Chapter 148

The desolate scenery, the chill of tonight.

Before Gu Shinian could hang up the phone, her hand was suddenly and weakly grabbed by Lin Jin.

Lin Jin strained with all her might to manage to squeeze out two words, "Go home..."

"You look like a wreck, what are you doing coming home?!" Gu Shinian's face showed a look of exasperation, and she raised her voice in refusal: "No, I can't let you do whatever you want anymore!"

"Take me home..." But Lin Jin, stubborn as ever, wouldn't listen to anyone's advice. Her thin, bony fingers gripped Gu Shinian's hand, as if pouring all her obsession into it, weakly pleading, "Please..."

She was exhausted, feeling like all she had left was an empty body, and going home became her last obsession.

She longed to return to that little house that should have been filled with happiness and love, where, when longing took hold of her heart, all she had to do was lift her eyelids and the person she craved would fill her vision, radiating a sun-kissed smile, offering a warm embrace or a gentle kiss.

But the expectations for the future turned into delusion. As everything settled down, they all became bubbles of despair. We went back, but we could never go back.

For a moment, Gu Shinian had the illusion that if she blinked even slightly, the thin, frail person in her arms would drift away from her.

Her heart tightened, and she gasped, quickly tightening her arms around Lin Jin. She tried her best to comfort him: "Listen to me, Dr. Qin will be here soon. Let's get a sedative injection and get some sleep. I promise you, the first thing you'll see when you wake up is Cheng Sangluo. I'll go and bring her back. I'll definitely bring her back."

Lin Jin's lips were pale, and her upturned smile revealed her exhaustion. When she heard that they had caught the runaway puppy and brought it home, her eyes lit up with tenderness for a moment, but it quickly dimmed again.

She smiled and closed her eyes, shaking her head with a heart full of despair. "She's already living a free life... so don't bother her anymore... Shi Nian... all I want to do now is go home... the new house is in the city center... not far..."

As they were talking, the sudden sound of high heels shattered the somber atmosphere in the room.

Qin Congyi rushed over with a medical kit. When he saw Lin Jin's trembling body, his brows furrowed instantly.

She sat down by the hospital bed, quickly took out an injection from the medicine box, and routinely asked, "Tell me the truth, has it been a long time since you last took any medication?"

Lin Jin was speechless and could only rest her head against Gu Shinian's neck, responding to the facts with silence.

Qin Cong, a highly skilled mental health expert, was still helpless in the face of such a patient. He said angrily, "Why don't you listen to me? I've reminded you time and time again that you can't stop taking your medication. Your emotions can't withstand any stimulation. Without medication to control them, you'll be like a wild horse. Can't you be kinder to yourself? You've let your illness drag on like this, and you're the only one suffering. No one can bear the consequences for you! Cheng Sangluo can only provide emotional comfort; she's not a real life-saving medicine!"

After a barrage of criticism, she fell into a cycle of regret, thinking that her overreaction was unprofessional and that she shouldn't have spouted those grand principles at such a critical moment. So she simply pursed her lips and continued with the disinfection preparations.

"I said... I want to go home..." Lin Jin struggled to pull her arm away, her eyes red-rimmed as she looked at her two friends who were only focused on saving her, pleading, "Let me go back... I just want to go home..."

"Okay, I promise you, I'll arrange a driver to take you home right after the injection." Gu Shinian reassured the decisive Lin Jin, and then winked at Qin Congyi, signaling her not to stop the injection.

Lin Jin became more obedient, her arm slumped and no longer reacting, only muttering repeatedly, "She's my only lifeline...you don't understand...you don't understand..."

The effects of the intravenous sedative were quite quick; the once noisy ward soon returned to silence.

Qin Congyi waited quietly by the hospital bed for a while, watching Lin Jin close her eyes and then relax her tense shoulders. He looked at Gu Shinian with a mournful gaze, "She is a million times more difficult to deal with than you were back then. I have no way to push forward the treatment. I can't tie her up, and she won't listen to my advice."

Gu Shinian stroked Lin Jin's hair tenderly, her smile filled with mixed emotions: "We've been through the same pain, so I understand her suffering. Uncontrollable emotions are like her uncontrollable lover. It's the same principle. Things and people we can't control always make us anxious and insecure, but we like to control them. Letting someone who lacks security choose to let go is no different from having your heart ripped out. It's a heart ailment that medicine can't heal. Maybe you're wrong. Perhaps Cheng Sangluo is the miracle cure that can save her life."

