Snow Rose

The hands of the kitchen wall clock pointed to two o'clock in the morning, and Bai Luo sent away another two dozen Coronas.

At this moment, the bar is like an overloaded night ship, and every inch of the air is soaked in drunkenness.

With a dizzy head, he staggered through the flickering corridor towards the locker room.

The next second, my vision was spinning and my stomach was churning.

She staggered a few steps, trying her best to hold on to the wall, her fingertips digging deeply into the mottled lime wall.

She closed her eyes and concentrated, her breath filled with the turbid smell of beer foam and cheap perfume, but she stubbornly maintained the last bit of clarity.

"What's going on?"

A clear male voice came from behind.

The dark night of midwinter was filled with cold vapor. Bai Luo looked back dazedly.

The lights outside the window flickered dimly, and the halo was mostly swallowed up by the water vapor, but it did not hesitate to cling to the face of the person coming against the light.

Within the field of vision, the boy's bold outline became clearer and clearer.

He stared blankly with a frown for a few seconds, and the chaotic dizziness subsided a little.

"Any candy?"

With every breath, transparent mist overflows from between the lips and teeth.

A familiar look flashed across Bo's eyes. He took out a lollipop from his pocket, tore open the candy wrapper and put it between her lips.

The refreshing sweetness melts on the tip of the tongue, and the warm current of rising blood sugar flows through every part of the body, gradually smoothing out the previous weakness.

"Do you need me to help you to the lounge?"

Bo Yi's shadow covered her figure, and his hoarse voice was mixed with the aftertaste of nicotine, but the volume was very low.

As the night fell, light snow fell silently in Hangzhou Port. A cold wind blew over, and Bai Luo shivered unexpectedly.

"No, my boyfriend doesn't like others touching me. He will be unhappy."

He is her boss, Bo Yan (yán), and Bo Yan (diàn)'s brother, and they have a bad relationship.

She didn't want Diàn to be unhappy.

Afraid that he would kick him out of the rental house.

Always maintain your sense of proportion.

So I can only tell a little lie.

The corners of his thin lips were pursed into a cold arc, and his drooping silver hair half-hid the darkness in his eyes.

Tsk.

The girl actually admitted that she already had a boyfriend.

Wouldn't her boyfriend be jealous if he stayed in the same room with her?

Is this a recent relationship, or has it existed for a long time?

No wonder he hadn't replied in nearly a week, she hadn't said a word.

Maybe she didn't want him to go back.

The night was dark, and the sky was a cold gray.

"Then take a moment and leave work."

"Okay, thank you."

When the locker room door opened, Bai Luo changed back into his down jacket. His fingertips trembled as he untied his ice-blue hair, which had been tied up all day.

The girl in the mirror had an oval face that looked sickly pale and cold.

The soul is withdrawn for a moment.

2008, Hospital IMCU, glass window, Zhao Zhao.

2018, bar dressing room, glass mirror, Bai Luo.

Same person, same body, same soul.

Zhao Zhao withered by the glass window, and Bai Luo faded in the glass mirror.

Different names are just bandages of time, bandaging wounds that are always bleeding.

For ten years, I have been living like a walking corpse.

He signed his name in the Book of Life and Death for the last time as Zhao Zhao, but he had already disappeared from the world.

Only Bai Luo was left in the noisy bar, disguising himself as strong with indifference.

When the locker room door closed, the cold wind from the corridor rushed into her collar and blew up her flying long hair.

Bai Luo dragged his feet out of the bar, and the slender figure in the mirror behind him gradually blurred into a snowy mist.

The street lights cast a dim light on the street corner, just like the eternal lights in the hospital corridor in 2008.

But at this moment, she was no longer a child being pushed towards death, but a little adult who took the initiative to walk towards the boiling water.

The moment the bar door closed, the hoarse voice of the resident singer invaded the ears from the darkness.

"I Saw"

“The sunset changes every day.”

Every line of the lyrics is a silent dialogue between her and Zhao Zhao, separated by a glass that has been there for ten years.

Later, she saw countless dazzling sunsets in the world and walked along the long and winding avenue of sunset.

The butterfly will eventually spread its wings and fly over thousands of mountain peaks.

*

The street lights cast a cold light overhead, and people were in a trance under the halo.

Bai Luo's cold eyes were fixed on the noble man in the car.

Five years, more than 1,800 days and nights piled up.

Three years were her every minute competing with the world.

For two years, she was torn between day and night and despair.

The time is too long and it is too unfamiliar.

In the first year, remember the eyebrows and eyes.

The next year, I forgot the smile on my lips.

In the third year, the sound became blurred.

In the fourth year, even the breath faded.

In the fifth year, all that remained was the blank of 'he once existed'.

But it was too short, so short that he never came back to see her once.

Countless times she stood in front of the window, watching the spring go and autumn come, and the clouds roll and unfold.

The cherry blossoms bloom and fade in spring, and the ginkgo leaves fall and accumulate in autumn nights.

