distant

At the New Year's Eve party, Zhong Mianqing turned down other people's invitations with great anticipation. She chose to sit near the window and waited there quietly for most of the party.

When some people on the "Light and Shadow" crew saw her, they were reminded of a familiar scene: Bai Shunan sitting in a corner, either asleep or absorbed in concentration. Zhong Mianqing initially waited with anticipation, a smile occasionally gracing her face as her mind wandered, leaving her like a ghost hidden in a corner. Returning to a once-familiar environment, a sense of self-satisfaction brought out her inherent arrogance.

She knew Bai Shunan would be here tonight. She knew how uncomfortable he would be at such a gathering, like a wounded bird that had suddenly strayed into human territory, unable to fly no matter how hard it flapped its wings. So she came, to accompany him, just as she always did in the past, not letting him be alone.

Out of revenge, she often invited him to parties of all sizes. At first, it was to see his reluctance, but later she discovered his perseverance. Later, it was to see him unconsciously relying on her when he was by her side. The pleasure she got from it made her involuntarily get closer and closer to him, until things took a turn.

Inevitably, Zhong Mianqing recalled the past during this empty time. She had also met Bai Shunan at a similar gathering. Back then, she had looked down on him, even calling him "just a small-time actor" to his face. The perceptions she had acquired over the years, and the attitudes of those around her, led her to blurt out those words.

That was a fleeting thought that passed through her mind at the time, but the disdain in her heart remained in her initial impression of him, and she kept replaying the feeling in her heart at that time with a powerless and arrogant attitude.

If someone had told Zhong Mianqing at that time that she would be completely captivated by Bai Shunan in the future, she would definitely not believe it and would have mocked that person with all kinds of sarcastic remarks.

She looked at the man in front of her who was being forced to drink with a teasing look in her eyes. Under the dim light, the liquid with a deep ruby ​​color overflowed from her lips and flowed along the contours of her jaw and neck to the depths.

Zhong Mianqing watched the man resist. She said to her friends beside her lightly, "He's just a little actor. Not even as good-looking as my neighbor..."

As soon as she said "Why are you pretending?", she met Bai Shunan's gaze, a calm look that showed neither joy nor anger.

For Zhong Mianqing, this was an extremely undignified first encounter between her and Bai Shunan.

She was startled by the look, and suddenly felt a sense of provocation and anger. She stood up, took a bottle of wine, lifted his chin, and gently brushed his lips stained with red wine. Then, Zhong Mianqing's eyes flashed with paranoid fireworks. The next second, she pinched his cheek tightly, her eyes as lazy as a sleepy cat, and there was a hint of the pleasure of controlling power in them. Zhong Mianqing raised her hand and poured the wine into Bai Shunan's mouth...

Ever since she was little at home, she understood that even the smallest power has its endless charm.

When Zhong Mianqing heard his companions calling out Bai Shunan's name, he felt strange. He felt as if he had seen or heard it somewhere before, so he paid more attention to it.

When someone came in and took Bai Shunan away, and the light outside shone on Bai Shunan, she could see his appearance clearly, and remembered the way he tried hard to support his body and not let the person who was supporting him get too tired. She didn't know if he was drunk, but when Zhong Mianqing looked at Bai Shunan, it seemed as if the clouds in the sky were lingering on him. There was something complicated in Zhong Mianqing's heart, hiding it from her, spreading cautiously and subtly.

By the time she realized it, she had already fallen into the trap she had carefully woven.

She made many actor friends intentionally or unintentionally, attended various gatherings, and happily mingled among all kinds of people. Making friends everywhere became her temporary hobby, but she did not bother to maintain these friendships as fragile as silk threads, nor was she in a hurry to cut them with the scissors of "ignoring".

Finally, she saw him again. Unlike the first time they met, he was now standing in the crowd in a well-ironed suit. She looked at the slightly childish smile on his face, which was so pure that it seemed as if it had not been tempered by time. Zhong Mianqing's heart trembled.

She often lingered around him, listening to him talk with others. She felt bored, but also uncontrollably fascinated. She observed him openly and without reservation, and noticed the pride and humility that existed in him at the same time. A new and strange feeling stirred in her heart.

With the confidence she had accumulated over the years, she walked to the balcony, beside Bai Shunan. The shame that had long been absent from her was now overwhelming. Her cheeks were hot, with a girlish blush. She suppressed her restless shame and put on her usual proud attitude. As if giving an order, as if granting a gift, she bluntly confessed to him the source of her impulse, "I like you."