Qin Congyi understood Gu Shinian's meaning, but as a doctor, she had to remain rational and objective. Therefore, she said seriously, "As her doctor, I only have one suggestion: she can't go anywhere right now. Staying at the rehabilitation center for treatment and psychological counseling is the best arrangement. Her illness can't be cured in a day or two. Since she has completed all her plans, she should stop and rest, instead of jumping from one high-pressure situation to another. The somatic reactions caused by the emotional breakdown may only be temporary, or they may recur repeatedly. She needs assisted treatment; she can't handle it alone. I don't want her to fall into an abyss of losing her will to live. At that point, even Cheng Sangluo might not be able to save her..."

Gu Shinian was silent for a moment, but finally insisted, "Let's respect Lin Jin's wishes. Since she said she wants to go home, then let her go home. At least she can control this matter. Let's do as the patient requests. These days you'll have to work hard running back and forth between home and the health center. I will also send someone to keep an eye on her so she doesn't do anything reckless."

"Shi Nian!" Qin Congyi said anxiously, dissatisfied with this arrangement, "She's disregarding her own safety, and you're even coming along..."

Gu Shinian raised her hand to stop her from speaking, "We can't interfere with other people's decisions. Let her decide whether it's good or bad. Go and prepare her recent medication. I'll take her home first."

After he finished speaking, the atmosphere in the ward became even more deathly.

The two people, each holding their own opinion, sat by the hospital bed, their gazes both falling on Lin Jin's sunken cheekbones.

How could someone become so haggard and emaciated in just one day that it looks like she has an incurable disease? No one can understand what is tormenting her. Perhaps it is the past that cannot be undone, or perhaps it is the pain she is experiencing at this moment.

Gu Shinian is absolutely right about one thing.

Cheng Sangluo was the root cause of Lin Jin's uncontrollable emotions. Her inability to grasp the gains and losses caused by her lover eventually led to her increasingly serious illness. Her insecurity made her choose to let go, which was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Wasn't this like tearing out her heart?

Among the many lies, Lin Jin tucked in a seemingly joking truth: Cheng Sangluo is a life-saving medicine; she cannot live without her.

*

The number you dialed is currently switched off...sorry...

Cheng Sangluo stood on the street in the biting cold wind. The silent, cold sound coming from the receiver pushed her further into an icy abyss of despair.

She stubbornly dialed several times, but the fact remained unchanged: Lin Jin's phone was switched off. A sense of panic and unease washed over her.

Cheng Sangluo held her phone close to her chest, as if she were tightly embracing someone she suddenly wanted to see but couldn't.

She looked around blankly, unsure where to look for Lin Jin's whereabouts, and many possible places popped into her mind.

People's Hospital?

Health and wellness center?

Hillside villa?

Or is it the new home that should have been my final destination?

Fortunately, a sliver of reason emerged from the surging panic, reminding her to call Ji Nanxing first. It seemed that only this option could save her from meaningless guessing.

Cheng Sangluo acted immediately upon thinking of it, hailing a taxi while dialing Ji Nanxing's number, thankfully the person on the other end of the line didn't take too long.

Cheng Sangluo didn't give Ji Nanxing a chance to speak. Almost the instant the call connected, she urgently asked, "Captain Ji! Tell me where Lin Jin is, and how serious is her injury?"

Ji Nanxing was probably busy with the follow-up work of the arrest operation, so he skipped the meaningless small talk and gave a brief explanation: "Today she went to the Lin family's ancestral home with me. I didn't expect Lin Sheng to be hiding there. During the arrest, Lin Sheng choked her unconscious. Afterwards, she was taken to a rehabilitation center by paramedics. The doctor said she is not in any danger, so don't worry too much. Go and see her quickly."

"Okay...okay...I'll be right there..." Cheng Sangluo had no mind to discuss Lin Sheng anymore. She hurriedly hung up the phone and happened to flag down a taxi.

She quickly climbed into the car, patted the driver's seat, and said, "Driver, to Yunxing Health and Wellness Center. Please drive fast, thank you!"

......

