Chapter 42

In the hospital emergency room, the doctor glanced at her test results and said, "You know you're pregnant, right?"

Half an hour ago, Chen Huan took the test report from the self-service machine and saw the HCG mark. She didn't know if it was from vomiting or fear, but her fingertips were trembling with cold. She wondered if the blood samples had been mixed up, so she went to the supermarket across from the hospital to buy a pregnancy test kit and then went to the hospital restroom. The second line was faint, but rubbing her eyes wouldn't make it go away.

She stood by the squat toilet, lost in thought, for a moment. Someone knocked on the door, and someone shouted, "Are you ready? We're in line!" The toilet on the corner had three stalls, and Shen Huan didn't understand why she couldn't go to the next one. She heard no one had been there before. But judging by the faint stench, that toilet might be clogged.

She flushed the toilet, unbolted the door, and opened it to see a woman pulling a little girl, about three or four years old. The child kept pulling her to the ground, and the woman scolded her for being so dirty. Chen Huan apologized to her. She ignored Chen Huan.

While washing her hands, Chen Huan saw that the toilet next door was indeed clogged, and the water was overflowing outside, and people passing by had to tiptoe. Chen Huan bent down to pick up some of her long skirt that had dragged to the ground and found that it was already wet.

Like many little girls who fantasize about their dream weddings, she would imagine the scene after finding out she was pregnant, and she felt that she was born to be a mother.

She had been looking forward to this day, but the opportunity had never come.

In her early twenties, she lived in Fayette, where women could care for multiple children, one on a supermarket cart, one by her hand, and one tucked into the cart's arm.

Eddie Connery got his wife pregnant in the fourteen-day gap between his two deployments. He was so proud that he went to his superiors and asked to leave immediately for the Middle East so that he could return in time for her due date. In addition to the baby in his belly, his wife also had two children to take care of, a two-year-old and a four-year-old.

The day Emma found out she was pregnant, Henry was in the living room filling out a Department of Defense form, DD93. There was a section on the form: Funeral and Remains Arrangements. Henry paused for a moment, then put his pen down.

Designated person in charge of disposition of remains: Emma Schumer.

When they first got married at Fort Benny, Meng Zixian brought back SGLV 8286, an application for military life insurance. He said the maximum coverage was $500,000, with increments of $50,000 and $50,000 decreasing, with lower premiums. He asked Chen Huan how much he should fill in. Chen Huan said, "I don't want it. If you die, I'll die too."

After Henry died, she realized how childish and self-righteous her words were. Many times she woke up to Emma's crying, and she always wanted to ask Emma, ​​did you fill in 50,000 or 500,000? She thought this was very important to Emma who was pregnant.

Chen Huan lacked the courage of those wives. She couldn't face the unknown alone, so having children was never an option. After breaking up with Meng Zixian, she returned to Hancheng and became Li Ting's mistress, a man she couldn't show her face to. Three years passed, and when Li Ting finally agreed to marry her, the doctor told her that her endometriosis was severe and that she might not be able to conceive.

But even amidst these volatile expectations, she still fantasized about this day. She felt it would only arrive a little later, but when it did, everything would fall into place perfectly. This was why she had waited so long, like a plastic doll in a crystal ball. No matter how long she waited, as long as someone came and shook the ball, snowflakes would fall from the sky.

But reality seemed to have little to do with her imagination. Shen Huan stood at the door of the hospital restroom, awash in the din of people and the stench of feces, trying to find a trash can to throw the pregnancy test stick in. Afraid of attracting attention, she walked very close to the trash can and let it slide in.

While waiting for her number at the emergency room door, she took out her cell phone and called Meng Zixuan. He still didn't answer.

Chen Huan opened her browser to check the Lithuanian time zone, thinking he might be on break after the board meeting. But her phone showed it was 5:30 PM in Lithuania. At the waiting room door, a nurse came in with a man with blood clots in his hair and a swollen, purple right eye. Chen Huan quickly stood up and offered him the plastic chair.

She walked out of the waiting room holding her phone and wrote a message to Meng Zixuan: Can I call you?

People were coming and going nearby. Some clutched their chests and cried out in pain, while children ran back and forth, screaming. Shen Huan turned up the volume on her phone and glanced at the screen every half a minute. She was afraid she'd missed his message.

Twenty minutes later, Meng Zixuan replied: Official or personal matters?

Chen Huan couldn't stop her tears from falling. She had known that being with Meng Zixuan would lead to this day. He would definitely not be by her side when she was pregnant. She had expected this ten years ago, but she was deceived by him again and again.

Her feet ached as she stood outside the clinic, realizing she'd worn high heels to appear elegant and stylish. She was so angry she could feel her pulse throbbing in her neck. Without looking back, she stomped her heels out of the main building, venting her anger on the marble floor. Her anger at the building was completely unfounded; she'd have to return in a few minutes to wait.

She thought that she would never have anything to do with Meng Zixuan again. She could be a fitness coach in the future and raise the child by herself. When she got to this point, she took out her phone and blocked Meng Zixuan from every social media app.

This resolute thought carried her from the pharmacy door of the main building to the outdoor parking lot.

As the damp evening breeze blew against his face, Chen Huan recalled the scene in "In the Mood for Love," where Maggie Cheung returns with her son, Yongsheng, to the old house she'd lived in many years before. The slick, vintage, and oppressive quality of the film reel in his mind made him question whether he was being overly alarmist. Over twenty years later, audiences were still wondering whose child Su Lizhen's was: her husband's or Chow Mo-wan's?

Chen Huan looked at the furry moon overhead and wondered if this wasn't fair to the child. After all, she wasn't born in an era where people were short of a boat ticket, and she didn't have the resolve to make a clean break.

His previous determination was deflated, and Chen Huan returned to the emergency room door in embarrassment and helplessness to wait for his turn.

The doctor asked her if she knew she was pregnant. Shen Huan asked the doctor, "This shouldn't be related to pregnancy. Pregnancy shouldn't cause vomiting like this."

The emergency doctor's surname was Wang, and his mask covered most of his face. He made a "tsk" sound, frowned, and clicked on the blood report on the screen, saying that you have acute gastroenteritis. I asked you if you knew that you were pregnant, and how dare you eat raw salmon when you were pregnant.

Shen Huan had just calculated the days. This was the 26th day of her cycle. Even her period hadn't arrived yet. How could she know she was pregnant? But she didn't say anything.

Dr. Wang asked her if she was married.

Shen Huan nodded.

Without taking his eyes off the computer, Dr. Wang said sternly, "You need another blood draw to see if it's Listeria. If it's infected, the embryo may not be saved. Go to the obstetrics department during the day and see an outpatient." He clicked the mouse with his right hand and swiped Chen Huan's medical card on the card reader with his left hand. A row of red words popped up on the screen with a "ding". He swiped it again, but still got an error. He called out to the outside of the clinic, "Xiao Lin, Xiao Lin?"