Chapter 46 Chapter 46 Starting Over

Six o'clock in the morning.

He Songfeng simply washed up as usual and went out.

The morning of early spring was still cold. The cold wind stabbed straight into He Songfeng's chest like a knife, forcing him to cough out the hot air in his throat.

He Songfeng tightened his clothes and walked slowly towards the classroom.

On the road between the dormitory building and the teaching building, there are rows of school bulletin boards, on which the affairs or publicity of each semester are posted in a timely manner.

Like white tombstones with inscriptions on them, they are half-hidden in the gray morning mist, emitting a dead loneliness.

In the past mornings, no one on the road would pay attention to these meaningless tombstones.

But today was different. There were a lot of people gathered in front of one of the bulletin boards, chattering about something.

Before He Songfeng could even wonder what was happening, a girl ran up from behind him, pulling another girl and excitedly urging:

"The list of people going abroad for exchange has been announced. Hurry up!"

Hearing this, He Songfeng quickly quickened his pace and walked over.

A lot of people gathered in front of the bulletin board, three layers inside and three layers outside, and some people took out their mobile phones and turned on the flash to take pictures.

The sounds of discussion and shutter clicks rose and fell, like waves surging from inside to outside, and then quickly rushing back from outside to inside.

But the crowd soon quieted down because of He Songfeng's arrival. Seeing that He Songfeng was about to squeeze to the bulletin board, they all made way, leaving a clear path for him.

After a short silence, he began to whisper rapidly again, his voice low and unclear.

"Have you read the school forum? I'm telling you it's He Songfeng... @%^... Tsk tsk... I can't say it."

"You don't even know about such a big thing? Oh my God, come with me, go away and I'll tell you."

…………

He Songfeng stood in front of the bulletin board. At this moment, he was no longer paying attention to the squeaking sounds of mice around him.

The shadow cast by the bulletin board was like a coffin, locking He Songfeng inside.

His facial features, his heart, and his body seemed to be all covered by an invisible coffin lid, and every breath he exhaled could become his last breath in this world at any time.

He was dying, yet he could still live.

Into his eyes, which were as clear as glass bullets, clumps of ink were suddenly squeezed, and they suddenly became turbid and dirty like a ball of dirt.

The words on the bulletin board were densely packed. He still knew how to read at that time, so he read them one by one. When he saw the last word, he suddenly realized that he didn't know how to read.

Otherwise why...why is his name not there?

I must have seen it wrong.

He Songfeng read it again without giving up.

But when he read it a second time, the words suddenly became distorted and turned into maggots living in rotten meat. Rotten meat had no parasitic value for them, so when He Songfeng raised his gaze, they scrambled to climb onto the bridge of his gaze and drilled into He Songfeng's brain disgustingly, turning it into a pool of rotten meat and blood.

"It corrupts the school's morale."

A vicious hand grabbed He Songfeng's hair from behind and pulled him off guard. He Songfeng's head seemed to be broken and fell backwards, and He Songfeng fell into the crowd.

By accident, the invisible coffin lid covering He Songfeng was pulled off by this hand.

He looked around in confusion like a dead man, but could not find the person who did the evil. Or perhaps the people gathered around He Songfeng at this moment might be the ones who had just "punished" him.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He Songfeng asked sincerely, he wanted to find out the reason for this unreasonable malice.

Those people's eyes popped out of their sockets and stuck to He Songfeng disgustingly.

He Songfeng didn't get an answer.

Those people used the excuse of supporting him to caress his body wantonly. His school uniform, which was so tight, had been unbuttoned without his knowledge.

Realizing that something was wrong, He Songfeng immediately used his hands and feet to struggle to escape from the crowd. The schoolbag behind him suffered in the process of being torn.

The closed mouth of the schoolbag was torn into a horrifying hole. Under the countless dirty hands that tore and scrambled for it, the crack in the schoolbag became bigger and bigger, and the hole became impossible to close. The books and pencil cases inside fell out helplessly like internal organs, smashed to pieces on the ground, and were completely crushed to death in the rapid stampede.

The people chasing him from behind were still taking pictures of him with their cell phones, and the dizzying flash of light pierced He Songfeng's eyes.

