Chapter 40: Apologize. I don’t want to be an online friend anymore.

Yu Han stepped back and dodged.

"Go away, I don't know you!" She was extremely resistant and very indifferent.

Qin Yi avoided her injured hand, supported her body, and moved closer, gentle and anxious: "Don't do this, don't do this, Hanhan, I'm sorry, it's my fault, I shouldn't have kept it from you. But..."

She used her good hand to take his hand that was holding hers.

Qin Yi didn't dare to use force, and his hand was thrown away again.

He said anxiously, "Hanhan, every time we met, I just didn't want you to make a wasted trip every time you returned home. The first time I felt we shouldn't have met, I hid it from you, fearing your trip would be in vain. The second time you didn't want to see me, I just couldn't bear to see you return empty-handed again. I also worried about you getting wet in the rain alone, so I went to find you."

His words successfully made the collapsed person slowly stop struggling.

The tears that fell softly in this sweltering August city were like a typhoon passing through.

Even though he was prepared for today, it was far from enough. Qin Yi had never been so anxious in his life.

Tears were all over Yu Han's cheeks, which were hot with excitement. However, her heaving chest gradually calmed down. At the same time, many images flashed through her mind because of those words, one after another, invading her brain without any explanation.

In the shopping mall that is always bustling, there are countless tourists passing by. The person in front of her half-protected her body, half-supported her shoulders, very cautiously.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I never meant to do that. I just wanted us to see each other every time, so that you could see each other. I don't know how to accept that you came all the way to find me, and then didn't see me. But when you said it would be better not to see each other, I couldn't really go to see you, and let you take the risk next time. It's rare that you listened.

So I can only hide it from you and go see you, so that you can see it again. I'm sorry, Hanhan."

See you again - these four words are like a flood. In the past two years, many seemingly ordinary meetings have come to her face, and each one has become of special value, like a sudden cold tide that is about to wash away Yu Han.

The first time we met...last Spring Festival, in Lan City, at a basketball court in an alley.

But, but that wasn't the first time. They had met before at a hotel in Kuala Lumpur. That was the first time. And that person was him, the Qin Yi she met in Florence...

Later during the Spring Festival, he almost got into a fight with someone in the alley for her, and they met again in the cinema in the afternoon. He gave her Coke, bought her medicine and water without asking for money.

So she gave him a movie peripheral as a thank you.

That is Qin's translation.

She couldn't accept it. She cried and stared through her tearful eyes at a face in front of her that was so familiar that it couldn't be more familiar.

Their eyes met, so close yet so far away. She didn't know what was between them, but it felt fake.

This person, is it him? She had been suspicious for nearly a year, and finally gave up because of that WeChat message. It was really him.

She seemed to find it extremely difficult to accept, but also seemed to passively accept it in an instant because of his kindness to her, because, how could a good person be so good to her? Only Qin Yi could explain it.

She remembered that not long ago he pointed at the person she was most familiar with in the photo on Instagram and said, "Why don't you suspect that I might be this person?"

He denied being the one in black.

It turns out that everything is true.

What he said was true. He was giving her a warning at that time, but she just didn't believe it.

But at this moment, she couldn't accept it calmly.

Her mind was uncontrollably pulling her to accept it, passively reminding her of a previous scene with him. At that time, he had offended her for some reason, and in order to coax her, he said he would show her a photo.

She thought it was his, but it turned out to be hers.

On the day of watching a movie during the Spring Festival, he took a picture of her. She felt very regretful at that time that he met her but didn't tell her, which caused her to miss it.

It turned out that they had met before and even chatted; that morning, on the basketball court, in the alley, on the way home, and in the afternoon at the cinema, they even sat together... and watched a movie for nearly two hours.

They had seen so much that day…it was all him.

That's why after the movie ended, he walked behind her and took the photo of her staring at the albizzia flowers.

Then, in March, he said he wanted to give her an autographed photo of his idol, so she secretly ran back to China.

Originally, she could have seen him that time, but because she was caught by the head teacher, she didn't want to see him anymore. She was afraid that after seeing him, she would be obsessed with him and would always run back to China to cause trouble for him.

But that day, someone went to the auditorium to look for her. A young man holding an umbrella suddenly appeared under the eaves of the auditorium in the rain. He knelt before her and chatted with her, comforted her, took off his school uniform and gave it to her, took her out of the school gate, took a taxi to send her to the airport, dried her wet hair in the car, and drove her all the way to the airport security checkpoint. Even after she could no longer see him, he was still there...

This person was actually the one she had been thinking about and had run back to see several times.

Why was she so stupid as to think that the man really had to leave the campus for something and happened to meet her alone?

He said he was going to the airport to pick someone up, but it was still early. How could he suddenly go to the airport to pick someone up when school wasn't over yet?

