Chapter 93: Is it too pitiful, too innocent?

Xie Jing has felt the pain of being trapped in love too many times.

Many times I was heartbroken, disappointed, lonely, and sighed. I was unhappy during the day and tossed and turned at night.

These were not imposed on her by Yu Qing, but they were indeed because of Yu Qing, and they came from his longing for them.

He was a little confused. Could it be that he had brought pain to Yu Qing invisibly?

He always tried to satisfy Yu Qing's every need. If she wanted to see the princess, he would let her see her. If she wanted to go back to the past, he would recreate the past. In short, he would do what Yu Qing liked and not what she didn't like.

Seeing Yu Qing's sadness at this moment, he felt that it was even more profound than his own experience.

"Did I do something wrong?" Xie Jing murmured.

Yu Qing was also stunned. She looked at Xie Jing with a complicated expression.

In fact, it’s not Xie Jing’s fault.

"When Your Highness was Princess Qingjia, I treated you sincerely," Yu Qing said slowly. "I truly considered you my wife."

Xie Jing said, "I know. I also want to try my best to return my wife to you... Isn't that a good idea?"

"But Your Highness is not a princess after all. Each time we meet, it's only a short while, which is like drinking poison to quench thirst for me," Yu Qing said, "so I can't stand it."

Xie Jing really couldn't always be by Yu Qing's side with a pure and elegant face. He said with difficulty, "What about normal times? Can't I usually satisfy you?"

Yu Qing said, "You're not wrong, but you're a prince, a royal son. You and I are two completely different people. You're Xie Jing, not Qing Jia... I can't keep deceiving myself."

So what should he do?

Xie Jing always thought that Qingjia's identity was a good support for him. Could it be that this was originally a dead end?

Yu Qing is too kind and too devoted to Qing Jia. So she can only force herself to get along with him, but in the end, it doesn't match her expectations. Does this make her feel very uncomfortable?

In fact, every time he wanted to get close to her on his own, was Yu Qing embarrassed?

Xie Jing felt like crying.

"It's my fault," Xie Jing said, "I'm the one who keeps pestering you and chasing you without considering your feelings. I won't make things difficult for you. If you don't like it, then I will... then I will..."

Xie Jing couldn't continue speaking.

Then I won't bother you anymore.

What a difficult decision this was for him.

He would suffer if Yu Qing wasn't around. He would suffer if Yu Qing was with him. If he had to choose one, he would rather bear it alone.

He also remembered that Yu Qing had said several times in the past that she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore and that they should break up completely and go their separate ways.

It was because he didn't listen to her and refused to give up that he put so much pressure on her.

Xie Jing always felt that if he didn't have Yu Qing in his life, he would regret it until his death.

But at this moment he seemed to realize that if you truly love someone, your own feelings are actually not important.

As long as the other party is satisfied and everything goes well, he can let go.

...Maybe I won’t live for many more years and will die of depression, Xie Jing thought. But that doesn’t matter.

Xie Jing's expression was very sad again. Yu Qing frowned, thinking that he had misunderstood something.

"I don't dislike you," Yu Qing sighed, "I just... it's torture to see you, and it's even more torture when you're not around. It seems like it will never get better."

She had been bearing this heavy burden for a long time. Loving someone had become such a difficult thing.

But she did not resent Xie Jing.

After learning about what happened that year, she also felt that for Xie Jing, everything was normal and reasonable. He couldn't pretend to be her wife for the rest of his life, could he? Wouldn't it be great if he could return to his original identity?

It’s okay for him not to tell her his life story, just like she doesn’t trust Xie Jing. Why should Xie Jing believe that a husband who is arranged to marry him will not reveal his secrets?

Many things are inherently unsolvable.

She sometimes felt it was so unfair. There were so many couples in the world, why couldn't she be with the one she loved?

She couldn't find anyone who could replace Xie Jing. When he was in front of her, everything else was always overshadowed.

She lowered her eyes, and Xie Jing stood up and held Yu Qing's face in his hands.

"Don't cry." Xie Jing said.

Yu Qing was stunned. In fact, her own eyes were still dry, but Xie Jing was the one who was crying.

Why? He seemed to be crying for her.

"What is tormenting you?"

Yu Qing's throat was blocked, and she didn't know how to express her speculations about others to their faces, but Xie Jing's face was so sincere and gentle that it reminded her of Qingjia.

"You are terrifying, Your Highness," Yu Qing said. "You know my secret. No matter what you do, I can't touch you. If you betray me, I'm finished... As long as you live, I will always have a weakness."

If someone else had seen through her identity, Yu Qing would not be in such a dilemma. She still had many ways to protect herself.

But Xie Jing was different. Even if he did something, Yu Qing couldn't stab him with a sword.

Xie Jing was stunned and said, "...You think I'm scary and that I will hurt you?"

Yu Qing looked at him, pursing her lips silently.

He thought for a moment and said, "But you also know my secret. Just tell everyone that King Jing's past was neither male nor female, a joke; and that the Ninth Prince's identity was a fabrication. In fact, I didn't grow up in a temple at all. That child really died over 20 years ago, and the current Ninth Prince is just a fraud. You tell the truth to the world and make me the biggest scandal in the royal family."

When Xie Jing said "it's a joke", Yu Qing's face changed, and at the end, she couldn't imagine it even more.

She said, “How could I do this?”

Xie Jing said, "You can do anything. You can threaten me. If I don't obey your orders, you will send Qing Jia's portrait to the emperor and the princes. If I dare to do anything to you, you will immediately make me infamous and let the emperor chop off my head first. I will definitely die before you."

