Truth 2

Cen Zheng rarely spoke with such certainty, and the facts proved her right.

Coach Huang's composure vanished in a short time. His so-called emergence of talent was nothing but a lie to deceive himself. The reality was far from that, and even more serious.

It seemed to take him a long time to realize that there are many irreplaceable things in this world. For example, he would find it hard to find someone like Zhou Zeyu who would work hard and make sacrifices for the sake of so-called ideals, since most people are selfish.

Therefore, it was only natural that Coach Huang changed Zhou Zeyu's treatment plan once again.

Cen Zheng had anticipated this, so he wasn't particularly surprised. People are always fickle, and going back on their word is common, especially for someone as despicable as him.

Zhou Zeyu's fate was decided and changed at will by him, while the culprit showed no remorse or pain whatsoever.

For these people, this seems to be a very common thing. Just like before, Cen Zheng was the same kind of person, casually deciding other people's fates and then waiting to sit back and enjoy the fruits of others' labor.

But now, everything is different.

Cen Zheng often came to the hospital, but she didn't know how to face it. She didn't even know why she came here. Her rationality seemed to be working normally, but it always failed intermittently. When she belatedly realized it, she was already standing at the door of Zhou Zeyu's ward.

She was afraid to see Zhou Zeyi, afraid that in the instant their eyes met, she would still see the expectation in his eyes, but she would be unable to respond to that gaze, unable even to deceive him.

Cen Zheng could no longer pretend to be a good person in front of her.

Many times, even Cen Zheng himself couldn't say for sure whether Zhou Zeyi had seen through his flawless facade that had remained intact for so many years. If that were the case, why did Zhou Zeyi still choose to believe him? But if not, why did her eyes always seem to be deep in thought?

It was as if she had always understood everything, and was just playing along with her act, cooperating with Cen Zheng in pretending to be this kind-hearted person with a smile.

No matter how unwilling she was to admit it, there was one thing she could not ignore: after so many years, many things had changed irrevocably, and Zhou Zeyu had also changed, but she was pretending, acting as if nothing had happened, pretending that everything was the same as before.

Cen Zheng didn't dare to look into her eyes again and say those lies with a clear conscience.

Yes, it's not that she's unwilling or unable to do it; it's that she's afraid to do it.

Is the aching heart often caused by a faint trace of conscience? But conscience, such a useless thing, should be completely discarded. Cen Zheng doesn't need it to add uncertainty to her respectable life, but in a corner she herself is unaware of, it still remains.

Why, why?

She had been a bad person for so many years with a clear conscience, so why did she start to feel uneasy about her conscience on the eve of her successful and flawless conclusion?

Cen Zheng sat there, leaning back in his chair with a somewhat blank expression. The iron chairs in the hospital always seemed cold; only body heat could barely warm a corner, but after a short while, the faint warmth would completely disappear.

The warmth that the metal carries is all a gift from the outside world, just like the faint kindness in Cen Zheng's heart, which is merely a slight deviation caused by the warmth that Zhou Zeyu brought her. If one day, the connection between them is completely severed, she will still become the same as before.

It took her a long time to understand this: her conscience, instead of being directed at everyone in the world in a cliché way, was directed at only one person.

And it was that person who brought her this fleeting feeling.

The ward door creaked open, and Cen Zheng belatedly looked up, meeting Zhou Zeyu's gaze. She nodded to her, without asking why she was alone in this unexpected late night. She sat on the other side of the bench and then spoke very softly.

"You got scolded by Coach Huang, didn't you?"

Cen Zheng seemed to want to laugh, but he couldn't laugh no matter what. The scene was very familiar, but the person who was scolded before was Zhou Zeyu, and the one who played the role of caring and considerate was Zhou Zeyu. He never expected that with the passage of time, even this would change.

But she didn't answer. Hiding the obvious fatigue on her face, she finally forced a smile and asked, "Are you feeling alright?"

"There's nothing wrong with it."

"What need is there for you to pretend in front of me?"

Zhou Zeyu was taken aback for a moment, but quickly regained her composure, lowered her head, and replied calmly, "Then what about you? What need is there for you to pretend in front of me?"

Cen Zheng was slightly surprised that Zhou Zeyu would use the tricks she had taught her to answer her question. She was a little surprised, but she laughed out loud.

She was smiling, but she knew very clearly in her heart that she had completely lost the chance to win in front of Zhou Zeyu. Whether from a rational point of view or from an emotional point of view, she was the defeated one.

