Chapter 40 Where is she? Where is she? Where am I?

The next morning, Liu Xin went to work, and Yu Xue went to the gym to sign up. In the afternoon, they went home and saw a psychologist. They agreed to have therapy twice a week.

The doctor really did bring Yu Xue the chocolate bread she had described.

Yu Xue had almost forgotten about it. She took out some bread from her bag and said, "I bought some too! I bought it when I passed by a cake shop, but it wasn't chocolate. Let's swap."

The chocolate bread wasn't as sweet as Yu Xue had imagined; instead, it had a rather strong bitter taste.

She frowned slightly; it did taste sweet, but it wasn't quite what she had imagined.

Before she could even process what was happening, the doctor asked, "Last time I heard you tell a lot of funny stories from your childhood. This time I'd like to hear about the unhappy things that happened to you when you were little."

"Something that made you unhappy?" Yu Xue licked her lips and bit her tongue.

The doctor said, "Yes, I always hear you talk about how wonderful that world is. I'd like to know if you had any particularly unhappy experiences when you were a child. Logically, you probably did, but Yu Xue in that world had more troubles, while yours should have been less."

She tilted her head and stared at the flowers on the balcony for a long time, watching the breeze caress the petals and the vines sway their tails.

Her heart has wandered far away.

The doctor didn't rush her, but waited quietly. After about five or six minutes, Yu Xue finally came to her senses.

She said, "Maybe I... I'm not very vengeful, it's nothing."

The doctor said, "Think about it carefully. Even if it was something you caused yourself, like running too fast and scraping your knee, which hurt for days? Or arguing with a classmate? Arguing with your parents? Even the closest people, after twenty years together, will have some unpleasantness, right? Do you have those... those... extremely sad memories that make you sad for a long time, so sad that you hide under the covers and cry, unable to sleep for a long time?"

So many memories flooded my mind, one after another.

But these are all memories of another Yu Xue, not her own.

She shook her head. "No, my life is very happy."

The doctor stroked his chin and said, "Are there any minor issues? For example, are you worried about not getting into your desired school during the college entrance exam?"

Yu Xue pinched her arm. She would unconsciously pinch her arm whenever she searched her memories, as if that was the switch that triggered her memories.

Yu Xue pondered for a long time before stammering, "I... I can't quite tell the difference. The memories of the two worlds overlap, and I can't distinguish which one is the other Yu Xue and which one is mine. I... I remember once... it must have been my eighteenth birthday? My family had planned a camping trip, but it was canceled because of the rain, and I was really sad about it for a long time."

Doctor: "Did you not go back afterwards?"

Yu Xue: "...Actually, my family is quite busy and can only spend time with me on weekends. Later, I went to university in another city, and we stopped talking about it."

Doctor: "After you came into this world, did you ever think about going camping?"

Yu Xue didn't quite understand why he kept asking these questions. Actually, she felt that she was already much better and didn't need to see a doctor anymore. She had told Wen Feng about it yesterday, but Wen Feng was afraid that she would have a relapse, so he still persuaded her to go see a doctor.

She shook her head.

The doctor then asked, "What about Yu Xue in this world? Did she go camping? I'm curious, since you come from parallel universes, have there been times when your memories overlapped?"

Her gaze shifted to her fingers. She pinched the fingers of her other hand, feeling the real pain. "I've been there, haven't I? Mom... no, Wen Feng's mom, it's me... me... my mother-in-law. This world's Yu Xue stayed at Wen Feng's house for a while when she was little. Then Wen Feng's mom said she would take the two of them camping. It was the last week that the other Yu Xue stayed at their house... but it rained, so it was postponed. Later, the other Yu Xue went back to her own home and never had the chance again."

She held the word "mother-in-law" on her tongue for a long time, unsure whether to say it aloud. In the end, to make it easier for the doctor to understand, she did. She wasn't very willing to use the word "mother-in-law" to refer to Liu Xin. Perhaps she had spent too much time online and seen all sorts of demonized mothers-in-law, unable to distinguish between truth and falsehood. Just hearing the word made her feel more terrifying than a wolf.

It's like a woman who, once she gives birth to a boy, will one day turn into a vicious wolf.

But Liu Xin isn't like that, and many people aren't like that either. Yu Xue believes that she won't become like that in the future because she's a good person, and Wen Feng is also a good person. Wen Feng won't drive her crazy, and she won't hurt others when she goes crazy.

Her attention suddenly shifted to Liu Xin, lost in thought, and she didn't even hear the doctor's question.

She snapped out of her reverie, remembering what the doctor had just said, and quickly asked, "Doctor, what did you say? I was daydreaming."

The doctor said, "I find this amazing. I have no concept of parallel worlds; it's outside my area of ​​research. Can things in two worlds really overlap so much?"

Yu Xue saw her mother's face. Her face looked so much like Liu Xin's; when the two stood together, they almost overlapped.

