Chapter 71 Why can't you do what men want you to do when you're facing them...

That night, Ayan tossed and turned, unable to sleep well at all.

As the moonlight faded outside the window, she was preoccupied with her thoughts, and when she closed her eyes, all she could see was her mother's face.

Before dawn, she hurriedly sat up in bed, wanting to check on her mother. But as soon as her feet touched the ground, she hesitated.

Doctor Cui instructed that Mother needs to rest quietly, and she probably hasn't woken up yet.

Ayan paced around the room twice, then changed her clothes, washed up carefully, and tiptoed to Lishan's room, thinking that she would go in whenever her mother woke up.

As I sat there, the drowsiness of the night returned.

She began to doze off, her head nodding off, and in a daze, she seemed to have returned to her childhood.

It was a bamboo house bathed in sunlight. She sat at the table learning to write, but she kept getting sleepy.

Li Shan sat at her desk and, seeing that her eyelids were drooping, gently patted her shoulder: "Ayan, did you memorize what you learned today?"

Yes, Mother is always like that.

When you're patient, you can teach her again and again without getting tired of it.

But if she sensed that she was being lazy, her mother's tone would become stern: "You are the future clan leader, you can't be so willful! The clan will rely on you in the future."

Normally, upon hearing this, Ayan would obediently admit her mistake.

But for some reason, all the pent-up frustration from the past few days came rushing back that day.

"Why must I be the clan leader?" she said deliberately. "This is my mother's wish, not mine!"

As if she had found an outlet for her emotions, her voice unconsciously rose a few decibels, and she spoke rapidly: "The elders in the clan all say that in the past, the clan chief was always a man, but the men in my generation are not capable enough, so it was my turn to be the clan chief."

"Don't you find it hard, Mother? They say you could have found a capable husband and become the clan chief's wife, which would have made your life much easier."

“You work tirelessly for the clan every day, from dawn till dusk. You don’t have to work so hard.”

"If I wanted to live an easy life, why should I have to shoulder such a heavy burden?"

As soon as she said it, she saw Li Shan's face darken.

The usually composed mother stood up, her face so dark it was almost dripping with anger: "Ayan, who taught you these words?"

"How could you think like that?"

Ayan suddenly felt a rare sense of fear.

She forced herself to say, "That's what everyone says!"

Li Shan walked up to A Yan, but this time she didn't squat down to look her in the eye. Instead, she stood still and looked down at her, her expression solemn.

Ayan felt a blinding red light before her eyes.

That was the color of the clan chief's robes that my mother often wore.

“Ayan, since you put it that way, let me ask you.” Li Shan’s voice was calm. “Do you think there’s anything your mother has done wrong as the clan leader?”

"It's not bad."

Ayan shook her head: "It's because I'm such a good mother."

“When someone in the clan falls ill, my mother personally goes to collect medicinal herbs; when there is a dispute among the clan members, my mother also goes to mediate between them.”

“Even if someone couldn’t catch any prey, my mother would share her own with them.”

"But why should I? You're a woman too, and it's too hard for you to do so much like a man!"

She didn't actually understand the meaning of these words; she was just parroting what the elders in her clan were saying.

When they gathered together, they often sighed, "Chief Lishan is just too strong-willed. If she were willing to put down her burdens and find a husband, everything would be much better."

"She's just a woman, yet she does things that men do every day..."

“But?” Li Shan repeated, looking into A Yan’s eyes. “Why did you use ‘but’ when you said I was a woman? Are we women inherently inferior to men?”

"What is it that Heaven has decreed must be done only by men? Are we women born with defects, or are we born with shackles, with one kind of limitation or another?"

This question made Ayan suddenly realize that something was wrong.

Yes, people in the village always say that women should rely on men, but they never apply the same standards to men.

The same task is considered "hard work" when done by a woman, but "taken for granted" when done by a man.

It's as if women are inherently weaker, and all their achievements are forced upon them.

On what grounds?

“Ayan, your mother never felt that this was hard work.” Li Shan pointed to the door. “Since your mother became the clan chief, no one in the village has gone hungry. After the houses were reinforced, everyone is no longer afraid of the cold in winter.”

“In the past, it was common for women to be mistreated by their husbands, but now I will not tolerate such things. If a man wrongs his wife, I will uphold justice and make him leave.”

"Do you think this village is better or worse than before?"

Ayan couldn't answer; she was still young and couldn't understand many things.

But she remembers one change.

Before her mother became the clan leader, people would always point and whisper about them: "Is this Li Shan's daughter? I wonder who her father is. She's like a burden. Who will marry Li Shan in the future?"

"With Li Shan being so strong-willed and feisty, what man would dare to date her?"

Later, when my mother wore that red dress, those sounds decreased significantly.

Instead, the question arose: "Ayan is so lively, what will she be like when she becomes the clan leader?"

"Li Shan's daughter will definitely be good."

However, their status has changed, and they are no longer always associated with men in other people's eyes, but are closely linked to the word "clan leader".

Almost no one cared who her unknown father was.