Before fleeing in panic, Cen Zheng briefly met her gaze. She suddenly wanted to apologize, but of course she didn't say it. She just shook her head slightly, looking a little lost, and then turned and left.

Of course, she really wanted to help Zhou Zeyi one last time, but she couldn't; she couldn't do it.

She tried, but failed, and dragged herself into a quagmire as well. And this so-called affection was not enough for Cen Zheng to give up on himself and choose her. So, I'm sorry.

And so many things ended hastily.

After that, Cen Zheng and she had almost no contact. All their previous connections were intentionally or unintentionally buried deep inside, and they barely maintained a semblance of civility. This was the ending she had originally hoped for.

However, when the newly recruited boys asked her with smiles if she knew Zhou Zeyu, Cen Zheng still sensed a clear distortion.

Has too many years passed, and the world has changed so much that time has been able to erase such a once-existing relationship? Many people don't even know that they used to be such close friends, so good that even forgetting feels like torture.

At least for Cen Zheng, this was clearly torture.

She had forgotten how she answered the young man; perhaps she gave him a perfunctory reply, or perhaps she suddenly lost all reason and told him that she had once been the person Zhou Zeyu trusted and relied on the most.

So what about now?

Now... probably not.

But she had already gotten used to it.

Cen Zheng was used to Zhou Zeyu crying to her when she was wronged, and jumping on her and clinging to her when she was overjoyed. She would share all the trivial little things in her life with her, following her around like a little shadow, chattering away. Her presence filled her life everywhere. Cen Zheng had become accustomed to this kind of life.

She used to think it was no big deal. After all, forming a habit and losing a habit both require time to make things natural, so she just had to wait.

Then she realized she was wrong.

That day was very close to the Olympic finals, and she hadn't spoken to Zhou Zeyu for a year. Their lives had maintained an eerie tranquility of not interfering with each other, like two completely parallel lines that suddenly intersected when she was powerless to resist.

When Cen Zheng saw Zhou Zeyu, she was sitting alone on the rooftop, lost in thought. Cen Zheng hadn't intended to approach her, but she eventually walked towards her anyway.

Because she suddenly realized that her old habits didn't seem to have disappeared.

For more than a year, even though no one shed tears in front of her anymore, she always carried an unopened pack of tissues in her pocket.

In that instant, Cen Zheng suddenly understood many things.

For example, feelings seem to be something that is never controlled by rules. She originally thought that consciously ignoring and separating could stop them, but it didn't work. She was just too good at deceiving people, and in the end she even fooled herself into believing it.

She told herself that Zhou Zeyu was just an insignificant passerby in her life, someone she could discard completely after using him. This was a principle she had kept in mind since the moment she met Zhou Zeyu.

There may be some setbacks along the way. Sometimes she may feel guilty and have an uncontrollable urge to make amends, or even give up on the plan altogether. This is all understandable, because people's hearts are not made of stone. After years of getting along and after uncontrollably revealing their true feelings, who can just stand by and watch the other person struggle in pain?

But after a brief emotional fluctuation, everything will continue as usual; that will never change.

She used this method to hypnotize herself during countless sleepless nights.

But it still failed.

It seems difficult to admit one's defeat. At least Cen Zheng couldn't accept it with a clear conscience. She stood there, looking at Zhou Zeyu's somewhat thin figure in the darkness. The strongest emotion she could feel was regret.

Why did she do all this? Why did she stubbornly persist down this path? Why couldn't she realize her feelings sooner? Why did she wait until it was too late to regret it? Why? Why?

No, none of this should have happened. Cen Zheng shouldn't have chosen Zhou Zeyu, and he shouldn't have even recommended her to Coach Huang. She shouldn't have been dragged into this mess. It would have been better for her to be away from Beijing than to suffer here. Cen Zheng shouldn't have taken this friendship too seriously either. He shouldn't have tentatively opened his heart to gain trust. No, so many things shouldn't have happened.

Even many years ago, on that afternoon when she happened to see Zhou Zeyu on TV, Cen Zheng shouldn't have stood there watching. If she could have foreseen everything that would happen afterward, she should have glanced at her and left indifferently, instead of being so attached to her, or even haunted by her thoughts.

Many things are too late.

Things have come to this point, and she has completely lost her mind. She is the one who caused Zhou Zeyu to fall to this state. All her suffering is because of her. Cen Zheng himself is the biggest source of all this trouble.

