Chapter 59 Loving You

◎“Chen Jingshu, I love you.” [Second Update]◎

Lin Yujing's nostrils were filled with the scent of ebony and sandalwood emanating from Chen Jingshu. However, because the temperature in the deserted area was very low at night, the scent lingering around her nose was very faint, yet it inexplicably made her feel as if her whole body was filled with this fragrance.

It felt reassuring, exciting, and like a tempting forbidden fruit from the Garden of Eden.

The light kiss landed briefly, leaving a cool sensation on her lips, and Lin Yujing's eyes were filled with moisture.

Ignoring his flirtatious words, Lin Yujing turned her head and nodded, taking the initiative to kiss Chen Jingshu's warm and soft lips.

Chen Jingshu probably didn't expect her to respond, and his eyes, which had been closed, suddenly opened.

The light, fleeting kiss she had originally planned was deepened.

Chen Jingshu raised his arm slightly and grabbed her neck, giving Lin Yujing no chance to escape.

Then his tongue seemed to have reached the end of a conquest, so much so that she could feel a faint taste of blood in her mouth.

"It hurts." Lin Yujing groaned, her arm slipping through Chen Jingshu's crook and pressing against his chest, trying to escape.

Chen Jingshu, however, licked her tongue, greedily absorbing its essence.

Only when the pain pierced his heart did he frown and loosen his grip a little.

Their lips still clung to each other's saliva, reluctant to part, entwined in a passionate embrace.

He chuckled softly, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her into his embrace, saying, "Jingjing, you were the one who bit me, where does it hurt?"

Lin Yujing playfully punched his chest, a fire burning within her, "You bit my tongue."

“We just French kissed, it was a bit intense, I definitely didn’t bite you.” Chen Jingshu smiled, watching her shy expression with great interest.

"Because...it tastes like blood."

"That's because you bit my lip and it bled."

Fearing she wouldn't believe him, Chen Jingshu pointed to the corner of his lips for her to see, "Look for yourself."

Lin Yujing's cheeks flushed even more with embarrassment. "You're so annoying!"

Just then, it was time for the shift change. Lin Yujing, afraid of being seen in such an ambiguous situation, pushed Chen Jingshu away and went into the tent.

Chen Jingshu sat in front of the campfire, not moving for a long time.

The crimson firelight reflected on his face, as if all the warmth and intimacy that had been lacking in the past had been made up for.

But he would need three times as much love and passion for each other's bodies to burn together in the future.

-

That night, Lin Yujing, unusually, didn't have that nightmare about Hoh Xil again, but instead became so engrossed in her lovemaking with Chen Jingshu that she lingered there for a long time.

It was as if all the empty souls of the past had found redemption, solace, and belonging through him.

When Qi Woxue woke her up, Lin Yujing lowered her neck and buried her face in her hair, trying desperately to hide the unusual flush on her cheeks.

Fortunately, as soon as I stepped out of the tent, the biting wind of the no-man's-land immediately dissipated even the most intense heat.

Lin Yujing kicked her arms and shivered as she stood in the wind.

"Did you sleep well last night?" It was Chen Jingshu.

Lin Yujing glared at him, wanting to say that thanks to him, she had dreamt of having a wonderful time with him almost all night.

When I first woke up, my mind was empty and my body felt weak.

"I slept very well," she replied through gritted teeth, sounding rather perfunctory.

Unexpectedly, Chen Jingshu suddenly leaned close to her ear and said in a roguish and cheeky tone, "I didn't sleep well; I dreamt about you all night."

Lin Yujing pushed him away and warned in a low voice, "There are people around, be careful."

Chen Jingshu didn't say anything more, but followed the others to collect camping equipment.

Standing on the hillside, Lin Yujing looked into the distance, and the lingering sorrow in her heart seemed to have vanished with the wind.

Those who were born with inferiority and sensitivity were also sheltered from the storms by gentleness.

-

The second day's patrol ended at noon, and the convoy finally arrived at the station before sunset.

After two days of travel, everyone was covered in dust and dirt.

At the same time, the volunteer activities in Hoh Xil officially came to an end.

That evening, the station held a bonfire farewell party for everyone.

Gongga Jiebu brought out his treasured rice wine and, once again accompanied by music, led a group of people in singing and dancing.

Since the members of the Hundred Schools Alliance will be taking an early flight back to Beijing tomorrow, Qi Woxue reminded everyone in advance that they can have fun, but should control their alcohol intake.