Five years, every step leaves a mark.

But at this moment, in the middle of winter in Hangzhou and Hong Kong, at midnight when snow was falling, his figure was completely imprinted on her retina, for her to carefully observe, examine, and copy.

Time passes one year further, and one year brings maturity.

The man's brows showed the marks of enduring hardships, but there was a warm smile at the corners of his lips.

"haven't seen you for a long time."

"Shang Yu (yù)."

A person should live up to his name, be noble, elegant and polite.

But is he?

She originally thought that the reunion would not be as empty and formal as the superficial formalities in the world, but would be as distant as strangers meeting on the road, with only a general "long time no see" to say.

After all, I underestimated the destructive power of time. Memories are like sand, and they are gone in five years.

Only the sound of falling snow weaves a thin net, separating all the past that is unspeakable, and also separating the warmth of the breath at this moment.

The man in the car gathered the cold color between her eyebrows and eyelashes, the light lines between her lips, inch by inch, and imitated the tone of her voice section by section.

"haven't seen you for a long time."

"Zhao Zhao."

A long-lost voice.

A long-lost name.

They haven't seen each other for a long time.

Bai Luo's eyelashes trembled, and tears welled up in his eyes, but he bit his lips stubbornly to prevent the tears from falling into the night.

He raised his hand to stroke the hair on her temples, but his fingertips froze in mid-air.

It's so unfamiliar.

Everything.

Hazy and untouchable.

The snow gradually piled up, covering the past layer by layer, leaving only a white ground, reflecting the clear night.

"These years..."

Shang Yu's question got stuck in his throat, the latter half of it choked by the wind and snow.

The wind and snow blew into his eyes, turning into a sour and wet feeling.

On countless cold nights, he would always hear echoes of the past while tossing and turning, thinking of her lonely figure walking away, thinking of...

Bai Luo lowered his wet eyelashes and spoke in a very soft voice.

"fine."

Three words sum up all the struggles and failures.

Not a word about the endless abuse and slander, not a word about the torture and despair of illness.

A person chews all the pain carefully and swallows it into the wind and snow.

The wind was still howling, and the snow was falling intermittently.

Shang Yu's Adam's apple rolled, and a ball of bloody snow was stuffy in his chest. The question of "Can you blame me?" was drowned out by the biting wind and snow.

The snow made her butterfly bones look thin, as thin as a dry butterfly wing that could be blown away by the wind at any time.

A transparent wall had been built between them at some point, colder than winter and silenter than the wind and snow.

There was a glimmer of snow in Bai Luo's eyes, so bright it was frightening, but a backlit smile bloomed at the corner of his lips, cruel and beautiful.

"Uncle."

"It's too late."

It's really too late.

She no longer needs him...

He has become a blurred frame in her photo album, even his outline is so faint that it is untouchable.

The wind, carrying snow particles, blew against Bai Luo's face. She turned around without hesitation and looked at the dim lights in the sky.

Shang Yu suddenly realized that the girl was incredibly thin. If the wind and snow were any stronger, they would turn her into snow foam that would silently spread across the sky.

They eventually became two lonely tracks in the snow, one heading north and the other south.

A butterfly will not be trapped in the deep sea forever. It will eventually cross the dark waters and fly into the sunny sky.

*

“Click!”

The friction sound of the grinding wheel was swallowed by the wind, but a cluster of blue flames stubbornly burst out.

The man, soaked in snow, staggered forward, tears falling one by one, biting on the flaming cigarette, and drifting aimlessly.

It’s so cold.

Before I knew it, I arrived at the street corner where the lights were always on.

He leaned dejectedly against the lamppost, his head drooping limply.

Ashes piled up layer upon layer. A faint bitter smell of burnt flesh slowly drifted towards the cold white bones of the fingers.

I can't tell whether it's my heart that's hurting or my flesh and blood.

“Snap!”

The half-smoked cigarette fell to the ground in a panic.

A sharp and piercing whistle pierced through the cold silence and hit the eardrums.

The light from the fog lamps cut madly in the cold night, and Bai Luo was forced to squint his eyes and raised his head irritably.

Amidst the reflection of her tears, a black sports car quietly parked in front of her.

The passenger window slowly lowered, revealing a half-familiar, cold face, even colder than hers.

In an instant, the tear glands burst and hot tears fell into the wind and snow.

He knocked his head heavily against the cold pillar and laughed in an ambiguous manner.

Every time I am trapped at the end of the long night.

Why is it always you who holds the lantern to pull me ashore?

The darkness, snow and fog conspired to eliminate all colors, leaving only bone-chilling cold.

The silence is like the moment before an avalanche.

Bo Xi opened the car door without any temper, got out and stepped into the snow.

After parting in the bar lounge, he returned to the second-floor box and washed away the hypocritical night color in his hair with warm water.

The black color from the chemical coating faded, and its silver-gray origin emerged from the water vapor.

After learning that she was already taken, he gave up the idea of ​​returning to the rental house.

