Chapter 151

The main text is complete (Part 2)

Ten minutes ago.

The effects of the medicine on Lin Jin wore off faster than expected. When the caregiver pushed open the bedroom door, she was staring at the ceiling with her eyes half-closed, her unfocused gaze unfocused, her expression blank and motionless, even her reactions were a beat slow.

The soft bed should have made her sleepy, but for some reason, the comfortable down comforter couldn't warm her up. The indescribable chill didn't come from the cold winter night, but rather burst out of her thin body in waves.

"You're awake. Tell me if you feel unwell anywhere." The caregiver quickly walked to the bedside and asked about your well-being. Then, she took out the psychotropic medications that Qin Congyi had arranged one by one and patiently explained, "President Gu and Dr. Qin instructed that you should take your medication as soon as you wake up. I've cooked some white porridge and side dishes, and I'll bring them to you later."

"Mmm," Lin Jin responded softly, not refusing the medicine offered to her lips. This compliant attitude was rather strange.

She listlessly propped herself up, and the way she slowly swallowed the pills, holding the cup, seemed a little strained. She must have been through a whole day, because the way she took the pills was stiff and mechanical.

The caregiver accidentally touched her icy fingers, instinctively tucked the blanket around her, and said with concern, "Why are you so cold? Let me get you some hot water to warm your hands."

Lin Jin was utterly exhausted; even speaking a single word seemed to drain her last breath of energy. So she didn't respond, but simply waved her hand dismissively, signaling the other person to leave.

The caregiver carefully opened the door a crack, afraid that the noise outside would disturb Lin Jin's rest. However, the rustling voices from several doors still broke the tranquility of the room.

Lin Jin didn't pay attention to the indistinct voice. She just leaned back lazily, lost in thought. Her chestnut curly hair was a little messy from sleeping, and it fell across her forehead along with her slightly hunched back, obscuring her dull eyes. Her porcelain-white skin looked sickly and haggard because of the lack of color.

She stared silently at a certain spot, trying to concentrate on some questions concerning the future.

When the dust settled after years of plotting revenge, this woman, skilled in scheming and intrigue, suddenly lost her way. Whether it was the rapidly growing Senyao Group or the Lin Group that was about to be acquired, all those external things that could prove she had fought so hard to live suddenly became ephemeral.

What will the future look like? The answer is already in Lin Jin's eyes.

She looked up and surveyed the cold, empty bedroom. A sudden wave of sorrow washed over her, a strong pang of sadness welling up in her eyes, blurring her vision with a thin mist. She was so close, just a tiny bit away from living the life she had always dreamed of.

She suddenly recalled the scene of the first time she and Cheng Sangluo visited the new house.

Their fingers were intertwined as they looked forward to the future in a house where they could see the end of the room at a glance. When they missed each other, they could see each other just by looking up. Happiness was being able to hear the sizzling sound of hot oil being put into a pan at dusk, even though there was only one wall between them. Or it was Cheng Sangluo standing on the balcony shaking out the clothes she had just washed, with the sunlight turning into snails slowly crawling on the wall, outlining the passage of time.

But all these fantasies vanished as the music ended and the crowd dispersed. The people she loved were gone, the people she hated had scattered, leaving her trapped in the past and a world of mental torment, unable to go anywhere.

The future was taken away by Cheng Sangluo, so there was no point in imagining it. At least for Lin Jin at this moment, all the images she could imagine were black, so thick that they couldn't be dissolved, leaving only a blurry black mess.

The sudden onset of her dazed state caused Lin Jin to sway slightly. Fortunately, the caregiver brought in a steaming cup of water, which helped alleviate some of her discomfort.

"Give it to me." Lin Jin endured the throbbing pain in her head, reached out and took the cup, and instructed, "I'm going to take a hot bath in a bit, don't bother me unless it's something else."

"This..." The caregiver looked troubled and explained truthfully, "Mr. Gu instructed me to come in and keep you company every now and then..."

"So afraid I might do something rash?" Lin Jin chuckled, but her eyes remained indifferent. She then asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to invite you to take a bath with me?"

