Chapter 131 Tears and Heartbreak

The next morning, Lin Yu escorted Jiang Chuan downstairs. The two hugged and kissed goodbye at the entrance of the building, and then bumped into Chen Guang, who was taking out the trash.

His gaze lingered for a moment on their intertwined bodies before he lowered his head and walked towards the garbage station. Lin Yu called out to him, saying to Jiang Chuan, "You go first, I'll talk to him for a bit."

Jiang Chuan nodded calmly, placed a light kiss on her forehead, and reminded her to eat breakfast. When he passed Chen Guang, he didn't even spare him a glance.

Chen Guang turned around, a half-smoked cigarette dangling from his mouth. The smoke he exhaled enveloped him like armor, blurring his expression.

He stood there, holding the trash bag, his voice a little strained. "What are you talking about?"

Lin Yu looked at him calmly, her eyes devoid of any emotion. This gaze made Chen Guang's heart sink; before he even spoke, he had already foreseen the outcome.

He felt as if he were soaking in the bitterest medicine in the world, and no matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't get ashore.

Chen Guang followed Lin Yu to the park in the center of the community. The early spring air was still a bit chilly. He took out a tissue from his pocket, wiped the dust off the bench, and then let her sit down.

Lin Yu had planned to go home after dropping Jiang Chuan off, so he was only wearing a thin nightgown under his long down jacket.

She sat side by side with Chen Guang. It was still early, and there were only a few elderly men doing their morning exercises and two young girls walking their dogs in the park.

"I've decided to stay in Shanghai," Lin Yu said bluntly. "Thank you for your previous advice."

Everyone should prioritize completing their own life's tasks. At least while she's young, she wants to hone her skills. Lin Yu spoke calmly, as if setting the tone for the conversation with an introductory statement.

Chen Guang simply nodded after hearing this. "Regarding the hair clip, I admit I did have ulterior motives." Now that things had come to this, he didn't want to add another layer of negative impression to Lin Yu's mind.

"sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

The two of them apologized solemnly for a small matter, just like elementary school students. But while elementary school students can continue to hold hands and be friends after apologizing, they could no longer return to the purest kind of relationship they had at the beginning.

"When he came to see you yesterday?" Chen Guang's throat tightened, and each word was difficult to utter. "Was he at your house?"

"Um..."

"You guys... made up?" Chen Guang stared at the Corgi frolicking in the distance. It grinned carefree, completely unlike himself. Even though it wasn't raining, he looked like a soaked stray dog, so disheveled.

Lin Yu turned to look at him, but he only gave her a desolate profile. "No one can predict what will happen in the future..." The morning light shone on his tall and straight features, making his eye sockets sink into a silent black vortex.

"But now... yes."

"Banban, I regret it so much, and I'm so sorry." Chen Guang's nasal cavity felt like it was filled with sulfuric acid, burning him so much that he closed his eyes in pain. "I never thought we would end up like this."

"I told you, I stopped blaming you a long time ago, and I still think about how good you were to me sometimes," Lin Yu said softly, but to Chen Guang, it sounded like the end-of-life care of a dying person.

"I think we truly loved each other during the best years of our lives. You are an inseparable part of my youth. Denying this relationship is also a way of denying myself."

"So, even though the ending isn't what I expected, I still want to say goodbye to you properly."

Chen Guang stared at a point in the distant void, and after a long while, he finally spoke, his voice pitifully hoarse. "Do you remember the year we graduated, we promised to go to the amusement park together?"

Lin Yu tried hard to recall, then slowly nodded.

“I originally…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I originally planned to confess my feelings to you that day.”

Fate plays tricks on people; every time he planned to confess his feelings, it always seemed to lack just the right timing, the right place, or a bit of luck.

All these coincidences are linked together like chains, forming an inevitable ending called fate.

Lin Yu sighed softly after hearing this, and the white mist gradually dissipated in the cold air.

"Have you ever been to Jinjiang Amusement Park?" she suddenly asked.

Chen Guang shook his head, his gaze somewhat blank.

"That's perfect." Lin Yu stood up and tightened the collar of his down jacket. "Come with me to take a look."

The two got off the subway at Jinjiang Park Station.

During the pandemic, there weren't many visitors in the park. After checking tickets and nucleic acid test codes at the entrance, you could see the giant Ferris wheel slowly turning inside the park from afar, which looked particularly quiet and solemn under the gray sky.

Because it was inconvenient to take off his mask, Chen Guang didn't buy popcorn or other snacks, but only bought two bottles of water from the vending machine.

Passing by a stall, he couldn't resist buying an automatic bubble machine. After paying, he turned to look at Lin Yu, his eyes crinkling. "I've always wanted to play with this, but I've never had the chance."

His smile was mostly hidden by the mask, revealing only a pair of tired yet smiling eyes. Over the years, he seemed to have tasted all the bitterness in life, and his smile was no longer what it used to be.

Lin Yu finally felt relieved, and even felt a little sorry for him. "Want to ride a roller coaster?" she suddenly suggested.

Chen Guang paused for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

So the two of them experienced their first 360-degree roller coaster ride together.

The car slowly climbed to the highest point, hovered breathlessly, then suddenly plunged vertically downwards, before rapidly rising again just before hitting the bottom.

Lin Yu screamed and released her excitement along with the crowd, but Chen Guang gripped her arm tightly, his face so pale he couldn't make a sound, his fingers almost digging into her flesh, making Lin Yu both laugh and cry.

As Chen Guang got off the bus, his legs went weak, and he almost collapsed to his knees in front of Lin Yu. Lin Yu stood there with his arms crossed, amused. "It's not a holiday, so I didn't prepare a red envelope for you."

Chen Guang waved his hand, the worry in his eyes fading slightly, replaced by a look of relief after surviving a close call. "You know, I've always been a very timid person."