Bai Shunan glanced sideways at Zhong Mianqing. He only noticed her at this moment. Bai Shunan lowered his hands, with a cigarette that had just been lit between his fingers. His expression had not changed much from before. His eyes were as distant as ice that could not be melted, yet sparkling with the crystal of ice.

He slowly put out his cigarette, looked at the cigarette butt which had lost its flame, and then said coldly: "That's an illusion."

This sentence didn't extinguish the flame of love in Zhong Mianqing's heart; instead, it intensified, fueling her ever-increasing drive. In that moment, he became the object of her desire. This time, her face flushed again, not with shame, but with the excitement of the challenge. "Just wait and see, you'll fall in love with me sooner or later."

She invested unprecedented passion and, with the confidence that he would always be with her, she pursued him madly and persistently. She believed that no one could resist her passionate offensive. It was not like outsiders said that she pursued him for a few months. In fact, the timeline was even longer, lasting for several years. It was just that she was embarrassed and vaguely said that she only pursued him for a few months.

She tried every possible means, using her parents' power to suppress his resources and force him to surrender. It happened that Bai Shunan offended an investor and his career fell into a dark stagnation.

During this four-year pursuit, her enthusiasm did not run out. Instead, she constantly generated new desires. The fleeting romance she had envisioned ended in failure during the long pursuit, and she had to make her money back no matter what.

She always remembered that day, the day when it snowed heavily.

She rushed to Bai Shunan's place, where he'd been working since his filming ended, to find him. She watched him wipe the snow and dust off the steps, then wipe away any remaining water stains. What Zhong Mianqing noticed most was his red, frozen hands. She stepped forward, discarding the tissue from his hand, and pulled him to sit on the steps, where they ate the steamed buns she'd bought from a small stall. She'd often seen Bai Shunan buy them, so she'd guessed he'd like them. She'd bought some that morning, but she hadn't seen him, and she'd wanted to give them to him, so she'd heated them up that night and given them to him as a midnight snack.

She let go of her arrogance in places she hadn't noticed.

The steam had thickened the buns' skin, making them a bit too thick. Zhong Mianqing found the filling a bit mushy and unappetizing. If she had known, she would have steamed them for ten minutes instead of half an hour. Her face showed no sign of reluctance, but rather a proud expression: "It's delicious, isn't it?"

Bai Shunan did not respond to her immediately, and Zhong Mianqing was a little unhappy. She looked at him and saw Bai Shunan quietly looking at the snow falling anxiously. Zhong Mianqing chattered a lot on the side, hoping to get Bai Shunan's attention back.

After a while, I heard him say, "Today is the winter solstice, we should eat dumplings... Let's go eat dumplings."

This was Bai Shunan's first invitation. With her years of understanding of Bai Shunan, Zhong Mianqing keenly sensed something unusual about him. She grasped at that point, dwelling deeply on it and savoring it. She then precisely seized the opportunity to ask, "What do you mean?"

Zhong Mianqing watched Bai Shunan look back at her, his eyes overflowing with a gentle glow, like the quiet moonlight at midnight, and vaguely containing a faint sadness, making his whole expression gentle, "We are together..."

Before Bai Shunan finished speaking, Zhong Mianqing shouted excitedly, her whole body filled with the pleasure and joy of victory. She ran into the snow and jumped around, saying things like "If I win, I'll know I can do it."

Bai Shunan looked at Zhong Mianqing's excitement and omitted the second half of his words - although I don't like you very much yet. He was infected by her smile and laughed too. He thought that he might like her because he liked her smile so much at this moment.

Zhong Mianqing recalled the oversteamed buns that day, and all he remembered afterwards was the sweetness that spread throughout his heart.

At this moment, a familiar person appeared in her eyes, pulling her away from her memories. She looked at Bai Shunan in the crowd and walked up to him. Although she had previously agreed to Bai Shunan's proposal to break up, she had never thought of giving up on Bai Shunan. She believed that she could win him back again. Moreover, this time, she was willing to give up some of her power to win him back. "You're here."

"I'm here." Bai Shunan said with a smile on his lips.

They sat down where no one would disturb them.

"I've thought about our relationship many times this year, but more often," Zhong Mianqing looked out the window and was surprised to find it snowing. Someone in the distance also shouted, "It's snowing!" The snow fell freely, just like in the past. The past flooded into her heart, scattering her rationality at the moment. She remembered those sweet tastes. Zhong Mianqing gripped the cup, and the hot coffee in her arms set off a ripple that spread to the wall of the cup. She looked at Bai Shunan, "I'm thinking about you all the time."

