Passing By (Part Two)

What exactly happened in that one second? If Zhou Zeyu were to recall it later, all she could remember was suddenly running towards Cen Zheng, the wind whistling in her ears, accompanied by the silence of the whole world. She probably wasn't thinking about anything at that time.

Zhou Zeyi is not actually a good thinker, a fact she herself has to admit. The brief moment does not allow her to make a rational analysis on the spot, nor would she do so. Therefore, in her mind, emotion and reason are always only distinguished by one priority: what she wants to do.

Willingness—such an ambiguous word. Who can know what her will really is? Even she herself might not know.

For example, she was willing to risk so much to save Cen Zheng, but she was unwilling to let her ride in the same ambulance as her, and she also waved her hand to refuse Cen Zheng's request to come to the hospital.

"This is no big deal, don't make a fuss about it."

"Have you gone completely insane, Zhou Zeyu?"

Zhou Zeyu sat on the hospital bed, her forehead soaked with cold sweat, her face pale to an almost frightening degree. She had even gradually gotten used to the intense pain in her knees, but all of this changed after Cen Zheng finished speaking.

She looked up, staring at Cen Zheng standing there in disbelief.

She had no expression, no tone of voice, no movement; it was as if she had lost all emotions and the ability to perceive emotions in a short period of time. She just stood there stiffly, looking at her.

He stared at her intently, without blinking.

For the first time, Zhou Zeyu felt that Cen Zheng was frightening. She had never been like this before. Not only had she never been like this before, but she had never even had such a strong emotional fluctuation. The last time Zhou Zeyu saw her lose her composure was outside Fang Xiaocan's ward. This time, the situation was completely different from that time.

It can't even be called a loss of composure; it's a breakdown.

Cen Zheng broke down.

When these two words appeared simultaneously, even Zhou Zeyi felt a sense of unease, staring blankly at her face, trying to find even the slightest emotion. Guilt, pain, confusion, fear, despair, or indifference—anything was fine, anything would do, but there was nothing.

Even a robot probably couldn't make such an expression. It was a completely blank sheet of paper, and the person's soul had disappeared silently, leaving only a monotonous and unremarkable body. All it could do was stand there and watch her astonished expression without saying a word.

Zhou Zeyu didn't even know when she started to become like this. Was it when she heard Zhou Zeyu still stubbornly refusing to tell the truth? Was it when she was blocked outside the ambulance and watched the doors slowly close in front of her? Or was it even earlier, from the moment she heard that Zhou Zeyu's bones were shattered?

I don't know, nobody knows.

Many years ago, when Zhou Zeyu was young and naive, she jokingly asked Cen Zheng if she ever lost control of her emotions. The specific answer seems to have become very vague, but Zhou Zeyu remembers that Cen Zheng's answer was firm and almost blurted out.

I will.

Zhou Zeyu was still wondering what these three words symbolized for Cen Zheng, who was usually so good-tempered that he was almost weak, and what could possibly drive such a person to such a desperate situation?

However, the answer is now obvious, almost nakedly presented to her.

Zhou Zeyu was stunned.

However, at this moment, Cen Zheng's words, which were so calm they were almost indifferent, rang out again. Zhou Zeyu thought she was hallucinating, but in fact, she was repeating those words again.

"Are you crazy, Zhou Zeyu?"

Her voice wasn't loud, but it was squeezed out from deep in her throat with almost all her might, sounding almost like she was gritting her teeth. But her expression was so calm that the hatred seemed ridiculous, so calm that the resentment didn't seem like it was being vented on her, but rather like she was accusing herself.

A madman, a madman?

The pain made Zhou Zeyu's temples throb. She couldn't even understand what she was hearing. If anyone present was more like a madwoman, it certainly wasn't her.

Cen Zheng stood there, looking utterly disheveled. Her face was ashen, and she was covered in sweat. Her meticulously styled bun, which she had kept perfectly in place during the competition, had fallen loose, with stray strands of hair hanging in front of her eyes. She was still breathing heavily, and her eyes seemed to be glistening with tears under the lights.