Of course she had always known this, even more than anyone else, but she was the one who regretted it, she was the one who went back on her word, she was the one who secretly helped Zhou Zeyu behind Coach Huang's back, and even now, she was the one who felt pain after seeing Zhou Zeyu's tears.

Coach Huang is right, Cen Zheng has gone mad.

Of course she knew what Zhou Zeyu was thinking. Zhou Zeyu was actually a very easy person to understand. When others were good to her, she would be good to them in return. If someone gave her three parts of kindness, she would sincerely return nine parts. Cen Zheng pretended to offer his hypocritical kindness, but what he received in return was genuine sincerity.

Sincerity begets sincerity—this is a principle Zhou Zeyu has always adhered to. But she doesn't know that what she receives in return will never be sincerity. It's not that Cen Zheng doesn't want to give, but that she simply doesn't have it.

How can a person give something they don't have? Of course, it's impossible. So they can only piece it together with other things. Cen Zheng pieced together a little to make up for it, a little regret, but nothing else.

She remembered standing behind Zhou Zeyu, staring at her for a very long time, but in the end, she still didn't have the courage to hand her the tissue. It was Zhou Zeyu who turned around and saw her.

She said, "Cen Zheng, I can't hold on any longer."

Cen Zheng remembered what she said at the time, very clearly, because it was the last sound she could struggle to utter.

"Little mute, go and win that championship, for yourself and for me."

For you, and for me.

...

Perhaps Zhou Zeyu is right.

Cen Zheng had firmly believed in the law of the jungle for many years, but it seemed to only apply to 99% of people. That's why she could easily deceive herself into thinking that what she was doing was right. But sometimes fate plays tricks on people, making her meet that 1%.

It turns out that true feelings do exist, and can be obtained without coercion, bribery, or shrewd calculation. It turns out that there really are people who will repay even the smallest kindness received with boundless gratitude.

Zhou Zeyu is a rare person, so simple.

But Cen Zheng is not.

When Fang Xiaocan sat in front of her, she spoke with suppressed anger and accusation, recounting incessantly the crimes she believed Cen Zheng had committed. Cen Zheng listened attentively to her words and, of course, did not offer any rebuttal.

Now that things have come to this, what's the point of refuting those details? Even if she wasn't the main character in those events, and she's certainly not as despicable as portrayed in the story, and even played the role of a shining example of pulling back from the brink, what's the use?

With Zhou Zeyu's fate already a foregone conclusion, what's the point of arguing about it?

Just like in Fang Xiaocan's version, she is still that scheming villain, ruthlessly carrying out all of this, without ever waking up to the truth until the very end.

If only people could be so resolute, if only she could walk down the dark path with a clear conscience, free from any emotional torment, if only Cen Zheng were really like the person Fang Xiaocan described.

"But that's not the case," Cen Zheng laughed.

Fang Xiaocan disliked her and always assumed the worst about her. But Fang Xiaocan herself didn't know that Cen Zheng was not a mastermind behind the scenes. Her life was always controlled by others, and she was subject to their control. How could she expect Cen Zheng to save Zhou Zeyu's life?

That was all she could do.

Until the very end, as she watched Fang Xiaocan leave, Cen Zheng didn't say a word. She knew that the truth was in her own hands, and the version that Fang Xiaocan shared with Zhou Zeyu was wrong from beginning to end.

But what's wrong with that? Cen Zheng is already exhausted.

So many years have passed, and even Cen Zheng himself doesn't know how to face Zhou Zeyu anymore. But life is always ironic, especially when that huge piece of aluminum alloy fell from the sky. What awaited Cen Zheng was not injury, but the sudden appearance of Zhou Zeyu.

It seems she will always owe her something; before it was fate, now it's life itself.

The ventilator emitted a monotonous mechanical sound. In a daze, Cen Zheng even saw himself from years ago, sitting blankly on a bench outside the ward, head down, so sincerely hoping that everything could be rewound and started over.

From talking about everything to having nothing to say, time is so cruel, changing everything familiar. They are all struggling with the pain brought by the cracks in time. Who is better off than whom? Stop dwelling on it, because no one truly finds happiness.

However, after destroying half of Zhou Zeyu's happiness, Cen Zheng wanted her to have the other half.

So be it. Conceal the truth, abandon your own interests, and help her knock down that towering tree, even if she is always tied to the trunk and unable to escape. When the tree collapses, she will be completely destroyed as well.

