Green Grape Jasmine

The thug-looking man in a suit was so dazed that she almost couldn't recognize him.

The young man, who was once bold and unrestrained, was in the prime of his life. He was ignorant of the immensity of the world and vowed to save the world and become a doctor without borders.

At that time, she was hopelessly determined to become a war correspondent.

But what about now?

It seems like they can't find their former selves anymore.

They have all lost their original selves.

The long-awaited growing up did not come as promised.

Instead, they have become each other's most disdainful mirror images.

The rain in the south is endless. The rain is an inverted sky, reflecting Shang Yu's distraught silhouette.

"I remember, I remember..."

How could I not remember?

In the small world of eighteen years old, he has a heart longing to make a living.

He vowed that his future would be a white-coat warrior without borders.

But the rainy season at the age of eighteen did not stop. His dream was so wet that it sprouted and lingered in the haze of reality.

"Look, little uncle. Dreams are outdated."

"We can't go back."

"Time moves forward, and we should all look forward."

Butterflies fluttered in her heart.

In this rotten world, so many people are alive, just half zombies.

Bai Luo is, Shang Yu is, and Bo Xi is.

How can I escape from this suffocating and rotten world?

Welcome the sunny spring that belongs only to you.

"Can't you really forgive me just once?"

The wind howled wildly, scattering Shang Yu's choked voice of pleas.

Bai Luo's ears were filled with the summer dampness, even the sound of the wind was blurred.

Her silence was more hurtful than harsh rebukes, like a death sentence for the past.

There are countless outcomes of love in the world, but the most heartbreaking is unrequited love.

"Okay, I know the answer."

Shang Yu couldn't hold back a tear. He had finally lost his Zhao Zhao.

Five years is long enough to forget, but not long enough to let go.

Love is damp that cannot be blamed.

She became the gap that could never be filled in his life.

*

The whole world felt like it was being lashed by cold rain. The oxygen was gone.

On the fourth-floor open-air balcony of the Millennium Building, a pair of downcast puppy dog ​​eyes, beneath a vintage baseball cap, exude a chilling look.

Everything is soaked tonight, and the pain is scorching.

Damn, this is the first time I have such a difficult decision.

Choose between love and career.

If his career choice had nothing to do with the police badge, love and career might not have to be contradictory.

But the obsession in his heart eventually led him to the path of undercover work.

A dangerous road.

He rolled his Adam's apple in frustration, took a small cigarette, and bit his lips lazily.

The scene of the black business car disappearing from sight was so dazzling.

I don’t know what the two of them were talking about for so long in front of the car.

It's so fucking annoying.

Pretending to be indifferent, he was completely defeated by jealousy.

On a humid summer night, cigarette butts fell to the ground one by one. Long embers piled up in layers. A faint, bitter smell of burning.

In a trance, I didn’t even know what day it was.

Time flies by so fast,

As fast as the wind that cannot be caught.

He and Bai Luo had been living together for nearly seven months. The water stains on the clothesline dried and then got wet again, and the dust on the stairs gathered and then fell.

In the blink of an eye, they were about to separate.

But he wanted her to be in his future.

The wind whistled softly. A dark shadow fell before Bo Xi's eyes, and broken cigarette butts lay piled at his feet.

Sparks flickered between his finger bones, and the scarlet cigarette butt reflected his dejected profile.

It is a noisy world, but I can only hear the echo of my own heartbeat.

Recalling the unforgettable spring night of 2008.

＿＿

A man with a face full of flesh, with tattoos extending from his neck to his arms, glowing dark blue in the moonlight.

With a rag soaked in □□ in her hand, she covered his mouth and nose tightly.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a dark and eerie basement.

The dark Golden Triangle rarely sees the sun.

He couldn't get out of the haze in his heart.

Every drop of blood in my body remembers the temperature of that night.

——Cold, with the metallic smell of a gun muzzle.

＿＿

The world has turned cold and black, and the cold wind cannot blow away the indifference of the world.