Lin Yujing, who was most fond of brewing rice wine, was placed under separate supervision by Qi Woxue.

Since neither of them knew how to dance Tibetan dances, they embraced each other and danced a waltz.

The girls chatted and eventually talked about relationships.

"I'm graduating this year and I'm planning to get married." Qi Woxue's sudden change of topic left Lin Yujing momentarily speechless.

After a long pause, Lin Yujing finally came to her senses. "Congratulations, Senior Sister. I just wonder, who is the groom?"

They rarely inquired about each other's love lives.

Especially since it was the thorn that had once been deeply embedded in their hearts, the one that hurt the most, and the one they loved the most.

"Besides marrying Liu Hua, I can't think of anyone else I'd be willing to submit to." Qi Woxue was also a proud girl.

The whole world said she was marrying above her station, but she stubbornly persisted and went all the way to the highest level in the scientific research community.

"Senior sister, I sincerely congratulate you. You've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and the lovers have finally become a couple." Lin Yujing offered her blessings while also expressing her envy.

She also admired Qi Woxue for having a spirit she lacked—the courage to love and hate.

Unlike her, who was insecure, sensitive, and arrogant, always saying one thing but meaning another, and constantly worrying about gains and losses.

"I just feel that after doing so much, I still can't marry Liu Hua, and I'll feel resentful." Her life, her parents, and her unborn child.

Lin Yujing smiled and nodded, then asked, "How did the Liu family agree to this?"

Daughters from families like theirs are often without parents or any family background to support them.

Dating wealthy young men might at best provide some material security. Truly achieving upward social mobility is nothing short of a pipe dream.

In those romance novels, the social classes are idealized and blurred, and the male protagonists are full of energy, willing to give up their country for the sake of a beautiful woman.

But in their brutal reality, those arrogant rich kids are even more disciplined than their fathers.

"Ever since Liu Hua and Li Qinci broke off their engagement, Mu Mao has officially been handed over to him. With Hua Ren backing him, he has truly grasped the real power in the Liu family. Only then did the marriage proceed more smoothly..." According to Qi Woxue, they are rare survivors among the young men in the Beijing circle.

But only those involved know the trials and tribulations they endured behind their good fortune.

"What a perfect ending," Lin Yujing said softly, her voice and eyes filled with envy.

Qi Woxue held her hand and spun her around. "Actually, you should also trust President Chen. I've always felt that he's braver and more daring than Liu Hua. Liu Hua never fights back unless she pushes him to the edge of a cliff."

The reason he proposed to her directly and registered their marriage was because Qi's uncle and aunt were urging Qi Woxue to get married.

Seeing that she was about to be forced into a blind date, and feeling guilty towards the Qi family for the years of disdain Qi Woxue had suffered, Liu Hua finally took that step.

"President Chen puts you first, both in his eyes and in his heart. Between you two, you should actually be the one with more courage."

Lin Yujing sighed, "But Senior Sister, A-Shu's position in the Chen family is awkward and difficult. Just because of this, I dare not let him end up like Liu Hua."

The Liu family is counting on Liu Hua, their only son. Although Old Master Chen of Huaren only recognizes Chen Jingshu as his sole heir, Chen Jinyi is still the one who can truly stand on his own within Huaren.

Chen Jingshu may not be as indecisive as Liu Hua, but he often resembles a leisurely prince.

“That’s why I want to say that a marriage can only be made possible by the efforts of two people.” Qi Woxue patted her back. “Jingjing, you should also believe in yourself more and believe that you are good. After all, you were by my side when I was at my lowest point. You always have the strength to help others out of their low points.”

Lin Yujing pursed her lips, her smile a mixture of gratitude and bitterness. "I know, but... sigh, never mind, let nature take its course."

Sometimes, the more you force something, the less satisfactory it becomes.

"Everything will be alright, nothing is impossible!" Qi Woxue said, and then her phone rang. It was Liu Hua calling her after get off work.

"Go, go!" Lin Yujing let go of Qi Woxue's hand and stood alone in front of the campfire.

The firelight illuminated her face, but it only deepened her confusion.

"Senior, why are you here all alone?" Zhang Jiale appeared as soon as Qi Woxue left.

Lin Yujing shrugged and asked in return, "Didn't you wait there for ages?"

That's why she didn't leave immediately, but waited for Zhang Jiale to come find her.

"It must have been discovered by my senior sister."

"Speak, what is it?"

Zhang Jiale scratched his head, decided to drop the pretense, and asked, "Senior sister, are you and President Chen already together?"