When her mother saw Yu Xue leaning against the window, looking sullen, she quietly approached with Yu Xue's favorite butterfly cookies and a drink. Yu Xue snapped out of her reverie, turned around, and met her mother's gaze.

She heard her mother's gentle voice in her ear: "Xuexue, you're leaving now. How about Mom takes you camping?"

This scene had flashed through Yu Xue's mind countless times, and she felt regret every time she thought of that heavy rain.

She had always wondered why her mother said, "You're leaving." Was she leaving? Where was she going?

For a long time, she would relive this memory in bed.

Recall—Reflect—Recall—Reflect—

Finally, she remembered.

My mother said "You're leaving" because she was going to university, which should have been during the summer vacation after the college entrance examination.

But today, another memory of Yu Xue suddenly flooded into my mind.

When she turned around and saw Liu Xin's face, she blurted out, "Auntie."

Yu Xue was certain that this part was not in her original memory. She would not call her mother "Auntie". Therefore, she was sure that this was another Yu Xue's memory, because at that time, Liu Xin had not yet become another Yu Xue's mother.

Liu Xin touched her forehead and brushed away her stray hairs, saying, "Xuexue, you're leaving now. How about Mommy takes you camping?"

The impact of those words was so strong that they completely pulled Yu Xue back into her memories.

Why did Liu Xin call another Yu Xue "Mom"?

Back then, she was still an aunt.

Why?

It seems that... once, Xiao Yuxue lay in her arms, leaning against her, and said to her, "You look like my mother... not Chen Wanxi, not like my mother, but like... my mother, very much like my mother."

At that moment, Liu Xin touched Yu Xue's head and said to her, "I am your mother. You can treat me as your mother, it's okay."

Yu Xue stared at the tissue the doctor handed her for a long time. Was she crying?

She mechanically took it, dabbed it on her cheek, and felt the tissue get wet.

She suddenly broke down, covered her face, and burst into tears.

She felt a consciousness rampaging through her mind, but she dared not delve into it. It was like a giant envelope standing in the center of her mind. Her peripheral vision had swept over the envelope countless times, but she had never approached it or opened it. She always avoided it, just like avoiding the landmark building in the central square.

But the doctor opened it and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Yu Xue shook her head, "...I just miss my home in another world."

The doctor reached out his hand, then stopped in mid-air.

Yu Xue didn't understand; her mind was blank. Half a minute later, she reached out and gently touched it.

Doctor: "Do you think I'm real?"

Yu Xue: "...Yes."

The doctor asked, "Do you remember when was the last time you went to see a psychologist on your own?"

Yu Xue shook her head, "I don't quite remember."

Doctor: "It was a year ago. You went there voluntarily, without anyone forcing you. At that time, you were still relatively lucid."

Yu Xue didn't understand what he meant: "What?"

Doctor: "At least a year ago, you knew you were sick, not that you had traveled through time. You know there's a condition called 'dream hallucinations,' where the patient locks herself in a very large cage, occasionally allowing herself to come out for some fresh air. But she doesn't know how big the cage is, she doesn't know the difference between the clouds inside and outside, so she can't tell when she's outside the cage and when she's inside."

The doctor reached out again and grasped Yu Xue's palm, making physical contact with her. "There's a treatment method called 'let her hold on.'"

Looking at Yu Xue's confused eyes, he continued to explain, "See, I can catch you, and you can catch me. I am real, you are real, and the room you are in is real."

Yu Xue stared into his eyes and once again asked the question that had haunted her countless times. Her voice trembled, and her tongue seemed to be fighting itself, but she still asked, "Then, what is fake?"

The doctor released her hand, and Yu Xue watched as the hand moved further and further away from her, her vision becoming increasingly blurry, but her ears becoming increasingly clear.

The doctor's calm voice reached her ears like a thunderclap: "Things that only exist in your heart and you've never had the chance to touch are fake."

"For example?" Yu Xue blurted out.

The doctor looked at the floor and listened to her heavy breathing.

Once her emotions had calmed down a bit, the doctor sat up straight, looked into her eyes, and said, "For example, parents who are capable of loving, a school life filled with happiness, and... everything in another world."

Yu Xue felt something fall to the ground and break.

Doctor: "But the happiness you feel now is real. Everything in front of you, everything you can touch, is real."

Yu Xue closed her eyes. She couldn't feel her own body. Her soul seemed to be separated from her body. She felt like she was sitting on the edge of the balcony, feeling light and airy. Her soul was watching Yu Xue sitting in the chair, unable to stop her tears and nodding incessantly.

She didn't know whether she was watching herself or watching Yu Xue from another world.

She felt her fingers kneading her skin, and Wen Feng's face appeared before her eyes.

She reached out her hand, wanting to touch it, and touched a hand that was suspended in mid-air. Overjoyed, she cried tears of joy. When she opened her eyes, it was the doctor's hand.

Her heart suddenly tumbled.

She couldn't touch Wen Feng anymore...

Where is she now?

In which world?