Chapter 19

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There will be a midterm exam after the weather gets warmer.

I remember that after the exam, for some reason, Brother Liu suddenly started to talk to me less and less.

That is, he rarely talks to me, and when I go to the back row to find him, he usually avoids me, goes to the bathroom, or talks to other classmates.

I was completely hit hard and was completely confused.

Because before this, we had always had a very good relationship. Although he was always cold towards others, he was still very enthusiastic towards me. Of course, I found it difficult to accept his sudden change.

At first I thought I was overthinking it, but after a few days of this, I couldn't help it and asked Xiao Ma to pass him a note: [What's wrong with you? Are you unhappy?]

He: [No, I’m not unhappy.]

Me: [Then why do you suddenly talk to me less and less? You don’t even pay attention to me when I try to contact you? ]

He: [No... I'm just a little tired.]

Me: [Why are you tired? What happened? Is there anything I can help you with?]

Him: [No, nothing happened, it’s not your problem.]

Me: [But it keeps going on like this. I feel really unhappy and can’t sleep when I get home at night.]

He: [I’m sorry, I don’t understand why this happened. Maybe it will get better after a while. Give me some time.]

Me: [Okay.]

Although I was still very sad, I also knew that I couldn't push or force him under the circumstances at that time. He was a very introverted person at that time, and liked to keep everything to himself (unlike now when he is willing to tell me everything). Moreover, he was a rather cold person. If he closed his heart, it would be really difficult to get close to him.

This went on for another week, and he still maintained this attitude.

I couldn't help it any longer, so one night when my parents were not around, I secretly went online and poke fun at him on QQ.

Me: [Do you not like me anymore?]

He: [No, I don’t know.]

Me: [What’s wrong with you?]

He: [I really don’t know.]

Me: "If this continues, and we don't talk when we meet, it feels worse than our relationship as ordinary classmates. Are you breaking up? Have you ever thought about how I feel?"

He: [Then let’s break up.]

I froze in front of the computer.

I looked at the dialog box between us, my mind went blank. I didn't know what to say or what to reply. It was almost summer, but I was shaking all over.

My hands tremble on the keyboard.

Soon, his avatar dimmed and he went offline.

I turned off the computer in a daze, took my clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

When I was taking a shower, I still remember that I was so sad that I couldn't even cry. It was the kind of pain that made my heart ache, but I opened my mouth wide but couldn't shed even a tear.

Now I can put myself in Brother Liu’s shoes and understand his mentality during our first breakup.

I was hit by a blow for no apparent reason and was suddenly pushed away, without even a chance to refute or make amends.

That night I tossed and turned in bed until the early hours of the morning before I finally fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, I touched my face and it was covered with tear marks.

When I went to school, I was completely listless and didn't want to say a word to anyone. My deskmate, who had a good relationship with me, noticed something was wrong with me early on. He patted my back to comfort me while sighing.

Brother 6 and I sat close to each other, so I couldn't completely ignore him. When the get out of class was over, he passed by me and I could see from the corner of my eye that he was looking at me, as if he wanted to say something but hesitated.

But what is left unsaid will eventually stop.

This time, the classmates around me were still able to keenly sense that something was wrong between him and me. Some asked about it, while others didn't. I felt like a walking corpse every day.

When I was in class, I had no idea where my mind was and I couldn't breathe.

That Friday, I really didn't want to go home right after school because I would want to cry if I was alone. Every Friday after school, my sixth brother and I would go shopping and go to the bookstore together. I still couldn't forget the happy memories. So that day, I called a few good classmates to go to People's Square to go shopping and relieve my mood.

As I was approaching the station in front of the Raffles City in People's Square, I froze.

Xiaowei, a classmate next to me, noticed my abnormality, glanced in the direction I was looking, and immediately understood.

She grabbed my wrist and dragged me forward.

"What?!" I was anxious.

"Aren't you always very brave and fearless?" Xiaowei looked at me and said righteously, "If you are really brave enough, come with me now."

"What are we going to do there?" I looked at Brother 6, who was waiting for the bus with another male classmate at the station not far away. My heart felt blocked. "Will it be of any use?"

"Yes, but what's the point if you don't go over? How are you going to know the outcome if you don't ask?" Xiaowei pulled me and started running. "It's really hard for me to see you smiling like that every day. If you want to resolve it, just deal with it with him face to face."

I was speechless and my heart started beating fast.