Even more dirty words entered He Songfeng's ears.

Looking at the cameras that were as black as ghost eyes, He Songfeng broke out in a cold sweat.

"Please stop filming me."

He Songfeng's world seemed to be sucked into the dark camera and sent back to the day when Zhao Jieyi tricked him into taking a video.

It was the same that day, Zhao Jieyi was so disgusting, and the tiny black camera was so creepy.

He Songfeng seemed to realize something, but he didn't dare to stop, let alone turn around to ask.

No one can save He Songfeng, and He Songfeng no longer places his hopes on anyone.

He started running, determined to get out of trouble, to a place where no one knew him, where he would be alone.

He stopped panting, and when he looked back, he found that he had run a long way alone.

He doesn't need someone to rescue him before he can get out of trouble.

After figuring it out, He Songfeng calmed down immediately.

Rather than being calm, it would be more like accepting his own mortality. His soul has disappeared, like a hollow doll.

“Knock knock—”

There was a knock on the door of the student council president's office.

"What's up?"

Cheng Qiyong's low voice came from inside.

He Songfeng didn't answer, but knocked twice more.

"What's the matter?" Cheng Qiyong continued to ask.

He Songfeng didn't say anything, but simply turned the door handle and pushed it inside.

He Songfeng stood in the door frame, like a painting.

And he was the poor man trapped in the canvas, and because of the backlight, he was even blurred into a thin shadow.

No one can see his grievance and sadness, and no one can understand his inner self. He is just a dark shadow that can be stepped on by just raising a leg.

Cheng Qiyong was smoking with a smile on his face.

"Discovered?" Cheng Qiyong's voice was filled with arrogance, and he was very satisfied with the suppression of He Songfeng this time.

Cheng Qiyong lit the cigarette in his hand into the thick glass ashtray. The dark soot left layers of difficult-to-wipe-off marks on the pure glass bottom.

The cigarette butt rolled in the ashtray, and Cheng Qiyong leaned back in his office chair, opened his arms and legs, waiting for He Songfeng to throw himself into his arms.

Cheng Qiyong thought that if He Songfeng performed well, he could still reward him with a tie clip, something not too heavy or too light.

Let him get benefits, but it will never be what He Songfeng wants.

The corners of He Songfeng's mouth twitched, revealing the decent smile he was best at. The angle of his mouth seemed to show understanding, as if he was smiling but not smiling.

He Songfeng calmly approached Cheng Qiyong, and meekly walked into Cheng Qiyong's arms. He put one hand around the back of Cheng Qiyong's head, and his five fingers deeply penetrated the roots of his hair.

"Close your eyes."

He Songfeng's voice floated lightly into Cheng Qiyong's ears.

Cheng Qiyong closed his eyes obediently, put his hands around He Songfeng's waist, held him in his arms, and waited for the other party to give him a considerate kiss.

"Do you hate me...?" Cheng Qiyong asked.

But the sentence stopped abruptly when it came to the word "I", without the "ma" following it.

It's hate.

She was so angry that she didn't want to delay even a second longer and was eager to beat the man in front of her to death.

The hand that landed on the back of Cheng Qiyong's head suddenly gained a terrifying strength. Before Cheng Qiyong could react, he was hit hard in the face by a heavy, hard object.

There was a huge "bang" explosion in Cheng Qiyong's head. Even in the three seconds after the explosion, his brain was unable to process anything other than this sound.

But in these three seconds, He Songfeng's crazy outburst never stopped.

Once, once, and again.

Like a mechanical electronic arm out of control, it made a terrifying and huge explosion sound.

"Lie to me."

He Songfeng's voice was shaking, and he was still trying his best to control his emotions.

But in the end, He Songfeng's voice still pierced out from his throat, and he cursed hysterically:

"You bastard! You lied to me!"

The surface of the ashtray was covered with a thick layer of blood. The dirty blood slid down along the surface, forming a bean-sized drop of blood at the bottom and hitting the ground.

There was no sound, but He Songfeng heard a tapping sound.

It turned out that Cheng Qiyong had reacted and directly grabbed his neck, pressing him on the table, and his cervical vertebrae made a crackling sound.

