45. I'm sorry, sister.

A real man is only allowed to cry once.

"Sister," came a voice choked with sobs, making Qi Gu feel as if she had been transported to another world.

The thin figure slowly emerged from the darkness towards her. Whether it was because he was too thin or because he was too emotional, his steps were weak and unsteady, and the figure seemed to sway in the wind.

The lantern in the eunuch's hand shone on his face, and the wind gently swayed the lantern's shadow, gradually making his face clearer.

His eyebrows and eyes were somewhat sparse, his face was too pale, and the corners of his mouth were thin and slightly white. He wore a black robe, and on his frail waist, a warm and smooth jade pendant with a qilin texture swayed lightly.

“You… are Ayan?” Qi Gu asked softly.

Unexpectedly, the eldest prince stepped forward and hugged Qi Gu tightly, crying, "Sister, sister, sob sob." The eldest prince, Chu Xiaoyan, disregarded etiquette and palace rules and hugged his elder sister in front of him.

The eunuchs and palace maids all lowered their heads consciously, not daring to look at their master's discomposure.

Qi Gu felt the hands holding her trembling slightly, his sobs muffled, he held her tightly, suppressing his own tears.

She waved to Hongyan and her brother's eunuch, signaling them to stay away so that the eldest prince's disrespectful behavior wouldn't be reported.

Qi Gu gently patted her younger brother's back, without speaking or urging him, letting him hold her. She felt the dampness on her clothes and her heart softened.

She recalled that when she was a child, her younger brother was a shy little boy who would hide behind their mother when he saw people, and he would always hold her hand when their mother was not around.

"I'm sorry, elder sister, I'm sorry, it's all because of me, it's all because of me..." Qi Gu knew what he was talking about. He felt guilty because his mother had chosen him back then, but he hadn't made a choice about what happened back then.

In his past life, his younger brother was a thoughtful and cautious man, and the past events left an indelible mark on his heart. He was gentle and affectionate, and always soft-hearted and compassionate towards everyone.

If he weren't the crown prince, the future master of the Great Jin, there would be nothing wrong with his personality. But he is the crown prince, the son of the founding emperor and empress of the Great Jin, and is destined to shoulder the responsibility of this country.

In his past life, he had many disagreements with his mother, but in the end, he chose to silently endure and yield, all because of his pure and kind nature.

He knew that his mother's domineering nature was unavoidable; she couldn't afford to make a single mistake, or she would be utterly destroyed. He understood and sympathized with his mother, so even though he was unhappy, he suppressed his feelings and cooperated with her.

He was already in poor health, and his disagreement with his mother on politics led to emotional distress, causing him to become bedridden at a young age.

At that time, she had just returned to the palace and harbored some resentment towards her younger brother. He had done nothing wrong, but every time she saw him, she would think of the scene where her mother carried him on her back, let go of her hand, and left in the opposite direction from her.

On the one hand, seeing him reminded her of the scene when her mother abandoned her; on the other hand, her mother was exhausted trying to help her younger brother ascend to the position of crown prince.

Whenever the Empress Dowager looked at her, her eyes seemed to say, "Why are you so stupid? Why can't my daughter, Zhang Ling's daughter, be my help?"

She felt a mixture of jealousy towards her mother's unwavering support for her younger brother, and sadness at her mother's disappointment and disdain for her.

Even his own death was probably a stepping stone for his younger brother to ascend to the throne.

In their past life, although they were siblings, their relationship was very distant, like the moat of the capital city. They stood at opposite ends, gazing at each other from afar, unable to reach each other's side.

If she had tried a different approach to interacting with them this time, would the outcome have been different?

"A real man is only allowed to cry this once, okay?" Qi Gu pretended to be relaxed. "My sister is back, and I want lots of gold, lots of silk and satin, and I want to be able to do whatever I want. You've always been there for me, so these things aren't too much of a compensation, are they?"

The eldest prince, Chu Xiaoyan, chuckled, tears still clinging to his eyelids. Like a child, he hastily wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Good, good, I will instruct people tomorrow to carry all the things that have been prepared for my elder sister over the years to her Jade Flower Palace!" His voice sounded somewhat excited, and even his attendants in the distance could hear the joy in his tone.

That year, he was being carried on his mother's back when he turned around and saw his little sister standing in the wilderness with a bewildered look in her eyes. Those helpless eyes are something he will never forget.

From then on, every time he woke up in the middle of the night, he would see the enemy's big knife behind him piercing his sister's soft chest, and he would wake up repeatedly from such nightmares.

When the Empress Dowager found out, she ordered everyone around her not to tell anyone that he had contracted this nightmare disease. "Xiaoyan, listen to me, you can't cry, you can't hesitate, you can't be weak. You must be fearless even if Mount Tai collapses. Even if you have to pretend, you must pretend to be healthy and fine. You must stand up and stand firmly on the same side as your mother!"

Empress Zhang cupped her son's face tightly in her hands, making him look into her eyes. "You must become the Crown Prince. This is your responsibility and mission. This is why your mother abandoned your sister and carried you away. Don't let your mother's choice become meaningless!"

The boy, barely ten years old, his voice still immature, lowered his head, large tears dripping onto the brocade quilt, "I understand... I understand..."