The caregiver, like a frightened bird, hurriedly waved her hands, stammering, "No, no... I... I'll come in and knock on the door in a bit... just getting a response from you is enough..."

"Get out." Lin Jin gave him a cold look and told him to leave as soon as possible. "Don't get in my way."

The caregiver hesitated, then left the bedroom, glancing back several times as she went.

Lin Jin held the glass to warm her hands, wanting to greedily absorb the comforting temperature, but the chill lingering in her body could not be dispelled. Perhaps it was because she thought of her lover whom she had not seen for a long time, so a gentle smile naturally appeared on her face.

She thought that Cheng Sangluo's embrace had a magical quality, bringing a comforting sense of security that could naturally dispel the chill that gripped her spirit.

I wonder how that stubborn bastard is doing now, whether he's eating on time. I hope he's not making do with rice balls that are about to expire for every meal anymore. The cold winter in Zhouhai requires a thick down jacket. There isn't even a decent bed in the rented room in the old town. That stingy person needs to be more generous to himself and at least buy a few more quilts.

Otherwise, how are we supposed to get through this long, seemingly endless winter?

Lin Jin sighed helplessly, thinking that after spending so much time with Cheng Sangluo, why did she still look so drab in his mind?

She raised her hand to brush away the strands of hair that had fallen across her forehead, then glanced at the medicine on the bedside table—a jumble of boxes that seemed to mock her for living a life that was neither human nor ghost.

Is there anything else you're thinking about? Lin Jin pondered this question as she lifted the blanket with one hand. The feeling of being top-heavy made her stagger as she walked towards the bathroom, as if she were floating.

She sat by the bathtub, listening quietly to the gentle murmur of the hot water flowing out. Soon, the entire space was filled with steam, creating a soothing and comforting atmosphere that made her feel sleepy.

She took off her long cotton robe and went to the washbasin before stepping into the bathtub. Her thin, bony hand covered the blurry mirror and left a clear mark.

She tilted her head to examine the unfamiliar person in the mirror, and couldn't help but touch her face, which was so thin and sunken that it looked as if her life essence had been drained, and even her deep-set eyes looked even more profound.

She didn't blame the torment of love and illness, but simply sighed with an unspeakable bitterness, "So ugly."

Yes, I look incredibly ugly now, a gaunt, grotesque figure like a tree that can't survive the winter, swaying in the wind and exuding a sense of decay and ruin.

She wrapped herself in her bathrobe again and went back to the bedroom. She looked around and found that all the cosmetics on the dressing table were gone. Gu Shinian must have asked the caregiver to remove all the potentially dangerous items because she was afraid that Gu Shinian might do something rash.

Lin Jin was like a string that had been stretched taut for too long, for the deceased, for her childhood that could never be returned, for so-called justice and fairness, she kept taut to fight against all the unknown people and things.

She didn't care when the string broke; all she cared about now was how to close her eyes comfortably. She was so tired that she had to use her hands to support her body and relieve the strain. "Can't I even leave gracefully?"

She returned to the bathroom, her gaze falling on the glass she had brought in. After a moment's thought, she tore off a towel, wrapped it around the glass, and slammed it against the sink. The shattering sound was drowned out by the gurgling water, as if nothing had happened, yet as if water could silkily take away life.

Lin Jin spread out the towel, as if selecting cosmetics before a glamorous evening banquet. Her fingertips swept over the glittering glass shards, carefully selecting the sharpest one that satisfied her.

She picked up a piece of glass and held it to her wrist, stubbornly searching for the angle from which the scratch wouldn't look too ugly.

With increasing force, the sharp end of the glass sank deep into the pale skin, until a faint, sweet, fishy smell filled the misty space.

The deep, wide gash initially gathered a bead of blood the size of a bean, which gradually coalesced into a trickle, carving out a line of despair on the slender, fair arm.

Lin Jin wasn't unafraid of pain; it's just that she had been plagued by mental illness for years, and the pain, which she couldn't alleviate, had turned from being silently endured into numbness.

Perhaps numbness has its advantages; at least it allows one to endure excruciating pain. Thus, these pains became a reflection of her madness without her even realizing it.