The lights on a summer night are on but seem to be off.

He has thought it through.

He wants both love and career.

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?

He chose to go against the current and keep a firm grip on both.

Unlock your phone and send a message.

[I participate.]

In the city under the night rain, the monotonous loneliness repeats itself.

The bitter summer is like reincarnation, an endless calamity to overcome.

Bai Luo was his calamity. He was the one who broke through the predicament in his life.

Reincarnation is hard to end.

*

The bitter summer repeats itself year after year.

Bai Luo hates summer because his father died in the summer.

＿＿

The memories of the bitter summers of childhood are frozen in the old house without air conditioning.

At night, the room was like a big steamer, so hot that people tossed and turned. Grandma took a palm-leaf fan and fanned it rhythmically.

The gentle breeze carried the warmth from grandma's hands, but it could only dispel a little of the heat.

She lay on the mat. The coolness of the bamboo strips had long been eroded by her body temperature, and as she tossed and turned, she only felt the warmth.

Mosquitoes buzzed around my ears, waiting for an opportunity to bite me. Red, swollen, and itchy marks appeared on my skin. The scratching with my fingertips intensified the itchiness and crushed my sleepiness.

The long summer nights are like an endless nightmare and a torment without end.

The bitter summer comes again and again, and the astringency comes year after year.

＿＿

Today is her father's death anniversary. She holds in her arms a bouquet of her father's favorite white camellias, with morning dew on the petals.

Fifteen years ago, my father worked as an undercover policeman deep into a drug trafficking group, codenamed "Dawn".

Everything was apparently going in the right direction, but one day her father's old partner told her in a serious tone that there was no news from her father.

Then, fate struck. At only eleven years old, she was dragged into the cage of drug dealers.

The rainstorms of 2008 never stopped, and she couldn’t get out of the memory of her eleven-year-old self.

There is only a crazy obsession.

The air is filled with the solemnity of burning incense, sad but not sorrowful, quiet but not lonely.

Bai Luo squatted down, wiped the tombstone, and stroked his fingertips over the 38-year-old face in the photo that was forever frozen.

I caught a glimpse of a new line of small words carved on the corner of the stele.

"Mission codenamed 'Dawn Break' has been completed. Rest in peace."

The handwriting was unfamiliar, but it made one's heart tremble.

It was the code name for my father's last action before his death, and he never revealed the details.

Just as I was lost in thought, a deep male voice came from behind me.

"Zhao Zhao?"

Turning around, I saw a middle-aged man with graying temples, and his shoulder badge indicated that he was a drug enforcement officer.

"It's me. Don't you remember your Uncle Chen?"

He handed over a yellowed file.

"We found this when we busted that drug gang last year. Your father infiltrated their inner circle for five years to obtain evidence... This is supposed to be a confidential file, but I thought you should take a look."

A warm breeze blew. Bai Luo flipped through the file. The photo showed his father disguised as a dock worker, but the look in his eyes was exactly the same as in his memory.

A copy of a diary page came into view. It was written a week before my father's death.

"Zhao Zhao, if I can't come back, don't hate me. But you have to remember that there is always someone who will be the light in the darkness. I'm leaving, and you light the rest of the way for me."

Death and spring are together, but spring will win in the end.

Because it carries all the unfinished love, all the unspoken words, and the endless hope.

dad.

I will.

She will definitely become an excellent war correspondent and, like her father, illuminate the darkness of the world.

As he left the cemetery, Bai Luo looked at the light shining through the cracks in the clouds in the sky. His father's shadow seemed to overlap with the morning light.

Life is like weeds, death is like drizzle, death and rebirth always coexist in the same spring day.

*

Half of the summer is dead.

Bai Luo returned to Hangzhou and Hong Kong at the tail end of the holiday.

It has been a long time since I took bus No. 33. The retro bus was driving on the deserted avenue. The green shadow was receding, so fast that I couldn't catch it. Time took away a touch of green.