Her mother was the clan chief, and that was enough.

Remembering what she had said to her mother earlier, Ayan suddenly felt a pang of guilt.

She knows she was wrong.

“Mother did a good job, it was Ayan who was wrong.” Ayan choked up a little.

"Where did you go wrong?" Li Shan squatted down and looked at her, wiping away the wetness from the corner of her eyes.

“I shouldn’t have said those things. It wasn’t easy for Mother to get to where she is now.” Ayan raised her eyes and looked into Li Shan’s eyes. “Anyone who has climbed the mountain knows that what they say may seem easy, but it’s actually leading us down the path.”

"The mountain path is difficult because you can see a better view from the top. Going downhill is of course the easiest, but once you start going downhill, it's hard to turn back. Once you've tasted the ease, why would you still have the motivation to climb up?"

She grasped Li Shan's hand: "Mother, how did you come up with these ideas when no one was there to guide you?"

Despite facing numerous oppositional voices along your path, you still managed to forge a different path.

“Ayan, there are two kinds of awakening.” Li Shan gently stroked her hair. “One is when someone guides you, and the other is when you figure it out on your own.”

"When I was young, everyone advised me to find a man to marry, saying that I could live an easy life that way."

"But I refuse to admit it."

"Why should I find a man to do what I can do myself? He might not even be able to do it as well as I can!"

She had almost never shown this side of herself to Ayan, this sharp and fiery side.

“All of my mother’s persistence in this life stemmed from ‘not accepting’. I didn’t accept their looking down on me, nor did I accept their preconceived notions about my future.”

“They said I definitely couldn’t do it, but I’m determined to take a path they never thought of and do things they couldn’t do.”

Ayan stared blankly at Li Shan, seeing a flame-like light flickering in her eyes.

“Ayan, remember—when facing men, don’t do what they want you to do, do what they fear you to do.”

"Because they're afraid that what you're fighting for must be something extremely good."

Later, Ayan grew up and became the young master of the clan, a position everyone tacitly acknowledged. Her mother taught her to bend the bow and shoot arrows, and she often ran up and down in that red dress.

Some people say she acts like a boy, and she retorts, "Who says girls have to be a certain way?"

"I live the life that reflects how a girl should live!"

Then, when her mother brought back a "city girl" from outside the mountains, Ayan had a younger sister, which immediately caused an uproar in the tribe.

Those familiar whispers reappeared.

"If only the one Chief Li Shan picked up was a boy..."

"Why is it another girl?"

"It seems the next clan leader really will be a woman."

Others countered, "Isn't she doing a great job? What's wrong with being a female clan leader?"

“That’s an isolated case!” the other party insisted. “Does the fact that one woman did well mean that all women can do it?”

"Women should ultimately stay at home to manage household chores and bear children. Forcing them to take on heavy responsibilities is not a good thing for them or for the community!"

This time, Ayan did not remain silent.

She stood in front of the man and shouted, "That's nonsense!"

“There are countless men who do poorly, and you say they are exceptions, while most men do very well. When you see a woman doing well, you say she is a rare gem, and all other women are worthless.”

"Women have a hard time because the world is not tolerant enough of them!"

"But no matter what you say, you can't deny her ability and achievements."

The man was taken aback by her words, his face turning red: "But it's always been this way..."

"Don't give me that old saying that if a tree is rotten by borers, it should be cut down, and if old rules are broken, they should be burned!"

Ayan pointed at him and said, word by word.

"I'll just say one thing: if you were given the position of clan leader, you wouldn't even be able to do one ten-thousandth of what she did!"

The man was rendered speechless by her words.

She turned and left, a surge of unprecedented joy welling up in her chest.

So this is what my mother has been experiencing all along?

This feeling... is so good!

"……elder sister?"

Ayan was startled, feeling as if someone was calling her from her ear.

The aroma of food lingered around her nose. She rubbed her eyes and saw Ah Chao standing in front of her, holding a pancake wrapped in oil paper, steaming hot as if it had just been baked.

She swallowed unconsciously. She had accidentally fallen asleep and was dreaming about the past.

Ah Chao stuffed the pancake into her hand: "Sister, have something to eat first."

"Is Mother awake?" She took a bite; the cake was crisp and fragrant, but she couldn't taste it.

A-Chao replied earnestly, "Doctor Cui said she hasn't woken up yet, but once Mother wakes up, we can go in and see her."

After finishing the pancake in a few bites, Ayan got up and paced back and forth in the open space, her gaze never leaving Lishan's door.

Finally, when Cui Pingchun lifted the curtain and came out, she rushed over in a few steps: "Doctor Cui, is Mother awake?"

“The clan leader just woke up.” Cui Pingchun nodded, but his next words surprised Ayan: “She wants to see Miss Danzhu first. Miss Ayan, could you help invite her over?”

Danzhu?

I didn't see her first...

Ayan's eyes dimmed slightly, and she nodded gently: "Okay, I'll go right away."

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The author's note: While writing this, I was listening to Chen Shuni's "Light Dance," which really fits the theme of this story.