Hearing Qin Zhao's question, Jing Li was stunned for a moment and looked away.

...I let it slip.

Jing Li remained silent, but Qin Zhao seemed relieved to see him like this. He laid down with his arms around him, saying slowly, "I should have thought of this earlier... I initially thought you didn't want me to work too hard, so you didn't want to go to the capital, but... you're actually worried about my safety, aren't you?"

Jing Li still didn't speak.

He lowered his head, his fingers lightly grasping the corner of the quilt. He didn't nod, but he didn't refute either.

Qin Zhao asked: "When did you find out?"

"...a long time ago."

"how long?"

"..." Jing Li pursed his lips and whispered, "I don't remember."

It’s not that he deliberately lied, but... if Qin Zhao insisted on asking him for a deadline, he himself couldn’t tell him.

Because it really has been a long time.

The first time I noticed something strange was probably after Qin Zhao passed the imperial examination and became one of the top three.

The two of them lived under the same roof, and it was impossible for them to completely hide their every move from each other. Ever since Qin Zhao passed the imperial examination, he would often go to the study alone, staying there for an entire afternoon or evening. And since then, Jing Li would often find ashes from burnt paper in the charcoal basin in the study.

He had a hunch that Qin Zhao was hiding something from him, but he didn't ask.

Jing Li never believed that lovers had to be unconditionally honest with each other. He respected Qin Zhao's choice. He pretended not to know and didn't ask, but there were some things he couldn't pretend to be.

There are more and more weird things happening.

Xiao Yue who came to stay overnight, the Gu family's increasingly respectful attitude towards them, and... the subtle change in Qin Zhao's style of doing things.

Jing Li remembered clearly every single thing that happened after he met Qin Zhao: the origin of the strange poison in his body, the poem he wrote at the Mid-Autumn Poetry Festival that year, his reaction when he learned about the koi's life experience in Yunguan Temple... These countless bits and pieces, scattered in the quiet life, once gathered together, formed the only answer.

An answer that Jing Li was very reluctant to face.

Qin Zhao lowered his eyes and quietly looked at the boy in his arms. The boy lay beside him, his body slightly curled up, as if trying to hide himself. He was always like this, when faced with something he didn't want to face, he just wanted to shrink back, but he forgot to hide the nervous and flustered expression on his face.

Qin Zhao lowered his head and placed a kiss on the other's slightly trembling eyelashes.

"Thank you for your hard work." Qin Zhao whispered.

They have been together for so long, Jing Li doesn't need to explain too much, Qin Zhao has already understood everything from his reaction.

Qin Zhao never felt that the recovery of his memory had any impact on him. He continued to get along with Jing Li as before, treating him attentively and doing his best to protect him behind him.

He thought this would make Jingli feel more relaxed and secure.

But in fact, he backfired.

The arrogance and conceit that accompanied the return of his memories made him unconsciously put himself and Jing Li on an unequal footing. He self-righteously believed that Jing Li should be protected by him and continue to live his life happily and carefree.

But he forgot that husband and wife should advance and retreat together.

These days, Qin Zhao wanted to hide everything from her. But his concealment was not effective at all. The young man found out and knew about it, but out of respect, he kept it in his heart, silently worried and afraid.

Isn't this a kind of pain for him?

For the first time, Qin Zhao regretted what he had done.

"I'm sorry." This was Qin Zhao's second sentence. "You're right, Xiaoyu. I was self-righteous."

Jing Li's eyes trembled slightly.

"I...that's not what I meant." Jing Li grabbed Qin Zhao's hand, a little flustered. "I really didn't mean that. I support whatever decision you make. I just...I just hope you can take care of yourself. I don't want to see you hurt yourself..."

"You don't have to explain so much to me." Qin Zhao held him in his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head, rubbing it gently, "You are worried about me, I understand."