Cheng Qiyong's nose was crooked and bleeding profusely. His eyes were filled with blood red. The blood accumulated in his eye sockets, becoming swollen and painful, and was about to burst out instead of tears at any time.

His face was almost destroyed, and his facial features were horrifyingly displaced in this catastrophe.

A drop of blood dripped straight into the area under He Songfeng's brow, where the tears that He Songfeng shed after his hysteria mixed with the blood to form an unclean pool of blood, which caused ripples as He Songfeng's breath collapsed.

Cheng Qiyong's forearms were so tight that they pinched He Songfeng's neck into a long, thin line.

Another bang—a hit.

There was no dispute. It was just that the ashtray in He Songfeng's hand fell to the ground due to suffocation.

There was a thick layer of red on the ground. The sticky blood had stained the dust, turning it into a dark black, and it lay lifeless at the feet.

But Cheng Qiyong was like a frightened bird, and he pinched He Songfeng's neck more and more terrifyingly, staring at him with a pair of terrifying bloodshot eyes, with a ferociousness that seemed to be satisfied only when he strangled He Songfeng to death. The pungent smell of rust spewed out from his nose and throat filled with blood.

He Songfeng was not afraid at all. Instead, on the verge of suffocation, he widened his eyes with excitement and grabbed Cheng Qiyong's face with both hands, trying to tear off his fake mask completely.

The evil ghost with a torn face is the true face of Cheng Qiyong.

He Songfeng was very happy to see Cheng Qiyong's defense broken down.

His hand caressed a face that bore some resemblance to Cheng Yiliao. In the intervals between breaths, he bit each word and exhaled heavily:

"Cheng Qiyong, you know what? Between you and Cheng Yiliao, I've always preferred Cheng Yiliao. Whether in bed or out of bed, you're not as good as your brother in any way."

“Cousin!”

Curses burst out from his throat, and Cheng Qiyong's pain point was accurately hit.

Cheng Qiyong couldn't even maintain his last "facade" and cursed furiously:

"You're just a fucked up bitch!"

He Songfeng's facial features faded, and an empty smile of success appeared on his face.

Cheng Qiyong pinched his neck, and he followed suit and pinched Cheng Qiyong's neck.

The difference is that Cheng Qiyong pinched him to control him, while He Songfeng really wanted to pinch Cheng Qiyong to death.

"Stupid cousin!"

He Songfeng immediately spat on Cheng Qiyong's face.

Cheng Qiyong pinched He Songfeng's neck, lifted him up, and forced a bloody, dirty, and smelly kiss into He Songfeng's body.

The opponent's lips and teeth were broken by He Songfeng, and his gums were torn into circles of bloody and rotten flesh.

He Songfeng gathered the dirty blood that had flowed from his mouth and spat it back at Cheng Qiyong's face. "I'm his cousin, and you're his stupid dog."

Cheng Qiyong raised his hand and smeared the filth on his neck, filling in the crescent moons pinched out by He Songfeng.

He took out his phone and slammed it against He Songfeng's face, yelling, "Your video is on the school homepage. It's not censored, and your student ID and face are clearly visible! Even if I submit your application form, you will still be expelled for this!"

He Songfeng looked at the video playing on the screen of his mobile phone, and swiped down the screen with his bloody fingers. Those shocking scenes slid into He Songfeng's eyes like tears, rolling down and down.

His eyelids slowly drooped, and the black mole was placed innocently in the center of his eyelids, as if He Songfeng's eyeballs were placed in a white skin bag, dead silent.

"Even if I didn't tear up your registration form, you still wouldn't get a good result!"

He Songfeng raised his eyes, the black mole was hidden in the gap, his facial features twitched, and the smile on his face was almost necrotic.

“…………”

"Haha." He Songfeng suddenly laughed.

Cheng Qiyong asked, "What are you laughing at?"

He Songfeng wiped away the strange wetness from his eyes, which he didn't know whether it was blood or tears. He waited until Cheng Qiyong's face showed a strange look of confusion, and then he asked back calmly.

"What about you? Are you waiting for me to break down over this?"

"Are you waiting for me to be pitiful, helpless, and heartbroken and beg for help from you?"