For Cheng Sangluo, this long journey felt like three agonizing years spent trapped in prison, every second torn apart, leaving only a lingering sense of unease and pain.

She rested her head against the car window, but had no heart to appreciate the night view of the city lights coming on along the way. The beautiful memories of Lin Jin suddenly popped into her mind, and at this moment they all turned into the sharp edge of accusation—why did you have to choose to leave her at such a critical moment, when she needed you so much at this time.

Lin Jin's face was a fragmented image in her mind. Her smile, which initially appeared hypocritical, gradually blossomed into a sincere and gentle flower, then, with the passage of time, it turned into a humble image rolling into the dust, until it shattered into a pitiful weeping and pleading at the moment of parting.

What on earth drove that arrogant, haughty madwoman into this ghastly state?

It was me... the one who heartlessly abandoned her for the sake of so-called freedom...

In the very end, Cheng Sangluo finally woke up from her dream. All her belated apologies and regrets had become a joke, but now there was no one left to watch the joke, which made it all the more pathetic.

Her eyes widened, her pupils trembling as her memories shifted. It turned out that she wasn't the only one suffering; even after they separated, Lin Jin was still suffering alongside her.

Yes, that woman who was always unfathomable seemed to have always been there for her, sharing her joys and sorrows.

Cheng Sangluo's remorse reached its peak at this moment, a point where she could no longer forgive herself.

She clutched her head in anguish, trapped in a cycle of self-blame, endlessly searching her mind for the moment when she had gone so far astray. Was it when she wrongly accused Lin Jin without any regard for the facts?

No, no, no, that's not right. Her mistake seems to have occurred much earlier, to be some kind of unknowing original sin.

She smacked her head hard, trying to recall the story Wei Yun had mentioned, but after racking her brains, she couldn't find a single clue in her memory.

In fact, Cheng Sangluo is currently very conflicted.

She didn't know how to face Lin Jin. She was anxious to see him, but she was also afraid to see him and didn't know what to say.

How should we begin when we meet? Should we say "I'm sorry," "I love you," or "Please forgive me"?

Lin Jin used to jokingly say that her heart was like a stone, stubborn yet ruthless, cold and hard.

As it turns out, this statement is half right and half wrong.

Cheng Sangluo's heart is so soft that it can't hold back a pool of water. When she loves deeply, she can forgive past grievances. Even if she is humiliated and deceived, and her bottom line is repeatedly crossed, she can still love deeply as if nothing has happened.

But her heart was so hard; when she chose to leave for freedom, she didn't even say goodbye. She left without hesitation, without even looking back.

Before this moment, she never felt she was wrong. She loved openly and honestly, loved wholeheartedly, and tried so hard to live and love, yet the ending was still imperfect.

Of course, she never denied it. Even though they chose to separate, she still deeply loved Lin Jin. Her love had never changed from beginning to end. It was a love that could be proven by every stroke of the seal she made while tossing and turning at night. It was a love that she had never regretted, even at the cost of her life.

Cheng Sangluo covered her face with her hands, only then realizing that she was crying uncontrollably. Her wet tears were filled with regret and longing for Lin Jin.

After she had finished venting her resentment and hatred, she finally pulled out all the thorns from her body and threw all the stubbornness she was so proud of down the cliffs along the way.

She hunched her neck deeply, and in her pain, she tried her best to rehearse her opening line after they met, "Lin Jin, I'm sorry, please forgive me... I love you."

Yes, these three words can form a sentence, and hidden in the words and in the sentence is the word "regret".

Cheng Sangluo was so caught up in the decision of giving up her freedom to return to Lin Jin's side that she didn't notice the black Bentley speeding past her.

The taxi, with its headlights on under the cover of night, looked so small on the winding mountain road, the dim streetlights seemingly unable to illuminate the future.

Such a desolate scene echoes the coldness of tonight, and also reflects Cheng Sangluo's confusion about Lin Jin and the future.

[Author's Note]

1. My pre-order novel, "The Sinful Lover," is available for collection.

2. The cover of this article will be changed in the next two days. I'm so worried that people won't be able to find my article after the cover is changed.

But this cover is really beautiful; it's a character design I commissioned with great care, so you can look forward to it.

3. Leave a comment in this chapter to receive a red envelope (cash gift).