Lonely

The winter afternoon sun was unusually generous, casting a few thin rays of warmth through the bare branches.

Xiao Jue wrapped Qing Ran in a thick down jacket, put a fluffy hat and scarf on her, covering her up so that only her big, dark eyes were showing, before pushing her out of the hospital building and taking a slow walk along the sidewalk.

Qingran seems to really enjoy going out, even if it's just to look at the street scene.

She sat quietly in her wheelchair, her gloved hand slightly raised, pointing to the sparrows hopping on the branches or the bright artificial flowers in the shop window. Occasionally, she uttered a few indistinct syllables, her eyes sparkling.

Xiao Jue then bent down, leaned close to her ear, and explained in the simplest words she could understand: "Birds...flowers...are beautiful."

As Qingran passed by a newly opened, exquisitely decorated cake shop, her eyes were immediately drawn to the colorful and adorable desserts displayed in the window.

She stopped pointing elsewhere and just stared intently. Then, she gently tugged at Xiao Shu's hand as he pushed the wheelchair.

Xiao Jue stopped and followed her gaze. There were several cream cupcakes shaped like little rabbits and bears, pink and sprinkled with sugar pearls, which were indeed very attractive.

"Ranran, do you want to eat?" Xiao Jue squatted down to look her in the eye and asked softly.

Qingran nodded vigorously, her eyes filled with pure longing.

Looking at her childlike face, made even more innocent by the hat and scarf, Xiao Jue's hesitation about "not being able to eat too many sweets" instantly vanished. He smiled and ruffled her hair: "Okay, let's go in and buy them."

As you push open the door of the cake shop, a warm, sweet aroma and soft music waft in.

Xiao Jue chose a quiet spot by the window, secured the wheelchair, and took off Qing Ran's heavy coat, scarf, and hat.

Qingran looked around at the bright and cozy environment with curiosity, her gaze finally settling on the little rabbit cake that Xiao Jue had brought over.

The cake was small, with white cream, pink ears, and eyes made of chocolate chips. Xiao Shu picked up a small spoon, scooped out a small piece, and held it to Qing Ran's lips: "Here, Ran Ran, have a taste."

Qingran shook her head, not opening her mouth obediently as usual.

Her eyes were fixed on the tempting cake, and then she did something that made Xiao Jue's heart skip a beat—she stretched out her chubby little hand, which wasn't wearing a glove, and grabbed directly at the soft cream on the cake.

The movements were slow, with a childlike clumsiness and directness.

"Ranran, use a spoon..." Xiao Jue subconsciously wanted to stop him, but his voice choked in his throat.

He watched as the little hand effortlessly and easily plunged into the soft cream, getting its hand covered in it.

Qingran seemed fascinated by the cool, slippery sensation on her fingertips. She looked down at her fingers, which were covered in white cream, and then did something that made Xiao Jue's breath catch in his throat—she slowly brought the cream-covered finger to her lips.

Xiao Jue suddenly grabbed her wrist with such force that Qing Ran flinched and looked up at him blankly.

Xiao Jue then realized that he had overreacted and quickly loosened his grip, but the wave of pain, dull ache, and helplessness in his chest still pounded against him.

He almost frantically pulled out a wet wipe and very gently, bit by bit, wiped the cream off Qingran's fingers and palms. His movements were extremely careful, as if he were polishing a fragile piece of porcelain.

He had long accepted that Qingran's intellectual development was delayed and his mind remained at the level of a young child.

But recently, she seems to have started to show some behavioral "regression." She relies more on physical contact, sometimes makes meaningless, baby-like whimpers, responds to commands more slowly, and now... even the most primitive behavior of grabbing food with her hands and trying to put it in her mouth...

This isn't just being playful; it's an unconscious regression to infancy.

Her psychological trauma is influencing her behavior patterns more deeply. In her subconscious, when she is extremely insecure, she instinctively wants to retreat to the most primitive and dependent state of survival.

Xiao Jue wiped her hands clean, removing the trace of cream, as if he could erase this heartbreaking truth. But he knew in his heart that he couldn't erase it.

He took a deep breath, suppressing the lump in his throat, picked up the spoon again, scooped out a smaller spoonful, and brought it to her lips. His voice was even softer than before, with a slight, almost imperceptible tremor: "Ranran, be good, let's use a spoon, okay? It's cleaner this way."

Qingran looked at him, blinked, seemingly understanding his meaning, yet also seemingly not.

She slightly opened her mouth, took the spoon in, and slowly sipped the cake. The sweet taste made her squint her eyes, revealing a satisfied expression, and she temporarily forgot about the little incident from earlier.