Chang Liu’s WeChat message flashed by.

[Let’s meet tomorrow and give me your answer.]

The cicadas were chirping at the top of their lungs. The shadows of the cars grew longer and longer.

When she returned to Nanhuai during the summer vacation, she deliberately avoided him.

It's not that I'm resisting his affection, it's just that I can't bear the weight of leaving with him.

Hangzhou and Hong Kong, a city that we cannot live without but cannot let go of.

[good. ]

Sooner or later I have to make things clear with him.

The wind outside the window suddenly had the smell of autumn.

At the age of twenty-one, to which city will the ocean currents and monsoons blow their twenty-one years old?

A face with a murderous look suddenly flashed through my mind.

Thin.

Since she returned to Nanhuai, the two of them have been like two chess pieces repelled by magnetic poles, each sinking into the chess game of fate.

It seemed as if they had disappeared from each other's world.

Disappear without a trace.

[Are you at home?]

I always feel that if I go back in a hurry, there will be some unfounded suspicion.

People often say that when you really like someone, you can't help but send them messages.

For two long months, she seemed to have restrained herself from contacting him.

It's not that I'm heartless, but I'm afraid that if I let it go, the feelings will deepen and I'll be even more reluctant to part when the time comes.

Waking up in time is the greatest mercy in the emotional world.

[Not here.]

That night, after Bo Yi agreed to join Uncle Chen's dark night operation, he disappeared without a trace the next day.

He couldn't find his inseparable friends, and was extremely anxious, almost wanting to call the police.

The only person who knew the truth was Shen Cisi, who wrote a few words with great secrecy, lightly covering the curtain of the truth.

Recalling Bo Xi's professional background in drug control, everyone more or less guessed at the danger.

Being an undercover police officer is a very dangerous profession, and it has always been a thorny road that no one dares to touch lightly.

They don't understand, but they respect.

Bo Xi sneaked into the dark night operation, and the members of the original team were worried. For a senior student who was not well-versed in the world, sneaking into the lair of drug lords was like a sheep entering a wolf's den.

No one could guess why Uncle Chen asked him to participate in the operation until Uncle Chen revealed with a serious face that Bo Xi was a pearl from a wealthy family who had accidentally entered the cage ten years ago.

The news was shocking and caused an uproar among the crowd.

The core mission of Operation Dark Night is to uncover the drug traffickers' operational structure and trading network within two months.

The boy underwent special training, but he was still young and inexperienced. Furthermore, Uncle Chen had to balance his status as a returning student, so he only assigned him to behind-the-scenes intelligence gathering.

Codenamed "Shadow", he is a secret operator in the dark and a silent hunter.

The sun does not set over the Hengduan Mountains.

The sinful Southeast Asia rarely sees the light of day.

The road ahead is full of dangers and life and death are uncertain.

But he is fearless.

When he was hiding during the day and moving at night, Bai Luo's beautiful figure often appeared in his mind.

Tsk.

He didn't initiate contact, and she never said a word unless she had something to ask.

He hadn't seen her for two months and he missed her so much that he almost went crazy.

I returned to Hangzhou on the last day of the holiday and encountered extreme weather.

The old town. The damp, musty smell. The stench of stale decay. The dusty, rusty smell. The astringent taste of moss. The fishy smell of the sewers.

Everyone has tasted the bitterness of summer.

When I returned to the rental house, water was leaking drips from the cracks in the ceiling.

The cold rain pierced into my eyes, and in a trance, I saw Bai Luo's profile in front of the floor-to-ceiling window.

I really want to see her right now.

The rental house was dark and gloomy, and the WeChat notification sound, which had not been heard for two months, was muffled in the ears.

The girl finally passed on a piece of information, but he, who was clearly surrounded by four walls, replied with a sarcastic remark.

I wanted to see what she was going to do, but there was no response.

He stared coldly at the silent chat page until a muffled thunder rolled by, and then he slowly lost his mind.

