Chapter 64

Tong Yufei put Jin Huangxing into his handbag and was about to leave when he was stopped by a tall and strong figure.

Mo Daoyan stood at the intersection of light and shadow, the light reflected from the glass falling on his dim face. A half-burned cigarette clung to his fingers, the gray ash piled up to the length of half a fingernail. A faint smoke filled the air, the sparks nearly burning into his flesh, yet he seemed oblivious. "Where are you going?"

She coughed lightly and said, "Go home."

Tong Yufei also had a smile on his face at this moment, which was not much different from the past. In the past, the kind mask was always on his face, with a smile hanging at the corner of his lips and never reaching his eyes. Now that he had torn off the disguise, every expression was vivid and lively, and even the faint wrinkles under his eyes were full of vitality.

Mo Daoyan looked at her with a half-scornful expression, not regretting his actions at all. If there was anything to regret, it was that it was too late, not being able to start over sooner and tear apart this hypocritical peace. He laughed, put out his cigarette, and threw it into the ashtray: "How many families did you marry into?"

"You asked me to invite the union representatives over just to let others see you put on a good show? Now that the show is over and everyone's gone, why are you still refusing to leave? You don't have much affection for me, so why bother with all this?"

"You are so good at calculating feelings. You can calculate them slowly in the future. I just want to remind you that it is not entirely up to you to get married or not, and it is not up to you alone to decide whether to divorce or not. Whether Ye Yimo is your brother is debatable, but there is no doubt that Tong Zhaoyang has no blood relationship with you. As long as your marriage to me lasts, even if you hide away to the ends of the earth, you will still be my, Mo Daoyan's, wife. As for some people who are willing to do shady things, I can only say that there are many kinds of people in the world. If you don't want to repeat the same mistakes, don't always bother people who shouldn't be bothered. Since you are husband and wife, there is no need to live apart. You can go home."

He reached out and took the maroon water-patterned bag from her shoulder, and took the Jin Huangxing bag that was perfectly opened in her hand.

"It's not like I haven't bought new bags before, why do you always carry this?"

She understood his hidden meaning, which was that she had no say in marriage, and whether to divorce or not was all in his mind. His current attempt to keep her seemed to be inviting her back, but his words were as stiff as a notice, as if it wasn't him who coldly drove her out that day, or he just happened to be in a good mood and played a game of hard to get with her. Now that he had relaxed his attitude a little, he wanted her to wag her tail and beg for mercy to thank him for his amnesty. She couldn't repeat the same mistake, and the last thing she could do was make the same mistake as him.

The words of explanation came to her lips but she swallowed them back. She smiled softly and said, "I want a divorce."

She wanted to reach out and take the things back, but he grabbed her arm. Mo Daoyan frowned slightly, as if trying to suppress some emotion: "You said you couldn't stand me. What did I do wrong?"

She looked up at him: "Are you admitting your mistake?"

"Discuss. It's not entirely up to you to decide what's right and wrong, right?"

She gently pulled her hand back: "There's no need for that. Like you said, everyone is different. Maybe what I can't tolerate, others don't have to tolerate. Or maybe you wouldn't treat others like that at all."

Mo Daoyan's eyes turned cold. "You don't have to be so kind and rush to arrange another one for me. But if you keep this uncooperative attitude, then let's just live like this. We won't separate, and we won't get along either."

"I'm really ignorant. Besides divorce and reunion, is there a third way to live in a marriage?"

"Isn't it right in front of you? But there is one thing we need to clarify. When you have sex, do you want me to come to you, or do you want you to come home on time?"

"You... are shameless." Her face and ears were burning at the same time. "You insist on not getting a divorce. Are you trying to save face by not even living your life?"

"I should be the one asking you this. I think life is pretty good these days, and it will be even better if you come back."

"I'm not that capable."

"Do you take my feelings into account? But before you blame me, why don't you look at yourself first? No matter how wrong I am, at least I am willing to show my attitude. Apart from protecting Ye Yimo without principles, and having an entangled and confusing relationship with Tong Zhaoyang, and getting angry at me, have you done anything to protect your marriage?"

"I haven't done it, because I didn't want to protect you, and you don't need my protection."

"Now, I've changed my mind."

"If I hadn't met you, where would I be? How would my life be? Should I cherish life..."

I don't know which neighbor's house started playing music, it was Teresa Teng's "I Only Care About You". The sad melody floated in from the window, making the house even quieter. In the early 1980s, the songs of this female singer were denounced as "decadent music" and were criticized. Ten years later, her songs could be heard in the streets and alleys.

The world is changing, just like the sea has changed so much.

When the singing faded, Mo Daoyan dragged over two wooden stools, pushed one towards her, and sat astride the other. "You're a journalist. You should know that avoiding problems won't solve them. How long can you hide? Language is your forte, so why are you so silent when it comes to your own problems?" He leaned forward, grabbed a financial magazine from the table, and flipped through it casually. "But we rarely spend time like this. I'll just wait."

