Chapter 19 Nezha commits suicide. "Sir, sometimes I also want to do..."

Li Changgui stared calmly at his own corpse, at his mother rushing towards him in a panicked and weeping manner, and at his father, who stood incredulously at the doorway, unable to take another step. His thoughts gradually cleared, but he still retained a detached indifference, silently stuffing his overly long tongue back into his mouth.

Before long, the other members of the production team arrived one after another, the first to arrive being the uncle's family who lived next door.

Li Ming stared in shock at the scene before him, but he quickly regained his composure, took a few steps forward, grabbed his younger brother Li Yang's arm, and said weakly, "Put the child down first..."

It took Liu Hongyan and her two daughters-in-law working together to help her sister-in-law, who had cried so hard that she was completely limp and had collapsed on the ground like a lump of mud, to get up.

Li Yang couldn't accept what was happening before him. In the end, it was the brothers Li Gangshi and Li Rongshi who helped him get his cousin down from the beam.

The villagers, who were initially just curious whether Li San's chickens had been stolen or his vegetables had been picked, were all shocked when they came over to take a look.

"Why would a perfectly healthy young man do something so foolish..."

"What happened to Li San's son? He was perfectly fine when I saw him in the fields a few days ago!"

"This is so sudden..."

People were talking all at once, but Li Changgui seemed to be looking at them absentmindedly, as if they weren't talking about him at all. Suddenly, his gaze, which had been wandering aimlessly, stopped.

"Fourth cousin?!"

Li Changgui cried out in surprise, for he actually saw Li Linshi standing next to Zhong Ying.

The others surrounded the grieving Li Yang and Shan Shuhui, while Zhong Ying quietly left with her back to them. She walked out of the house and stood on the empty road before looking at Li Changgui and asking, "...What happened?"

Zero people answered, no, it should be zero ghosts answered.

Zhong Ying calmly turned to look at Li Lin.

Receiving a signal from the gaze, Li Linshi coughed lightly, "Chang Gui, how could you..."

Li Changgui then replied, "Fourth cousin, I never thought I would see you again after I died."

Zhong Ying stood blankly to the side with her arms crossed. She finally understood that in Li Changgui's eyes, Li Linshi was probably his "dear cousin," while she was "that woman."

“He just doesn’t want to live anymore.” Li Changgui said with a sense of relief and nonchalance. He even chuckled lightly, which contrasted sharply with the mournful wails coming from the house behind him, creating a sense of disconnect.

Li Linshi's gaze shifted from the house back to Li Changgui. "Are you sick?"

The smile on Li Changgui's face disappeared, and after a long while, he spoke again, "...Everyone only blames me. I never thought that it would be until after I died that someone would finally ask me if I was sick."

His parents scolded him for being lazy, and the other people in the production team also said that he was suffering from laziness. Only Li Changgui himself knew that he was not lazy, but he just couldn't muster the energy to do anything. He always felt very tired, and even his stomach felt like it was tightly bound by ropes. He was really uncomfortable.

“I’m not being lazy, and I’m not deliberately working slowly,” Li Changgui said. “It’s just that there’s always a voice in my head saying…”

Li Linshi asked, "What did you say?"

Li Changgui gave him a deep look, his voice hoarse, "He said, 'I want to go to school.'"

Li Linshi was stunned.

Zhong Ying looked at this ghost and then at that ghost, completely bewildered.

Li Changgui suddenly felt the urge to confide in someone. “My mother’s health was damaged when she gave birth to me, and she could not have any more children. So my parents doted on me like the apple of their eye. They always gave me the best things first, and they would try their best to satisfy my every wish. But there’s one thing I can’t do: I can’t leave them.”

“After finishing the village primary school, I said I wanted to continue my studies and go to middle school in town like my fourth cousin.” Li Changgui said calmly, as if he were telling someone else’s story. “My father disagreed. He was afraid that I would be like a bird that had grown up and would never come back once I flew away. My mother hugged me and cried, saying that I was her only son and what she would do without me. She said she couldn’t bear to part with me. If I went to middle school, she would see me less and less.”

Li Linshi remained silent. Tonggan Production Team was located in a remote area. When he was in junior high school at Liuzhang Middle School, he would usually only go home once a month for three days of "monthly leave" to get some seasonal clothes and food rations for the next month. When he went to high school in a more distant county, he would only come home once a semester. Later, when he was admitted to university, the journey was even more distant. In order to save on travel expenses, he would only go home once a year during the Spring Festival.

Uncle San was right. He was the kind of kid who kept flying higher and higher and farther. If Li Linshi hadn't been concerned about his hometown, most of his classmates who also came from rural areas would have stayed in the city after graduation to wait for job assignments. After they started working, they might only come back once every year or two, or even longer.