He Songfeng stared at Cheng Qiyong stubbornly, without tears, without fear, only hatred.

This hatred was so pure that there was no emotion in the look he gave Cheng Qiyong, only hatred for being deceived and betrayed after the exchange of interests.

"Cheng Qiyong, you are forcing me to stay now, not because I can't live without you."

Suddenly, He Songfeng's phone rang.

Under Cheng Qiyong's gaze, He Songfeng answered the call calmly and played it on the other end.

A gentle male voice came from the other end of the phone unhurriedly: "He Songfeng, I've booked the ticket. The flight is at 10 am. I'll wait for you at the east gate of the school."

Cheng Qiyong gritted his teeth, resenting the man who helped He Songfeng: "The first thing you did when you got on the plane was to cut off all your ties with us. We are just the garbage you left behind!"

He Songfeng said "hmm", responded to both of them at the same time, and hung up the phone.

Cheng Qiyong lifted his hands from He Songfeng's neck, holding He Songfeng's face, and drops of sticky blood dripped down.

He Songfeng was not moved at all, and he didn't even blink. If the blood and tears wanted to melt into his eyes, he would accept them without resistance like a statue that had been repainted.

He Songfeng said softly:

"Don't look at me like that. Don't act like I've let you down. I'm the victim, forced to be raped by you again and again in your room, just you and me, and have you pinch me and tell me you love me over and over again."

He also expressed his hatred lightly:

"Disgusting, everything about you is disgusting."

He Songfeng's hatred was completely vented the moment the ashtray was smashed down. At that moment, in his heart, Cheng Qiyong had already been smashed to death by him.

Next is the dead Cheng Qiyong and the reborn Xin He Songfeng.

He Songfeng pushed Cheng Qiyong away and took out the tie clip that represented their relationship from his school uniform pocket.

Just when He Songfeng was about to hand over the tie clip, Cheng Qiyong felt a burst of pain from his bones as if his spine was broken.

He hugged He Songfeng tightly, intending to use He Songfeng to fill the emptiness in his bones, and shouted hysterically:

"You can't leave! I won't let you leave!!!"

"What do you want? As long as you don't leave me, I can satisfy you!"

"I want..."

He Songfeng opened his mouth, with the remaining half of the sentence between his lips and teeth.

"Whatever you want? Anything."

Under Cheng Qiyong's ardent gaze, He Songfeng coldly added the second half of the sentence:

"I want you to let me go."

Cheng Qiyong fell silent and never said a firm "yes" again. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let He Songfeng go, and he couldn't tolerate He Songfeng boarding a plane to go abroad, and then they would never see each other again.

"He Songfeng, does being with me really disgust you so much? Apart from going abroad, what haven't I done that satisfied you? As long as you stay, I can even suppress all public opinion about your video. I can arrange everything for you."

“…………”

He Songfeng was silent.

"You want money, status, and a future. These are all easy for me to obtain. I can give them all to you. Just be content. As long as you are content, you can live a life a thousand, ten thousand times better than your current one."

There was a sound of hurried footsteps outside the office.

He Songfeng raised the corner of his mouth and smiled contemptuously.

"I'm not satisfied, and I don't want you."

After He Songfeng finished saying this, a lot of people suddenly rushed into the room. They were students attracted by the noise of the fight just now. They rushed to He Songfeng, talking about Cheng Qiyong, but at the same time they were only concerned with checking He Songfeng's injuries.

"President, what happened?!"

When they saw He Songfeng covered in blood, they all rushed forward in panic, shouting and pulling the two men apart, completely ignoring Cheng Qiyong who was almost disfigured by the injuries.

"I'm fine, he's in trouble."

He Songfeng stood in the crowd, calmly wiping the blood off his hands until even his fingers were clean.

He ignored the accusatory words and gazes from the others and calmly continued his conversation with Cheng Qiyong:

"You're right, you're all garbage I'm going to throw away on the plane. But there's no need to get on the plane now..."

The sharpness of his fingertips cut through the crowd and gouged into Cheng Qiyong's heart.

"You are the first piece of trash I threw away."

Cheng Qiyong wanted to stand up and get closer to He Songfeng, but there was a thick wall of people between them.