Those seemingly reasonable scenes had ended successfully in the past, but at this moment they were wildly contrary to normal theory.

Yu Han couldn't believe the facts at this moment, nor could she believe that her past self was so stupid and foolish to accept all the coincidences of him appearing in front of her.

It was actually him that day. He knew she had run away from the office, knew it was raining, and knew she was all alone, so he went around the campus looking for her with an umbrella before school was over. When he found her, he sent her to the airport...

This is reasonable.

She also said in front of "him" that if Qin Yi had time, he would also take me there, he was just called to the office.

In fact, he did go and look for her in the rain, fearing that something might happen to her alone.

I was supposed to go see her, but at the last second she said she was gone, and it was better not to see her.

So he was forced to change his mind and appear in a different identity, right?

And how could she have thought that a stranger she had met by chance would chase her in the rainy and freezing cold streets of Lan City just for their past acquaintance.

How is that possible?

In January this year, she returned to China temporarily to bring him a birthday present. He told her on the phone that she could see him immediately as long as she wanted to.

And the next second, this person appeared in sight.

He asked her in a serious manner why she was in China, took off his windbreaker and gave it to her, took her to play billiards... and took her to the billiard hall to see the first snow in Lan City.

He was actually looking for her while answering the phone, and only said those words after he found her, saying that as long as she said a word, she would see him immediately.

She didn't want it. They didn't meet by chance, they didn't just pass by. He didn't suddenly appear and reunite with her by coincidence...

She always said that they were destined to meet, and that she would meet him every time she returned to China, but never Qin Yi. But in fact, it was he who created these "chance encounters" again and again.

Without telling her, I went to see her again and again.

The next day, they even met at the airport. He pushed her luggage, helped her through security, and served her tea and water. When she was tired from walking, he wanted to carry her on his back until she got on the plane.

Yu Han felt exhausted, as if she had experienced all the past events again in just a few minutes, and this time she was facing a man named Qin Yi.

Not someone with the surname Jin.

Her eyes were filled with tears as she quietly looked at the young man in front of her with a frown on his face as he met her gaze.

She sniffed, and her eyes and nose were stained deep red.

She had never thought before why a stranger would be so good to her, not asking for money or time, but just willing to take care of her and accompany her. But it turned out that it was none other than the person she was in contact with day and night.

Qin Yi wiped her tears with his hand and continued, "It was me at East Coast Park. It was me in the hospital elevator that day."

Yu Han's eyes widened instantly.

The eyes were wide open and could not hide the tears. A drop of water splashed on the boy's bent index finger.

Qin Yi half-closed his eyelashes to look at the tears that had broken on his fingers, then lifted his eyelids and looked into her pupils that were like the deep sea.

Yu Han remained in a daze, staring at the figure that was an arm's length away and much taller than her.

Qin Yi held her face in his hands and said, "I saw the person from the flower shop walking past me with the bouquet of flowers. I saw it before you."

Yu Han lowered her head, tears falling onto the floor.

Qin Yi wiped her with the back of his hand, gently wiping it bit by bit. "Don't be angry, okay? Hanhan, I can't help it. At first, I thought I shouldn't see you because I was afraid you would always go back. But you came to find me, and I accepted it. You can see me if you want. Later, when you didn't want to see me anymore, I couldn't just turn a blind eye every time you went back. I knew you were there, but I didn't see you. I can't help it, Hanhan."

Yu Han sobbed.

Qin Yi looked at the small wet spot on the ground, his voice gradually becoming hoarse. "On the 12th of this month, the day after I contacted you, I arrived in Singapore. Actually, I wanted to come before I contacted you. I couldn't wait to see you as soon as I got off the plane. I just didn't have the address of your hospital."

Yu Han's chest heaved, and she kept sniffing to hold back the surging tears.

Qin Yi continued to wipe her gently with the back of his hand, lowering his head and coaxing her softly: "Don't cry, I'm sorry, don't be like this, wait until you get better, you can beat me up, okay? Don't cry now, it will give you a headache later. I'm sorry, it's my fault anyway, I'm sorry, Hanhan."

There was still gauze on her forehead, and Qin Yi stroked it with concern.

Yu Han's phone vibrated.

She wiped her eyes with her left hand and picked up her phone to look at it.

Her mother sent a message asking her where she was.

Yu Han thought for a moment and typed, "I'm meeting a friend. We're in a restaurant together. You go buy something first, Mom. I'll come over later."

"Okay. Then you have to be careful and don't bump your hands."

"Uh-huh."

Qin Yi roughly saw what she wrote from the opposite side. The moment she put away her phone, he held her left wrist and walked forward.

Yu Han moved her feet in a daze and passively, saying unconsciously, "I won't leave. Let me go. I don't know you."

