Chapter 206 No Need to Stay for Me, Do You Still Like Me?

After washing her hands and walking out of the bathroom, Zhu Yingning immediately saw Xu Sirui leaning against the wall outside, seemingly waiting for someone.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she shook the water off her hands.

He looked at her sideways and asked worriedly, "Are you feeling well?"

She was stunned for a moment before she understood his concern. She smiled helplessly, "What are you doing... all of you? I can't really be that bad at drinking." Seeing that his face was still red, she casually asked with concern, "How about you, are you okay? Do you need to go wash your face?"

Xu Sirui shook his head.

"Really?"

He still shook his head.

"Since we don't need it, let's go." She pointed ahead with her fingertips and took the lead to lead the way.

Xu Sirui didn't move.

It wasn't that he didn't want to move, but he had been drinking and his reaction was slower than usual. It wasn't until Zhu Yingning passed by him that he processed the verbal information she conveyed. He stood up and wanted to leave with her, but he didn't control the distance well, and his leg stretched out, and it stretched in front of her, tripping her.

He quickly reached out and grabbed her to prevent her from falling face down to the ground.

After they both stood firmly, he shook his dizzy head, looked down at her, and asked, "Are you okay? Sorry."

"...It's okay." She covered her nose with lingering fear, as it was almost slapped into a frying pan by the ground.

After that, both of them fell silent.

The air seemed to freeze for more than ten seconds before Zhu Yingning reached out and poked his arm, "...Xu Sirui, aren't you going to put me down?"

He had just reached out and grasped her waist, using a bit too much force, his arm around her waist, lifting her slightly off the ground. She secretly tried to stand on tiptoe, but her toes still couldn't touch the ground. This position was extremely strange. Having her feet off the ground made her feel insecure, and she was so close to him that Zhu Yingning didn't dare to breathe hard, for fear that a stronger breath would blow his hair so close.

Fortunately, there was no one at the bathroom door, otherwise she would be worried that she and Xu Sirui would be mistaken for strange people and filmed and posted online.

"Oh... sorry."

He seemed to have just realized it and apologized again foolishly.

Zhu Yingning waited for a while, but he didn't let her go. She almost laughed at him and pushed his shoulder angrily and helplessly: "If you feel embarrassed, why don't you let go."

Xu Sirui still didn't move.

She looked up, only to meet his gaze, which had gradually darkened, like ink. Instinctively, alarm bells rang in her heart. She pointed her index finger at the tip of his nose and warned him rapidly, incoherently, "Hey...! Xu Sirui, I'm telling you, don't mess around... or I'll hit you."

He ignored her, not knowing whether he was sure she was just bluffing or felt it didn't matter. His eyes moved slightly down and landed on her lips.

She saw him narrow his eyes, and his eyelashes fluttered down with the movement, covering up the meaning in his eyes.

Before she could utter another word of warning, he leaned toward her.

When it comes to people who act arrogantly after drinking a little, Xu Sirui is definitely one of the best.

The first thing she smelled was a scent mixed with alcohol. She remembered that he seemed to have sprayed some perfume before leaving. She didn't know what brand it was, but the aroma was boldly blended, a cool woody fragrance mixed with a hint of sweet fruit. A closer look revealed the aromas of citrus, peach, and grapefruit, each distinct yet integrated.

The warm fragrance that hit her face and his handsome features that gradually enlarged in front of her seemed to arouse the remaining alcohol in her body, making her already dizzy even more.

Before he was about to touch her, she woke up as if from a dream and quickly raised her hand to block his mouth.

The touch of his palm against her lips made the hairs all over her body stand on end instantly.

Xu Sirui didn't seem to care much about being stopped. He slowly raised his eyelids and stared at her calmly from a distance.

It's said that if you're too close, your eyes will become blurry, meaning you can't see the other person's face clearly. Perhaps for this reason, his eyes blur in hers, a chaotic jumble of light and shadow, reflecting the restaurant's lights with a vibrant brilliance that reminded Zhu Yingning of a mineral called black opal she'd visited while volunteering at a museum during college. Although the word "black" is in the stone's name, it's multicolored: blue, green, cyan, orange, yellow... a myriad of colors interwoven onto the black background, like a cosmic nebula condensed in the palm of your hand.

The world was completely silent, all the noisy background noise faded away, and she could hear her own heartbeat. It was beating fast and loud.

The body temperature keeps rising in response to the heartbeat.

The hotter her palm was, the cooler his lips seemed against hers.

She didn't know how much time had passed—perhaps just a few seconds, or perhaps a really long time had passed, she had lost track of time—before Xu Sirui pulled her hand down, looked into her eyes, and spoke in a hoarse voice, "Zhu Yingning, I've always wanted to ask you a question."

He asked, "Do you still like me?"

**

There were quite a few guests on Sunday evening. Perhaps it was God's mercy that no other guests appeared in the place where they were sitting, so Zhu Yingning could let her tears flow without worry.

Tears flowed down her lips, and she could taste the bitterness of them in her mouth. When she spoke, her voice was as rough as the tears. She asked him, "Why did you say 'still'?"

Why is it "I still like you" instead of "I like you"?

The Chinese character here shows its profoundness. "还" means "again, again", "still, still", and the implication is nothing more than that - when they were in high school, he could actually see that she liked him.