Zhou Zeyi's surprise quickly turned into fear and unease. She habitually sat up straight and looked around as if looking for tissues, but found nothing. Her helplessness intensified, and her heart began to feel intermittently uncomfortable. Her face turned pale as she looked at the other person again.

But the tears welling up in her eyes formed the strongest barrier. Zhou Zeyu looked into her eyes, wanting to know what was behind the tears, but he couldn't see anything.

What is clearly a symbol of vulnerability becomes a shield in her eyes. Through her teary eyes, something seems to be about to emerge, but it vanishes the moment the tears fall. Is this also a form of resistance?

Why do some people cry without blinking?

Is it fear that saying something inappropriate will reveal something, or fear that one's tense emotions will completely collapse the moment one closes their eyes, causing all the calm and numbness to break down and all the emotions that have been suppressed to erupt at that moment?

Zhou Zeyu didn't speak. She lowered her head, avoiding that stinging gaze, as if that would make them both feel better. But it didn't. Cen Zheng was still standing there, looking out of place in the world, like a machine programmed to stare at her nakedly.

"You...you can sit for a while."

Nobody paid any attention to her.

Zhou Zeyu held her breath, her fingers unconsciously gripping the bed sheet beneath her. She was bewildered by everything. She didn't know why Cen Zheng had become like this, nor did she know how their relationship had turned out this way. Was it just because she had saved her?

Was it wrong of her to save her?

Did Cen Zheng not want her to save her at all?

Zhou Zeyu quickly shook her head, trying to banish this absurd thought from her mind. But in fact, the more she wanted to escape something, the more firmly the thought took root. It seemed as if a voice in the dark was telling her that she was right.

Why, why? She spoke almost tremblingly, "Aren't you happy? Cen Zheng, did what I did make you angry?"

"angry?"

She seemed to let out a laugh that could be described as a desperate laugh, a laugh of despair that echoed in the quiet ward, seemingly serving no purpose other than to send chills down one's spine. And the reason Cen Zheng let out it seemed to be nothing more than an unintentional act of trying to maintain his dignity in the face of a dead end.

"Zhou Zeyu, you simply don't understand."

It's always like this. They always say she doesn't understand, but what should Zhou Zeyi understand? Too many mysteries surround her. She'll understand what she's meant to understand eventually, and what good will it do to understand what she shouldn't? What is she supposed to understand this time? Why does she always have to understand?

Even if I never understand it in my entire life, so what?

Zhou Zeyu gave a frustrated snort, which seemed more like self-mockery, "I don't understand many things, Cen Zheng, is that my fault?"

"Of course it's your fault."

In a fleeting moment, a crack seemed to suddenly appear on her expressionless face. The crack was so large that it was impossible to ignore it. Soon, a torrent of emotions poured out irresistibly, slowly mixing on her face into a complex palette of colors.

"You shouldn't have done that. I don't want to see this happen. This is the last thing I want to see!"

That intense, almost ferocious emotion erupted in an instant. Zhou Zeyu stared at her in disbelief, watching her transform into a completely different person in a short time. She reached out and tightly gripped the clothes on her left chest, her facial features contorted in struggle, and countless tears welled up in her eyes in a second, one drop, two drops, washing over that almost ferocious face before suddenly falling to the ground.

Zhou Zeyi was stunned.

However, Cen Zheng did not stop. This person, who was always calm, liked to smile and pat the other person's shoulder, and had never blushed in the face of anything, and who, if nothing unexpected happened, would live a peaceful and dignified life, was now roaring and crying at her.

Zhou Zeyu had forgotten about finding tissues. His gaze lingered on her tear-streaked face, and some distant memories welled up in his mind at this inopportune moment.

This scene seems familiar, as if there was a similar moment many years ago, when someone broke down in tears, and another person did the same thing in front of her.

But it's different, it won't be the same. Zhou Zeyu can't be like Cen Zheng back then, reaching out to slowly stroke her trembling back, looking down into her eyes with such concern and gentleness, and then reaching out to hug her tightly.

In the moment when roles were reversed, she couldn't even move.

Long ago, on the night Zhou Zeyu took over Cen Zheng's class, lying on her small bed in the dormitory, she realized that she might never be able to become someone like Cen Zheng.