When she said these words, it was as if she had given up some of her emotional power and shown weakness. She picked up the cup and took a sip of coffee. The slight discomfort was just for a bigger reward.

"I miss you too." Bai Shunan answered truthfully.

"Since we miss each other, why should we separate? It's totally unnecessary," Zhong Mianqing said with a guilty conscience, "Besides, my parents are not so opposed to us being together now."

She saw Bai Shunan shook his head.

Zhong Mianqing had never imagined the moment she would truly be separated from Bai Shunan. This "separation" brought her a feeling beyond her comprehension, a feeling of rift and overlap. She asked awkwardly, "Why?"

"A Mian, you don't believe in love either, do you?"

"Huh?" Zhong Mianqing frowned. This statement was somewhat unexpected. She had already anticipated the possibility that Shunan might like someone else. She looked at Bai Shunan in confusion. Bai Shunan seemed like a stranger now. She realized that what she saw was far from the Bai Shunan she had imagined. She didn't know him as well as she thought, and he didn't know her as well as she thought.

Don't believe in love.

How is that possible!

Isn't it that impulsive love that has pushed them to where they are today?

After being with Bai Shunan, she originally wanted to make him famous, but she suppressed her idea out of distrust of power. In addition, she did not completely remove the pressure on Bai Shunan. She allowed some low-budget movies to find him. Later, when she looked back, there was some humiliation that she was not aware of. Because of the nearly five years of pursuit, she felt a desire for revenge as strong as the passion when she first pursued him. She took him, who disliked socializing, to various parties to test whether he cared about her.

He blocked her drinks, always noticed her discomfort the moment she did, always tried to get her home early, and always prepared surprise gifts for her... It was during this period that she discovered his persistent yet awkward charm. She initially insisted that her relationship with him wouldn't last, even though she had invested so much energy in pursuing him. But the more she spent with him, the more she struggled with his gentleness, the more she steadily waded deeper into the swamp, until she was deeply trapped, realizing she had fallen into the mire of love.

She increasingly didn't want more people to notice Bai Shunan. She wanted to draw a circle with her as the center, with Bai Shunan in it. They were not trapped, but willing to stay there.

This was something completely unexpected and out of her control, and she realized it too late. Accustomed to such care and companionship, the impulse of love had filled her entire heart, sweeping through her entire mind, leaving no room untouched. It was as if her mind was single-minded. Knowing there were other options, she chose to follow this path, determined to go further and further, until the end of eternity. It was a preview of death.

Less than six months into their relationship, she felt the urge to get married, and, somewhat subconsciously, confessed to her parents. Her parents betrayed her initial disdain for Bai Shunan, never concealing their dislike for him in front of her. She saw it clearly, having acted the same way she had before. By this time, she had grown to resent Bai Shunan's lackluster career as an actor.

She looked ashamed and pale as she looked at her parents, powerless to resist the fate of being locked up at home.

Her neighbor, a rather serious woman, heard about her resolute behavior and took the initiative to ask her parents to come and persuade her.

She saw through this woman who was deeply tormented by her children's departure at a glance. She was just looking for some gossip to relieve her loneliness. Her rebelliousness was the woman's way to comfort herself and distract her mind. As for the comforting words of advice, they were nagging and repeated over and over again without any changes. In these nagging and repetitive words, her mind drifted away until she thought of Bai Shunan.

In such a irritable moment, she thought of him, and her heart found peace and courage. She recalled the distant memories of her girlhood, the passionate and conflicting love she had glimpsed in the book, and the love forged through countless hardships.

She recalled her acquaintance with Bai Shunan and felt that there was a sense of fate in it. For this reason, she laughed out loud and stopped her neighbor from speaking.

She just wanted to have fun, but she found her love.

She thought so, ignoring the words of others. Those were complaints from people who didn't understand how pure her love was. They were just jealous words from people who envied her for receiving such sincere love. She heard the selfishness in those words and kept bringing it into her thinking.

She was playing a romantic piano piece. She hadn't played for a long time, and her hands were a little unfamiliar, so she hit a few wrong notes. She seemed to hear the words of her old piano teacher scolding her, but soon, she played more and more smoothly, because this piano that had brought her countless painful and tiring memories, through her dexterous fingers, was playing an extremely romantic melody with a wonderful feeling she had never had before. It was the melody she played when she missed Bai Shunan.

At the same time, she also recalled several past relationships, none of which could compare with this one. It was a childish emotion that could not withstand careful scrutiny, and it could not even be called love. However, this relationship had already been given the halo of love.