Qin Yi turned around, but still took her away.

He took her to the Sands Hotel in front because there were too many people outside and he was afraid that she would be met by her family.

Walking into the hotel and finding an empty corner, Qin Yi trapped the person by the window in the corner and stood in front of her.

The darkness inevitably fell like night, and even the bright lights above could not dilute the shadows in front of my eyes.

Yu Han blinked her big eyes, not understanding what was going on.

But facing him at such a close distance, she couldn't help but hold her breath deeply.

She resisted looking him in the eye, but had to.

Just like this, one high and one low, you look at me, I look at you. She couldn't stop breathing, looking aggrieved, I felt pity for her, and as I watched, tears rolled down her cheeks again, I didn't know if she was angry or what.

Qin Yi frowned in pain, raised his hands, and held her face: "Am I so unforgivable? I'm sorry, but I'm not in a hurry. I'll beg you slowly."

Her eyes were wet again, and she cried loudly: "I won't forgive you, I'm done with you, forever."

Qin Yi suddenly smiled bitterly.

Yu Han suddenly collapsed and squatted down, lying on her knees and crying.

She recalled the times when they talked on the phone and they always avoided some harmless little quarrels, and he always smiled helplessly.

I have been struggling these past few days. Sometimes I feel that not contacting him is good for him and I don’t need to rack my brains on how to plan my future for her; at the same time, I really want to make peace with him and save the relationship.

Now that the person was in front of her, she felt both overwhelmed and resistant. She hated this vortex of contradictions and was about to collapse.

Qin Yi bent down, bent his knees, and placed his right knee on the floor tiles.

His hands were supported on his knees, his fingertips were red due to the pressure, and a tear fell in front of his fingertips, splashing liquid onto his slender fingers.

Yu Han raised her wet eyelashes.

The abrupt interweaving is like a majestic rainy night and a solitary lamp on the roadside, neither coming nor going but leaning on each other, unable to be avoided.

Those were a pair of peach blossom eyes that were filled with worry, melancholy, and extreme guilt.

Yu Han suddenly understood why he had such a complicated look at the security checkpoint after seeing her off at the airport last March.

I couldn't understand it at all at the time. The only faint suspicion I had couldn't stand up to the thin evidence, and in the end I could only give up and forget about it as time went by.

At this moment, these eyes were like fire in the dead of winter, always covering her no matter how cold the temperature was.

Just like what happened in the winter night of Florence in 2015, one year, two years, three years, he accompanied her for three years and protected her for three years.

We've never met seriously, we've never had any direct involvement, and we've never seriously said let's be together, but except for that six months, I've never left her. Starting in March last year, the calls were almost non-stop, one every day.

She choked up, resisting but also feeling that her whole life was rationally compromising with this reality.

When she lowered her head and cried, Qin Yi helped her to stand up. After she stood up straight, he stretched his arms behind her back, moved his palms back and placed them on her thin back. He then took another half step forward and pressed her into his arms.

The two bodies suddenly hugged each other tightly.

"Hanhan."

"Wuwu..." She burst into tears, "You big liar! You're not! Not!"

Her little face was on his chest, accusing him angrily, her breathing heaving and out of breath.

Qin Yi avoided her fractured right hand, being careful not to press on the injury, and with his other hand he pressed tightly against the back of her pink jacket, pulling her frail little body into his arms.

I tightened my grip, leaned forward, and finally hugged this person as tightly as I could, the person I had wanted to hug for years...

"Hanhan..."

"You said you've never been to Singapore," she sobbed, kicking him. "That time you flew to Malaysia, but the next day you were on the East Coast."

"I lied to you, I'm sorry. I just thought you'd be excited to see me here, and I felt guilty for lying to you again and again, so I just disappeared. I didn't expect to meet you in the first place."

Yu Han couldn't help but whimper a few times, then said angrily, "Then why did you come to Singapore? You're not welcome here!"

“…”

His expression finally changed, he said, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, "I'm sorry, it's just that my family works here, so I came to visit them."

She kicked him twice more, obviously not expecting that he had family members working here.

Then he pushed him with his hands.

Qin Yi didn't let go and pressed her hard into his arms.

This kind of body temperature fusion has never happened in the past few years. This strange intimacy, transcending the distance of the Internet and time, feeling each other's temperature without any obstacles, makes people collapse in a very special way.

Someone passed by but was blocked from view by the boy's broad shoulders. The two of them were hugging each other tightly in the corner.

"Hanhan, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? But am I really unable to forgive you? I even brought you a gift from England."

"Oh, I don't want that." She said in a tone that said, "I won't accept bribes and we're done."

Qin Yi frowned and racked his brains. "If we separate the two, I've been pretty good to you, haven't I? I gave you Coke, bought you medicine, sent you to the airport, gave you school uniforms, and took you to play billiards. We've had a great time these days. Is this 'I' also bad?"