Maintaining a sense of propriety and not destroying other people's feelings is his most basic bottom line.

After driving out of the sports car from the parking lot, Ben wanted to go to the supermarket to buy some food for the girl.

The moment the car lights cut through the twilight and turned the corner, a familiar figure suddenly came into view.

A person wearing a white down jacket stood quietly in front of a black business car.

A bony hand reached out from the car, its fingertips hovering half an inch above the top of her head, seemingly caressing but not quite.

He suddenly became interested.

He lowered the car window halfway, took the cigarette box from the passenger seat, lowered his head, and lit a cigarette.

The misty smoke blurred the jawline.

The falling snow obscured the dark skyline, but he could clearly see the girl shed a real tear.

I feel irritated for no reason.

What a little crybaby.

Leng Jin stuck his fingers out of the car window and tapped off the cigarette ash.

In a moment, Bai Luo's figure disappeared in the vastness.

He hastily put out the cigarette, turned the steering wheel sharply, and headed towards another long street.

The number of the commercial vehicle with the snow-covered license plate was inexplicably engraved in my eyes.

Driving is always faster than walking.

After walking around the long street several times, I finally caught a glimpse of a familiar silhouette under the street lights at the intersection where lights and shadows overlapped.

As I slowed down and approached, I suddenly saw the girl slowly directing the long cigarette ash towards her knuckles.

I cursed in my heart.

The girl is crazier than him.

Without hesitation, he honked the horn and turned on the fog lights.

When the car parked, she lowered the passenger window and looked at the person who did the stupid thing through the flying snow, and her tears fell even harder.

The fire in his heart was instantly extinguished from head to toe, and replaced by heartache.

I feel sorry for her crying for a man.

Mountains and seas can be filled, so why bother to break your heart for one person?

Bo Xi said nothing, leaned closer, and wiped away the tears on her face bit by bit by bending his joints.

A feeling of heat and tingling.

Bai Luo fluttered his eyelashes.

The mind is clear and the eyes are bright.

Are they so familiar?

She never resisted the warmth of his palm.

He never hated the saltiness of her cheek.

"you……"

The lips trembled as he hesitated to speak.

Bo Yi retracted the touch that had crossed the line.

"Bai Luo."

“Do you know that the prerequisite for loving others is to learn to truly love yourself first?”

"Don't cry for a man. Break up with him if he makes you unhappy."

On a snowy day, his eyes seemed to be tempered by the cold mist of the night.

Can't guess, can't see through, can't understand.

?

Bai Luo's brain was confused.

"What breakup?"

The tear marks are indeed for men.

One is Shang Yu.

The old family affections have faded away, and every memory makes my eyes sore.

The decisiveness of the end to the relationship was so heartbreaking that she could hardly contain herself.

One is Bo Yi.

A stranger who protects me repeatedly.

His kindness was like a charcoal fire in the snow, burning her to tears.

Bo Xi was tall and slender, and he deliberately leaned towards her, using his broad back to block the raging snow waves for her.

"I just saw it."

The voice was hoarse, but every word cut into people's hearts.

"So, Bai Luo, live for yourself and don't stop for anyone else."

?

At this moment, Bai Luo's nerves were dislocated, and gray and white noise were jumping disorderly in his brain.

Like an old, dilapidated TV that has fallen into disrepair, it cannot keep up with the train of the times.

But she couldn't keep up with the logical thinking of the person in front of her.

"Thank you."

Bai Luo's mind was in turmoil, but she finally uttered only three words. These were her most sincere and honest confession after she had cleared away the thick fog.

Thank him for helping her when she was on the road to decline.

Therefore, she also hopes that he can live freely and do whatever he wants.

"Tsk, little crybaby, if you really want to thank me, stop crying."

"It's normal for couples to quarrel. If you communicate with him properly, there will be no problem that cannot be solved."

Bo Xi suddenly felt like he had become a bodhisattva chanting sutras in a temple, and even had to guide people in love.

"I'll take you back first, don't catch a cold."

The red, frozen fingers felt a moment of warmth.

Someone hooked his little finger.

I felt the coolness of the pinky ring.

"With whom?"

She would cry less, but with whom could she communicate properly?

Little uncle?

The two people's breath was intertwined, and Bo Xi quietly tightened that warmth.

Under the dim light, the shadows of the two people's intertwined little fingers were clearly reflected on the snow.

It looks like two rusty bronze locks, with the teeth interlocking and the veins difficult to distinguish.

"You're not with your boyfriend..."

Before Bo Xi could finish his words, Bai Luo interrupted him with a whisper.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

Did he believe the rumors in school?

That's right, she has always had a bad reputation and has always kept silent, so it's understandable that people mistakenly believe that her private life is chaotic and she has a boyfriend.

"I'm so sleepy, let's go home."

She didn't give him a chance to speak, untied their intertwined knuckles, and opened the car door.

The sports car headed south along the long street lined with lanterns between the trees.