In fact, deep down in my heart, I also wanted to confront him face to face and make things clear, but I never had the opportunity or the courage to do it. But today, someone pushed me, and I thought to myself that the worst result would be that we would be strangers like we are now, so I had nothing to be afraid of.

Brother 6 and the classmate next to him also saw Xiaowei and me. The male classmate smiled, said something to Brother 6, and cleverly walked to the other side.

Xiaowei pushed me in front of Brother 6 and turned around and ran away.

In front of the station, except for strangers, Brother 6 and I stood face to face and looked at each other.

I can’t remember how long it has been since I looked at his face like this. The person who was once so familiar to me now feels so strange.

I was speechless and he just stared at me motionlessly.

After a long while, I finally said in a hoarse voice, "You went back?"

"Well," he said, "how about you?"

"I don't want to go home. I want to go shopping."

"Okay." I saw his pupils tremble. After a few seconds, he said, "It's my fault. I'm sorry."

When I heard this, my eyes immediately became sore.

I stood there, pinching the hem of my clothes with both hands, and said to him, "So are we really breaking up?"

He looked at me, then shook his head slightly.

I feel like I can no longer control my tears.

I feel extremely wronged. I believe nothing happened between us, but I don't know why he suddenly became like that a while ago.

This was my first love. I was not mature and rational enough to pretend that nothing had happened and immediately turn to the next chapter. During this period, no matter how hard I tried, I could not erase him from my mind.

I really don't want to be separated from him at all.

As long as I don't separate from him, anything is fine.

"We'll talk about it on Monday,"

Just at this moment, the bus he was waiting for arrived. Before leaving, he said to me, "Go home early."

"Okay," I nodded and watched him and the male classmate get on the bus and leave.

Xiaowei and the others were waiting for me not far away. When I walked over, they immediately surrounded me and asked, "What did he say?"

"We're reconciled, right?" I rubbed my eyes, not sure what I felt. "He said we'll talk next Monday."

Xiaowei patted my shoulder and said, "That's why I asked you to ask him. I think he still likes you, but he's just too reserved and unwilling to speak up. Maybe it's his own problem? He gets nervous at certain times, just like a girl having her period."

Everyone died of laughter.

Although I still felt a little uneasy, I could somewhat feel his inner emotions when he faced me just now.

I spent the weekend in such a state of anxiety. On Monday, when I arrived in the classroom in the morning, I saw Brother 6 coming in.

As soon as he came in, I felt nervous all over. I wanted to look at him, but I didn't dare to. I could only lower my head and pretend to take the book out of my bag seriously.

Soon, I felt him walk past me, and then I felt the top of my head being gently rubbed.

My heart skipped a beat and I looked up.

He stood by my table, looked down at me, grinned, said nothing, and walked to his seat.

I was so happy that I was bubbling with joy. I stopped pretending, put down the book in my hand, and turned to look at him.

He put down his schoolbag and looked at me.

We just looked at each other stupidly for a moment, and then he laughed again.

"I'll write you a note later," he said, holding his chin and shyly pointing to the empty seat between us, "when Xiao Ma comes."

Poor pony.

The first class in the morning was Chinese. I had always been good at Chinese, especially writing essays (I started writing novels for my friends in junior high school, in fact), so the thing that got me wrong was that I basically slacked off in class.

Brother 6 is a typical science student and has no interest in liberal arts at all. So not long after the class started, I received a note from Xiao Ma.

Brother 6: [I apologize for my inexplicable attitude a while ago. It might be because I didn’t do well on the midterm exam. My English performance was a bit off, and I was criticized by the teacher. So I was a little impatient and couldn’t balance my studies and emotions well. I’m really sorry.]

Me: [It’s okay, you can tell me all this, there’s no need to keep it to yourself, we can share it together]

Brother 6: [I won’t do that next time]

Me: [hug]

Brother 6: [I’m sorry for making you sad, baby]

When I saw the word "baby", I felt my hand shaking as I wrote.

Shy, happy, but more of a feeling of emotion and wanting to cry... We are back to normal, it's so great.

Until now, I still remember the word "baby" he wrote on the little note.

In all the years since then, no one has called me like that again, and I can imagine that even if someone did, I wouldn't feel as overwhelmed as I did when he did.

I will always remember how shy I was when that boy with a mushroom-haired head called me baby.

From now on, I will never be so moved when someone calls me "baby".

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Brother 6, who was punished to kneel on the washboard: This is youth. Youth always has regrets, but now it is happiness and contentment.