Lin Yu was surprised that Chen Guang had finally stopped putting on a brave face in front of her. Perhaps he knew in his heart that after nearly ten years of knowing each other, even the most perfect pretense would eventually crumble in front of each other.

She took pity on him and stopped making things difficult for him, and besides, the weather was indeed a bit cold, so she pointed to the Ferris wheel behind her. "This... is it alright?"

The Ferris wheel at Jinjiang Amusement Park is very tall. If you go up to the top at night, you can overlook the dazzling lights of Shanghai, which is even more romantic.

But they weren't a couple, so there was no need to be so formal. Lin Yu just wanted to find a warm place to relax.

The car swayed slightly as it rose. Lin Yu looked out the window at the amusement park rides that were gradually getting smaller, and suddenly remembered that the last time he rode a Ferris wheel was in Hong Kong, with Jiang Chuan.

It's only been a little over two months, but the events that have happened feel like two years.

Time became like a highly compressed biscuit, teaching Lin Yu one unexpected lesson after another, kicking her down and then pulling her up again, limping along.

"When are you going back? Is it settled?" She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to ask.

Chen Guang sat opposite him, his gaze fixed on the gradually unfolding city skyline in the distance. "The third of next month..." He leaned back, the Ferris wheel seat creaking slightly.

"Then I'll have to hurry up and treat you to a meal." Lin Yu smiled. "That's fine, a meal is a meal whether you come or leave."

Chen Guang didn't respond. They both knew that although it was the same dinner party, their moods were completely different.

“Actually, I mentioned it to you before…” Chen Guang put his hands into his coat pockets, unconsciously tightening them where Lin Yu couldn’t see. “But I didn’t go into details.”

"My mom had stomach cancer back then, and she had half of her stomach removed."

Lin Yu lifted her eyelids in surprise and glanced at him. "Is it serious?"

She knew he was referring to the year she got married. But whatever the answer, the outcome was irreversible. She wasn't genuinely concerned; she simply couldn't think of anything else to say.

“It’s under control now.” Chen Guang shook his head, his jawline tightening. “But back then, she refused treatment and went on a hunger strike in protest.”

"So I agreed with him to have a fake marriage in private, and we agreed to get a divorce quietly after my mother's condition stabilized." The Ferris wheel rose to its highest point, and the whole of Shanghai unfolded below.

"But later, their family changed their minds." The sedan chair began to descend slowly, and Chen Guang's shadow was distorted and deformed on the glass.

The truth finally came out, but the two had already missed their chance to reconcile.

When Chen Guang recalled those two years of a broken marriage, he felt that his life was like an absurd drama that was always in rehearsal but never officially staged.

He wasted his days in such circumstances.

If she hadn't been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, even with the fact that her daughter-in-law was having an affair right in front of her, the mother probably would never have agreed to his divorce. After all, within the system, offending the boss is a fatal taboo.

He didn't mention to Lin Yu that he had been seeing a psychologist on and off for two years. It was around that time that he gradually developed a smoking habit, and the cheerful and talkative man from his student days became increasingly taciturn.

He suddenly remembered what he had once said to Jiang Chuan. He realized that he had always known in his heart that he could no longer trap her with guilt and old feelings.

"Chen Guang, perhaps it's a bit sentimental to say this..."

Six years ago, Lin Yu might not have truly understood Chen Guang's predicament.

At that time, she could only lament her tragic love that had ended, imagining the two of them as a modern-day Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, torn apart by reality. However, they didn't die for love; instead, they returned to the crucible of reality to forge themselves.

But now, having experienced the misfortunes of her maternal grandmother and aunt, she can better understand the helplessness and panic that comes with having a loved one in crisis.

To be fair, Chen Guang's choice back then was indeed the best solution at the time. She couldn't even find any fault with him, except that he shouldn't have kept it from her.

“I completely understand your decision back then. After all, I can manage without you. But your mother will always need you.” Lin Yu spoke clearly, every word sincere.

Compared to a lover, family is ultimately more important. After all, there are countless people in this world suitable to spend a lifetime with; she just happened to meet one early on. And Chen Guang must continue his search.

Chen Guang's eyes reddened, and he knelt down beside her. Before Lin Yu could react, he stretched out his arms and tightly hugged her waist, burying his face deeply into her lower abdomen.

Lin Yu felt his entire shoulder trembling helplessly, his hand, which wanted to push him away, hovered in mid-air before slowly falling back onto the chair.

He hugged her so tightly, holding her so tightly that Lin Yu could barely breathe. The force felt like he wanted to meld himself into her flesh and blood, to drill into her womb.

It was as if only in this way could she regenerate a completely new self, a self that could be loved unconditionally by her and could also give love to her without reservation.

Lin Yu's coat was open, and Chen Guang's forehead rested against her thin cardigan. The fabric gradually became damp and cold, and she wasn't sure if it was his tears; she had never seen him cry before.

Lin Yu thought that this time he might truly be heartbroken. But just like his scalp, which she had shaved bald, would sprout fine stubble every few days. So too, his heart would grow new strength after some time.

She knew that he possessed an unparalleled vitality.

Lin Yu hesitated for a moment, then her fingertips finally gently touched the back of his head.

"Chen Guang, this is good." Every word was uttered with sorrow and lamentation. "Between you and me, there should be a time when I am the one who truly leaves first."

Chen Guang finally understood that the life he longed for was nothing but a fantasy within a fantasy, a daydream within a daydream. He could not resent his ex-wife, could not blame his mother, and could not even continue to degrade himself.

He awoke from his dream, yet remained feigning sleep, unwilling to confront the devastation of life. Liking is a constraint, while love is freedom. Chen Guang thought, he finally had to let go, returning Lin Yu to herself.