Chapter 36: Unfamiliarity with the business, dangers abound

New Year's Day is approaching. Time flies.

Lao Xiao called me several times and said that business was booming after the change to storytelling, and wanted me to come over and have a look.

"It's not time to visit a new bride for a few days. Come back after the New Year." I said this, but I was actually very happy. Also, I was very busy.

It's almost Chinese New Year, and Master is very busy, attending opening ceremonies, building topping-out ceremonies, and other events. I have no choice but to stay at "You Ran Ju" and go to Feng Hua Xue Yue again in the evening.

Even though the master wasn't home, there were still quite a few visitors. Fewer people came for fortune-telling at this time of year, but many came to choose auspicious dates. New Year's Day was coming up soon. Businesses opening new businesses, weddings, moving... all crowded into this time.

My "paper-throwing" method hadn't gained widespread popularity, so I didn't dare use it. So, I followed the old method my master taught me: for a business, I'd use the client's birth date; for a wedding, I'd use the man and woman's birth date. Choosing a date was quicker. I'd calculate the date, tell the client, pay, and leave.

If you are talking about getting married on New Year's Day, I have only one thing to say: It's a national statutory holiday, you can decide it yourself, everything will go smoothly, and the person who comes here knows it, or we will be at ease only after you tell us.

Isn't it a bit precious? You insist on giving me some money.

Also, after the date is set, there are many specific things they want to consult me ​​about.

For example: What if a wedding car encounters a funeral car on the road?

I said, "If you hit me head-on, congratulations on getting rich. If you're behind me, I'll do my best to overtake you."

For example: What are the rules for moving?

I said, "Prepare a stove with a fire and carry it from the old house to the new one. This is called 'passing the fire', which means the continuation of life."

Also: What should I do if I kill a chicken when moving but the chicken jumps up and flies away without being killed?

I said, "Cross the chicken's wings and it won't move."

"Why?" The other party was worried.

I feel like these people are wasting their time reading books. They're always asking me questions about things they already know in junior high school. We've already learned in biology class that if you compress an animal's spinal cord, it becomes immobile.

But I can't tell him that.

I had to make them feel I had magical powers, so I scolded them, "Do as I say. If the chicken flies away, you can slap me in the face, okay?"

The other party was frightened and nodded: "Okay, okay, I'll do as you say." He did not forget to pay more money before leaving.

Someone asked: Is it auspicious if it rains during a funeral?

I said, "It would be best if it rained after burying it?"

The other party asked again: Why?

I think the other person is a pig. If it rains during a funeral, the roads will be muddy and slippery, and even the slightest mishap while carrying the coffin will be disastrous. Of course, we don't want it to rain.

This is common sense, anyone with a normal IQ would understand, but they insisted I give them a standard answer before they were satisfied. Then, they counted a few more old men's heads before leaving.

I found that in front of a master, the consultant's IQ is equal to zero.

So, during the time when Master was not at home, I became more and more like a master. I usually didn't say much, but when I did say something, I was very decisive.

A few days later, Master had to attend a three-day meeting. I handled the first and second days with ease.

On the third day, a couple came and asked me to choose a date - they wanted to divorce.

My grandparents, I thought I'd misheard. I asked three times, and they all said they were choosing a date for the divorce. I'm a new barber, and I've just met a bald head.

The woman said: "We hope to remain good friends after we break up."

The man said, "We have been together and in love for a long time, but our fate has ended and we are willing to part ways peacefully. Let's choose a good day and end our relationship in this life."

How should I choose this date? I can't appear panicked in front of this couple.

I smiled and said, "Sit down for a moment. Wait two minutes. People have three urgent needs. You know what I mean."

When I got to the bathroom, I closed the door tightly, called my master, and told him this strange request for choosing a date.

Master said, "Tell them, December 20th."

I also want to ask, why is it December 20th?

The master hung up the phone, probably because the meeting was important and it was not convenient to say more.

I calmed down for a while, but I was still unsure. If they asked why December 20th was the date, what would I say?

I said to myself, "What's there to be afraid of? Just talk nonsense."