How can a hedgehog become the ocean?

So the hedgehog is no longer a hedgehog; she has transformed herself into an oyster, at least she won't hurt others, at least she can be embraced by the sea and get closer to the temperature of the ocean. That's the most she can do.

Over the years, she has experienced so much and met so many people. She has not never opened her heart and revealed the soft inside of the oyster. Zhou Zeyu has done this before, to those she loves.

However, after so many years of twists and turns, when she faced the sea, she unexpectedly discovered that as oysters slowly sank into the sea, they would reflexively resist the presence of the ocean.

She would also suddenly realize that in front of Cen Zheng, she was no longer an oyster, but would always be the same awkward, introverted, and taciturn person she used to be, that little hedgehog.

In situations like this, the silent party always seems to be the cruel one, a sentiment even Zhou Zeyu himself felt.

She forced herself to say something, at least to show a worried expression, but in the end, she suddenly felt like she had a fishbone stuck in her throat.

More than once, and many times she suddenly realized that Cen Zheng was no longer the Cen Zheng of the past, nor did he seem to be the Cen Zheng of any other time. This sudden collapse was like being slowly tortured to death, but the target of this torture was her.

It left her helpless, uneasy, and gradually caused her to suffer from powerlessness amidst her tears.

Don't do that.

Did they run over here?

They ran over.

But she suddenly realized why. Cen Zheng wasn't stupid. Of course, she knew how foolish it was to run those few kilometers, but she still did it because Zhou Zeyu didn't let her get on the ambulance with her. And obviously, Cen Zheng didn't intend to waste time on the congested road. She didn't even want to waste time renting a bicycle from a place that was only 500 meters away.

She started running the moment the ambulance drove off.

The only person Zhou Zeyu knew who could take such a step was Fang Xiaocan, because that was her personality—reckless and self-willed. So if the person standing in front of her, panting, was Fang Xiaocan, Zhou Zeyu wouldn't think there was anything wrong with it, but it just so happened to be Cen Zheng.

This illogical and seemingly foolish behavior happened to the most level-headed person.

However, Cen Zheng suddenly interrupted her: "Why did you save me?"

"What?"

"Why are you so arrogant? Do you think I want to be saved by you?" Her voice suddenly rose, almost shrill. "At the cost of completely crippling your right knee?"

Zhou Zeyu frowned and raised his voice uncontrollably: "If I hadn't saved you, you might have died. How could you be so unreasonable!"

"Can't understand?" Cen Zheng almost roared, "I didn't ask you to do this, you took it upon yourself to do it, so who can you blame for this mess!"

She still didn't finish her sentence. No one interrupted her. Cen Zheng remained silent, unable to continue speaking, suddenly speechless.

The sound of a nurse's footsteps came from outside the door, and Zhou Zeyu immediately felt relieved and let out a deep breath. When she looked at Cen Zheng again, she found that all the tears on her face had disappeared, along with all the struggles and pain. In just a few seconds, no one could prove that they had ever existed.

She wiped away her tears, then closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, her sharp gaze seemed to have softened considerably, but instead, it held an inexplicable, incomprehensible pain that seemed unbelievable to anyone.

Why are you in pain, Cen Zheng? Zhou Zeyu looked at her, almost at a loss for words.

She's the one in pain, she's the one who suffered all of this, so why are you showing such pain? Is it because you empathize with her, or are you simply feeling pain because of all of this?

In the end, it seemed like a hallucination, yet it didn't. In the hazy, indistinct state, Zhou Zeyu seemed to hear Cen Zheng's voice again, but she couldn't be sure. After all, the effects of the anesthetic injection were slowly taking over her brain, and she was even beginning to lose consciousness.

However, it seems that it was Cen Zheng who said those words.

What did she say? Zhou Zeyu racked her brains to recall, even though her consciousness was already hopelessly in a state of chaos, she was still trying her best to think.

Cen Zheng looked at her coldly, but a smile that could be described as despair suddenly appeared on her lips. She just stared at her face quietly, and then slowly opened her mouth.

"I would rather that board had hit me instead."