He Songfeng stood behind the wall of people, standing out like a crane among chickens, beautiful and stunning, and could be seen effortlessly.

Instead, Cheng Qiyong was drowned in the crowd.

If He Songfeng wanted to see him, he had to squeeze in and move closer.

"Look at me one more time. After all, this is the last time you can see me."

He Songfeng whispered confidently into Cheng Qiyong's ear, smiling nonchalantly, like the wind blowing through the blood pool in Cheng Qiyong's eyes, whispering ambiguously like looking at oneself in the water:

"You will always remember me."

He Songfeng said it with certainty. Before leaving, he picked out the two words again and read them word by word:

"Forever, regret."

It is a curse, a crest imprinted in Cheng Qiyong's blood, and the master's earnest teachings.

He Songfeng washed the blood off his body and placed the Hermès tie clip that Cheng Qiyong had given him on the table.

He left cleanly and cut off all ties with Cheng Qiyong.

After seeing He Songfeng off, Cheng Qiyong also forcefully drove the others away.

The room suddenly became empty, leaving only a dilapidated and decadent zombie and the smell of blood in the room.

At this moment, his cell phone rang. He took it out, took a look at it, and closed his eyes tiredly.

[Brother, when you see this message, it means I have obtained He Songfeng's flight information for going abroad. I want to start a new life with him.]

He Songfeng walked past the bulletin board again. The people gathered here had dispersed. His schoolbag lay pitifully and helplessly in the middle of the road like a human pig with its limbs crushed.

The deep black turned into grayish black, the internal organs were hollowed out, and only a tattered skin remained.

He Songfeng stepped on it and walked past calmly as if he hadn't seen anything.

The schoolbag made a squeaking sound when it was stepped on, and the gray-black surface was covered with even more dust.

But the instigator has already walked further and further away without even looking back.

Zhang Hejing waited at the school gate for a while. When she saw He Songfeng coming, she took the initiative to greet him, help open the door, and help him fasten his seat belt.

At the same time, he took out two plane tickets from his pocket and handed them both to He Songfeng.

The car engine started, roaring, and the tires made a rustling sound as they scraped across the ground.

He Songfeng looked back and saw the huge dark green figure of Jialin City International College getting farther and farther away, until it was almost just a small dot in his sight, and finally completely became a tiny pixel on the skyline at the end of his sight.

He Songfeng took out the two plane tickets from his pocket, glanced at Zhang Hejing in confusion, but quickly looked away.

He turned his head and continued to look at the tall buildings.

The high-rise buildings that pierce the clouds stand upright, some low and some high, forming a steel forest of considerable scale.

The diffuse reflection of light in the forest is yellow-green, while the diffuse reflection of light in the steel forest is silver, as smooth and bright as a coin.

He Songfeng stared at one of the transparent sightseeing elevators going straight up from the bottom floor. He imagined how he would be able to overlook the entire city if he were in that elevator.

Suddenly, Zhang Hejing placed his hand on the back of He Songfeng's hand.

He Songfeng slowly turned his head and looked at Zhang Hejing.

"Do you hope that after you go abroad, I will still be in your shadow?"

Under Zhang Hejing's calm gaze, He Songfeng answered truthfully: "I don't hope so."

After saying this, He Songfeng immediately became alert again, his eyeballs tremblingly half hidden in his upper eye sockets, revealing the lower part of his eye.

At this moment, the traffic light for the straight ahead turned from red to yellow. The moment it turned green, Zhang Hejing let go of the steering wheel, looked ahead and said lightly:

"Tear it up."

He Songfeng remained silent and did not express his opinion.

He clenched both sides of the ticket with his hands, digging his nails into the thin sides of the ticket, pinching out several twisted crescent-shaped deep pits.

Zhang Hejing reminded again: "You can tear up my share now."

His voice was soft, without any coercion or threat, just like the countless times he had followed He Songfeng silently. He was very good at minimizing his presence.

He Songfeng then took action.

Fold it up and tear it in half.

He stopped again and looked at Zhang Hejing.

Fold it again and tear it open.

After confirming that Zhang Hejing had no reaction at all, he folded the plane ticket in his hand again and again with confidence, tearing it into snowflakes. He held it in the palm of his hand, and shivered pitifully in the car's air conditioner.