Lin Yujing didn't answer directly, but instead asked, "Why do you think that way?"

“I just have a feeling that you two will be together sooner or later.” Zhang Jiale said, almost looking into her eyes. “Although my senior sister has never acknowledged your relationship, I can tell that you care a lot about President Chen and have no intention of giving anyone else a chance.”

"Even when playing adult games, only Chen Jingshu has been able to obtain a player identity."

Out of the corner of Lin Yujing's eye, she saw Chen Jingshu sitting by the campfire, quietly watching them with his chin resting on his hand.

Although she wore a calm and serene smile, one could vaguely sense the man's surging jealousy and feigned magnanimity.

What an immature man, she thought to herself.

"Like right now, I'm chatting with my senior sister, but she's thinking about President Chen."

Lin Yujing nodded, sighed, and decided not to pretend with Zhang Jiale anymore. "I do care about him a lot."

This time when she returned to Hoh Xil, she felt more at ease.

A sense of relief towards the mountains, a sense of relief towards one's native land, and a sense of relief towards the injustice done to one's parents.

Since she already has a bright future ahead of her, why should she keep reopening her wounds because of the narrow-minded views of others?

Zhang Jiale looked at her and also sighed deeply, as if he had finally let go, but also as if he was still unwilling.

He said, "Senior sister, have I ever told you why I like you?"

Lin Yujing nodded.

All she remembered was that Zhang Jiale confessed his feelings openly and frankly from the very first time they met.

At the time, he hadn't even turned 18 yet, and Lin Yujing felt deeply guilty.

“One year, your art academy went to Wuyuan for sketching and stayed at the sketching base run by my grandma. There was a junior high school student sitting in the courtyard doing his homework, and you guys teased him for a long time. That kid was me.”

Lin Yujing suddenly realized that during her sophomore year, the college had organized a group trip to Wuyuan for field research.

At that time, the boss's family did have a boy with a cute, chubby appearance. Seeing him sitting in the yard doing his homework in a bad mood, everyone would tease him for fun when they were bored with drawing.

"If I had known you were a child prodigy, I would have stopped them from tutoring you."

“Senior, what I wanted to talk about wasn’t tutoring,” Zhang Jiale said. “At that time, I had already received an invitation to the gifted youth program. But I was confused about whether to follow my parents’ old path or to forge my own path.”

"It was your words that made me make a firm choice, and slowly I fell in love with my choice. You were really like a ray of light back then, but unfortunately, I can't be the light for you."

Lin Yujing had actually forgotten what she had said to him, but it certainly wasn't something she had said to harm a child.

However, this was the first time she had a concrete understanding of the title "healing type".

It turns out that even someone as gloomy as myself can be a ray of light in someone else's life, giving them the strength to overcome their low points.

"Senior, I don't plan to like you anymore." Zhang Jiale bit his lip, as if he had mustered up a lot of courage. "But don't worry, I will still treat you very, very well, just like a younger brother treats his older sister."

Lin Yujing smiled and nodded, "I'm also very happy that you think that way."

For her, her younger brother was once like a disaster.

But if Zhang Jiale were to become her younger brother, it would surely be a happy feeling.

After saying that, Zhang Jiale left with red eyes.

Lin Yujing stood still, meeting Chen Jingshu's gaze from a distance.

Suddenly, Chen Jingshu waved to her.

Lin Yujing slowly moved over and sat down next to him, then rested her head on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Chen Jingshu was still a little taken aback by her sudden intimate gesture.

"It's nothing, I just want to stay by your side."

"It's rare to see Jingjing say such sweet words."

Lin Yujing chuckled softly, "I just didn't say much."

Most of the time, she is extremely reserved in her emotions.

I'm afraid that if I express all my love, it won't be appreciated.

"Would you like to go for a walk around the neighborhood?"

Lin Yujing nodded; she also wanted some private space with Chen Jingshu.

So the two of them returned to the station's courtyard alone and stood beside Little Dawa's sheepfold.

When they were alone, Chen Jingshu held her in his arms, his gentle hands caressing her hair.

In the night in Hoh Xil, the moon is bright and clear, the starry sky is dense, and the evening breeze is also cold.

But the warmth of the embrace was scorching.

She leaned against Chen Jingshu, feeling completely at ease.

Even the wall she guarded in her heart showed signs of collapsing.

"Ah Shu." Lin Yujing choked on the air, her throat tightening. "Have I ever told you about my childhood?"

Chen Jingshu lowered his head and whispered in her ear.