Li Changgui gave a bitter smile, "So what else can I do? I'm their only child, so I have no choice but to stay with them."

“But I really want to go out and study…” Li Changgui looked at the boundless sky, the sky he never flew out of until his death.

Zhong Ying silently lowered her eyelashes.

Li Changgui continued, "Perhaps it's because I can't get rid of this thought that the better my parents treat me, the more painful it is for me. This kindness is holding me back. Sometimes I even feel like they are earthbound ghosts, making me feel panicked and afraid, even though they are clearly human."

“I was so envious when I heard that you, my cousin, were selected to study at the county high school and later went on to university. But when I look at myself, I’m stuck in the Tonggan production team for the rest of my life.”

“Like everyone else, I’m supposed to get married at the right age, raise children, work in the fields day after day, spring to autumn, harvest wheat and plant corn, an endless cycle, a life I can see the end of.” Li Changgui said listlessly, “The more I think about it, the more I feel that life is meaningless. Plus, I heard that schools outside have closed, so I’ve completely lost all hope. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I just decided to end it all.”

At this point, Li Changgui's tone became lighter again, "Although I feel very sorry for my parents, I really think it feels good to be dead. It's like all the invisible ropes that were binding me have been untied. I just wish I could go and see the commune middle school you went to before I'm reincarnated. I really want to go and see it..."

It was a school he would never have the chance to attend in his lifetime.

Remembering his inability to leave the Tonggan production team, Li Linshi opened his mouth, but was powerless to grant his cousin's last wish.

“I’ll help you,” Zhong Ying suddenly said.

Both ghosts looked at her.

Zhong Ying said calmly but firmly, "I will find a way to help you."

Li Changgui hesitated, not trusting her very much. "Then, thank you? If it's really possible, I would be very grateful to you."

His expression became serious as he spoke.

At this moment, most of the people who had been gathered in the house came out, including Deng Xia. Unaware of anything, she passed through Li Changgui's spirit and walked to her daughter's side. "Why are you outside? Let's go home. The Li family will take care of the rest."

After saying that, Deng Xia couldn't help but sigh, "What a fine young man, how could he be so foolish at such a young age..."

Zhong Ying could only leave with her mother;

Li Changgui didn't move. He didn't know where to go and just wanted to stay in his home a little longer.

Li Linshi thought for a moment and said to his cousin, "I'll go with her first."

Li Changgui offered only a complicated piece of advice, "Brother, you should think more carefully. Is it worth risking your life for her? She's alive and well now, and she'll remarry sooner or later. Why bother?"

He clearly imagined a tragic version of why his dear cousin lingered in the world after his death, and the fact that his cousin followed Zhong Ying around every step of the way was proof of this.

Li Linshi felt a wave of helplessness wash over him again. "I didn't... I didn't..."

It's so hard to prove yourself.

Li Linshi had no words to explain, so he simply turned around and left.

Back home, the Zhong family's joy at finally having dumplings together was gone. Miao Suyun, who stayed home to look after her son, looked at the half-finished dumplings in front of her and said with a troubled expression, "What should we do with these dumplings? They won't keep in this hot weather..."

Deng Xia scooped up some well water to wash her hands, then sat down again. "Keep wrapping, we still need to eat."

After a tasteless dinner, as darkness fell, everyone returned to their rooms with heavy hearts.

Zhong Ying looked up at the male ghost who was still in her room; clearly, the ghost was waiting for her.

Li Linshi looked at her calmly, "And what's wrong with you now?"

Neither the previous Zhong Ying nor the current Zhong Ying who claims to be a reincarnation is a kind-hearted person who is willing to help others. So when she took the initiative to ask for help from Chang Gui, Li Linshi noticed that something was wrong with her.

Chung Ying raised both hands and said, "Officer, sometimes I also want to be a good person."

Li Linshi simply gazed at her silently with his dark eyes.

“Okay, you don’t understand the joke.” Zhong Ying could only put away her joking intentions. “I just felt a sense of sympathy for you.”

Zhong Ying suddenly noticed that the ghost had a pair of very beautiful eyes. Although it was now lifeless and its dark eyes seemed to devour all light, when those eyes reflected her figure, as if they only reflected her, it did make her want to confide in them.

“Anyway, I’ve already told you everything before, so there’s nothing I can’t say.” Zhong Ying shrugged. “I’ve said that I’m an only child, but I’m the only child in my family not because my mother had a difficult childbirth, but because of the one-child policy. For a long time to come, families will only be allowed to have one child.”

Li Linshi was surprised, but he didn't show it on his face. He silently absorbed the information revealed in Zhong Ying's words, while carefully observing the expression on her face to judge whether these were lies to deceive him.