At this moment, it wasn't so much that she was infatuated with Bai Shunan, but rather that she was in love with the uncontrollable feelings she felt when she was infatuated with him. It told her that love could actually be such a wonderful feeling. She could still fantasize so wildly about the countless hardships she might endure in the future. She even felt a desire to resist them. Even the distant and terrifying poverty became less unbearable. She remembered the sweet smell of snow. She thought, love must always face some setbacks.

But it doesn’t matter, all the suffering will become the nutrients for their strong love, thus giving birth to pure love, innocent love, just like the moment when her heart trembled when she saw Bai Shunan smiling that day.

Once again, she fell uncontrollably into the crazy yet sweet imagination of love. The memories of holding hands, hugging, and kissing swept through her entire mind, once again not leaving any space. She felt a little regretful. She should not have let Bai Shunan take those movies. She should have paved the way for him and let him find out how much he couldn't live without her, just as she couldn't live without him.

All the oppositions were for the unforgettable love in the end. She fell into an irresistible fantasy and fell asleep contentedly on the bed. The blush on her face, the smile on the corners of her mouth, and her whole body exuded an illusory aura of happiness, just as when she looked at Bai Shunan and thought of Bai Shunan later, what she saw and what emerged in her mind was her love.

When she heard her parents were plotting to send her abroad to sober up, the first thought that came to her mind was to elope. Such a controversial word, it evoked the dreams of her youth. But soon, another idea came to her mind: let time, the greatest test of all, first temper their love. She wanted to experience the pain of separation from her lover, the tossing and turning in love, the heart-wrenching longing, and the increasingly unforgettable love.

A love that remains consistent and even becomes more beautiful over the years must be tested by time. She couldn't wait to go through this test, so she agreed.

She looked at her parents' surprised expressions. They had never expected her to agree so easily.

And she thought smugly in her heart, just wait and see.

They can cultivate the sweet flowers of love during the difficult days of missing each other.

He doesn't love her.

In a trance, Zhong Mianqing realized that her eyes were sour. She had not closed them for a long time due to the shock of the cracks in love. She quickly closed her eyes, and opened them again after a while. What she felt was not despair. First, there was a panic mixed with shock, and soon there was a kind of anger of being teased. When she calmed down a little, she felt sorry for herself, and felt sorry for the years she had spent. When the inevitable sadness rose and loneliness came, she sighed.

In the end, everything seems to be reduced to just a sigh, a sad sigh squeezed out between the wasted years.

She recalled more, more details that she had overlooked.

Only then did she discover the cracks in her love that she had deliberately ignored.

Then there was another wave of heartache, which was for myself and for my loved one.

She recalled more moments and wondered how there was no love in those moments.

He is the one who can't see clearly.

Zhong Mianqing reached out and touched Bai Shunan's face. She couldn't say anything sarcastic. There was a pity in her tone that she hadn't expected. "You shouldn't have let me see your tears."

Bai Shunan stood there in a daze, at a loss as to what to do.

At this moment, she saw through him first, and for this, her anger subsided, and then she felt sad that her lover didn't know it. She should have realized it long ago, but she could only see herself in love. At this point, she still asked the deepest and most worthy question at the end of a relationship: "Did you love me?"

Zhong Mianqing didn't wait for Bai Shunan to answer. She replied calmly, "Bai Shunan, I'm not you. I believe in love."

Her heart ached for her past self, trapped in a fantasy, and for Bai Shunan, who couldn't see himself clearly. She was absolutely certain that he had loved her in those moments of attention, companionship, and need, but she was completely unaware. And now, she was devastated. The impact of the rift left her powerless to guide him, and even bred a resentment of betrayal. Unwilling to point out a way to dispel the fog, she simply waited for him to wake up one day.

She couldn't look directly at the cracks and then try to fix them, pretending they didn't exist. The castle of fantasy had already collapsed. She couldn't let that grudge haunt her forever, even though she knew that if she tried harder...

But she no longer had the energy or the desire to carve it.

"Give Xiaoju back to me."

"good."

Zhong Mianqing was silent for a moment. Bai Shunan in front of her had stopped crying. After everything was settled, a provocative feeling welled up in her heart. She said self-deprecatingly, "Even if I can't get the person, the cat must be mine."

Bai Shunan chuckled.

"Still laughing." Zhong Mianqing said viciously, but his expression had softened considerably, and he even had a carefree attitude that I hadn't expected. "Just wait and see."