While waiting for the next traffic light, Zhang Hejing took a small bag from the back seat and placed it steadily on He Songfeng's legs.

"I will deposit tuition and living expenses into this card on time every semester. Here is your ID card, passport, and admission letter."

As the wheels rolled, the street scenes of Jialin City rolled farther and farther away.

He Songfeng's mind also drifted away with the tall buildings.

"Take good care of yourself when you go abroad. Your beauty is not a blessing for you."

"Start over well, and if you need me, feel free to communicate with me."

"Will you return home?"

“…………”

Zhang Hejing smiled and said, "It's okay, I will always wait for you."

I don't know when the car has stopped outside the airport, "Okay, let's go wait for the flight."

The car doors were unlocked and the seat belts were unfastened.

He Songfeng should have opened the car door and walked away without looking back.

But he hesitated, and while he was hesitating, he had already half of his body over the driver's console and gave Zhang Hejing a tight hug.

"Thank you."

He Songfeng said, "Thank you so much."

Zhang Hejing's two hands wrapped around He Songfeng's body, hanging silently in the air, his wrists trembling, his fingers curling and straightening again and again, hesitating, wanting to touch but not daring to touch.

In the end, Zhang Hejing did not respond to He Songfeng's proactive hug.

He knew that to He Songfeng, he was just an unmentionable stain in He Songfeng's life.

Zhang Hejing maintained his composure and listened quietly to He Songfeng's thanks and the light kiss on his cheek.

He Songfeng finally left without looking back.

He Songfeng had waited for this day for too long, and couldn't wait to run forward, past the crowd and into the light.

Zhang Hejing stayed alone in the car, watching He Songfeng leave.

Just like He Songfeng watched the school become a pixel on the horizon, until He Songfeng also became a tiny pixel.

Zhang Hejing raised his hand and gently touched the cheek that had been kissed.

His finger punctured a drop of water, and before the drop rolled down and disappeared, he wiped it away with his finger and placed it flat in front of his sight.

He saw wet droplets of water.

He held his finger in his mouth and licked the water droplets off his fingertips.

He understood that these were not water droplets, but He Songfeng's tears.

So salty and astringent.

It was so bitter that it was almost impossible to swallow.

Zhang Hejing suddenly remembered that he didn't even have time to say "goodbye" to He Songfeng before the two of them hurriedly parted ways.

He took out his cell phone and the screen stopped at He Songfeng's chat box.

Many people can't say anything when they are face to face, but once they are facing the screen, those words burst out like a dam opening to release floodwaters.

The densely packed words almost filled up the dialog box, leaving only the three words [He Songfeng] at the top.

But Zhang Hejing thought about it and hesitated again.

Finally, the dense secret love was reduced to just two words:

【goodbye. 】

…………

【Sorry, you are not his/her friend, the message failed to be sent.】

He Songfeng sat on the plane, holding his mobile phone in both hands, clicking here and there in an unskilled manner, and finally cancelled all his contact information. He even took out the SIM card and smashed it.

He Songfeng deleted all his past.

He is no longer the helpless good boy in Zhao Jie's eyes, nor is he the excellent student who is bullied at school, nor is he the defiled and humiliated cousin on the Internet.

His bones, blood, skin and even soul were washed clean as the content in the phone gradually became blank.

He Songfeng's phone screen went dark, and he saw himself in the mirror.

Raise your hand and touch your cheek.

He and his shadow, their two thin hands no longer needed to be restrained in trying to hold on to something, they just needed to hold each other.

He Songfeng gently kissed the screen and whispered softly:

"Just as I said, I only want you."

…………

"The two of us start over."

This sentence was said by He Songfeng, but it was not entirely said by He Songfeng.

He turned his head and saw Cheng Yiliao's face, the face so familiar that it gave him nightmares at night, hanging in He Songfeng's eyes with horror.

He said:

"The two of us start over."

At this moment, the broadcast in the cabin sounded, and the engine that penetrated the fuselage began to roar. The vibration brought by it was like a handful of hot sand, penetrating into the joints of He Songfeng's bones.

The giant steel bird made a mighty effort to break free from gravity.