She downplayed her pain as a melody hummed between her breaths, raised her delicate fingers to dab the blood on her wound, and then brought her face close to the mirror, just like she would when she was getting ready to go out. She smeared the blood from her fingertips on her lips and made a light, delicate purse.

A touch of rosy red appeared on her pale face, and her complexion improved considerably. She smiled contentedly, her eyes crinkling with delight.

"You have to be beautiful...you have to be proper...that's Lin Jin..." She smiled, she was still herself, her gloom tinged with brightness.

Lin Jin picked up the glass shards she had carefully selected again, tiptoed around the bathroom, and danced romantically in the air, like a fish about to gain freedom sliding into the bathtub.

She felt the embrace of the water comfortably. This was the only environment she could find that most closely resembled Cheng Sangluo's embrace, warm, delicate, and even the rhythmic ripples of the water seemed to resemble Cheng Sangluo's heartbeat.

She adjusted to a comfortable position and slowly placed her injured arm into the warm water, watching as the clear pool gradually diluted the blood until it turned a deeper pink.

Lin Jin felt a pang of regret. Why didn't she send Cheng Sangluo a text message before she died, saying "I love you" or "I miss you"? Actually, she should have said "thank you" and "I'm sorry."

This woman, who had been arrogant all her life, didn't like to say nice things and never showed a kind face. Thinking about how she had used all sorts of bizarre and outrageous methods to bully the pitiful Cheng Sangluo, and even sacrificed three years of her life for revenge, she felt an incurable sense of guilt for the first time.

She tilted her head, feeling deeply regretful. She thought that it was a regret not being able to say sorry in person, a regret that apologizing but not being able to make amends, a regret that she missed out on happiness that was within her grasp, and a regret that she could no longer see the person she wanted to see.

"This life has been full of regrets," Lin Jin sighed softly, a hint of relief hidden in her gentle laughter. "I wonder if there will be a next life?"

Thinking about the next life, Lin Jin frowned and felt an unbearable soreness in her nose. If people don't have a next life, does that mean she will never see Cheng Sangluo again in this life?

Didn't we agree to be entangled with that bastard who didn't want us for the rest of our lives? How can you just let go like that?

Unwillingness, mixed with longing, struck her heart hard, as if a hand had squeezed her heart tightly.

It hurts so much! Why does it hurt even more than a cut? I'm not afraid of pain, so I should be.

But soon, Lin Jin made peace with herself. If she could never give freedom to the person she loved most in this lifetime, then she would kill herself and disappear completely. This was probably the last gift she would give to Cheng Sangluo.

Do not linger or appear; act as if you have never set foot in Cheng Sangluo's world. The end of disappearance is oblivion, and time will smooth out all traces.

Lin Jin knew that cutting her wrists would be very painful, requiring repeated tearing and cutting of the wound, severing flesh and tendons, and enduring the profuse blood being slowly diluted by gentle water. Therefore, she did not intend to end her unloved life in this way.

She slowly closed her eyes, feeling for her carotid artery with the glass shards as she recalled the first time she met Cheng Sangluo.

"Clothes can be dirty, but your face must be clean; it's the least you can do to respect yourself."

This wasn't the opening line Lin Jin gave Cheng Sangluo on the day she was released from prison; it was from a year ago, exactly seven years ago.

The relentless downpour lasted all day, extinguishing any hope of life. In the dark, unlit forest, Cheng Sangluo, covered in mud, was stuck at the entrance of a narrow cave.

"Wipe your face. Your clothes can be dirty, but your face must be clean. It's the least you can do to respect yourself." She pulled a rain-soaked handkerchief from inside her camouflage uniform and comforted the young woman whose face was obscured: "Don't be afraid, I'm here."

Lin Jin couldn't help but laugh. The glass he was gripping so tightly had already cut his palms, leaving tiny cuts, but he finally managed to pinpoint the location of his carotid artery.

[Author's Note]

1. My pre-order novel, "The Sinful Lover," is available for collection.

2. Don't worry, there will be a large amount of epilogue after the main story ends, which will make you swoon with sweetness. Those familiar four words: those who know, know.