She passed the round stool next to him and sank into the sofa behind him. Her solemn expression gradually relaxed, and a cunning look of interest appeared in her eyes. "If life has to go on, how will Mr. Mo deal with my brother?"

He still gave the same answer: "I have given a plan."

"Wasn't my refusal clear enough?"

"Tong Yufei, don't let your greed cloud your heart!" He slapped the back of the stool, as if trying to wake her up. "I understand that you have to repay your adoptive father's kindness, but sacrificing your future isn't enough. You're also sacrificing your marriage. Will you spend your whole life to make up for that guilt? The rehabilitation hospital has professional nurses, rated Class 2A by the state. How can they be inferior to your personal care?"

"Wouldn't it be easier to understand if you just said 'mental hospital'? Doctor Zhu said it himself that there is currently no cure for autism, let alone any rehabilitation program for adult patients. If any hospital says it can cure it, it must be a liar. You can't spend a lot of money everywhere. Besides, those hospitals only admit crazy patients. Is it any different to letting my brother die if you put him in there with them? What he needs now is the company of his family, not to be thrown to the hospital and out of your sight." She picked up the cushion and placed it on her knees, tracing the peony picture on it. "We are all patients. When your old lady was sick, the whole family took turns to look after her, but what about my brother? I am the only relative he has left in this world. Put yourself in his shoes. If one day the old lady was seriously ill and you were the only one by her side, could you just ignore her?"

"Is he comparable to grandma?"

"Are patients divided into different levels?"

"Shouldn't we separate? Did grandma bother anyone when she was sick?" He carried a stool and moved in front of her, leaning closer. "He's almost thirty years old, calling you 'wife' every day, but he's not your husband. He's the only one in the world. Where else can a mentally ill person go but a mental hospital? I'm already doing you a favor by paying for him to be admitted! What else do you want? Take him home? Let him touch you under my nose? What good will it do to keep him company? Can he ever return to normal? Besides eating, drinking, defecating, and urinating, what else is worth exploring in his chaotic world?"

"Autism is not a mental illness, and it's not the place to go to a mental hospital. If you want to care, just learn more about it. If you don't want to see him, the easiest thing to do is to replace me. You don't understand his illness better than I do."

"It doesn't matter if you know the truth, the result will be the same, right?"

"If the result is the same, does the process not matter?"

"The wise see similarities, the foolish see differences."

Tong Yufei sneered, suddenly understanding the mystery that had been bothering her these days. Why did Meng Ruqing have such different attitudes towards her two sons? She tried every means to stop the eldest son from going abroad, wishing to keep him by his side, but she fully supported the younger son's going abroad without any prohibitions? Why did the eldest son stand at the top of the pyramid, or did she still favor the younger son? It wasn't because the younger son had a likable personality, but because she saw through Mo Daoyan's coldness. No matter what he thought, she was convinced that once he went to a foreign country, he would forget his family. Ye Yimo was only physically autistic, but Mo Daoyan was a spiritual loner. But had anyone ever opened the door to his heart and walked into his world? She probably wouldn't be that lucky person.

For people who have stood at a high place for a long time, lowering their head is more difficult than breaking bones. It must have been very painful for him to show weakness against his will just now.

The mediator asked her what she was unhappy about, but she didn't say it at the time. To have said it would have been like admitting that being alone, or even a widow, was better than living under the same roof with him. It wasn't that she was worried about pissing Mo Daoyan off; she'd said similar things before. It was because it sounded as trivial as saying "I don't like rainy days," insignificant and irrelevant to the big issues. How could anyone else understand? Instead, she thought she was being unreasonable. But those daily things were like being shot in the head. At first, they didn't hurt, but over time, they became a shadow. Seeing him raise his hand again made her feel cold inside.

"You asked me what I can't tolerate? This is the answer. I hate your commanding tone and your dictatorialness. You think others cannot disobey what you think is right. But Mo Daoyan, the pain nerves of stupid people are no less sensitive than you. Even the wisest people can make mistakes. There will always be places you can't reach." She grabbed the cushion, her fingers turning white. "To be honest, you can neither accept Ye Yimo nor really trust me. In the eyes of outsiders, he is a troublesome burden, but he has been my brother for decades. We grew up eating the same mother's cooking and riding the same father's bicycle seat. I can't throw him away like a burden, nor can I send him to a corner where no one cares just to gain your trust. Exploring his inner world is important to him, and to me too."

She picked up the bag and Jin Huangxing on the table and walked towards the door.

"This is all my fault. There's no need for you to wade into this muddy water. I've already said that even without him, we're destined not to reach the end. Why torture each other?"

"Can't you walk? Before all this mess, weren't we walking just fine?" Mo Daoyan took a half step forward, his figure completely covering her. "I don't believe you don't feel anything at all."