Empress Zhang ordered those attending to her son, "Keep your mouths shut! If the Crown Prince's health deteriorates again, you will all be held responsible!"

The servants trembled, "Yes!"

Empress Zhang turned to leave, but Chu Xiaoyan, who was lying on the bed, turned his head and asked, "Mother, do you... miss my sister?"

The Empress hesitated for a moment, then straightened her shoulders, looked up at the sky above the palace gates, and said without turning her head, "I never think about those unnecessary things. You should rest well and not worry too much."

"But I miss my sister so much." Chu Xiaoyan's voice was very soft. He didn't know if his mother could hear him. He only saw her figure and stepped out of his residence without hesitation.

“Sister, I’m so afraid this is all a dream. I haven’t been able to believe it’s real these past few days. You can blame me for not coming to see you right away.”

When Li Qiao entered the palace, he was so excited that he went to see her immediately. But the moment he saw her, he felt a deep disappointment. He knew at first glance that Li Qiao was not his elder sister. How could he not recognize his elder sister?

The second time, he hesitated. If it wasn't true, did that mean his sister... wouldn't come back?

Qi Gu patted his shoulder, "Look, it's me, I'm back." She raised her hand and twirled in front of him, "Your older sister is back, really!"

Cao Zhong, the eldest prince's eunuch, saw a hearty smile on the prince's face for the second time that night.

He has been taking care of the eldest prince for five or six years. Over the years, the eldest prince has been depressed. It is rare for anything to make him smile like this. The palace physicians said that the eldest prince's poor health is due to his closed mind. If he wants to get better, he has to open his mind.

But even servants like them couldn't resolve their own inner turmoil. Now he finally understood where the Crown Prince's knot lay.

He was relieved. The eldest prince's inner conflict had been resolved, and his health would gradually improve. The Empress would no longer be so worried about the eldest prince's health.

"Sister, how have you been all these years..." Chu Xiaoyan asked cautiously, looking at Qi Gu with unease in her eyes.

Qi Gu laughed heartily twice, "Very good indeed." She pinched her younger brother's arm, then patted her own arm, "Look how frail you are, not even as thick as my arm. I'm lucky to have met my master. He taught me to farm in Li Family Village. You know, my master is incredibly capable. The millet and wheat we cultivated in Li Family Village yielded 20% more than usual. If this were promoted throughout the entire Great Jin Dynasty, many people would be able to have enough to eat..." Qi Gu used exaggerated language she had learned from her father to try to lighten the heavy topic.

Upon hearing this, Chu Xiaocheng felt no joy. Instead, tears welled up in his eyes, and he couldn't help but lie down. "Sister, you don't need to try to make me happy like this. The world is in chaos. You were so young. How could you have survived so easily?" He had experienced the chaos of war, being separated from his father, and spending a dark period with his mother. How could he not know the harrowing story behind his sister's words?

He couldn't even imagine how his eight-year-old sister had managed to evade the Yan soldiers. He couldn't fathom what he would do if he were abandoned by the person he trusted and loved most...

Because of Chu Xiaoyan's words, Qi Gu could no longer hold back. The journey had indeed not been easy, but it had not been unbearable either. Her younger brother could tell that she was just putting on a show.

"I'm sorry, sister, I'm so sorry..." Chu Xiaoyan took out a handkerchief from her bosom and wiped away her sister's tears.

Qi Gu snatched the handkerchief away. "I didn't want to cry, why did you make me cry?" After wiping her tears, Qi Gu wiped her nose.

"You don't mind my rudeness, do you?"

The older sister's eyes were lively and bright at this moment, no longer showing the helpless look in her dream.

Chu Xiaoyan couldn't stop smiling: "In my heart, my elder sister will always be the most beautiful and elegant elder sister."

"Tch~ What about your wife?" Aunt Qi teased deliberately in a country accent, not wanting to make the atmosphere too heavy.

She hoped that her younger brother would not have to feel so guilty and remorseful in this lifetime. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, he would still be the crown prince. She hoped that he would be broad-minded, healthy, and walk with his mother to the highest position.

With his mother's support, his throne will be very secure. His mother's ambition and vision will make the future of the Great Jin Dynasty even brighter and more brilliant.

Of course, her main concern was survival. To survive, she needed to ensure that there was no discord or estrangement between her mother and the crown prince.

In addition, there's Sima Hong, who has foreseen the future. This time, we can't let Guo Jiahe and Chu Xiaocheng succeed, and she won't have to be killed.

The prosperity of the Great Jin Dynasty was also her wish. Those children who starved to death by the roadside and those ravaged by war would all live a peaceful life. She, as a princess, could naturally farm with her father in peace.

The current situation is extremely favorable for her; she has no idea how her mother and this imperial brother could possibly lose!

The eldest prince looked longingly at Qi Gu, who was waving goodbye and urging him to hurry back to the palace.

One of them thought, "Great! I'll never be separated from my sister again."

One thought, "Great! I don't have to get involved in these troubles anymore. I can go farm the land with my father now."

[Author's Note]

This chapter really moved me; it felt like I was witnessing Qi Gu's growth... and the many things she missed...

Oh my god, what will happen to the plot later? A perverted man, fear mixed with a hint of excitement [sunglasses]