Yu Qing opened her eyes wide and said, "...Impossible."

Xie Jing said: "You have never thought about these, right?"

Yu Qing had never thought about it. She felt so bad even when Xie Jing broke a strand of hair, so how could she possibly hurt him?

Xie Jing said softly: "I'm the same as you. I've never thought about it either."

Yu Qing was stunned.

If Xie Jing hadn't said it, she would have never realized that she also knew Xie Jing's weakness. She had already kept it a secret for him.

She didn't even reveal a single word to her closest relatives. She also repeatedly told Qiying, the only person who knew about the secret, not to reveal it.

"It's okay if you don't believe me, because I did... lie to you. I'm sorry," Xie Jing said, "but I don't want you to worry so much. If you want to lock me up here, then I can stay, really. This place is great, enough for me to live in."

Yu Qing's mind was in turmoil. Xie Jing stood there holding the rope without saying a word, as if waiting for her answer.

"No...you go. I...will have someone take you back home." she said.

·

The moon is already at its zenith.

She arranged a carriage for Xie Jing and the two unconscious guards, and also told her people to suspend all arrangements.

In fact, her mind was still a little confused and chaotic. She closed her eyes and sorted out her mood.

"It is I who frightened His Highness today..." she said, "Please forget all these ridiculous things that happened tonight."

Xie Jing lifted the car curtain and said, "I promise you, I will never cause you any trouble. You didn't do anything anyway. Don't worry, okay?"

“…”

Xie Jing raised his hand, touched her face, and said sadly: "I always don't know what you want, and I don't know how to treat you well. If you have any ideas, can you tell me next time? I often guess wrong."

Yu Qing looked at the car hood going away, still feeling a sense of unreality as if in a dream.

She discovered that her predictions about Xie Jing were never accurate.

For example, today she tied up Xie Jing and locked him in the dungeon, and she was prepared for him to resist and curse, but Xie Jing didn't.

Tonight, everything Xie Jing said and did was beyond her imagination.

Her decision to let Xie Jing go was actually a momentary impulse after being moved by him. If what she had done to him were to be known by Prince Rui and others, the consequences would be disastrous.

But she really doesn't seem to be worried now. Is it because of the promise Xie Jing made before he left?

Could it be that Xie Jing was trying to escape from the dungeon, so he said so many nice things to make me let down my guard?

She had already untied the rope and was about to let him go, so there was no need to waste time talking.

·

Yu Qing returned to her own quarters, late at night, without disturbing anyone else. However, the puppy in the yard woke up on its own, ran over, and hummed softly in her arms. She knew it must have smelled Xie Jing again.

Even the puppy liked him so much. This little guy had always been the most intelligent. Sometimes Yu Qing would get annoyed by it and pretend to frown, and it would calm down. But it was always unscrupulous towards Xie Jing, and dared to climb up along His Royal Highness Jing Wang's legs.

Yu Qing thought quietly for a while, feeling very confused.

Just now in the dungeon, she had been entangled with Xie Jing for a while, and her body was hot and now it had cooled down, but she still felt uncomfortable.

She went to the purification room again and took a bath with ice-cold water without asking anyone to boil water. After a while, she became dazed again and soaked for a while. Finally, she shivered slightly and got up.

Finally she fell on the bed in silence.

This day has been really tiring.

In the morning, he began to arrange personnel, prepare plans, and make sure that everything was going smoothly; in the evening, he waited for King Jing, knocked him unconscious, and took him back to the dungeon in his own home. The others were responsible for destroying the traces; he wanted to force himself on Xie Jing, but failed to do anything and let him go in a daze; then he asked his confidants to stop immediately and send Xie Jing back properly.

I'm tossing and turning, but I don't know who I'm tossing and turning.

However, she does not feel exhausted now, nor is she in a hurry to prepare for being held accountable or questioned in the future.

The ending was so frivolous that she felt uncomfortable.

It seemed that she had also experienced this before, when she was in front of the princess, she had felt uneasy and worried a few times, but in the end nothing happened. When she got to the princess, her worries were always quickly dispelled with a few words and a smile.

She always felt that Xie Jing was unclear and unfathomable. The ominous, gloomy veil seemed to be slowly being lifted, and his face remained in Yu Qing's mind with unparalleled clarity.

Yu Qing suddenly felt that his previous dream was very strange.

Xie Jing was a man who only wore a sword for decoration, and he was only good at wielding the sword.

Why would I imagine him stabbing me out of thin air?

Moreover, I did hurt him. The scar was still a little red when I saw it last time. I wonder if it has healed now.

Moreover, Xie Jing was always very careless. He would never leave anyone with him when he came to the Marquis' Mansion or to the Prince's Mansion to see him. Today was no exception. He went wherever he was asked to go, without even bringing all the guards with him.

What if I was really locked up and couldn't escape for the rest of my life?

Why didn't Xie Jing doubt her?

Come to think of it, I have been disrespectful to Xie Jing many times. I have never been polite to him. I just started fighting without any hesitation. Isn't Xie Jing afraid?

She remembered that when they were at the Xuanbei Marquis Mansion, Xie Jing always had a smile on his face. However, during the following period, she often saw Xie Jing crying, which was not so common before.

That day, Xie Jing wanted to keep her, so she abandoned him at the palace. Later, when she returned, she discovered that Xie Jing had been crying for who knows how long. What if she hadn't returned? Would anyone have known?

How many more nights like that happened when she was unaware?

If all her suspicions were delusions, then wasn't the real Xie Jing too pitiful and too innocent?

Yu Qing was lost in thought, hardly daring to think about it, and unable to breathe.