"Ooooooh, I hate it!" she protested. "If you mention it again, I'll beat you to death!"

Qin Yi laughed.

The low laughter was as clear as the moon. The sunlight outside in Marina Bay was so warm and scorching, but the only thing that was cold was the chilly lobby of the hotel.

But he made Yu Han feel like she was surrounded by gentle moonlight.

He looked so much like the man on the phone who was so gentle to her and called her over and over again just to satisfy her desire to talk to him.

Therefore, the blazing flames are no match for three years of moonlight.

The defeat was severe.

Qin Yi really didn't dare to speak again, for fear of being beaten to death. He just lowered his head and gently rubbed her ear, his words carrying a burning breath floating in her ear.

"But every time you come back, I'm both happy and sad. Do you understand that feeling, Hanhan? I want to be open with you, but I'm also afraid you'll always come back later. If you get hurt, I'll feel guilty."

I don’t know when, the breathing in my arms completely calmed down, the clouds disappeared and the rain stopped, just like... the fog dissipated and the sky brightened.

The little princess leaned quietly on his chest, with her head lowered and her cheek against his heart. Her breathing seemed a little too hot because of her crying just now, but it was gradually calming down. At this moment, she was like a lazy and well-behaved kitten.

Qin Yi looked at her fixed eyes through her long curved eyelashes, and his heart melted when he saw her in a daze.

Her clothes slipped off her shoulders. Qin Yi picked them up and carefully covered her thin shoulders.

Her wet eyelashes fluttered twice, she stole a glance at him, then looked away. She didn't want to look at him, but she looked so pitiful, as if she was the one who was abandoned.

Qin Yi's regret and guilt always hung like dark clouds in his heart, and did not disappear just because she stopped crying and being angry.

He lowered his head to meet her eye level.

They were silent to each other, one was holding back his anger and the other didn't dare to speak, their eyes locked on each other for a full minute.

Finally, fearing he was running out of time, Qin Yi had to take the initiative and say, "Can you please not take a leave of absence?"

Yu Han's mind buzzed, as if she had fallen from the clouds back to reality... Then she remembered that they had a big fight over this matter three days ago, and the last chat record stopped at the sentence "Come here".

Qin Yi: "I originally wanted to come to Singapore. I can come because I have family here. But if you really don't agree and think I shouldn't come, then I won't come. However, I want to at least keep pace with you. If we keep pace, I can guarantee that we can study for a master's degree together. Even if we still don't study together, our future will be smooth and without any setbacks.

But if you take a leave of absence, you will feel lost. You will feel that you broke your promise in high school, and not only did you not end up together in college, but you also fell behind. You will never be on the same page again, and you will miss out on your entire student life. You will be sad.

Yu Han didn't say a word.

He was the person who understood her best in the world, sometimes even better than she herself.

"When you're sad, you start to overthink things, thinking that the distance between us is getting farther and farther, and that we're bound to separate in the end."

"I'm going to split now."

“…”

She took out her phone and opened a photo saved in her album: "I always thought this was you. I won't accept it if it's someone else."

“…”

Qin Yi looked at the man in black in the photo and said slowly, "But, I told you a long time ago, I might be the one holding the phone."

"I won't accept that! You have to be the one in black."

"..." He resigned himself to his fate, "But he, he's not from our school, he's from the school next door. We just played basketball in a friendly match and took a photo together."

"I don't care. I like him because he's a nice guy, not because of the name tag. I just like him." She poked the photo, "Call this guy over to me."

"..." Qin Yi coughed lightly, "He has a girlfriend."

“…” She suddenly raised her eyebrows.

Qin Yi remained calm and said, "Really? On the day we played basketball, his girlfriend was right beside us, serving us tea and water. She was very attentive and they seemed to be on very good terms."

“…”

Qin Yi: "You like people, not signs. Then why don't you like me? You obviously like both the Jin and Qin ones."

"..." She turned away, "I've fallen in love with someone else."

“…”

Qin Yi leaned over and hugged the person from behind.

Yu Han felt as if she'd been struck by a needle, and instinctively tried to run forward, but she couldn't. The young man's long arm passed through her waist, pressing her into his embrace. Despite her disability and strong will, she couldn't move an inch.

For the first time, she realized how big a difference there was between him and her in size. He could completely hold her in his arms like a kitten.

hateful.

Qin Yi lowered his head from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, which was still thin even with the coat hanging on it. His eyes were cast on the overlapping shadows of the two people at their feet, and his hot breath was on the crook of her neck.

"I can't move. I want to be with my Hanhan properly, not just some online friend who might easily break up."

“…”

Yu Han just remembered the hurtful words she had said a few days ago.