But Zhou Zeyu wouldn't know, and Cen Zheng wouldn't tell her, that after all this was over, she didn't choose to see her; she went to see Sorkov instead.

Before he fully understood the truth, he always seemed to harbor strong defensiveness and hostility towards her. In fact, Cen Zheng wanted to laugh. She wanted to say that all of this was unnecessary because there was no competition between her and Sorkov. It was very simple; it was different.

The relationship between him and Zhou Zeyu can be simply summarized as romantic love, which is certainly a good thing. Young people should always experience the bitterness and sweetness of love to understand that many relationships are not just romantic love, just like Cen Zheng and Zhou Zeyu.

What exactly is the relationship between them?

It's certainly not romantic love, and perhaps it can't even be called friendship. It's clearly not familial love either, so what is it? Who can know?

Something that cannot be adequately described by existing terms is naturally called the unknown. There are too many unknowns in this world, so what's so special about the existence of such a feeling?

It's just that Cen Zheng is rather despicable.

When Sorkov asked her why she was doing these things, she replied that it was because it was best if Zhou Zeyu hated her.

If Zhou Zeyi knew the truth, what would she do? Would the gratitude buried deep in her heart disappear or ferment? Would the uncontrollable resentment grow or diminish?

Of course, if we can't distinguish between love and hate, then there's no need to separate them completely. Mixing the two together seems too chaotic, so let's just turn all of them into hate.

Cen Zheng once thought that no matter what kindness he had experienced, his heart was always dark. He felt that hatred was more reliable than love. Love could change and would fade with time, but hatred would not; hatred would always exist.

She didn't want Zhou Zeyi to forget her so easily.

Watching Zhou Zeyu walk away from him, step by step without looking back, towards a bright future where she was completely absent, surrounded by anyone but her, just imagining this possibility made Cen Zheng feel like he was about to go crazy.

So before she completely went insane, she naturally wanted to drag someone down with her.

"Will you tell her?"

Will you tell her?

Is it possible?

Cen Zheng laughed. Looking at Sorkov's expression, she suddenly felt a wicked sense of satisfaction. The choice had fallen into his hands. What would he do?

Did he really have nothing to hide from Zhou Zeyi? Would someone who used to be so tight-lipped about everything be completely honest with the person he loves? Of course not, especially since he's such a guarded person. Could he really convey someone else's feelings to her without any reservations?

Cen Zheng didn't believe it.

It seems that people are never satisfied, so it is only natural that they cannot suppress their jealousy. Just like she was jealous that Fang Xiaocan replaced her, Fang Xiaocan was jealous that she could be forgiven by Zhou Zeyu forever, and Sorkov was also jealous that she could accompany Zhou Zeyu on the road of the past.

Since desire exists, so too does jealousy.

Everyone makes many choices for their own selfish desires. Fang Xiaocan spares no effort to slander Cen Zheng in front of Zhou Zeyu, while Cen Zheng adds fuel to the fire and sows discord between him and Zhou Zeyu in front of Sorkov.

As for Sorkov, no one could ever know whether the truth he told Zhou Zeyi was the same one that Cen Zheng had told him. She didn't care how much was hidden or how much of the truth was rare.

Cen Zheng didn't like the feeling of being controlled by others, but for the first time, she felt that it wasn't so bad to be in control of her fate, just in terms of her attitude towards this matter.

In any case, she has already achieved her goal.

Is this a form of atonement? Of course not. From the moment he began to regret his actions, Cen Zheng clearly realized that his behavior could not be considered making amends at all, nor could it even be considered a change of conscience.

She just wanted to do this; it wasn't for fame or anyone's forgiveness. These things were irrelevant to her.

However, she felt she should do it, even if not for Zhou Zeyi, but for herself.

Cen Zheng has always been the one being controlled. Whether it's personal consciousness or major decisions, she's like a mindless puppet, swept forward by the tide, but ultimately no one cares what she's thinking.

She seemed to have never had the freedom to do as she pleased, and only in matters concerning Zhou Zeyu, and in everything related to her, could she briefly glimpse that fleeting and impure innocence within that despicable shell.

For her, that was enough.

If Zhou Zeyu wants to start over, then she can start over. All the external obstacles and difficulties can be ignored, because Cen Zheng will help her solve them, even his own father.

Whether it's a lose-lose situation or mutual destruction, let's end this as soon as possible.

Anyway, after thirty-four years, she had truly had enough of it all.