it the same as you? It's just that the faith is different. You've come this far, endured so much hardship and suffering, isn't it also for the faith in your heart?"

"Faith?" Cheng Jingmo raised his head and looked at the magnificent palace.

The golden light seemed to be reflected into his eyes, and his eyes became much brighter.

The next stop for the two was Nancheng, where they visited Yu Jiashun and his brother and sister-in-law, and then went to the cemetery to visit Xiaojie's father and those fallen comrades.

Cheng Jingmo stood in front of Xiaojie's father's tombstone and told him that Xiaojie was going out to study and would become a useful person to the country and society in the future.

The two of them spent two months traveling around and returning to North City.