But Xiao Jue's heart was even more taut. While mechanically feeding Qing Ran spoonful by spoonful, he used the corner of his eye to almost greedily observe every subtle change in Qing Ran's expression, trying to grasp a trace of her improving from her confusion and dependence, even if it was just self-deception.

Just then, the door of the cake shop was pushed open again, and the wind chimes made a crisp sound.

Xiao Jue subconsciously looked up and his gaze met that of the person who was about to enter but suddenly froze in place.

It's Sister Jin.

She was carrying several shopping bags, clearly having just finished shopping and passing by. Her gaze first fell on Xiao Jue's face, carrying the familiar surprise and smile of seeing an acquaintance. But that smile froze the next second when her eyes swept past Xiao Jue and landed on the girl in front of him, being carefully fed cake by him.

Time seemed to stand still at that moment. The bustling street, the soft music in the cake shop, the whispers of the surrounding customers... all the background noise faded away and disappeared.

Only the three people remained silently confronting each other inside and outside the transparent glass shop window.

Jin Jie's expression went from surprise to astonishment, and then to extreme confusion and disbelief.

Her gaze shifted back and forth between Xiao Jue and Qing Ran, her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

She looked at the expression on Xiao Jue's face, a mixture of tenderness, exhaustion, and deep worry that he hadn't yet managed to conceal; she looked at the girl's complete dependence on Xiao Jue, her innocent and unaware demeanor; she looked at the spoon that Xiao Jue was carefully holding up, about to feed the girl...

All of this created a scene completely beyond her comprehension.

A stranger, a girl who looked no more than a teenager, yet whose demeanor and actions were unusual. Xiao Jue. So intimate, so...protective.

Xiao Jue froze completely in that instant.

He felt as if he had been struck by an invisible lightning bolt, and all the blood in his body seemed to rush to his head, only to freeze into ice in the next second.

His mind went blank, a complete void. All the pretense, all the excuses, all the mental preparation crumbled under Sister Jin's shocked and sharp gaze. He could almost hear his heart pounding wildly, the sound making his eardrums ache.

He stood up abruptly, almost reflexively, the movement so forceful that the chair legs scraped against the floor with a screeching sound.

He subconsciously took a step to the side, trying to use his body to block Qingran behind him, as if this would hide her and erase the sudden exposure in front of him.

"Jin... Sister Jin..." he began, his voice hoarse and unnatural, filled with obvious panic and an attempt to hide his embarrassment, "You... how come you're here? What a coincidence..."

He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. His clumsy opening remarks and his futile attempts to cover up his guilt were all testament to his insecurity.

Sister Jin didn't answer. She just stood at the door, a few steps away, quietly watching him, watching his tense, almost fearful expression, as if he were trying to hide something.

Her gaze was so complex, containing concern, shock, incomprehension, and a deep, sharpness that seemed to pierce through all pretense.

Those gazes were like searchlights, illuminating him completely.

For a long time, so long that Xiao Jue felt the air around him stagnate and he could hardly breathe, he finally heard Sister Jin's voice. It was soft, yet exceptionally clear, carrying a tone he had never heard before, a mixture of disbelief and a heavy sigh:

“Xiao Jue…” Her voice paused, her gaze falling again on the girl behind him, mostly hidden by him, but still revealing a corner of her wheelchair and the top of her furry hat. Each word she asked was extremely slow, as if weighed down by a thousand pounds, “This child is…?”

“She…she is…” Xiao Jue’s throat tightened, his brain raced, but he couldn’t find a single suitable excuse to get away with it at this moment.

They say she's a relative's child? A distant cousin? Someone entrusted to her by a friend?

What excuse can explain his almost instinctive protective stance at this moment, the girl's unusual state, or his years-long concealment from everyone?

Each one of them seemed pale and laughable in the face of Sister Jin's eyes, which seemed to see through everything.

His incoherent speech, his panic, and his instinctive action of shielding Qingran all became the most conclusive "evidence".

Just as Xiao Jue was sweating profusely and didn't know what to do, a faint, indistinct groan came from behind him.

It's Qingran.

She seemed startled by the sudden silence and tense atmosphere, or perhaps she felt uneasy because she had finished the cake. She reached out her small hand and accurately grasped the hem of Xiao Jue's clothes, which was hanging at his side and trembling slightly with nervousness, and gently tugged at it.

"Mmm...hug..." She raised her head and looked at Xiao Jue, her eyes pure and innocent, filled with complete dependence and a hint of barely perceptible timidity.

