Chapter 168 Return Journey 2

Horses kicked up yellow sand, and the convoy slowly started moving.

Chen Feng, as the commander of the guards, rode at the very front of the group, his expression solemn.

Lin Ziyuan rode a gentler pony, closely following behind Chen Feng's horse. He stood up straight, trying his best to imitate Chen Feng's steady riding posture. His face was full of seriousness and excitement, as if he had already embarked on the journey to become a great general.

Xie Sangning glanced back; Xihan City was gradually blurring in the sandstorm. Pei Zhi's carefree yet somewhat silly face flashed through her mind.

"He got what he deserved..." she muttered to herself.

The light inside the carriage was somewhat dim.

Xie Sangning looked at his great-grandfather Lin Zhu, who was sitting opposite him with his eyes closed, seemingly just casually hitching a ride, and understood.

Ever since she showed the tiger tally to her great-grandfather that day, she knew that this conversation was bound to happen sooner or later.

Two days passed, enough time for my great-grandfather to sort out his thoughts.

Sure enough, Lin Zhu slowly opened his eyes.

Those bloodshot eyes stared straight at Xie Sangning, without any pleasantries or beating around the bush:

“Sang Ning, please take good care of the Lin family in the future. Your great-grandfather is going to avenge the late emperor and the late crown prince.”

Xie Sangning was stunned for a moment. She had expected that Lin Zhu should harbor hatred, but she did not expect that the hatred would be so intense that he would directly make his last arrangements.

The Lin family is my mother's family, so she will naturally take care of them.

But my great-grandfather's words were not a promise, but a farewell.

If he wants to leave the Lin family, then he must be planning to exterminate his entire clan.

Indeed, hatred can smother a person's brain, even a wise great-grandfather.

If this matter succeeds, all will be well, but if it fails, will Emperor Pei Yan care whether you've severed ties with him or not?

The Lin family was wiped out completely, their entire clan exterminated and reduced to dust.

This is hardly a decision made after calm reflection.

Clearly, it was an irrational decision made by someone blinded by anger. This tiger tally actually forced out the bloodthirstiness of this old man who had spent his life practicing self-discipline, propriety, caution, and prudence.

"Sang Ning doesn't understand, what kind of deep-seated hatred could make you, my great-grandfather, abandon your lifelong reputation and be willing to bear the eternal infamy of being a traitor who murdered the emperor, just to... risk mutual destruction?"

She needs an answer.

One answer that could explain why this old minister had become so irrational.

Lin Zhu was taken aback by her question, and his wrinkled face twitched violently a few times.

In those cloudy eyes, pain, anger, guilt, and confusion... ultimately, all transformed into sorrow.

Cloudy tears welled up uncontrollably in my eyes.

“No…it’s not all about revenge…” Lin Zhu’s voice trembled violently, “It’s about atonement…Sang Ning, it’s about my great-grandfather…atonement to the late emperor! My great-grandfather was a sinner of Daqing!”

"Atonement?" Xie Sangning frowned; this word carried a heavier weight than revenge.

Lin Zhu raised his withered hand and forcefully wiped his face, trying to brush away the inappropriate weakness, but only let the tears flow down his wrinkles, leaving wet streaks:

"Back then...back then, that traitor Pei Yan! He came to me with a fake tiger tally! That tiger tally was so realistically forged! At that time..."

The old man closed his eyes in anguish, as if he were transported back to that pivotal moment that determined the fate of the Qing Kingdom:

"The late emperor's sudden death was shrouded in mystery, and the court was instantly divided. One faction supported the second prince, who was known for his virtue, while the other faction... rallied around the then-unremarkable fourth prince, Pei Yan! At that time, I felt as if the sky had fallen and the earth had collapsed. I was deeply mired in the grief and suspicion surrounding the late emperor's murder, and I was disheartened. I did not take a clear side... I only wanted to find out the truth behind the late emperor's death!"

His chest heaved violently, and his breathing became heavy.

"Just then... Pei Yan arrived! He was holding the fake tiger tally! He told me... that it was secretly entrusted to him by the late emperor before his death! It was the successor chosen by the late emperor! He also said... that the late emperor was killed by the second prince's faction!"

Lin Zhu suddenly opened his eyes, his eyes flashing with regret:

“I believe it! Sang Ning… I believe it! The late emperor saved my life, more than once! He treated me like a friend, and his imperial grace was boundless! The only token he left behind was the tiger tally. He once told me personally that whoever possessed this tally was the one to whom the Mandate of Heaven would reside! This was his trust in me, the heavy responsibility entrusted to him for the country!”

"When I saw that tiger tally... when I saw his unwavering words, it was like grasping at a piece of driftwood in despair! I thought I had finally found the way to fulfill the late emperor's dying wish! I thought I was seeking justice for the late emperor and supporting the successor he chose!"

"So..." Lin Zhu's voice suddenly dropped, filled with self-loathing, "...So I stood up and unequivocally supported Pei Yan! I used my status as the Imperial Tutor, my prestige and connections in the court, to advocate for him, to contact veteran officials, and to suppress dissent!"

"It was me...it was me who personally pushed those forces that were still observing or even leaning towards the Second Prince to Pei Yan's side! It was me...who cleared the biggest obstacle on his path to the throne!"

His gaze was fixed on the void, as if he could see the scene of his former self raising his arm and his ministers responding, a scene that had now become a sharp knife piercing his heart:

"The Second Prince's faction... collapsed in an instant! Pei Yan, that traitor who usurped the country, half of the foundation upon which he sat on the throne was laid by my own hands, Lin Zhu! It was me, the fool! The blind man! The sinner who betrayed the late emperor's trust! I personally helped my enemy onto the throne! Let him sit comfortably on the throne for more than ten years under the halo of being the late emperor's chosen successor!"

Tears streamed down his face; he didn't wail loudly, but wept silently, his hunched body trembling violently.

"The one I supported... was not the late emperor's heir... The one I supported... was the murderer who killed the late emperor and the crown prince! He was a traitor who stole the throne and usurped the throne! And I even helped him secure his rule!"

Lin Zhu suddenly clutched his chest, his withered fingers gripping his clothes tightly. "Sang Ning... tell me, wasn't my great-grandfather a sinner for all time?! Every breath I take while I'm alive is a disgrace! How can I face the late emperor in the afterlife after I die?!"

He abruptly raised his head, his bloodshot eyes filled with madness as he stared intently at Xie Sangning:

“As long as I live, this sin weighs me down and I can’t breathe! Only by killing Pei Yan! Only by tearing this traitor who stole the country to pieces! Only with his blood… can I slightly wash away my stupidity! My sins! This… is not revenge! This is… atonement! It is the only way for me, Lin Zhu… to atone for my sins to the late emperor!” He almost roared out the last few words, filled with tearful despair and recklessness.

The carriage was deathly silent.

Xie Sangning finally understood; so that's how it is.

What drove this cautious and prudent minister to take the path of mutual destruction was not just hatred.

He saw himself as the biggest accomplice in the change of power and the ascension of his enemy to the throne. This heavy sense of guilt almost crushed him and drove him insane.

This pain was enough to destroy anyone's sanity, especially for an old minister who valued loyalty and integrity more than his own life.