Chapter 210: Damn sincerity, I wouldn’t even eat it if I chopped it up and fed it to a dog

Yan Xingchuan thought that he was lucky that Cui Si didn't slap him out in his previous life.

So in this life, he figured it out: public things are public and he cannot touch them, but private things are what he deserves and he doesn't have to be so generous.

After hearing this, Cui Si looked at him in surprise, then frowned: "This is not like you."

The former King of Northern Yan was so generous and magnanimous, and truly loved his soldiers like his own sons. But now, he has become selfish and has learned to distinguish between public and private affairs.

I don’t know whether it’s good or bad.

"People grow up." Yan Xingchuan said frankly, "In the past, my heart was filled with revenge and the world. I am the King of Northern Yan, and my soldiers and my people should all be my subjects."

So he held nothing back from them.

But now he has changed, he has selfish motives.

Perhaps he is really not fit to be a monarch.

"And now what I often wonder is, where is my home?"

He had betrayed his wife's years of companionship and support, and he had turned against his children and treated them coldly.

If a person is too selfless, he may hurt his own relatives. He will not enjoy much blessing, but will have to bear countless responsibilities.

"These past few days I've been wondering if you were as excited about the future and me as you were when you married Jiang Cinian. Perhaps you were even happier back then."

She was so happy that even when she saw the snow, she thought about growing old with him.

But he let down such a good start.

She didn't know when it started, but she became disappointed in him and had no expectations of him. She just regarded him as someone who would go through the same boat with her, and walk to the other side of success together, and then each of them would get what they needed.

She was still gentle to him, taking care of every detail, making sure he felt comfortable when he returned home and worry-free when he went out to fight.

If it weren't for what happened to Lin Qingning later, they might have continued like this until the end of their lives.

Maybe we can grow old together.

But she may hope that this life will end here and they will not meet again in the next life.

Cui Si's face froze slightly, she bit her lip and said, "Why bother talking about the past?"

It was her first time getting married, and the man she was marrying was of noble status and very good. How could she not have expectations for that marriage?

She even hoped that they could work together like the hero and heroine in the novel to create a prosperous and peaceful new dynasty.

But they are rarely together, and this person is always away. She has to do everything by herself, raise the children by herself, and even when the enemy is at the gate, she still has to take charge personally.

He was not by her side when she was in danger of death.

In her opinion, it made no difference whether she had a husband or not. As time went by, she gradually stopped caring. She did what the Princess of Northern Yan should do. She raised her children and waited for the day when she would rule the world.

When he came back, she treated him well, and when he left, she didn't feel sad.

There wasn't much affection between the two of them to begin with, and when he finally ascended the throne, he made another woman his queen, completely severing the last bit of affection between them.

It's ridiculous that he still said that he was sincere to her.

It's really the biggest and funniest joke in the world.

Damn it, I wouldn’t even eat it if I chopped it up and fed it to a dog.

If it's true, has he been dead all these years?

If he was sincere, why would he take what she wanted and use it to pay off his debt?

Is he dead?

Can't you pay it back yourself?

If you have the ability, let Lin Qingning be the emperor. She respects him as a man.

"Time has passed, things have changed, and people have changed. What I wanted then is not what I want now. Even if you gave it all to me, I wouldn't necessarily want it."

She was referring to the so-called 'position of queen' and what he was doing now.

"I know."

Of course he knew it, and even if he wanted to make amends now, everything would be meaningless to her.

It just adds to the trouble.

"I just thought that I've done enough things, and I wondered if you could trust me a little and think that I'm someone you can rely on and trust at any time."

"A'si, I know I did some things wrong, but this is my first time being your husband. You are too rational and too reasonable. If I do something wrong, you can tell me what you want, or even make a fuss."

But no, she was always so rational and gentle, but although she seemed gentle to him on the surface, she had already drawn a clear line between them in her heart and felt that they were two different people.

"Are you blaming me?"

"No." Yan Xingchuan immediately shook his head. "I just think you can be a little less rational and unreasonable. For example, if you are still angry now, you can torment me in any way you want."

He even hoped that she would quarrel and make a fuss, accuse and scold him, rather than analyze the matter calmly and rationally to make things right between them.

Cui Si stretched out her hand and frowned: "I think you are really confused."

He was lost in the past, in this quagmire called 'previous life', he kept exploring and exploring, but refused to come out.

Yan Xingchuan did not deny it, but continued: "If possible, I would rather you not be so strong. If you need me, then I can naturally stand where you need me."

"But I know that your strength has been cultivated over many years, forced by the situation, and also caused by the fact that I have never been your support. Now I want you to be less strong and give me a position to help. It seems very ridiculous."

In the past, he admired her strength and skills, and felt that he and Beiyan were lucky to have her. Even when she encountered danger, he believed that she could do it.

But now, her strength was so impenetrable that he could not find the place where she needed him, no matter how hard he looked, nor was he qualified to stand by her side.

"You must have had a hard time during those years."

Cui Si didn't respond. After a moment's thought, she said, "In these troubled times, no one is immune to hardship. Although I bear a great deal, I sit in a high position, have no worries about food and clothing, and even my life. Compared to those struggling between life and death, I am much luckier."

"Actually, you really don't have to think so much." Cui Si had a headache. She really didn't want to think about the past anymore, nor did she want to argue about who was right or wrong.

"Even if it's hardship, I'm willing to endure it. I'm the Princess of Northern Yan, I hold this prestigious position. I've gained benefits, but I also have to bear the responsibility. Even if it's hardship, I deserve it."

"Yan Xingchuan, let yourself go."

"But I am your husband, I..."

"Okay, I'll accept what you sent me." Cui Si sighed, "But you have to promise me not to think about the past anymore. Just think of it as a dream, and now you've woken up."

"What you should be thinking about now is how to be a good King of Northern Yan and how to unify the world.

My greatest wish now is for peace to reign over the world. If you get lost in the past, it's hard to say what the future holds for Northern Yan."

"Let there be peace in the world, okay?"