She would rather he asked "Do you like me?" and start from the beginning without knowing anything or being uncertain, rather than have the word "yet" in his words. Because she would be tempted to ask, if you could see that I liked you at that time, why did you reject me?

The follow-up question has nothing to do with resentment, it just means regret.

Although she had already sorted herself out by then, feeling relieved and at peace with herself, and that it was time to move on, she was the only one who knew whether she had any regrets in retrospect.

It's a pity that he didn't have the courage to take that step forward.

It is a pity that the first love of youth came to an abrupt end, without any result or explanation, like an abrupt pause or a poem that was burned before being completed.

It was a pity that they had been so close, but now she had to hear about his current situation from other people.

Besides regret, there may also be a little bit of unwillingness.

Everyone said that love in school days could not last long. She was unwilling to accept that they could not be the exception, unwilling to accept that they could not avoid the vulgarity of "everyone".

Because of regret and unwillingness, even after a period of time, I still want to seek an answer. I want to ask him - since you could see that I liked you at that time, why did you reject me?

Perhaps strictly speaking, his actions at that time weren't rejection; he simply didn't accept or respond to her affection. It was like Jiang Taigong fishing: she was fishing from the shore, and he was the fish in the water. He saw her hook, but he turned away and swam away, returning only after she stood up and left to ask if she was willing to lower the hook again.

What can she say?

Her emotions were not something that could be controlled so easily.

**

Xu Sirui didn't say anything and didn't interrupt her rashly.

Sometimes he felt that tacit understanding was a wonderful thing. Even though she had only asked "Why do you say still", and even though she had only suddenly burst into tears, he had already guessed all the unspoken words she would say afterwards.

Only when she slowly calmed down and stopped crying, tears sticking to her face, did he reach out and gently wipe away the tears, whispering, "I'm sorry...but if it happens again, I will still do the same thing."

**

Where should I begin? The story is too long, the thoughts too numerous. If Xu Sirui were to find a starting point for everything, he could only think of the day he hurriedly rushed home from the hotel to find her after the college entrance examination results were announced.

Although he heard every word Zhou Tianqing said in the restaurant that day, he didn't take a single word to heart. It was not until Zhu Yingning said, "The person I like is not him" that his aunt's words finally entered his heart.

On his way home, he had prayed repeatedly to various gods, hoping that she would not agree to Zhang Jiacheng. However, when he arrived home, when he broke down in tears in front of her, when she stepped forward and told him that she loved someone else, he found that he had not experienced the joy of getting what he wanted.

Shouldn't he be ecstatic, strike while the iron is hot, and immediately ask, "Am I the one you like?", and then be with her naturally?

But, no.

He didn't feel ecstatic, nor did he feel the smug satisfaction of being in love with the person he loved. He was just shocked.

Human enlightenment is a matter of a moment.

At that moment, he suddenly understood what Zhou Tianqing meant when she said that he was a burden to Zhu Yingning. Until the moment she revealed her true feelings, she was still braver and was redeeming him.

When you like someone, you should actively pursue them. But he never put in the effort, hesitating and dragging his feet until he saw a looming threat. Then, like a naughty child throwing a tantrum for candy, he started begging her not to agree. He succeeded, and she indeed gave him a favored look. But ultimately, in this relationship, it was she who was more mature in tolerating his immaturity, who was the one who was compromising with him and providing him with constant emotional support.

He could have taken advantage of her love and kindness and been with her, but then what?

Ever since he met Zhu Yingning, he knew that she was a very sacrificial person, and that deep down she was actually lacking love. As long as he woke up every morning and said "I love you" to her, she would tolerate everything, bear the sadness and loneliness of being away from home, shoulder his endless emotional blackmail, and repeatedly appease his suspicion and willfulness - you see, he actually knew very well how to control her and keep her, even though this method sounded immoral. At this moment, he firmly believed that he would not use it, but under the inertia of getting along day after day, could he still stick to his original intention?

Just like before, he clearly knew that some words would leave indelible scars on the other person. He understood this truth better than anyone else, but he was still carried away by extreme emotions during the argument and said things that hurt her.

He cannot trust himself and is pessimistic about the human nature of everyone, including himself.

Even if he resolved to change in that moment, vowing to mature as a person after being with her, the inertia of their relationship would inevitably pull them back into their old ways. He would continue to be unreasonable and sarcastic, and she would continue to tolerate and silently endure all his bad tempers. Neither of them would grow at all.

It was because he liked her that he couldn't drag her into such a relationship.

He couldn't tell her, "Wait for me for a few years, and I'll come back to you when I'm more mature." Because he knew that once he said this, she would definitely wait for him forever. But in those prime years, the purest years of a person's life, why should he make her give up all the youthful excitement around her and keep love for him alone?

Earlier, Xu Sirui could never have guessed that one day he would fall in love with someone so much that he would feel that his feelings were a burden to her.

Because he likes her, he doesn't want his love to become a rope that binds her. Because he likes her, as long as she can be happy, it doesn't matter if she is not with him.

If I rejected her, she might feel regretful and unwilling, but that feeling would eventually fade with time. In two years, a year, maybe it wouldn't take that long before she could move on - she wasn't the type to dwell on trivial matters. But if I agreed to her, she would have to endure his immaturity for four years, or even forever.

He thought he knew what his choice was.

Zhu Yingning, go to a better place.

No need to wait for me, and no need to stop for me.