"I'm already looking forward to seeing your wonderful and happy life in the future."

Zhong Mianqing took a sip of the cooled coffee and smiled with a hint of pride, "It's really bitter. I won't drink it anymore."

Zhong Mianqing looked at Bai Shunan's back as he went to get juice for her, and she felt a lot. After he came back, she wanted to play a trick on him again, "So Shunan..."

"Um?"

She asked with a calmness she had never had before, without any emotion: "Why are you crying? What can't you let go of?"

…

After Lu Jinfeng arrived, he met Zhong Mianqing's eyes while she was drinking juice. Zhong Mianqing rolled her eyes at him with disdain. She had not forgotten Lu Jinfeng's inexplicable and disappointing words.

She looked around carefully, and when she saw Bai Shunan chatting with Li Suiwen, she squeaked softly, pinched the straw unhappily, then looked around again, and her gaze returned to Lu Jinfeng again. Seeing that Lu Jinfeng's eyes were fixed on one place, she followed his gaze and saw Bai Shunan standing there.

"Damn it!" Zhong Mianqing nearly fell off the chair she was sitting on. In an instant, she understood everything. She muttered softly, "Damn Lu Jinfeng, no wonder he said such crazy things the other day."

She looked at Lu Jinfeng in the distance. How could Lu Jinfeng, who handled everything in a mess, possibly deal with Bai Shunan? Thinking of this, Zhong Mianqing felt a sense of pleasure in her heart. She didn't need to retaliate, she could see Lu Jinfeng being tortured. That look had already appeared in her mind, and then, a smug and cunning smile appeared on her face, like a fox with squinting eyes who had done something bad.

Under Lu Jinfeng's surprised gaze, Bai Shunan sent Zhong Mianqing home tonight, just like he had done several times before, but this time he took a detour to pick up Xiaoju. Xiaoju fell asleep on Zhong Mianqing's lap, not forgetting his master.

The scenery outside the car window kept receding, and Zhong Mianqing's thoughts were pulled back to the moment when they parted. She had never thought about the moment of real separation, so when this moment came, which was inevitable and irreversible and could only be accepted, Zhong Mianqing looked at Bai Shunan, and suddenly she stretched out her hand and hugged him tightly, just like before, but at this moment her heart was filled with more of a sense of loss.

Zhong Mianqing then remembered that she could have returned home three months ago. But how could a few short months be considered a test? A test should be more severe, more difficult, with more tears and more obstacles. Only then would it be more unforgettable, a time worth savoring for a lifetime. She kept thinking, just wait a little longer.

The sound of airplanes in July is not fundamentally different from that in other months, and there are many couples saying goodbye at the airport every month.

Every year there are always a few couples who are separated by their families and say goodbye at the airport.

It's a common and clichéd scene, but when it happened to her, Zhong Mianqing felt a deep sense of regret rather than self-deprecation. She cried and kissed Bai Shunan, crying so hard that she could hardly see Bai Shunan's face.

She thought that must also be a look of heartbreak. She imagined it endlessly in her mind and felt that they were connected in mind, so she didn't need to see him.

So, she got on the plane without seeing Bai Shunan clearly.

It’s not that she has no chance to turn back, she just keeps running towards the unknown with a heart devout to love, the unknown that she anticipated.

Zhong Mianqing found a seat on the plane and sat down. Not long after, a slightly harsh roar sounded, as if vibrating in her body.

When the female voice of the announcer sounded, Zhong Mianqing felt a sense of longing in her heart that was different from the sadness and grief just now. She began to look forward to her future life. She believed that the love between her and Bai Shunan would definitely transcend time, and even become stronger and greater with time.

She could now freely fantasize, imagining Bai Shunan returning home in despair, and how desolate he must have felt without her. She began to anticipate waking up in a strange place she had never been before, realizing she was separated from her lover. She wondered how they would feel, how they would miss each other during this time.

Filled with girlish thoughts and romantic feelings, she closed her eyes and immersed herself in the endless imagination of the future. She had already begun to think about their reunion, how he would hug her and kiss her, and that would definitely be a kiss with tears like the one when they parted.

Zhong Mianqing showed a satisfied expression and a sly smile on her face.

The plane soared into the sky, into the clouds. A muffled sound accompanied her imagination, as she fell into a vast expanse of white clouds with sharp edges. The edge of the sea and the sky blurred into a deep blue. Finally, everything, everything, as if it were a vision of the future, disappeared into an untouchable blue and white, and finally disappeared into a hazy blue...