Coming out of the bathroom, I pretended to be calm and said:

"Tell me your birth dates."

After two of them reported it, I took my turn and said:

"Today is December 16th. In four days, the 20th will be the best day for divorce."

The man asked, "Why is this day better?"

I talked nonsense about yin and yang and the five elements for a while, and finally managed to make my story coherent and get away with it.

By the time they left the hospital, my forehead was covered in sweat.

…

After this weird pair left, an even weirder one came.

The woman looked depressed and emotionally unstable. She sat for a while before she finally stated her request for a date: her beloved son had died, so she planned to bury him on a hillside in the suburbs and asked which day would be best.

I said, "Your son died, and there's no one to take care of the family? Why do you have to come and ask in person as a mother?"

She looked sad: "My husband said, why bury it? Just throw it in the garbage station."

Did I meet a crazy woman? He slammed his hand on the table and said, "What kind of son is that?"

She was even more sad: "My dear son, puppy, a very obedient baby."

My god, her pet died, and she wanted to choose a good date for burial. This is even more ridiculous than choosing a date for a divorce. I'll just pick a random date. If she asks, I'll have an explanation.

Divorce is still a matter of two people, and the yin and yang and five elements make sense. But this is a beast, what can I say?

I said, "Wait a minute, I'm going to the bathroom."

After entering the bathroom, I called my master again.

The master said, "Ask her when her birthday is, and she'll choose that day." Then he hung up the phone.

When I came out, I asked, "When is your birthday?"

She said, "Second year of junior high school."

I said, "I'll bury you on the second day of next month. That's the best day for your baby."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "You can go now. I'm going out right away."

The woman wanted to count the money, but I said, "No need to worry. Go back and deal with your son."

I was panicking. I didn't have a reason to give, and I felt guilty for taking her money.

…

Fortunately, there were only these two difficult things during this period. When Master came back from the meeting, I almost cried.

The master chuckled and said, "You have no ambition."

After sitting for a while, he sighed, "Times have changed. We need to study the diversification of the demand side market in the new era."

I asked, "Yeah, how did you choose a day like this?"

Master said: For those getting divorced, choose the 10th, 20th, or 30th.

I couldn't think clearly for a moment.

The master said: "Let them all take zero, so that they can clear their past, wave goodbye to yesterday, and embrace tomorrow."

I think about it, Master is truly a master. After 0, everything is 1. It truly is embracing a new day.

I complained a little: "If you had told me at the time, I would have said it with confidence."

The master laughed and said, "The meeting required that phones be turned off. The leader saw that I was answering the call. If it had been someone else, he would have criticized me long ago."

I asked, "So when a pet like a dog, a cat, or a mouse dies, why should we choose the same date as the guest's birthday?"

The master smiled faintly: "Since the visitor loves his pets so much, and they cannot be reborn together in this life, let them be father and son, mother and daughter, brothers and sisters in the next life. It is not asking to die together, but to live together."

I was truly filled with admiration for Master, so I prostrated myself on the ground and said:

"Thank you for your careful teaching. These things are not in the books, and other masters will not teach me."

The master was silent for a long time, then said:

"Currently, we do need to study all sorts of date selection methods. For example, in the past, weddings had a particularly important ritual: determining the time of night when the newlyweds would have sex, in order to produce healthy and intelligent offspring.

"This can be determined by combining the eight characters of both parties. But now, some people also come to me to determine the time for them to have sex, and I firmly refuse to do so."

I asked, “Why?”

The master shook his head and sighed, "How can I think about going there now? It's just like yesterday at the meeting when a cadre handed me a business card: Zhang XX, deputy director (with director's treatment).

Nowadays, men and women are also: unmarried (but enjoying married treatment). How do you want me to set the time? Is the time I set still accurate?

I laughed so hard I held my stomach and said, "Master, you are the Hou Baolin who was delayed by fortune-telling."

The master sighed, "We need to develop fortune-telling techniques, but we also need to discard some of them. Times have changed. If we stick to the old ways, we will suffer."

He was telling the truth. In the afternoon, another person came and posed a difficult problem for me.