Yes, torture him again.

The circuits in the rental house in the old city frequently broke, and power outages were commonplace. Fortunately, there was no water outage.

The air is sticky on rainy days and it’s uncomfortable if you don’t take a shower.

The cold white light of the flashlight fell on the dark world, as if a ray of sunlight had leaked through the deep cold sea water.

He didn't take his pajamas, only a bath towel. The showerhead was rust-green, and the faucet sprayed a thin stream of water.

Outside the window, the rain was pouring down. The cool water droplets rolled down my skin, snaking down my spine like a snake, yet not quite like one.

As he rubbed his chest, his bony, slender hands touched the tattoo, and each inch of it grew hotter in the cold water.

It is the trace left by his reckless youth.

＿＿

The damp, cold acid is the barb of the night returning to adolescence.

At the age of eighteen, the boy always felt that he was invincible, as if everything in the world should bow down to him.

A tattoo is a long-planned obsession, while a pattern is a spur-of-the-moment concrete form.

At that time, he learned that his parents had divorced long ago, and the truth that had been hidden for many years was like a bucket of ice water poured over his head.

He found it hard to accept and fell into a state of depravity. He smoked, drank, dyed his hair, got his ears pierced, got tattoos, and rebelled in every way. He didn't go home for a week straight.

He squatted dejectedly at the corner of a dark street, looking as miserable as a stray dog.

No one cares, no one pays attention.

In his eyes, the world is nothing but an absurd play.

But he disdained to take part in the performance.

He just randomly found a tattoo parlor where there were many tattoo artists, both men and women.

The female tattoo artist saw that he was full of hostility and took the initiative to move closer to ask.

"What pattern do you want?"

He glanced sideways and sneered.

"casual."

The female tattoo artist was not annoyed. She handed over the design draft, ran her fingertips over a few patterns, and her voice was tentatively gentle.

"Perhaps, this one will suit your temperament."

He was about to turn and leave, but paused when he caught a glimpse of the pattern.

It is a rose surrounded by thorns. The thorns are sharp, but the flower blooms unruly.

The small characters on the side are eye-catching.

"Tenderness with thorns, bowing down only for one person."

He recalled the girl who did not go to evening self-study on the rooftop of the teaching building, avoided the security guard, and smoked secretly.

She is always alone, like a rose blooming alone, unafraid of noise and disdainful of flattery.

He is a "problem student" in the eyes of his teacher, and there is a distance between them like the galaxy.

I once hid under the eaves during a rainstorm and saw her hurriedly passing by with an umbrella. The water droplets splashing from the hem of her skirt looked like broken diamonds.

But he never got close to women. Even when his brothers teased him about his "ice-face, cold-blooded and heartless", he just sneered and didn't even bother to lift his eyelids.

The female tattoo artist noticed the change in his expression and asked softly.

"This pattern has thorns and flowers. Is there someone in your heart that you want to protect but are afraid of hurting?"

Is there such a person?

He didn't know. He really didn't know.

At the age of eighteen, he was too arrogant, not knowing his place in the world and thinking that love in the world was just a mundane matter.

The sky outside the tattoo parlor was bright. For some reason, I changed my mind.

He doesn't want thorns and roses. He only wants her.

"Are you sure you want to get a tattoo here? The heart is in a sensitive area, and the pain is no joke."

The male tattoo artist asked a routine question.

"The name is tattooed below the English one."

The tone was like an order, leaving no room for doubt.

The penetration was deep, and Bo Xi gritted his teeth to endure it, but the gasps in his throat revealed the pain.

It's as if he is enduring a silent pain for someone.

After the tattoo was completed, the letters "BL" were dark under the skin.

At that time, he just thought that he was young and frivolous.

＿＿

Youth is a chaotic time that can never be returned to, but the memories will always shine.

The wind stole away all the possibilities of meeting in youth, but returned a grand reunion many years later.

There are so many missed opportunities in life, fortunately, he didn't miss her.