Her voice was soft and sweet, but her pronunciation was not very clear, with a childlike slurred speech.

This call, like a small hammer, gently struck Xiao Jue's taut heartstrings, and also struck Sister Jin's heart.

Xiao Jue's body swayed almost imperceptibly. He turned around almost immediately, half-squatted down, faced Qing Ran, and said in a voice even softer than before, even with a hint of panic, "Baby, be good, don't be afraid, brother is here."

He reached out, not to hug her, but to gently hold her small hand that was clutching his clothes, trying to soothe her with the warmth of his palm.

But with his back to Sister Jin, he couldn't see the intense emotions that suddenly welled up in her eyes when he turned to face Qingran and showed such a natural expression of tenderness and anxiety.

That wasn't the look of an ordinary friend or distant relative. It was a look that went deep into the bone, a look mixed with pain, responsibility, and endless tenderness.

Sister Jin didn't ask any further questions.

She simply stood there quietly, her gaze shifting back and forth between Xiao Jue's tense back and the girl he was carefully protecting in front of him, her eyes filled with confusion.

The warm lights of the cake shop shone on them, creating a strange and story-filled scene—a young man, in an absolutely protective posture, guarding a girl whose mind was like that of a child.

The girl's dependence on him was clearly evident.

At this moment, many fragmented clues seemed to be connected by an invisible thread.

Xiao Jue has been unusually busy these past few years, often "working overtime," and his whereabouts are a mystery; the occasional heaviness and weariness he shows are beyond his years; his excessive protection and devotion to Qi Shuo and Qin Zhou, almost like that of an older brother or even a father; and deep in his eyes, there is that shadow that has never truly dissipated, as if he is carrying something...

So that's where the secret lies.

It turns out that he carried such a heavy burden all by himself for so long.

Silence spread among the three.

The music in the cake shop remained soft, and the laughter and chatter of the customers drifted in, as if through a thick pane of glass. In the end, it was Sister Jin who made the first move.

She said nothing, but stared deeply, deeply at Xiao Jue's back. Her eyes held a mixture of shock and understanding, heartache, worry, and a thousand unspoken words, which ultimately turned into a deep silence.

Then, very slowly, extremely slowly, she took a step back.

She didn't come in, didn't ask any more questions, and didn't even glance at Qingran a second time. She simply picked up her shopping bags, turned around, and silently pushed open the door of the cake shop and walked out.

The wind chimes on the door rang again, their tinkling sound carrying a hint of loneliness at this moment.

Xiao Jue shuddered when he heard the door open. He remained in a half-squatting position and did not turn around immediately.

He could feel the gaze, which seemed almost tangible, leave, but the heavy pressure felt as if it were etched even deeper onto his back.

He knew that Sister Jin had seen it. She had seen part of it, and perhaps guessed more. But she chose to leave, chose to remain silent.

This silence was more painful to him than any questioning or accusation. It was a silent understanding, and also a silent judgment.

Understand his difficulties, and judge his concealment.

“Brother…” Qingran seemed to sense his low spirits, and gently tugged at his finger, tilting her little face up with a hint of unease in her eyes.

Xiao Jue snapped back to reality, forcing himself to force a smile, though it was stiff and weary. He raised his hand and gently stroked Qing Ran's hair: "It's alright, Ranran, brother is alright."

He stood up and sat back down in his chair, feeling completely drained. He looked out the window; Sister Jin's figure had already merged into the crowd on the street and disappeared.

But he knew that some things were no longer the same.

The secret he had carefully guarded for so many years has cracked open. And beyond that crack lies an unpredictable storm, and perhaps... a sliver of relief that he, already weary, secretly yearns for deep down?

He looked down at Qingran's still innocent and trusting eyes as she gazed at him, and the bitter pain in his heart surged up again, almost overwhelming him.

He kept it a secret because he was afraid of upsetting her, afraid that the shadows of the past would once again devour this faint hope of life.

He bears this burden alone because he doesn't want to add to the weight of his already wounded family and friends.

But isn't concealing one's true nature another kind of heavy shackle? Watching Sister Jin's silent departure, he realized for the first time so clearly that perhaps... he had really endured for too long, and... he was too lonely.

"Want more cake?" he heard his own hoarse voice ask.

Qingran tilted her head, seemingly thinking for a moment, then gently shook her head, her small hand gripping his fingers even tighter.

Xiao Jue took her slightly cool hand in his own, holding it tightly.

Outside the window, the winter sun gradually slanted westward, turning the cake shop window a pale gold, but it couldn't dispel the growing gloom and coldness in his heart.