Zhong Ying continued, “My dad works in a foreign trade company and earns more than my mom. So he persuaded my mom to quit her job and stay home to take care of the children. As a result, I grew up in a very typical family where the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker. As my dad’s job got better and better, he spent less and less time at home and more time socializing outside. He and my mom started arguing more and more.”

At this point, Zhong Ying couldn't help but let out a mocking smile. "Men who want to be virtuous wives and loving mothers are just shirking all the responsibilities they should bear and contribute. When my dad and mom argue, they only say things like, 'He's already tired enough from work, what more do you want from taking care of the kids at home?' If I make even the slightest mistake, my dad acts like he's caught my mom red-handed and scolds her for not raising me well."

“I know that if I were a boy, my dad wouldn’t have neglected the family and children to this extent. To prove myself and to prevent my mom from being blamed, I pushed myself to the limit. I wanted to be at the top of my class, to get into the best school, and to work for a well-known internet company after graduation. I felt that, regardless of gender, I could already be considered excellent.”

Zhong Ying regained her composure and recounted, "Until my dad called me home and arranged for me to go on a blind date with a man. He chatted with the man in a way that was unfamiliar to me, praising him as 'the young man is really promising' and 'my daughter is so lucky.' They hit it off immediately and even talked about getting engaged in six months, getting married at the end of the year, and having children the following year and having them taken care of by their elders."

“At that moment, I felt like I had been hit on the back of the head,” Zhong Ying said. “I immediately realized that no matter how hard I tried, in my father’s eyes I was just a medium to bring back his long-lost son.”

At that moment, Zhong Ying completed the spiritual patricide, erasing the image of her father and all the expectations she had held for him.

Li Linshi noticed that Zhong Ying's expression when she spoke was very similar to Li Changgui's. She looked calm, but it wasn't that her wounds had completely healed. Rather, it was a kind of numbness that came from getting used to the pain. His fingers, which were hanging by his side, twitched slightly, but he quickly stopped himself from moving them after realizing it.

"All my efforts were just to get a word of affirmation from my dad, but when he was praising another man so generously, I suddenly realized that what I had been so persistent about was actually quite ridiculous." Zhong Ying smiled, her eyes crinkling slightly. She still finds it funny when she talks about it now.

With the disenchantment of patriarchy and the cessation of seeking affirmation from others, Zhong Ying felt a sense of relief, as if the ropes binding her had been untied.

"Do you know the story of Nezha's suicide?" Zhong Ying suddenly brought up a seemingly inexplicable topic.

Li Linshi nodded.

Chung Ying continued, "Nezha committed suicide to repay his father with his flesh and blood and his mother with his blood. Many East Asian children are constantly repeating the same thing."

Li Linshi recalled his cousin's suicide and looked at Zhong Ying, "You..."

Zhong Ying understood what he hadn't finished saying: "I'm not lying to you. I didn't commit suicide; I died suddenly."

“After seeing through my father, he’s no different from a stranger to me. I don’t need to continue working a job that’s already making me unhealthy. I plan to quit my job, travel somewhere else, stay for a month or two, and find my own pace in life,” Zhong Ying said. “As for my mother, I know she loves me, but I don’t want to continue carrying her pain and expectations. How to solve the various problems in her relationship with my father should be her life’s challenge, not mine.”

“I’ve already resigned. As long as I finish working until the end of the month, wrap up the current phase of the project I’m in charge of, and hand over the other game project properly, I can go find myself.” Zhong Ying couldn’t help but feel “wronged” when she thought about her “death.” “I was working overtime all night just like before, and I just got home and then I collapsed.”

Zhong Ying pouted, "So you don't need to be so wary of me. I'm not being kind for no reason. I just feel that I almost took that step. If I can help your cousin take that step and achieve his wish, I won't have so many regrets."

“I’m not being wary of you,” Li Linshi said.

"Didn't you think that my sudden act of kindness, as a 'bad woman,' was suspicious?" Zhong Yingqi asked. "What else could it be but being wary of me?"

“I…” Li Linshi began, but then fell silent.

He himself was still a little confused as to why he had followed Zhong Ying after noticing something was wrong with her. And in the middle of Zhong Ying's conversation, Li Linshi couldn't deceive himself; he wanted to raise his hand, but what was the point of raising his hand? He inexplicably wanted to comfort her.

Seeing that he couldn't answer, Zhong Ying rolled her eyes and said, "Alright, I really won't do anything bad to your dear cousin. Now you can leave, right? I'm going to change my clothes and go to sleep."

Before Li Linshi could figure out his own feelings, he was kicked out.

-----------------------

Author's Note: Orders increased by one for the ghost story.