The burning breath kept penetrating the walls of her heart.

"No, do you want me to know?" Chen Jingshu asked calmly.

Lin Yujing slowly pulled away from his embrace, cautiously staring into his eyes. "Do you want to know?"

Chen Jingshu's eyebrows twitched slightly. He gently tugged at a strand of her hair with his fingertips, as if using all the tenderness in his body. "I want to know anything about you. But if you don't tell me on your own initiative, I definitely won't force you to tell me."

Lin Yujing shook her head.

That past incident was indeed unpleasant, but she also wanted to let down her guard, or completely hand over her vulnerability to Chen Jingshu.

After all, telling others about your past pain is tantamount to giving them the most vicious dagger to hurt you.

"I'm willing to tell you." In fact, when Lin Yujing brought up her childhood memories, including how her biological father almost sold her to Qinghai-Tibet, she was reluctant to talk about them again.

This is the second time she has fabricated and embellished it.

Even after learning about her situation, Chen Jingshu still teared up along with her.

Because the heartache stems from the instinct of love.

Chen Jingshu wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, but Lin Yujing seemed to have reached another emotional breakdown. She choked and asked, "A-Shu, you know all this, do you still think I deserve your love?"

How can a girl who doesn't even love her parents expect others to love her wholeheartedly without any reason?

Seeing her sobbing uncontrollably, Chen Jingshu only hugged her tighter, as if he wanted to carve her into his very bones and make her his second rib.

“Jingjing, you deserve anyone. Because what you said is nothing at all. It’s just that people are much more sensitive to pain than to happiness, which is why you find it hard to let go.” But for Chen Jingshu, who loved her deeply, there was nothing but heartache.

"I've wanted to say this more than once: you are truly wonderful. So wonderful that I can't even imagine how I would live the rest of my life if I lost you."

Lin Yujing could no longer utter a single word. She pressed her hand against Chen Jingshu's heart, repeatedly murmuring his name, "A-Shu...A-Shu..."

"Jingjing, do you know?"

"In my eyes, you've always been a strong, unpretentious girl. You have your own ambitions and plans, and you always win easily and beautifully. You're so strong that it makes me both angry and heartbroken."

At that moment, he held her in his arms, feeling her trembling as she cried.

The frail yet stubborn girl finally, finally, agreed to cry in front of him.

“Jingjing, do you know that your tears are the best weapon against me? As long as you cry, I will definitely bow down and surrender. But you don’t like to cry. The few times you cried in front of me before were the way you wanted me to see.”

"But today, I finally felt your most genuine and vulnerable side." It was about letting down all her defenses and laying bare her heart for him to see.

Those naked, ugly scars.

“Before, when you were beside me, I held you in my arms. But there was always a hazy feeling, like I couldn’t see clearly or grasp you.” Chen Jingshu’s sigh was filled with the most humble love. “Jingjing, from now on, you can rely on me without any defenses, and let me take care of you, okay?”

Lin Yujing's eyes welled up with tears, and she gripped his clothes tightly, just as he had said.

She stayed by his side without any defenses, letting him shield her from the wind and rain.

After all, those who love her will cherish even her tears.

"Ah Shu, how were you during those years we were apart?" Her beloved!

She had never dared to inquire about the past, but today she finally wanted to find out the truth.

Chen Jingshu's nose also stung with tears, and the heartache in his heart was reflected in his tightly furrowed brows. He paused several times, his Adam's apple bobbing back and forth, before finally organizing his thoughts and replying, "If I said something wrong, what would you do?"

Lin Yujing sniffed, reached out and touched his cheek, a tear sliding down her cheek, and slowly said, "A-Shu, I will make it up to you, I will love you."

Upon hearing those three words, Chen Jingshu was stunned again, his body trembling. He whispered in disbelief, "My stubborn little girl has finally said she loves me?"

"I've figured it out today." Lin Yujing nodded, tiptoed, and placed a wet, salty kiss on his lips. "I shouldn't let the only person in this world who loves me not receive my love."

Chen Jingshu choked back tears as he cupped her cheeks in his hands. The tears that fell on him felt like molten lava burning him, yet he still refused to let go of her tightly embracing hands.

As if afraid that the frail person would vanish in the wind at any moment, she only dared to ask cautiously, "Could you say it again?"

Lin Yujing raised her arms and wrapped them tightly around his neck, saying to him again and again in the most affectionate voice, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Chen Jingshu, I love you."

A note from the author:

good evening!